Consider Your Environmental Norm

About the Author

Angie is co-founder of YLF and its resident fashion stylist.

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Consider Your Environmental Norm

— by Angie

on January 31, 2024

Your environmental norm is created by the people around you and their expectations. Defy the norm by being different: dressier, brighter, trendier, or edgier. Or conform if it makes you feel more at ease. Choose the option that’s most aligned with your goals.

It can become easier to challenge your environmental norm as one gets older. Confidence and authenticity often increase with age. Confidence makes it easier to sport a daring outfit with greater conviction, which in turn tempers negative reactions.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your choices. Bravely defy your environmental norm if that makes you happy. But don’t feel pressured into being different just for the sake of it. The world will be a better place if we all wear what makes us happy.

Style Nuggets

47 comments · Add a comment

Forum conversations about this post

Wild — by Brooklyn
Conference Capsule — by Jules

Sisi

Veteran

In general I like to stand out a bit. I have always liked vibrant colors and this is what often makes me stand out in an environment where the majority of people wear neutrals and black. Also, in this casualized world I am recently feeling the desire to elevate my style. Not there yet, it’s still a work in progress.

January 31, 2024 at 4:48 am

Star

Veteran

I have always dressed to stand out, since my early teens. I hate blending in. Respect for those who like to though.

January 31, 2024 at 4:49 am

Star

Veteran

Sisi you and I are on the same page. Also elevating my style is a wip.

January 31, 2024 at 4:51 am

suntiger

I’m on Team Defy I really hate the excessive casualization everywhere, and the idea that we need to “dress down” our nicer pieces. For the record, no one ever questions why I’m “dressed up,” cause it’s my norm!

January 31, 2024 at 5:04 am

Dee

Veteran

How timely, I had been pondering this as a subject on the forum and my feelings are mixed on whether I enjoy standing out or not. My environmental norm has changed so much over the last decade, and I am really not one who enjoys standing out all that much. I really loved it when the world was more dressier and I could easily blend in dressing up. Now, its far more causal, I’m older and I live in the suburbs, so I’ve adapted to a fairly casual style that suits my environmental norm with some small adaptations to make me happy but not stand out too much.

January 31, 2024 at 5:28 am

ChristelJ

Veteran

Such a fascinating topic. In terms of color, I usually blend in, but in terms of silhouettes, I defy the norms for my age group a bit. There is a teenager inside me who loves boho tops, flares and baggy, ripped jeans even though I’m retirement age. Where I live, preppy is more the norm.

January 31, 2024 at 5:38 am

Sisi

Veteran

High five, Star!

January 31, 2024 at 6:00 am

Helena

Veteran

Team Blend! I have no desire to stand out from the crowd … That’s not my thing. But that’s not to say I wear *exactly* what everyone else is wearing, because if whatever that is, is not authentic to me, I would feel uncomfortable too. I have no issue skipping popular things that aren’t ‘me’. The sweet spot is environmental norm, but done my way!

January 31, 2024 at 6:03 am

unfrumped

Veteran

Blend in “ my way”. Usually by juxtaposing high/low, dressy/casual, sports/luxe/, footwear, color combinations, “ athleisure “ but with good fits and maybe only part of the outfit . It’s important to me to generally fit in, but primarily to not look impractical or fussy in my friend groups who are usually very casual.

January 31, 2024 at 6:24 am

morethanbeige

Veteran

I dress for myself. I feel comfortable if I like what I am wearing, am warm enough, and am wearing clothes that are comfortable to me—that includes footwear that is easy to walk in for the task at hand. Sometimes I get comments appreciating or criticizing my choices. As long as I am happy with my choices, I am happy. YLF has taught me this and I am very grateful!

January 31, 2024 at 6:29 am

RobinF

Veteran

Hmm, interesting to think about. I am not one to want to stand out, but I also don’t want to seem too average, if that is the word. I think unfrumped said it best for me, “blend in, my way”.

January 31, 2024 at 6:45 am

kj2008

Usually, I try to blend in enough. I see this as clothing but also costume or protective coloration, depending. At work, it is mostly a good environment. I have some fun with color.

January 31, 2024 at 6:54 am

cat2

Veteran

Interesting. I am comfortable doing my own thing.

January 31, 2024 at 7:00 am

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I dress appropriately for the physical environment — that is, warm clothes in winter, no tiny heels on cobblestones, and so on. If I’m traveling, I am careful to not break cultural norms (i.e., cover up in countries and places where it’s expected.)

However, I am not inclined to change my personal style to blend in to the local culture in terms of dressy versus messy, especially where I live. I am more interested in expressing my personality than in going with the flow.

January 31, 2024 at 7:03 am

Style Fan

Veteran

I agree with UmmLila (Lisa). Where I live, people dress exceptionally casually. I look dressed up here, but in other places, I look casual.

January 31, 2024 at 7:21 am

Eliza

Veteran

Interesting question. I had a career where one dressed professionally while making a ‘non-statement’, nothing too ‘flashy’ or distinctive was encouraged; polished without being ostentatious or much of an individual was the expectation. In addition to my career, we live in New England and not a major city. Casual and understated has reigned supreme for years. I don’t dress to stand out, yet have been surprised at how being perceived as having paid attention to an outfit or regularly changing out bags, is noticed. Sometimes a compliment is involved and sometimes perhaps a judgment of being frivolous…At this point, am retired and dress as it suits me. The ylf mantra rules: fun with fashion.

January 31, 2024 at 7:30 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Such interesting responses! Thanks for sharing.

Dee and Helena, I much enjoyed your authentic and honest thoughts

Morethanbeige, I’m sorry that your choices are sometimes criticized. I hope the compliments make up for them.

cat2, your succinct answer resonates with me

January 31, 2024 at 7:34 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

ChristelJ, you rock your boho tops! Please carry on.

UmmLila, conversely, I defy the norms in Mediterranean countries and South Africa in the Summer by being very covered up! No one else is. I’m not sun-friendly and need protection from the sun

January 31, 2024 at 7:39 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Eliza, nice! Good for you

Suntiger, Team Dressy Rocks!

January 31, 2024 at 7:41 am

Bijou

Veteran

I’m generally more dressy than the norm and feel comfortable doing my own thing.

January 31, 2024 at 7:49 am

Lesley

Veteran

Love this! My daughter told me once that she loved that I wear super bright colors because she always knows exactly where I am when she’s playing soccer, she actually referred to me sitting in the “sea of parents in black and dark green and blue.” My girl gets me.

January 31, 2024 at 8:39 am

Carol

(website)

Veteran

I think it was Andy Warhol who said, the ugliest person in the room will be the most beautiful, if everyone else looks conventionally pretty. Sometimes standing out is a good thing.

It goes both ways–in a big, slick city, sometimes youth looks great wearing grungy, ripped clothes. Downplaying the cosmopolitan aspect. Whereas in a casual environment like mine, you throw on a button-down shirt with your jeans, and everyone oohs and ahhs.

January 31, 2024 at 9:05 am

DonnaF

Veteran

Especially because I was an older mom, I dressed to blend in until my daughter left for college. Now I mostly dress to please myself. By that I mean that I more or less “dress like a lawyer” when I take a client in for an agency appointment. Nothing overly flashy. The magpie stays at home.

January 31, 2024 at 9:08 am

MsMary

Veteran

Like cat2, I do my own thing. I’d say the result is standing out more often than blending in, but that’s the result, not the goal.

January 31, 2024 at 9:45 am

rachylou

Veteran

I like to be a little bold while still adhering to the norms

January 31, 2024 at 9:46 am

SW Ann

Veteran

The results in my fashion choices mean I stand out, but I, like others, “do my own thing”. I tried the “blending in” when I moved to a much more casual area. I was always miserable, and felt inauthentic. I reverted back to what I soon learned was authentic and right for me, but my style does not blend in at all with most who live here. I have come to be okay with that. It has been a long journey.

January 31, 2024 at 9:50 am

Peri

Veteran

It’s odd, because I would say I don’t really court standing out but in a way I do because I don’t follow trends. So if I’m wearing something that is out of style by some standards, maybe I’m standing out that way. Ex: I still like and wear scarves even though not a single person I know wears them. And I sort of think scarves stand out. So I guess I’m standing out by default of not trying to wear what is the norm around me, but without the true intention to stand out to draw attention. Mixed answer I guess.

January 31, 2024 at 10:15 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks for the thoughts, everyone! Fascinating. Much enjoy reading them! Keep it coming…

January 31, 2024 at 10:19 am

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I like what Ms. Mary said. I don’t make it a goal to stand out OR blend in, but the result is often slightly on the side of standing out. (Mainly because I like to wear colour!)

But also, like UmmLila, I dress for the environment — I mean the physical environment, and that means practical clothing, which makes me more casual a lot of the time than I might aspirationally wish. Still, my “casual” is many people’s “dressy” in the small city where I live.

January 31, 2024 at 10:21 am

Ginger

Veteran

I prefer to fit in. That was how I dressed for a long time. But though that was safe, it was also uncomfortable since a lot of regular clothes and regular colors don’t make me happy. It’s been a lot of years of some bold leaps and a lot of readjustments to get to where I am, happy with my wardrobe and mostly used to standing out. New situations are very hard and probably always will be, though.

January 31, 2024 at 10:34 am

nuancedream

Veteran

I think when I was younger and starting my career in a very conservative workplace, blending in was an expectation. When I changed work environments within two years, my “conservative” dress made me stand out and it created a barrier towards other coworkers. Frequently, I was asked why was I so dressed up for work. Now, I could care less about standing out or blending in. It’s all about dressing to make me happy. If that means bold colors and patterns or quiet neutrals, then so be it.

January 31, 2024 at 10:35 am

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Interesting topic to ponder. I definitely don’t want to stand way out. I think I like to fit in, or stand out in a quiet way.

January 31, 2024 at 11:35 am

Brooklyn

Veteran

I dress for practicality. I want to be able to walk for miles. I want to be covered from the sun. I want to be able to layer up or de-layer if necessary. I want everything I wear to feel comfortable and breathable against the skin, to give me freedom of movement and to be easily washable (especially in warmer months). Once that is sorted, I dress to please myself. I’m comfortable with looking different if the outfit is practical for the conditions. To each their own.

January 31, 2024 at 11:41 am

BlueJay

Veteran

I love your story, Lesley! Last week I wore a column of grey with white booties and a long black coat to go in to the office. DD told me, “You look like a rock.” haha!! I do love wearing colour, but sometimes enjoy blending in. I love how much POWER clothing, accessories, etc. can have and how one can wield, or yield, through our choices.

January 31, 2024 at 11:50 am

Lesley

Veteran

Ha ha, I think I would like your rock look too. Agreed, it is all fun. I love to create a mood, whether that be traffic cone or rock.

January 31, 2024 at 11:58 am

Sal

Veteran

Whilst I don’t totally believe in star signs I am a Gemini – so I can do both depending both on my mood or the environment. There are times when blending is my goal – more often in some work situations – and there are times when I do want to stand out.

I used to dress impractically – wearing heels to work at home or being a bit cold if I liked a dress for example – but I am more sensible that now.

January 31, 2024 at 1:51 pm

DonnaF

Veteran

A few years back, I was on my congregation’s ministerial search committee. One of our responsibilities was to observe candidates preach as guests at other congregations. Like Secret Shoppers we were supposed to be incognito. Ha, ha, ha. Try that with spiky hair, no Patagonia/TNF fleece jacket, and being non-white in a very, very white denomination. At least I had black pants and non-sparkly shoes to wear!

January 31, 2024 at 1:56 pm

Karen B

As a teen, I worked a job primarily to be able to wear the basic Levis and sneakers others were wearing. I just wanted to fit in. That mindset followed me most of my life in corporate America. Now I am retired and still trying to figure out what clothes are authentically “me.” I’m leaning towards what I call Mountain Casual. Where I live, that style will make me stand out. If my dream of moving to the mountains ever comes true, I’ll blend right in…

January 31, 2024 at 2:19 pm

April

Veteran

I think I’m echoing Rachy – I dress as appropriate (like if a wedding invite says casual, I don’t come formal and vice versa) but with something a bit special or unusual. In day to day I’m probably bold because my norm is not to be in a mix of other people and I can please myself. (Hence, Mr. A’s frequent comment: “You look fancy today!”)

January 31, 2024 at 2:31 pm

Bonnie

Veteran

I think I do both about equally. I’m more restrained amongst some groups but with my family and when I go out I like to have fun with fashion.

January 31, 2024 at 4:21 pm

Kate

Veteran

Once I left home and joined the workforce, I dressed to please myself. That meant and means that I often stand out. Which is just fine with me. During my working years, it certainly helped that I worked in a non-conservative field.

January 31, 2024 at 5:14 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Loved reading your thoughts! Lots of authentic and honest dressers. YES

January 31, 2024 at 5:30 pm

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

It is important to me to be respectful of other people’s events but not necessarily their expectations. So, as others have said, I cover up when that is expected (and even when it is not) and try not to be what I consider rude. On the other hand, I am not much of a blender.

January 31, 2024 at 7:00 pm

Runcarla

Veteran

Growing up with red hair, it was impossible to blend in, and I got used to being ‘seen’, and having it commented upon. I’m not entirely sure how I felt (or feel!) about having faded out of sight now that my hair has lightened and lost its vibrancy. Maybe that’s why I wear bright colours now?

January 31, 2024 at 7:53 pm

Lee

Active Member

Hear, hear!

January 31, 2024 at 8:46 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Appreciate everyone’s wise and wonderful thoughts!

February 1, 2024 at 7:55 am

Joy

Veteran

Recently I standout more because I dress up some. Everyone else is very casual. It depends on the setting whether or not I stand out or blend in. I hate to look sloppy and dress up because of it but if I do not know people there well I will dress to fit in.

February 24, 2024 at 8:53 am

About the Author

Consider Your Environmental Norm

Forum conversations about this post

Recent Ensembles

Recent Trends

About the Author

Forum conversations about this post

Share this Post

Recent Ensembles

Recent Trends