Wearing White to a Wedding: Taboo or Acceptable

Thistle

I agree with you. Wearing a white piece is acceptable. A skirt, a blouse, or accessories, as long as it has colored companions. In my opinion, those colored companions need to be in the top or bottom itself, not in the shoes or accessories. So a white top with a floral skirt is fine, but a white top and white skirt with turquoise shoes is not fine.

And honestly, I sometimes feel like just save the white for another day. Give the bride her day and wear your white another time. Whether it follows the rules or not, sometimes it just feels like this is not where I want to challenge fashion “rules”. But that is conservative me

At least for Western weddings. I have seen pictures of Indian weddings from co-workers, for example, and I didn’t see anyone in white, bride or otherwise. I am not very familiar with the culture, so,I am not sure if white wouldn’t be appropriate for other reasons.

June 11, 2013 at 4:46 am

Deborah

Veteran

I agree that white is fine as you suggest Angie:). I find in Australia the rules are very relaxed and “almost” anything goes, which is a bit of a shame.

June 11, 2013 at 5:03 am

Diane G

I am with you Angie, in thinking that its fine to just wear a bit of white, but not head to toe for western weddings. Last year I had to adjust the dress of a MOB and it was white! I couldn’t help wondering what she was thinking or if the bride had said it was ok, I didn’t like to ask, but I found it very strange.

June 11, 2013 at 5:05 am

Joy

Veteran

I live in a conservative area and think that wearing white pieces to a wedding may not bother the modern bride but would have the old aunties and grandmothers tsk tsking. Here even wearing lots of black to a wedding is frowned on by many.
The type and amount of fabric would enter in to the decision. I see nothing wrong with a simple white buttondown shirt with a colored or patterned skirt but would hesitate to wear a white fancy blouse unless putting a jacket over it. A full white or ivory dress of any fabric would be out unless it’s a print with other colors.

June 11, 2013 at 5:06 am

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

I’m with Thistle on this one Why upstage the bride with white when I have other pretty things to wear?

June 11, 2013 at 5:09 am

ramya

Veteran

White to an Indian wedding is frowned upon. White or black are not considered auspicious:)
Had lost this battel many a times with my family while dressing up though

June 11, 2013 at 5:12 am

Laura

(website)

Veteran

I would wear white or cream in some form (a jacket, a blouse), but I would never, ever wear a white or cream dress to a wedding.

My sister-in-law’s future mother-in-law chose a white dress to wear to her son’s wedding. So my poor sister-in-law was marrying a man whose mom was standing there in a white dress. Can you believe that?? Needless to say, they are now divorced.

When you are a female wedding guest you need to know your place – and the place is not attempting to upstage the bride!

June 11, 2013 at 5:20 am

Raisin

Veteran

I would never wear a white or mainly white dress, but yes I agree white accessories or pieces like a jacket or cardigan are totally fine. Plus they look good for a summer wedding!

June 11, 2013 at 5:22 am

Karie

(website)

Veteran

I would never wear all white to someone else’s wedding, but I would wear white separates.

When I got married, my wedding dress came in blush pink, and I soooo wanted to wear it in that color. “But the bride should wear white” so I did – in retrospect, I wish I had worn blush pink, and told everyone else to wear white!

June 11, 2013 at 5:36 am

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I’ve always thought it is a bit odd that the colour alone is thought of as potentially “upstaging.” Most wedding gowns have a lot more going on than their white or ivory colour and it would be difficult for any regular dress to compare.

At the same time, I think Joy is correct that tongues do wag when a wedding guest chooses to wear white, at least in some communities.

For myself, I wouldn’t think twice about wearing a white topper or accessories to a wedding. I know it wouldn’t bother me, if I were the bride. But I would avoid wearing a white dress, out of respect for an older generation.

June 11, 2013 at 5:37 am

Sihaya

Veteran

I think it’s respectful to give the bride lots of space. So if she’s wearing white, stay away from white. Having said that, little bits of white in shoes and accessories, is just fine. As long as there are lots of other colors in the primary part of the outfit.

June 11, 2013 at 5:41 am

Makrame

Veteran

This is very timely since I was just debating this question (whether to wear a white jacket to a wedding). I have looked around on bridal sites, and it seems that a lot of brides who take their wedding planning very seriously are also very serious about guests not wearing white. So I think it is not a bad idea to be on the safe side and avoid white.

June 11, 2013 at 5:56 am

rute

Veteran

here it’s different, we are still adviced not to wear white or even light cream.

June 11, 2013 at 6:23 am

cheryl

Veteran

I agree with you. Not head to toe but a piece is fine.

June 11, 2013 at 6:59 am

MsMary

Veteran

I’m Team Save the White for Another Day. Why upset the grandmas?

June 11, 2013 at 7:01 am

sarah

Veteran

I’m very clueless about these things, but was “clued in” by the forum recently, thankfully, as I searched for wedding outfits. However, I did end up wearing a white jacket – but with fuchsia shell and ink blue trousers, I did not feel very “white” and felt perfectly comfortable in my outfit.

June 11, 2013 at 7:07 am

Diana

Veteran

I think it’s fine to wear white accessories or something like a white jacket. Similarly, I’ve worn prints containing white (like a black and white floral or something) and been perfectly comfortable. The thing is, none of these things look remotely bridal. I would not wear head to toe white.

Some really traditional Chinese people avoid wearing white to weddings because it’s the color of mourning. The traditional Chinese wedding color is red. Interestingly, my grandma always wears red to weddings (as she did to mine) even though it’s the “bridal” color because she says it’s good luck for the marriage when the guests wear red.

June 11, 2013 at 7:21 am

Adelfa

Veteran

I think a white button-up would be fine, although I’d be unlikely to wear one to a wedding. I also think white shoes, belt, bag would be fine. For me that would be as far as it would go. I’d probably steer clear of a white jacket or pants although either would be more acceptable than a white dress or suit.

I once heard that Meg Ryan was the only blonde in “You’ve Got Mail.” There was a blonde little boy, but they put a cap on him

I think traditions like not wearing white to a wedding are a fun way to enter into the spirit of things. I don’t wear black to weddings either.

June 11, 2013 at 7:29 am

clearlyclaire

I think you’re spot on as usual Angie. I think it’s still taboo to wear as white dress to a wedding in many areas, though not necessarily a white piece. In movies I’ve seen where the wedding party and guests are all dressed in shades of white and it’s so beautiful. Maybe your client got to be a part of an all-white wedding.

June 11, 2013 at 7:37 am

lyn67

Veteran

I think a piece of white/cream clothing (jacket, skirt, top, pants) -and/or other accessories (shoes, clutch etc.) is perfectly acceptable here for a wedding guest, esp in the summer.
But Oh My, what a great ideea to wear all white for all the guests! I think that meant a luxurious “on the beach/boat” wedding(maybe no shoes, either:-))! IMHO also perfectly acceptable in a hot climate! I can imagine some beautifully designed wedding picties around all those whites as well (picking up everybody’s faces and some special detaills against a beautiful blue/sandy background). Wow!:-)

June 11, 2013 at 7:39 am

Maharani

I am completely fed up with all the waste and silliness that surround weddings, having attended a number, both Western and Indian, and gone through the horror of being a bridesmaid-once-thankfully never again. I never attend them on principle-they are boring, predictable, and an excuse for people to extort gifts and attention that I would rather do something else with. Who cares anyway?

June 11, 2013 at 7:55 am

Marlene

Veteran

I had a guest at my wedding wear a white dress and it caused quite a stir because it was almost like MY dress. It was a casual wedding and I wore a tea-length white dress. We aren’t friends any more.

June 11, 2013 at 7:57 am

T-Rex

Veteran

I would avoid wearing white to a wedding, but then again, I’m financially lucky enough to have choices about that. I don’t think it would be in bad taste to wear white to a wedding so long as what you are wearing couldn’t be mistaken for a bridal gown. If the wedding is very casual, and the bride’s dress isn’t a traditional bridal gown but something less frou-frou, then avoiding white becomes more important. Finally, if the bride herself isn’t wearing white, then seeing a guest in white would seem a bit off to me, especially if there isn’t a big distinction in formality or dressiness between the bride’s dress and the guest’s dress. In other words, so long as one can easily pick the bride out of the crowd, it’s all good to me.

June 11, 2013 at 7:58 am

Aziraphale

Veteran

Your guidelines are perfectly sensible. A white top OR bottom should not present a problem, because no bride is ever going to go down the aisle in white separates! Same goes for white shoes. But I agree that staying away from a white dress is a good idea. I would never wear head-to-toe white (to any kind of wedding, actually, because I’ve heard that in certain other cultures, white is a colour of mourning and thus not acceptable for a wedding anyway). Nobody wants to be mistaken for the bride, haha.

Having said that, I’ve been to more than one wedding where the bride did NOT wear a white dress. However, I would not have known ahead of time that these brides were going to appear in green velvet, red satin etc…and a white dress on a guest would still have looked silly because of the strong association with white and weddings in western culture.

As usual, your instincts are spot-on, Angie.

June 11, 2013 at 7:59 am

Day Vies

Veteran

Hi Ladies — I’m having breakfast and taking a break from studying and decided to spend it with you all.
Angie I think you have the right idea about balancing white pieces or accessories with other non-white pieces. But the truth is no one is going to upstage the bride because no matter what she wears it’s her day and people know it. However that doesn’t mean that there won’t be people who won’t try — then feign ignorance. The best way to deal with them is to not acknowledge their “faux pas” (not really a faux pas when you do it on purpose for attention). I am speaking from personal experience. my MIL wore an ivory lace column gown to my very small destination wedding in Hawaii (there were only 10 guests and the only members of the wedding party were DH and me). It was very obvious to me what was going on but I chose to ignore it because I knew with that big pouf-y dress I had on, that no one would confuse her with me.
I guess that was a really long way of saying no, it’s not ok to wear head to toe any shade of white or off-white, but yes it is perfectly acceptable to wear white pieces with non-white pieces to a western wedding (unless the bride requests otherwise).

June 11, 2013 at 8:10 am

DonnaF

Veteran

I agree with Day Vies and you. I thought the *rule* had to do with not wanting a guest to be mistaken for the bride, so head to toe white/off-white is not okay. But separates? A white background print? Accessories? No mistaking that for bridal wear! That being said, I would rather see a color faux pas than flip-flops/Tevas, shorts, t-shirts, and other super casual garb at a non-beach wedding. Or even a beach wedding for that matter.

June 11, 2013 at 8:43 am

unfrumped

Veteran

I’m on the more conservative side and don’t think you should plan to wear a white jacket, especially if the jacket makes a pretty big white statement (buttoned up, shirt-jacket, high collar, etc) , if possible. I realize that’s kind of a problem for summer weddings, since it’s efficient, and stylish, to use a white jacket as one’s main summer topper to go with various dresses and other outfits. For sure I would not do it as a member of the wedding party due to photographs, but have become more tolerant for guests. Sometimes I think of it this way–one person wears a white jacket and thinks it’s no big deal, and in fact is lost in a sea of darker suits and colorful dresses, but if 20 women did, there’d be a lot of white! So I guess I feel better being amongst those trying to let the bride stand out.

June 11, 2013 at 8:44 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks for the interesting perspectives.

Day Vies, fab you’re having a little break! And I was thinking along the same lines are you, Diana and Suz just this morning – as long as you don’t look “traditionally bridal”, there is no way you’re going to upstage the bride wearing a white separate or accessory. The bride is the limelight no matter what

Joy, wearing black to a wedding is a whole different conversation and a good one.

Karie, wearing a blush gown and making the guests wear white at a wedding sounds like a beautiful idea.

High five, Aziraphale!

Diana, red is a very auspicious colour in Chinese culture, and I’m glad that your Grandmother wore red to your wedding

Ramya, thanks for the info. Good to know.

Lyn67, you painted a stunning wedding picture.

June 11, 2013 at 8:57 am

Diana

Veteran

OK, coming back to add that I guess I do have a double standard about this (and wearing black too). I would probably avoid wearing even a white jacket (or an all black dress) to family weddings, but do not worry at all about my friends’ weddings. It’s because certain members of my (and my husband’s) families are pretty conservative and traditional, and while I personally would not be embarrassed if J’s great-aunt was offended if I wore a white jacket, we want to avoid embarrassing our parents, who are of a generation and culture to whom these things matter a lot more. On the other hand, I don’t particularly care if I offend my friend’s great-aunt or someone like that, so long as I don’t offend my friend (the bride).

June 11, 2013 at 9:09 am

A Lady From TX

Member

For traditional weddings, I believe that white is a no no. Even if the wedding dress has a lot going on, it is very easy to find the bride in a crowded room because she stands out in the white dress. Of course, I skipped this convention. My wedding dress was RED and I asked my guests to wear black and white! I stood out and the pictures were stunning!

June 11, 2013 at 9:13 am

kkards

Veteran

i was always told no white or black to a wedding (many all white or all black). i did wear black to one of my cousin’s weddings –and the marriage only lasted 4 months, so maybe there is something to that (LOL).

June 11, 2013 at 9:30 am

merwoman

Veteran

Echoing Laura in every respect! DD asked me this very question, since on the weekend she attended a wedding where the mother of the groom wore a cream dress. Apparently the bride had asked her not to wear white..certainly doesn’t bode well for the relationship.

June 11, 2013 at 9:33 am

rachylou

Veteran

Hanging out on the sidelines here – I do believe there was no such thing as the white wedding dress until Queen Victoria. AND blue was for girls and pink was for boys. These traditions are all very late in the game, and I do wonder how they can be traditions when they are so new. I’m really into the idea of a light blue wedding dress. Blue is the colour of marriage and harmony, and I think it’s been that way for longer (!)

Also, in the good good ol’ days the bride and her bridesmaids wore the same dress, so hopefully the kidnappers would get the wrong gal. Upstaging welcome.

Anyways, people get so many funny notions in their heads, so I keep to white as a supporting act as wedding guest attire. My wedding, tho, I should think it would be wear what you want.

June 11, 2013 at 9:36 am

ElleH

Veteran

Even though rules relax for many people, it doesn’t for all & so I don’t wear white, except for shoes or bag. I could ask the bride but what if she doesn’t want to say that it bothers her, in case it is all I have or I have my heart set on it or she is just uncomfortable saying so? What if she really is OK but other women or relatives are giving me the stink eye & I feel uncomfortable knowing that or I don’t know it? Should I care? That depends but why risk it? Especially if it is the bride, her mother or one of the bridal party that are offended. Weddings are enough stress for the bride & the bridal party. For those who think that brides should just want their guests to be happy, I think, can’t I just not put myself & my desires first for one day?

I know before Queen Victoria women wore their best dress, not necessarily white. And I know in different times & cultures white wasn’t worn, but as Angie said, it is still the main colour of dress for brides in the west.

June 11, 2013 at 9:54 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

More fascinating opinions

Diana, I resonate with wanting to be respectful to your parents.

Rachy, thanks for the great history lesson! I thoroughly enjoyed “the facts”

June 11, 2013 at 9:59 am

ElleH

Veteran

I want to mention that I have been googling the question about white jackets, as I am going to a wedding this Summer, and there were mixed opinions. Some people were OK with it & some were not. AS well as ones who were not bothered there were a lot of comments from brides who were upset with guests wearing white, black, red, hot pink, too sexy. Black means you are against the wedding & apart from white, the others are making you stand out from everyone else & draw attention. It has been diificult avoiding all of those colours & still finding a day dress in a colour that suits me. My coral dress is probably too bright.

June 11, 2013 at 10:01 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Elle, the mixed opinions are a given :). Personally, I am all for wearing a white jacket to a Western wedding and your coral dress is perfect.

June 11, 2013 at 10:05 am

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

My mother got married in Berlin in the 50s in an LBD. This was the tradition in Germany after WWII — resources were very scarce and it was seen as more practical to buy a dress that could be re-worn on many occasions. But when my Mother told her MIL here in CA what she wore, the MIL (my grandmother, 1903-1995 RIP) was aghast. She said that was funeral attire!

I was a bit surprised that wearing a white blouse with black lace could even be wrong, but someone mentioned it in my recent wedding attire thread (for my bf’s son’s outdoor wedding). So I wore the coral-pink top, which is what everyone recommended. That black and white top would have been fine, most of the grandmother’s and aunties were old hippies at this wedding!

June 11, 2013 at 10:10 am

Inge

(website)

Moderator

It’s been a while since I last attended a wedding, but in Belgium wearing white isn’t really a problem (even a head-to-toe white outfit, although I personally wouldn’t do that). If I remember correctly, I think I’ve even seen the mother of the bride or mother-in-law wear white. White separates or accessories are perfectly fine, and I wouldn’t hesitate to sport a dressy white shirt, e.g. ETA: my eldest brother remarried when I was in my teens, and I actually wore a white midi pencil skirt to the wedding, so there you go:-)

June 11, 2013 at 10:35 am

carrie

(website)

Active Member

I totally agree with the sentiment why bother? There are plenty of other beautiful non-white dresses/outfits that won’t raise any eyebrows. Why make trouble for an already stressed out bride.

June 11, 2013 at 10:43 am

mamark

Active Member

Angie, what a well-bred group of commenters you have here. Yes, even if you don’t think the bride would care that you wear an all-white ensemble, let’s respect the grandmothers and wear something else.

I don’t think white separates are a problem as long as some other color is included prominently.

I was once part of an online community where people were complaining about brides not wanting young children at their wedding. One commenter said something along the lines of, “to me, weddings are all about family and generations and community, so I’m definitely bringing my kids, even if they’re not invited.” Ugh!

I’m glad I’m not reading that sentiment here. It’s nice to know you have commenters who consider how others feel rather than focusing entirely on their own experience.

June 11, 2013 at 10:50 am

LibraCyn

Active Member

I am a church and synagogue organist and so have played hundreds of weddings through the years. I see just about everything worn by guests to weddings. Here in Florida it seems that people dress a bit less formally at weddings (the guests that is.) I don’t believe it’s frowned upon to wear white, although I do not notice people wearing it very often at all. I recently played a wedding at which a volunteer from the church was helping coordinate the procession. The volunteer was wearing a frilly white blouse. I thought it was tacky! There may still be a hidden taboo about that that is in people’s subconscious. Personally, as an organist I totally avoid wearing white or cream because it’s all about the bride and nobody wants to detract from her special day! I don’t want people staring at me strangely and do not wish to even hint at doing something silly!

June 11, 2013 at 11:06 am

MovingFashionForward

Active Member

In my culture, wearing white to someone else’s wedding is definitely a faux pas, and it would be more correct to wear a dress anyway, which rules out the white blouse idea. OTOH, I was shocked when, at my own wedding, several guests were not wearing hats, so I may be 40 years out of date on this one.

June 11, 2013 at 11:21 am

ElleH

Veteran

MovingFashionForward are you in the UK? I know hats are still worn a lot more there than in the US or Australia. I am going to a wedding in the UK. Do I need a hat?

I just want to respectfully say that just because we see a lot of people wearing a lot of things doesn’t mean it is OK right, unless it is OK, but not just because we see others doing it. They might not know otherwise & then everyone is just seeing everyone else do it.

June 11, 2013 at 11:44 am

Beth Ann

Veteran

What an interesting thread! I just attended to weddings, and wore a b/w zebra print sheath to one. I accessorized with a deep red belt and black shoes. It never occurred to worry about the white background, since the dress certainly doesn’t read “bridal,” but it certainly had a good amount of white. The bride, at 21, was a lovely confection, in a true princess gown of Ivory satin with peach satin roses and an enormous bustle. My dress read rather “after work dinner with colleagues,” so I didn’t feel like I was stealing attention from the bride at all.

Fun wedding — two of my students getting married to each other. They sang at the reception, “Music of the Night.”

June 11, 2013 at 11:45 am

Beth Ann

Veteran

Pardon me, they sang, “All I ask of You.” Much better for a wedding!

June 11, 2013 at 11:46 am

Sylvie

Veteran

I don’t think one should wear an outfit to the wedding that could possibly make it look like a wedding outfit. So a plain white dress with a colorful cardigan styled in a way that was clearly non-wedding could be pulled off, as could white blouse, accessories, etc. However a white sleeveless sundress with plain sandals could be worn to a beach wedding.

At Indian weddings, everyone does try to dress up as much as possible and I have attended wedding events where relatives wore fancier outfits than the bride. Except for the ceremony itself, there is no reserved color, jewelry, etc so if you get your hair/makeup professionally done, you could upstage the bride. Unfortunately, when this happens, people just complain that the bride didn’t dress up enough.

June 11, 2013 at 12:19 pm

bj1111

Veteran

i didn’t even think this is a thing, until my sister mentioned that my mother’s dress for my wedding was whitish and thought that it was weird.

frankly, as the bride, i wouldn’t care. as a guest, i would wear a white jacket or another white item and not feel out of place depending on the wedding dress code. especially if it’s a trend.

June 11, 2013 at 12:29 pm

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I have worn a white dress to a wedding, in my defense I was 37 weeks pregnant, the dress was broderie anglaise and I added a non white jacket. I don’t think I committed a faux pass as nobody could see beyond the (huge) bump and the dress was not remotely bridal. I think my ankles actually consumed my feet by the end of the day…memories.

June 11, 2013 at 12:58 pm

celia

Veteran

I never thought of the no white/no black rule as applying to items of clothing that were not totally white or black.Also about certain accessories or the odd white item of clothing.
But going on a tangent here, why would anyone would want to wear an all white or all black outfit to a wedding? These are colors that by themselves are very difficult to sport and certainly if you want to look good you would choose a color that would make you look good.

June 11, 2013 at 1:21 pm

Taryn

Interesting article

I’m from Australia and although a white skirt or top might be acceptable I can see someone wearing a white dress to a wedding as reminiscent of some of the fighting scenes in Bridesmaids. Why would you want to anyway, and how could it be portrayed as anything but trying to upstage the one person who is supposed to wear white?

I’ve traveled extensively through India and Nepal and know there at least, white is certainly not what you would wear to a wedding – only to a funeral, at least for the Hindu culture. The Muslims and the Hindus in India both wear red on their wedding day, but there is no taboo about others wearing this as it is also a colour symbolic of being married (particularly in Nepal).

June 11, 2013 at 1:45 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Celia, LBDs are an easy fall back option. And white dresses are extremely pretty, especially for a Summer wedding. Perhaps that makes more sense to me than it does to you

Elle, I think it’s important to state the dress code on a wedding invitation. That way, it’s clear to everyone. Although the jury is still out on wearing white to a wedding as a wedding guest.

June 11, 2013 at 1:52 pm

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

I’m laughing at Laura’s bittersweet wedding tale and agree that when attending Western weddings, it is advisable to let the bride have her day in whatever shade of white she chooses.

As for guests, I think wearing one piece in an outfit seems perfectly fine and acceptable to me, especially during these warmer months.

I loved your client’s story about the invitation to all wedding guest to wear white. How unifying, egalitarian and what a show of solidarity.

June 11, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Krista

Veteran

We just went to a wedding in March – super fancy, super expensive, lots of fun. One of the groomsmen’s wives was wearing a sleeveless low cut stretch jersey white dress with a silver cardigan as a topper. The dress gave body-con a whole new meaning. I really thought this was inappropriate but after reading all of the other posts, I think the word I was looking for was “unnecessary.” There are many things that can be worn to a wedding, but I find it hard to believe that the only item available to be worn that day was a sleeveless low cut stretch jersey white dress. In the month of March. In Canada. Where wearing a white dress to a wedding is a known faux-pas. Completely unnecessary!

June 11, 2013 at 3:49 pm

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Okay I’m showing my age here but the old etiquette books (the four English ones that I have) say it is fine to wear any colour, including black & white, to a wedding as long as the dress doesn’t look “bridal”. The problem with acting on this information is most people believe the opposite. So there are a lot of people who will think you are in the wrong if you do wear all white. Imo white pieces or accessories are fine but I don’t think I’d go all white.

June 11, 2013 at 4:06 pm

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I wouldn’t wear a white dress to a wedding because I would just feel silly. I have been to a wedding in New York wear the mother of the bride wore white – obviously a choice made with the bride – and I thought that was a bit silly too. I think it is fine to wear white pieces though.

June 11, 2013 at 4:22 pm

Runcarla

Veteran

Getting a chuckle out of all the MIL’s in cream. Because…MIL wore a very pale cream chiffon dress with lace at collar and cuffs..

June 11, 2013 at 4:44 pm

klauren

Active Member

Looks like the conscience is full on white and/or cream (eggshell, ivory, whatever!) is out – and that’s what been the tradition for as long as I’ve known there to be one. I’m with you, a piece, like a beautiful blouse, a lovely skirt or pants (if it’s ok for that wedding) is perfectly acceptable, along with a shoe or sandal in that light color. Head to toe, no-no – it’s the bride’s day and there is plenty of other stuff suitable to wear. If you’re not in the wedding party or MIL or MOB or another who has been asked to wear something certain – then dress as an appropriate guest and have fun. Usually all black is not really that appropriate either – save that for the divorce party (or a funeral).

June 11, 2013 at 6:05 pm

christy

Veteran

I think head to toe white or cream is, in general, a poor decision – especially a dress. I’d think nothing of a person wearing separates where one item is white or wearing white accessories. I just don’t see the reason in it unless it’s requested by the wedding couple! I’m sure there are some brides who would think nothing of it but I’m sure there are others who would be hurt. Why run the risk of hurting the bride’s feelings? Of course, I used to think you shouldn’t wear black to a wedding, but my thoughts on that have changed – I think it’s perfectly acceptable, especially for an evening wedding.

June 11, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Tat

Thanks Angie for touching this very interesting topic.
As for me, I support the idea of all the guests in white and the bride in a very pritty dress of nice, but different colour.

June 12, 2013 at 1:22 am

jurocha

(website)

Veteran

I avoid white at weddings; I wouldn’t wear white separates nor patterns with white (like polka dots or houndstooth) to a Western wedding. Don’t get me wrong, personally, if I were the bride, I wouldn’t be bothered by a guest sporting white separates… The problem is, in my experience, there’s always an aunt, a cousin, a grandma that takes offense!

I guess wearing white to Western Weddings is highly influenced by the country’s degree of religiosity. Austria, for example, is still a very religious country (for Western standards), and, therefore, I stay clear of white at weddings and consequently avoid headaches.

June 12, 2013 at 2:13 am

jurocha

(website)

Veteran

What colours do I wear? Well, I haven’t been to many weddings (3 so far; and I was a bridesmaid in one of them)… but I find that light grey/silver is a great solution for both summer and winter/evening weddings: I sported silver (twice patterned, one time all grey) dresses on the 3 mentioned occasions.

June 12, 2013 at 2:25 am

Molly L-R

Active Member

Personally, I wouldn’t wear white or black as a wedding guest, but it doesn’t bother me if other people do. My future MIL is wearing a black/white/gold dress to my wedding and that’s just fine. What does bother me is (mainly) younger guests who don’t seem to know the difference between dressing up to go to a wedding and dressing up to go clubbing. Excessive cleavage, neon platform stilettos and buttock-grazing minis are NOT okay.

June 12, 2013 at 3:34 am

Elemjay

I wore green to my own wedding so it wouldn’t have mattered to me whether any of the guests wore white/ cream or not. The wedding was in France and I was surprised at the number of women guests who wore black (a bit of a no-no in the UK) but I guess that’s French chic for you.

I went to another wedding in Holland where the bride was 7 months pregnant. All the guests were asked to wear white and she wore a magnificent orange/ hot pink number – the photos looked quite amazing….

June 12, 2013 at 6:56 am

Lisa

Veteran

I won’t wear white to wedding, western or not. I always check with the bride on what colors she wants to see her guests in, especially with a non western wedding where colors are worn often by the bride and groom.

June 12, 2013 at 7:24 am

ManidipaM

Veteran

Hindu weddings in traditional families can be a bit of a minefield too. White is the widow’s garb. They are excluded from many nuptial rituals and ceremonies because they embody bad luck, bad marriage luck in particular.

June 12, 2013 at 8:03 am

Marley

Veteran

Very late to this post – but have enjoyed reading all of the responses! I agree with those who say that they probably wouldn’t wear all white out of respect for the grandmothers and great-aunties, who wouldn’t approve of the all-white outift!
I have noticed a trend lately (where I live) that the guests are being asked to wear a specific color – like, the last wedding I was invited to attend, the guests were all asked to wear something yellow (didn’t have to be an entire outfit of yellow) – it was so fun that day to see what everybody had come up with – and felt like such a unifying supportive thing to do for the bride and groom.
Last summer I was invited to a wedding where the guests were asked to wear all-white. I didn’t get to go to that wedding so I don’t know how it turned out – but I would imagine, absolutely beautiful!
Also, I have worn an LBD to evening, formal weddings and thought nothing of it – there were lots of LBDs there – and the bridesmaides were in black also! Pretty cool!

June 12, 2013 at 10:21 am

Maharani

A couple of things that add to my annoyance with weddings, resulting in my never attending. At an Indian wedding (Im Indian) a few years ago I complimented the bride on her “costume”. I guess I should have said outfit-it was neither a dress nor a sari but a lehnga choli-a skirt and blouse with a veil. A guest, NON INDIAN, later criticized me for saying costume as disrespectful of Indian tradition (Im Indian, dont forget). Well-bridal wear, both Indian and Western, IS costume, not fashion. This wedding was in Seattle, where a Lehnga choli is definitely costume. Until the 40s, Western brides wore white versions of contemporary fashion. Now, my guess as a result of that tedious Princess Grace’s wedding, they wear these absurd “Princess Dresses” which are nothing if not costume. They are certainly not fashion. Indian bridal wear is either a sari, dressed up, very oddly with a veil in some S. Indian communities, or Mughal type outfits from N. Indian tradition-but it is also costume, not fashion. It is very pretty but, except for the sari, it is not worn anywhere else but at weddings. Between upsetting the aunties at a western wedding with, say, my white and silver sari (which I have not actually worm to a wedding but threatened to), and the exclusion of widows from Indian weddings, which makes me sick actually, the entire wedding scene is sickening. I never attend these affairs and couldnt care less what a lot of silly twits and brides think. People ought to grow up and get over themselves. The last time I attended a lot of weddings was in the 70s and 80s, and they were much more relaxed. I wore an LBD or a sari and nobody seemed to mind. The contemporary fuss, bother, and overproduction are simply idiotic.

June 13, 2013 at 7:35 am

GoddessMel

I believe wearing a white piece is acceptable, but an all-white ensemble should be avoided unless you have cleared it with the bride. Several years ago I was attending a wedding of friends where my husband was in the bridal party. I knew the groomsmen were wearing charcoal suits and shirts with silver ties, and that the bride had chosen peach for her gown. I REALLY wanted to wear my Angelina Jolie-style new white pant suit so I approached the bride and asked if she would mind if I wore it, with a silver top, shoes and accessories to mesh with my husband’s outfit as a groomsmen. She said it sounded great, she wouldn’t mind one bit, and was grateful that I’d thought to consider her feelings. A couple of the older ladies at the event gave me the once-over, but when the bride complimented my outfit it all seemed ok

It is definitely better to err on the side of caution, but if in doubt ask the bride.

June 13, 2013 at 5:51 pm

GoddessMel

Rachylou, great point – back in the ‘olden days’ a bride simply wore her best dress for her wedding day, regardless of the colour. Not until Victoria and Albert wed did it become fashionable for a bride to wear white. White for brides then became a symbol of purity and, of course, virginity (which I suspect is not an issue for many modern brides, including myself LOL).

Blue is the colour of marriage and harmony, hence ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue’.

As I noted above, I think if you are respectful of the bride’s wishes and of any special traditions for the family of the bride and groom you should wear what you like and celebrate their union, rather than focus on what everyone’s wearing. That said, I think part of being respectful means making an effort and dressing up – I have been to far too many weddings of my younger relatives recently where their young female guests have a mass of cleavage and leg on display and their young male guests turn up in T shirts and jeans… and these were mostly church weddings!

June 13, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Lots of very interesting points here. Thanks for sharing them.

Thinking back to my own wedding 17 years ago, I wouldn’t have been at all offended if anyone wore white – frock, suit or separates. It wouldn’t even have occurred to me that it be disrespectful. As the bride, I was going to stand out no matter what! But I would have taken offense if people hadn’t dressed up for the occasion and pitched up in jeans. THAT I would have found disrespectful when the invitation clearly stated that formal dress was required.

June 14, 2013 at 9:08 am

Lain

I would only wear white in a print, never a solid block of white or cream.

I didn’t see it in scanning the comments. I was also raised that you should not wear green to a wedding either.

June 14, 2013 at 10:54 am

Asingh

(website)

Veteran

Angie, while wearing white to a Western wedding is certainly not the best idea (because that’s usually the colour that the bride dons), wearing white to an Indian wedding is a complete no-no. Traditionally, Indian brides wear a red lehenga, however, recently brides have been opting for other bright colours, still white for wedding guests is not a good idea. You could still come across some wedding guests wearing white but then again they are few in number. As far as Indian weddings go, the brighter your ensemble, the better it is.

June 15, 2013 at 2:59 am

T-Rex

Veteran

Lain, I had to go look up that green taboo. From what I read, it’s an Irish custom. Green might attract fairies, and fairies like to do mischief. It’s hard enough to pull off an event as complicated as a wedding even without fairy tampering, so I guess that’s pretty good advice.

June 17, 2013 at 12:06 pm

Narnia

Active Member

It’s a funny little custom. People are right, simply wearing white won’t “upstage” the bride. However, the fact that it’s now such common knowledge that it’s considered disrespectful to wear white,if you then were to wear white (though I agree, a blouse, skirt or a blazer is fine, it’s really just if you wore white head to toe) then everybody’s going to wonder why you chose to do something that is considered disrespectful.

Best case scenario people will just think you’re really clueless. Worst case, they’ll wonder what kind of horrible passive aggressive battle you’re having with the bride.

For that reason it’s safer to simply put away the white for another day.

June 17, 2013 at 4:36 pm

JAZMEEN

(website)

Member

Even if the bride says she’d be ok with it, I still wouldn’t wear a white dress to another woman’s wedding; it’s unnecessary so why risk the side-looks you’ll get from other women. White accessories are acceptable.

However if the bride is wearing a non-traditional color (i.e. red), all bets are off…except I wouldn’t wear red

June 17, 2013 at 4:42 pm

Baraneh

I’m Iranian and back in Iran All brides wear white on their weddings, and as the wedding dress is expensive because of the fabric,and usually have princess kind of design it is ok to wear white on some body else’s wedding cause bride still will be on spot light.:)

November 10, 2013 at 1:14 am

Kate

Be careful as far as non-Western weddings are concerned: White is the color worn at Hindu funerals. It would seem a bit morbid.

December 10, 2014 at 1:04 pm

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