It’s “Not You”, it’s the Future You

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Angie is co-founder of YLF and its resident fashion stylist.

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

It’s “Not You”, it’s the Future You

— by Angie

on May 13, 2011

You know exactly what I mean. You see a wardrobe item that pulls at your heart strings because, for several reasons, it’s “so you”. Conversely, you see an item that leaves you cold because it’s “not you”. Obviously the former has a better chance of making it into your wardrobe.

It’s good to have strong style preferences because that will give you a focused shopping process and a strong signature style. But I’m going to stick up for the other side too. There is something to be said for purchasing items that don’t initially look like they would suit your current style. Why? Because every so often you hit a gem that opens up a new unexplored style direction. It might even be the impetus for the next leg of your style journey.

This has happened to me many times is quite significant ways. For 25 years I refused to wear gold jewelry or hardware. Although still uncomfortable with sporting anything gold at the time, falling in love with a red Valentino handbag with gold hardware changed my mindset. It opened up the gold door. Now, I can’t believe that I’ve missed out on wearing both silver AND gold metal for most of my life. I have catching up to do.

More recently, I tried Karen Kane’s beaded smock neck top (a casual bohemian peasant blouse). Ordinarily, this type of style would have been firmly in the “it’s not you” category. But the silk content, colour and beaded integrity of the blouse captured my interest. So I tried it. And now it’s a favourite, and it was our readerships’ favourite too. If I had left the blouse filed under “it’s not you”, I’d have missed out on an entirely new and refreshing aspect to my style.

So ladies, next time an item “isn’t you”, consider that it might be worth your while to try it on anyway. This doesn’t mean trying on everything that doesn’t make it through your style filter. Just force yourself to experiment and try to keep an open mind as you do so.

Each season is an opportunity to try new things and redefine your style. Never stop experimenting with fashion and style. Never stop having fun in the process.

Individual Style · Shopping Strategy

49 comments · Add a comment

patti

(website)

Active Member

Thanks Angie, for a great post – reminding us to get out of our style ruts. Summer is a great time to do it, I think, as shopping is easier, trying-on is *much* easier and some items are less an investment than winter items.

And after all, even though a black tee is “so me”, I really don’t need another one! : >

May 13, 2011 at 4:46 am

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Oh, so true, Angie! And just two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been able to contribute anything to this conversation! But towards the end of my recent vacation I did some shopping and came away with a floaty chiffon top with attached tank (the one that looked blue to most forum members but is actually purple in real life). Normally floaty wispy tops like this got a pass from me, but for some reason I gave this a go (perhaps my determination to find more woven tops). Well, it’s a current favourite and gets multiple complements each and every time I wear it. So glad I took the risk, and so glad I had YLF in my corner to push my envelope!
Great blog post title, btw.

May 13, 2011 at 5:16 am

CayceP

Great post! I’ve learned that I really love outfits where contrasting styles are juxtaposed (e.g., girly/masculine, minimal/bohemian). Usually my natural inclinations fall in a certain direction, and if I push myself a little to go outside my comfort zone I end up being much happier with the overall effect of the outfit. Otherwise I end up feeling my outfit is kind of blah (too much of the same) without any embedded style contrasts.

May 13, 2011 at 5:22 am

Linda

(website)

For me, it is as much a budgetary thing as it is an “it’s not me” thing. I have purchased “it’s not me” items only to have them sit in my closet because I had nothing to pair them with or they didn’t really fit my lifestyle. If I had a bigger budget, the risk might not be so great — but when I go shopping it is usually because I need x or y item. To purchase an “it’s not me” x means it will get far less use.

Your point about not self-stereotyping is a good one, of course. I think it holds for all areas of life, actually. Too rigid a self-definition prevents us from experiencing and enjoying all sorts of amazing things.

May 13, 2011 at 5:49 am

Angela

Interesting….I have to push myself to do that. I admit pictures of outfits on the ‘net help becAuse I admire the outfit then try to duplicate,,,,,but I think I will always be a ‘classic’ dresser,

May 13, 2011 at 6:17 am

Sihaya

Veteran

I have done this thanks to Angie’s help with amazing results. Thank you for the reminder, I need it often!

May 13, 2011 at 6:40 am

rute

Veteran

Amazing post! I’ve been thinking a lot about it! I think we should try everything! Even the items that are far from our style because we may be surprised! For me the problem is not on trying but sometimes I buy pieces that are not my style because I loved it and I’ve noticed that those pieces ended up as orphans.. I’ve had some good surprises but I’ve waisted a lot of money too.. now I’m more careful..If it’s something that is far from my style I try to buy a cheaper item just to try!

May 13, 2011 at 7:11 am

Debbie

Veteran

I love this post. I’m definitely trying this with mixed results. I want to push the envelope some. If not I know I will become stagnant. Lately it’s been a midi and then a lace top. As I push my comfort zone I feel that I grow in other ways too.

May 13, 2011 at 7:36 am

Aziraphale

Veteran

This is a good post, and a good reminder for us all. Taking risks and making a departure from the ordinary can sometime pay off in a big way. This is true in fashion as it is in all things in life!

I’ve had the experience a few times — usually because I was shopping with someone who convinced me to try something on that I normally would not have. Sometimes you get the garment on, and it looks waaaay better on your body than it did on the rack. (Sometimes the opposite is true; I pick up something that I think is so “me,” so perfect, and when I put it on it’s blah).

May 13, 2011 at 7:38 am

tiny junco

(website)

so very true…for me it’s usually something i love but that’s ‘not my current lifestyle’, or ‘i don’t know how to wear it’. one of these resolved just recently – i love Issey Miyake and have made a few of his pieces from the Vogue Patterns Designer line. One blouse came out beautifully, but the crisp, white material just put me off and i rarely wore it (i made it over ten years ago). The pleating and design of the blouse was so amazing i couldn’t bring myself to toss it.

the last few months i’ve become a lot more interested in blouses with some structure – i wear jackets all the time, but in 100+ F heat they are often too hot. A blouse with polish gives the same feel with less ‘heat’. long story short (or is it already too late for that?), i’ve worn this blouse three times the last couple of weeks and love it! completely fits my current style.

this isn’t the first time i’ve had this experience, so nowadays i do my best to try a few pieces outside of my ‘comfort zone’. happy friday everybody! steph

May 13, 2011 at 7:54 am

malcontent

I had the same experience with gold jewelry. I avoided it because I thought it was flashy and tacky, plus too harsh for my skin tones. Once I really thought about it though and opened my mind, I found lots of gold jewelry that looked lovely on me. I found I favored a less traditional style of gold jewelry, pieces with delicate workmanship, and began to wear them even more than silver or platinum pieces. Unfortunately, I have just lost one of my favorite vermeil earrings, and intricate handmade piece that will probably be impossible to replace.

May 13, 2011 at 7:55 am

Laura

(website)

Veteran

What an inspiring post! Like Elisabeth, I immediately related your ideas not just to fashion, but to life. Jobs, homes, cities, even where you go out to eat — we all know we limit ourselves, and without reason. When you open up to possibilities, it’s amazing what will enter your life, be it gold jewelry or a new job.

May 13, 2011 at 8:12 am

Aziraphale

Veteran

Hehehe Laura, right on — it’s like sitting at the dinner table with your mother saying, “How do you know you don’t like it if you’ve never tried it?”

May 13, 2011 at 8:16 am

julijuli

Angie, the thing that stood out for me in your post was the “never stop having fun” piece. For the last few months I have felt that the whole process of finding clothes and getting dressed in the morning has been more of a chore rather than ‘fun’. This reminds me that I need to get out of that rut and start looking at ways to incorporate more fun in my life – both regarding style but also the other aspects of my life!

May 13, 2011 at 8:39 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

There you go, julijuli

Michelle, tiny junco and Malcontent, you just validated my post. Thank you.

Elisabeth and Laura, I really resonated with your comments.

Debbie, I feel the same way as you. When I am open about my style choices, I am more open about all sorts of things in life! Personal growth is good.

Rute, it is a balancing act NOT to purchase potential orphans. Good point.

Elisabeth, another good point. Sometimes you think something on the rack is “so you” and it’s not

May 13, 2011 at 8:49 am

Lena

Such a good point, and something to keep in mind in other areas of life as well.

Angie, I’ve been dealing with a slightly different issue lately. What to do when I’m seeing my “past” me? For example years ago I badly wanted fit and flare dresses in specific colors and floral or abstract patterns but couldn’t find many that fit my criteria (or was looking in wrong places). And now I’m seeing loads of them, but I don’t really want any. And I’m a little bummed for my “past” self. I’m resisting giving in, and I’m reminding myself that I don’t have a time machine.

May 13, 2011 at 9:29 am

cloud9

Veteran

How timely, just earlier this week I posted to the forum about the nice big fuchsia handbag/tote. I would not even have thought twice about the color as it’s NOT ME, but for whatever reason, now I’m drawn to it. I am still in the process of deliberating the feasibility of this splurge item as it is outside of my comfort zone.

May 13, 2011 at 9:56 am

April

Veteran

I will keep these words of wisdom in mind at our swap tomorrow, Angie! Seems like the perfect opportunity for some risk-free exploration of our future selves…

May 13, 2011 at 10:04 am

san

Veteran

This really hit home with me Angie. I’m on a mission to discover my signiture style and I could easily have gone into tunnel vision which possibly could get quite stale after a while.

May 13, 2011 at 10:33 am

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

Never say never!

PS- There might have been a fab vintage silk polka dot midi purchase recently.

May 13, 2011 at 10:55 am

Lynne

Veteran

Debbie and Laura, I ditto your comments! Change in one area tends to have a ripple-on effect in others…..and I’ve learnt to say “hmm, interesting” rather than “darn, I wish I hadn’t tried that”. Trying on an item out of your comfort zone can be an eye opener, even if it doesn’t make it home to your closet.

May 13, 2011 at 11:20 am

Lynne

Veteran

Forgot to say that I am so thrilled you enjoyed the white blouse, Angie, it really was lovely on you!

May 13, 2011 at 11:21 am

Sheila

Veteran

This is wisdom speaking…thanks for the (new to me) application to fashion and style. In the past I have used “what fits me” as my guideline when selecting clothes. Now that I am 50+ pounds lighter, there are so many more possibilities. In some ways, it’s more time-consuming but way more rewarding.

May 13, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Patience

Veteran

It was really wonderful to open up the blog and have your title shouting right at me. I also read it to apply to all aspects of life.

May 13, 2011 at 12:27 pm

krishnidoux

Veteran

Moms know best… in the past two years my Mom has been sending me little gifts through the mail. A scarf, a wristlet, a cardigan, earings… Although I welcomed the thought, I took the gifts themselves as “not me’s”… well what do you know. I have recently started to rediscover them, one by one they are becoming favorites.

May 13, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Antje

Veteran

Wonderful post and so true. I try to be open to “new me’s” while still of course loving the find of something that’s very “me already”
You play a huge role in my willingness to experiment!

May 13, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Lisa

Veteran

I like to keep in mind for each season to try one or two new “trend” items. This let’s me push my style envelope without feeling like I am overhauling my style each season. It also helps me figure out when I like something I would not have tried previously. If I keep wearing the new trend item then I know to add more on a future shopping trip. When I tried skinny jeans, I purchased one pair. After seeing I kept pulling for them in the closet I purchased another one. Now I am up to 4 pairs. This slow progression made trying something new easier for me.

May 13, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Laurinda

Really a thought provoking post, and this forum has been a great inspiration for me to try fashion elements that were ‘not me’. Along with trying new things is accepting the possibility that a few mistakes will be made — I find that some things I try really are not me, then need to be passed along to new homes. But that is ok, and discovering the new interesting gems is worth the risk.

May 13, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Carolyn

(website)

This is such a great post. For the past couple years I have shopped with a stylist from Nordstrom who has brought me things that are “not me” and it’s made all the difference!
My goal was to reflect the same professional attire as my husband so I would “complement” him when we were out- jeans can only go so far! She recently came and did my closet and that was even more expanding—however she has left Nordstrom and I have not heard from her in a couple months. Part of me wants to see if i can now continue on my own,trust my own sense of adventure without making major and expensive mistakes.
Thanks for this post Angie.

May 13, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Jonesy

Veteran

Such a great post, Angie! I have become more and more excited about trying new things and pushing myself a bit, and I think a lot of this has to do with your influence and the fab YLFers! Thank you.

May 13, 2011 at 5:41 pm

sarah

Veteran

Angie, before I joined YLF, there were so many things I was afraid to try. I mean, looking back, it’s almost unbelievable – boots, colors, necklaces, anything with a heel. Honestly, even though I could admire them on others, I felt so self-conscious in any styles that pushed me out of my neutral, understated norm, and that didn’t feel like my old, regular self. So, my style journey via YLF has been one, big boundaries-pushing journey! I have you to thank, both by your example and teaching, but also by creating a space in the forum for me to try things out and get some advice and encouragement. So, THANK YOU.

And the last pillar to fall will be that handbag thing : ). Don’t worry, though, I’m sure it will happen.

May 13, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Actually it is stepping out of your comfort zone, right? I think I have been doing this constantly after joining YLF. I guess something still needs to pull at your heart though even if overall it is not “your style”: color, quality, some interesting details…
For example skinnies: for years I looked at the models with skinny bottoms and loose tops and liked the style but thought I do not have legs to pull it off. After reading this blog I took the plunge and discovered i like it and it does not look too bad on me. Or I always thought I look bad in all blue shades and tones but I was drawn to some shades of this color. Then I decided to try different shades and see if any of them can work for me – and they did.
Now I have a homework: denim shirt. I feels too casual for my taste and I did not get one yet. I should look for one, get it and try to style it – who knows, i may change my mind!

May 13, 2011 at 7:35 pm

cheryl

Veteran

Great post. I think we all need to step outside of the box once in a while and expand our horizons.

May 13, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Refugee

Veteran

Hhhmmm, note to self: next shopping trip try on something that I think is ‘not me’. Just because you try it on does not mean you have to buy it. But it may open up a new window in that room called funwithfashion.

May 13, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

Great post! I have to say that I think it helps to step outside your comfort zone with someone like YLF to hold your hand. I’m getting more cautious about saying that a trend is not for me since I’ve done that a few times and then found that I try it (after one of Angie’s blog posts) and it is for me after all!

May 13, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Secret Squirrel

Well put, Angie! It’s happened to me a few times that I have found something special in a shop, and whilst it isn’t obviously fitting my style, I have such a strong gut reaction that it is ‘right’. And these items have then taken a while to fit in my wardrobe, have acted a bit shy with my other clothes, but gradually became complete favourites.

May 14, 2011 at 3:01 am

mellllls

You are very right, although it is hard to tell when something is just not for you or out of the style comfort zone. For that it helps to have a second opinion.

May 14, 2011 at 6:03 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sarah and Jonesy, thanks for sharing your appreciative thoughts

Lynne, thank you!

Lena, that’s an interesting question. Try on a few fit and flare dresses and assess your feelings. Things might change once they are on your body.

Sveta, I don’t necessarily think that the items pull at your heart strings. Perhaps they merely touch your heart strings.

May 14, 2011 at 7:24 am

Beth

Veteran

Angie, this is the essence of YLF for me.

I know what’s “me”…I’ve known that for years. But I’ve also constrained myself by silly rules like “it’s not me” or “cream is a terrible color on me” or just sticking to what I know. And that’s a terrible waste of potential, be it fashion or life in general.

I read recently that “a boat is safe in harbor, but that’s not what boats are for.” No time like the present to go exploring!

And I *loved* that KK top on you:)

May 14, 2011 at 8:46 am

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Beth, I love that quote about the boat.

Skinny jeans are the perfect example of what I thought wasn’t for me and now they are a wardrobe staple. Gold jewelry — another example. It’s only been since YLF that I’ve slowly integrated it into my accessories.

YLF has been a great place for me to try things out of my comfort zone. I get to see them on others first, then I try them myself and let all of you give me constructive feedback or just plain support.

This is my next challenge: to get me into something else besides jeans (wear them daily). I know YLF will be there to help.

May 14, 2011 at 1:03 pm

April

Veteran

Commenting again to say that I highly recommend the clothing swap as a way to try things that might be “future you” and get useful feedback from others.

It’s also highly satisfying to see things that didn’t earn their place in your wardrobe find better homes.

May 15, 2011 at 5:52 am

lynne

Veteran

One of the things I love best about YLF is the encouragement to try things that are out of my comfort zone. Skinny jeans and leggings are now staples in my wardrobe that wouldn’t have been there without YLF.

May 15, 2011 at 6:26 am

Kelly

I totally agree in stepping outside of a comfort zone and trying new things, but sometimes it’s hard to know just how far to step! Earlier in the spring, I was really drawn to a bright orange dress with a pattern of circles of different sizes all over it. It was not me at all (I don’t do bright orange and I rarely do prints!). I loved it though and bought it. However, as I kept looking at it in my closet, it just didn’t feel right (although the fit was perfect). I returned it and ended up buying a black and white print sheath dress. I have worn it so many times since then and I know the orange dress would have maybe been worn once. Maybe it’s a matter of taking baby steps; first I needed to try something with a print, and then in the future maybe I will try a brighter color.

May 15, 2011 at 7:11 am

Dana

(website)

Veteran

Great post, Angie! Through the first couple of paragraphs, I thought you were advocating buying things one clearly doesn’t love, but then when you spoke of the red bag with gold hardware, the light turned on.

I wholeheartedly agree that knowing your personal style, but shopping with an open mind is what will keep your wardrobe fresh and fun. I actually love shopping and trying on the new trends of a season. So often, I can’t even begin to imagine what something is going to look like on anyone’s body let alone mine.

When you find something that “isn’t you” the key is figuring out how you’ll incorporate it into your wardrobe, so it gets worn. Angie, you did that so beautifully with the white peasant blouse pairing it with your tailored jeans, tucked in with a sturdy belt. Love it!

May 15, 2011 at 10:33 am

Kari

Veteran

This post really resonates with me as I am trying to move forward on the next leg of my style journey. I’m kind of in that in between stage where certain items or outfits are no longer “me”, or at least I want to throw something new into the mix, but the new shapes and silhouettes are still scary and new.

I will do my best to keep an open mind and actually try things on now that I have a better sense of what to look for. Thank you for your encouragement and advice!

May 15, 2011 at 11:23 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks, Beth :). Great boat quote too.

Cocolion, lets get cracking on your jeans free outfits.

Kelly, taking baby steps is a good way to go.

Dana, thank you.

Kari, my pleasure. I can see the current leg of your style journey taking shape!

May 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Inge

I’m with Beth on this, for me this is a very integral part of YLF. Since I started reading the posts and joined the forum I’m much more open to trends, styles, prints etc. I would never have considered for myself before. Sometimes I still think ‘hmm nice, but maybe not for me’, but then I see all the different ways people are rocking a look and I start to think about it more and more for myself too and then all of a sudden I really want to have a go too.

Recent examples have been: the peacock print handkerchief blouse (a year ago I wouldn’t have considered a print like this and the style struck me as a little too boho for me, yet I absolutely love it), anything animal print (I’m still very particular about the type of print and the colours, yet I love that red & black leopard print scarf from ASOS), flat oxfords with or without laser cut detailing (I’m looking for the perfect pair as we speak)…

So thank you Angie and YLF for all the eye-opening encouragement.

May 16, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

You just made my day, Inge

May 16, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Maya

Veteran

It’s tricky to find the line between being open to something new and having no defined style, but I find that as long as certain elements seem right, I can be comfortable trying something I normally wouldn’t. I never thought I’d have a denim dress in my closet, but the shape and little pockets on the one I found were very “me.” Another denim dress would have probably been passed up, but this one had enough of my personality in it to work.

Clothing swaps are a great way to experiment with things that “aren’t you,” as I discovered this past weekend.

May 18, 2011 at 7:41 pm

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