What Does it Mean to Dress in a Feminine Way?

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Angie is co-founder of YLF and its resident fashion stylist.

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

What Does it Mean to Dress in a Feminine Way?

— by Angie

on February 2, 2011

I recently asked our forum members whether they dressed in a feminine way. This might seem like a straightforward question, but the responses were anything but. They came flooding in and reached much deeper than I had intended. Even the word “feminine” meant different things to different people.

The first sign that this was a complex issue actually came before I even posted on the forum. As I pondered the question I found myself second guessing my own answers.

Feminine means “pertaining to a woman or girl.” Hmmm. Well, I enjoy wearing stereotypically feminine wardrobe items like form fitting clothing, dresses, pencil skirts, low heels, bows, poufy sleeves, pink, sheer blouses, pearls, lace camisoles, flouncy tea length skirts and the occasional ruffle. I also like to carry a handbag, wear lipstick and define my waistline. Chanel and Valentino rock my fashion world. When I think about these aspects of my style, it’s clear that I dress in a feminine way.

Then I started thinking about the stereotypically non-feminine aspects of my style. I have very short hair and don’t wear earrings. I prefer flat footwear and sport short natural fingernails. Many of my favourite wardrobe items have a masculine or androgynous edge: jeans, button down shirts, blazers, flat oxfords, denim jackets, trench coats, oversized watches, biker jackets and flat boots. I adore classic gangster-like pinstripe suits, neck ties, cuff links, cravat style scarves and military styling. I like to surrender my waistline and wear unisex footwear like Converse sneakers and Dr. Marten boots. And on top of it all, I rather fancy looking strict and buttoned up.

Now here’s the interesting part. I still feel completely feminine when I wear boyish clothing and footwear, and that’s coming from someone who isn’t very curvy and doesn’t have a full bust. I attribute these feelings to two things. First, my manner is lady like and that ultimately makes me feel feminine no matter what I wear. For me, feminine dressing is more about an attitude and a state of mind, than it is about the specific items that I wear — I have a feminine attitude and act in a feminine way. So to a large extent for my style, feminine dressing comes from within. Second, and more superficial, I still wear stereotypically feminine accessories and lipstick along with masculine clothing and footwear. This goes a long way to making me feel like a girly girl.

Having seen the richness of the responses of the forum it is clear to me that feminine dressing can mean very different things to different people. Just like there is no one way to look stylish, there is no one way to dress in a feminine way.

And it can be interpreted as a controversial question, tied into important topics like the empowerment of women and what it means to be a feminist. There was a time in my life when these broad topics were top of mind for me. As a sociology student in the late 80’s and early 90’s I was writing essays about the way stereotypical gender roles shape and affect society, while living through South Africa’s struggle against discrimination and oppression. But these days I’m much more focused on helping individuals look and feel their best. One of the privileges of living in a free society is that you feel free to enjoy simple things, like the lines of a beautiful dress.

What does feminine dressing mean to you? Does it mean wearing stereotypically feminine and romantic items, or is there more to it than that?

Individual Style

48 comments · Add a comment

Cynthia

(website)

I think it’s a difficult topic because there are subcategories of women’s clothing that mean something that most of us don’t want to embody in our work clothes on a daily basis.

I explored this in a couple of blog posts last month and have another one planned. I don’t feel like I’m super-feminine — I have the shortish hair, natural nails, flat shoes, etc going on too, and I also have fairly athletic body language (long stride, straight posture, fast movements) from years of dancing and yoga. One of my style icons is Mark Wahlberg, but I don’t feel un-girl-like in unisex clothes. Etc.

However, based on pictures, my blog readers categorize me as quite feminine (because I wear skirts, and colors, and florals).

Really I think there are a couple of subcategories of feminine clothing that I avoid, and those are the ones that are most stereotypically “sexy” or sexualized. Form-fitting is fine, but I avoid anything too revealing or styled in a way that conveys “sex object” rather than “demands respect”, and I avoid anything that I think hobbles me or cripples me, like too-tight skirts or too-high heels, or even long painted nails that clack on the keyboard.

February 2, 2011 at 4:05 am

Lisa

Veteran

This can be a controversial topic, so many ways to interpret it. I’m going to stick with the clothes as the defining factor of feminine style. When someone is wearing pearls, ruffles, bows, skirts, dresses, has high heels, long polished nails, to my eye, that is feminine. I consider anything a woman can wear and a man cannot, feminine style. (I’ll exclude kilts from the skirt category to include skirts) I do think floral prints are very feminine too but pastels are not since they are quite popular in Europe even if they are not here in the US for men. I think mannerisms can enhance or detract from a style but the clothes define the wearer for me.

February 2, 2011 at 5:11 am

Barbara

Veteran

Angie, I agree with everything you said. My style, including my very short hair, is quite similar to yours. I love moto style, flats, jeans, fitted corduroy jackets. Since I have a small frame and delicate features, I am inherently feminine in appearance.

I just recently embraced ruffles (in moderation) and am still searching for perfect casual dresses. Spiking my hair with gel while wearing ruffles creates the type of “girly tomboy” contrast I strive for.

February 2, 2011 at 5:35 am

Dusty

(website)

That’s a very difficult thing for me to define. On one hand, you have the stereotypically girly things: pastels, ruffles, lace, puffy sleeves, bows – none of which are things that I wear. Then you have the category of “a man wouldn’t wear this”: florals, skirts, dresses, leggings, sparkles (well, you know, there are exceptions to every rule) and I *do* wear those, but never in that sickly sweet, ingenue way. Then there’s the Marilyn Monroe type of femininity: form fitting, slightly revealing, bomb shell, sexy look which doesn’t really work for me just based on body shape.

I think body shape definitely has something to do with it – a curvy girl is going to look feminine in coveralls and a ball cap, but that’s not all there is to it. Clothes don’t just do it because if you put a man in a pink ruffle-y dress and heels, he’s still going to look like a man. I really do think it’s attitude that says feminine more than anything else.

February 2, 2011 at 5:45 am

Ann

I think femininity is conveyed most by manner, carriage, tone of voice and something that is less definable- a feminine sensability. I think a measure of gracefulness plays into it as well. There are men who despite dressing as men have a decidedly feminine attitude, and women can seem masculine despite wearing feminine clothes. I think femininity is inherent in the individual. There are male cross-dressers who really do present as women, just as there are women who seem to be cross-dressing when dressed in feminine clothes.

February 2, 2011 at 6:27 am

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Don’t even get me started on what it is to be feminine in the world today. But anyway … I agree with you, Angie, it’s as much the female as their clothing.

February 2, 2011 at 6:31 am

Irene

Veteran

I won’t talk about feeling feminine and gender issues because I’ve spent three days writing an essay on Virginia Woolf’s Orlando and I am honestly fed up of it all. So let’s talk about aesthethics. I like the look of boyish girls, tall, very slim, sort of straight, model-like but at the same time delicate -think Kristen Stewart. To me they have this attitude, I don’t know how to explain it, they just look tougher yet feminine at the same time. However, I look more like an uglier Scarlett Johanson: hourglass shape, same height, same measurements, thick lips, big boobs… there is no way I can look masculine or ‘unfeminine’, No matter how hard I try, it’s just not going to happen. Too much softness and curves. So boyish shapes hardly ever look good on me. I’ve got used to dresses and floral patterns. It is a totally different style, but I like the 50s as much as the 80s, so I am still happy. It’s just that ‘feminine’ clothes tend to be, I think, more uncomfortable. I dress quite femininely, except for converse, jeans and DocMarteens. And I am said to have very feminine manners -I’m usually described as cute or ‘princess-like’. So yeah, I guess I’ll have to keep being a doll lol

February 2, 2011 at 6:47 am

journey

it’s intriguing that the elements of tough guy styling that angie and quite a few others here wear actually emphasize their femininity. it’s like a big watch on a dainty wrist, it emphasizes the delicateness and femininity of the wrist. or the long tall white doc martens that emphasize the feminine legs. or the burly biker jacket that is sized down to fit the female figure.

it is also intriguing that those same items worn by, say, chastity bono before she had her gender reassignment surgery would not have looked feminine, because she would have chosen a cut and fit and combined them so that they did not emphasize her femininity, that was a personal choice she made.

and it’s like those “who wore it best” articles in the gossip magazines, three women in the exact same dress, yet one will look light and feminine, while another will look slutty because they’re bursting out of it, and yet another will look boho because they chose a looser fit and paired it with boho accessories. it’s all in the styling, isn’t it?

February 2, 2011 at 6:51 am

Diana

Veteran

I think that I would definitely characterize my own way of dress as feminine, and so would pretty much anyone who knows me. I wear skirts and dresses, flowers, lots of colors, ruffles, etc etc. There are definitely aspects of my style that are not traditionally feminine, such as big chunky shoes, lack of makeup, not much jewelry, but I could wear men’s clothes and people would probably still say I was feminine. I don’t mind at all though, not in the least. I’ve always been overjoyed not to be a man in terms of fashion choices, because it would be so BORING.

I DO think that there are a couple of different perceived stereotypes of “feminine” dressing and its implications: you can be demure and ladylike, sexy, or high-maintenance, to name a few. I don’t think I fall into any of these categories, and neither do most women.

February 2, 2011 at 7:35 am

Dana

(website)

Veteran

I agree that feminine comes from within. And sometimes it has to do with the person’s personality and body type. A really curvy woman wearing all menswear, down to the shoes is going to look feminine!

I like feminine touches, but my style is fairly tailored. That said, I live for dressing in opposites, mixing feminine with menswear or dressy with casual.

February 2, 2011 at 7:40 am

taylor

Veteran

Hmmm …this is getting complicated:)

I think it is more than body type because I have seen plenty of curvy women who look very butch when they dress…mannerism plays a huge role

Perhaps it is more how we perceive ourselves to be,and that is how we present ourselves to others.

February 2, 2011 at 7:42 am

Sihaya

Veteran

My outward style is a combination of masculine and feminine items like your description Angie but I believe I have feminine style because that’s who I am from the inside out. A woman.

February 2, 2011 at 7:47 am

Elly

Veteran

I can’t remember if I replied to your original query on feminine dressing Angie, but I don’t think I did. I did participate in Una’s thread about feeling “in drag” when dressed very “feminine.”

I grew up in a rural community where there is a long history of old families in the area. Although I am not a giant myself, I was one of the very tallest and largest girls in the community and as a teenager I was right at the same height as most of the boys my age.

I also really defined myself as tough. I lifted weights so I could feel strong and capable and I enjoyed adventure sports and shop class. I actually worked as a maintenance person and remodeler during summers in high school. I wanted people to know that I was strong and capable from my appearance. I really liked what Cynthia said about not wearing anything that “cripples” her. That is part of my definition of fussy, wearing things that get in the way of what I want to do.

So, I wore a lot of women’s clothing with masculine details. Part of this was because of what I wanted to be appreciated for as a woman and person. Part of it was because I felt foolish wearing the same thing as a petite girls in my community and towering over young men. Anyway, although I was happy with my personal style, it backfired in the community I was living in. People assumed that I was gay because of the way I dressed and the activities I liked. I was on the receiving end of gay bashing discrimination and was physically attacked because of it.

After that experience, I left the community and tried to dress much more feminine. I wanted to make sure that my fashion choices weren’t sending the wrong message about me. I still didn’t feel comfortable in very feminine clothing though and may have went a bit overt in my attempt to incorporate the feminine.

I had lived in a border community (US/Mex) for about 7 months when the cartel violence escalated in the area and groups in the area began discouraging or banning travel to mexico (including the US military). It quickly became a situation where as a young female living alone that there were certain places that were best to go to in as androgynous dress as possible. There were girls kidnapped walking home from work on both sides of the border. When I knew I was going to late I started wearing baggy jeans and men’s sweatshirts and would throw on a ballcap and hide my hair. Luckily, I only had a few potentially dangerous confrontations.

On the other hand, it was a largely hispanic community and skirts and dresses and feminine dress were the cultural norm. I was also engaged to a young man that belonged to a church which had certain dress standards— I wasn’t allowed to wear pants to church activities I attended with him and received flack for not being feminine.

During that time period I also became ill and was no longer able to do a lot of my favorite things. For the first time in my life I didn’t feel strong and capable and ready to take on the world. However, as some of the effects of sickness settled in, I didn’t feel particularly beautiful or feminine either. I went through a short period of “I give up” where I wore a lot of jeans and t-shirts and had many people assume that I was a “butch lesbian” or transgendered. Because of my frame and strong facial features, details and how I present myself has a much greater impact on people’s perceptions of my gender.

Right now I feel as though I am a bit lost in space. I am transitioning into a part of my life where I need to look more professional and put together. My closet for the most part consists of remants (usually least favorite remnants) from both parts of my life.

Obviously, I have a woman’s body. I am much more comfortable in my body and sexuality as I age. Yet, I still am more personally comfortable in items like jeans and boots. I am trying to learn how to incorporate more feminine elements into my style, and flattering my body. All while having a personality crisis! LOL

So, for me, feminine dressing is wrapped up in a lot of societal and cultural norms and misconceptions. Feminine dressing as defined as wearing “woman/female” specific elements (like skirts, pearls, ect) can be both dangerous and empowering. My experience with “femininity” is as a gender-based, a cultural construction, unlike sex. There are a lot of connotations about who a person is based on the “trappings of gender.” I do associate myself with the female gender, but there are some aspects of the male gender I want to portray. I do this, much like many of us, by combining “feminine” clothing with that of a more masculine connotation until my presentation matches my personality.

I think originally when reading it on the threads I was associating “feminine” with the fussy/girly aspect or the overtly sexual aspect. I don’t identify with either of those personas, so no— I don’t dress overtly feminine in that way. However, I am feminine and wear feminine clothing.

February 2, 2011 at 7:49 am

Maya

Veteran

Femininity is relative, individual, and culturally specific. There is no one way to do feminine.

I’m not a stereotypically feminine person in numerous ways. I don’t believe most women are, but I especially break with many conventions. As far as how I dress, this can mean I either pull out all the stops and go ultra feminine, as a cheeky and sarcastic statement–or I show some restraint and don’t dress too obviously feminine. I do both, although I never thought about it consciously at this point. Additionally, I like taking things that are stereotypically feminine and mixing them up in unexpected ways.

My interpretation of feminine dressing is sickeningly sweet and twee. I just love the contrast of dressing that way against my personality. It amuses me. It’s like an inside joke with myself and those who know me. My silk polka dot dress with a peter pan collar, ruffled hem, and button-down back is a great example. I love that dress.

On the other hand, wearing those bombshelly Stop Staring dresses are another kind of femininity that I can’t embrace. It also contrasts my personality, but not in a good way or in a clear way. While I am not ashamed of the fact that I am a woman, and I’m certainly not trying to hide it (I couldn’t even if I wanted to), I also don’t feel the need to flaunt my body or ram this fact down everyone’s throat by wearing skin tight dresses, plunging necklines, and/or garish makeup.

Even on days when I dress in a more subdued or edgy way, there is still no question that it is feminine. I am never going to look like a man.

But my favorite thing to do is to mix things up. I thoroughly enjoy shattering stereotypes. There are definitely ways of wearing ruffles, pink, and lace that are unexpected, and I find those looks have the most depth and interest. Just like anything else, it’s all about how you wear it.

February 2, 2011 at 8:03 am

rae

(website)

Veteran

I like the idea that some ladies have brought up: that masculine dressing can emphasize feminine features by contrast. Frilly, soft, “feminine” items make me feel like I’m in drag, as Una put it on her forum post — maybe this is because the contrast there ends up putting my dark skin, somewhat muscular body, and tomboyish personality on the masculine end of the spectrum. Conversely, a contrast with heavy/worn/utilitarian items puts my body on the feminine end of the spectrum.

February 2, 2011 at 8:09 am

Louise

Veteran

I agree a lot has to with the woman herself more than the clothes she wears. BF has a very ‘butch’ lesbian aunt and even in a frilly dress and heels she would still look masculine x

February 2, 2011 at 10:06 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Great responses! And not one the same

Elly, you have been through a thing or two and I wish you strength with the way forward.

What I find most interesting about the comments are the two schools of thought that have formed: those who are answering the question from the viewpoint of how others perceive feminine dressing (outside forces), and those who are basing feminine dressing on a feeling that they derive from being a certain way (inside forces).

The more I think about this, the more I’m moving in the direction that feminine dressing has a lot to do with a feminine mannerism and attitude – it’s not just the clothes and body type. A more masculine looking women with a manly mannerism does not necessarily look more feminine in romantic clothing – as an extreme case.

February 2, 2011 at 10:08 am

catgirl

Veteran

Great post, Angie!

I could go on and on (and often do!) regarding this topic, which is of endless fascination to me, along with all issues of self-identity and signifiers of that identity. Along with Angie’s question, what does it mean to act feminine? And the important underlying question, WHY?

For fashion, however, I’ll just say that whether I am dressing femininely (however that is defined) is simply not a question in my mind. I wear what I like, and other people can choose to make of it what they will.

February 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

catgirl

Veteran

Oh, and as a couple of others have brought up already, sexual identity throws another wrench in the works. Look at k.d. lang – so much better in a suit than a dress! But Portia di Rossi – much more femme. Everyone should be able to wear what they like – you’re never going to look good if you’re not comfortable in your clothes and your own skin.

February 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

Patty

Veteran

(type type type erase type type type erase type…3X)

I identify with so much of what Elly wrote and totally agree with Cynthia about not hobbling one’s self.

Lots to think about here. I’ve lived with it in my head for so long and now It’s great to see it talked about with other woman. And it really is more than just clothes and accessories.

February 2, 2011 at 11:44 am

Patty

Veteran

Oh–I have to add–My husband has animated Belle, Pocahontas, Ariel and DAisey Duck on Disney sequels -he jokes that he is ‘in touch with his feminine side’.

February 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

Emily

Active Member

I don’t think having a stereotypical femine body – large breasts, hips, curvy -guarantees you will look femine. I’ve seen enough episodes of What Not to Wear with women who dress in baggy clothes and not the least bit feminine before, but at the end of the makeover, in clothes that fit them beautifully, look totally feminine.

On the other hand, a woman can also have a boyish figure with short hair, etc and still be absolutely femine.

February 2, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Melody

Active Member

When I left my last job, a co-worker told me that she had always admired my style, that I always looked pulled together, professional, and feminine. And her compliment made me feel really good. The funny thing is that I don’t equate feminine with strictly romantic items like pastels, lace, florals, frills, and bows, and I typically avoid these items … I’ve been cutting the bows off bras since I was in a training bra! I wore nice suits, blouses, pointy toe heels, and plenty of dresses. I think she noticed that I dress with intention, and that I look like a grown woman. That’s feminine to me.

February 2, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Sadie

I find it odd that nobody seems to have mentioned underwear – possibly because, when we look at other women, it’s not on the outside. But feminine underwear, along with pedicured toenails, are two things I do that are usually “invisibly” feminine.

There are high femme clothes, and then there is high femme grooming. If you put two people in jeans and an average-fitting t-shirt and low sandals, and one of them is in full makeup and manicure/pedicure with long hair, and the other one is makeup-free and has short hair, then the “groomed” one will come across as more feminine than the other one. I live in an area with very androgynous, avant-garde casual style (Wellington, NZ) and these grooming details stand out when they aren’t the norm.

February 2, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Lynne

(website)

Well, I never wear heels (can’t), have short fingernails, do wear jeans in the cooler months (our summers are to hot for trousers) and wear my hair at ear lobe length. But I always feel feminine because i’m very curvy, always wear makeup, wear bright rich colours and lots of florals and soft floaty clothes. I’m not much into tailoring, and only wear my one tailored jacket on the rare occasions when I have to look business-like.

But all that being said, i don’t think femininity is any of those things — it’s about being comfortable in your own skin, and unapologetic for being female.

February 2, 2011 at 1:21 pm

mamaKate

Veteran

This thread is what I love about this group – the richness and diversity of thoughtful responses. I was especially touched by Elly’s comments, as well as comments from crwilson in Angie’s forum post. There is certianly the aspect of feminine feelings coming from within and being comfortable in one’s own skin. But to me, the more fascinating question is the outside perception – the fact that constructing our own image leaves so much room for manipulation in how we are perceived.

“disguising myself for my own convenience” and
“femininity is…a gender-based, a cultural construction.”

As convenient as it would be for us to believe that our personal style simply reflects our internal identities, in actuality our choice of self-adornment – whether we like it or not – is a medium of social exchange. What we wear sends a message – however subtle – to others. But, others cannot discern the origin of the message. They don’t know whether our outward appearance reflects our internal identity or whether it is some other statement. Case in point, the frequent forum comments on being misunderstood or “scolded” for dressing up – from people who (sadly) see the outward manifestation of another as a commentary on themselves.

As I stated on Scarlet’s thread, to which Angie refered in her forum post, I believe dressing in a feminine way (including the attendant mannerisms, attitude) is a statement of uniquely-feminine power. And the question really becomes this: By dressing (and acting) femininely, am I comfortable with the power and specialness this implies? In other words, do I deserve to be powerful and special? For some (myself included), this question takes many years of instrospection to answer. I feel very, very lucky to have reached a point where I can usually respond in the affirmative. Only since then have I felt an easy comfort in allowing femininity to be expressed through my style choices.

February 2, 2011 at 2:48 pm

san

Hmm this is thought provoking.
I have a masculine body image. To me I look very non feminine and I feel out of sorts if I dress too frilly. A little bit of ruffle is OK but just not too much.
I feel I look like I will tip over if I wear high heels. I am large boned, I guess that is where this comes from, also as I age I tone down the youthful girlie look.
What a good topic. I’m interested to read all of the other responses.

February 2, 2011 at 2:48 pm

mamark

I am an unapologetically feminine dresser – I wear makeup, jewely, girly shoes and almost never wear pants.

I am also a feminist. I am successful in my career and would never, ever ever ever, take back seat to a man at work. Everyone who reports to me at work is male. I never really think about it.

I am married with children, and my husband and I have a very modern, egalitarian relationship.

However, I am interested in fashion and I like feminine styles.I do not for a moment think this is inconsistent with being a feminist.

I am SO THANKFUL that women 10-20 years older than me paved the way for me to be both feminine and successful and not have to choose one or the other.

February 2, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Joy

Veteran

This has been an enlightening topic with so many wonderful replies. Thinking about women I know, I feel both clothing style and mannerisms can play a part in how feminine one is perceived. There are those with small curves and short hair like Audrey Hepburn and Angie who are so totally feminine that menswear just emphasizes their daintiness all the more. There are full curved women who look silly in frills that seem to emphasize their masculine side.
I’ve watched a married woman in her 50’s at my church who falls into the second catagory struggle with her fashion style. She used to wear almost the same clothing as her husband..tees, Levis, windbreakers, and masculine shoes. Then she went the other direction wearing tops with lots of ruffles, lace and pastel colors with flowy gathered pants. It just didn’t work and she looked like a man in drag. Now she is finding her style as a woman in a bit dressier tailored pants, shirts and jackets but done in flattering colors and abstract floral prints without much contrast. There has been no notable change in her body, hair style, or lack of makeup, but the right clothing has made a huge difference in how this woman with hidden femininity is perceived. I don’t know her personally but hope for a chance to compliment her soon. We are each wonderfully complicated. Great topic, Angie.

February 2, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Carole

Veteran

What an interesting topic; I find it quite thought provoking!

I love to feel femine, but sometimes don’t feel that way. My height, broad shoulders, and for a long while, lack of curves made me feel I looked boyish-not a good feeling for me. A professional career helped, it was fun to dress in skirts, heels, hose and blouses. I loved it. Now, a very casual lifestyle promotes jeans, boots and flats. I feel comfy and stylish but sometimes like a tomboy, again. As I have gotten older, I have gained weight and some curves. I’m anxious to find ways to capture a femine feeling again in my wardrobe. I never thought about wearing dresses and skirts for a casual life but I’m incorporating them slowly. I’m looking forward to blouses with bows and drape. I can’t wear heels, so that is another challenge.

What a great post! I’m looking forward to reading everyones responses.

February 2, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Tiffany

Interesting, there seems to be a lot of emphasis on ‘curves’ making one feminine. What if you’re not curvy, does that automatically make you un-feminine or less of a woman? To me the whole ‘feminine’ thing is almost as bad as the body size thing (thin women aren’t ‘real’; non-curvy women aren’t feminine). Why can’t we discuss clothing styles and appearance without making gender judgments?

February 2, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Shannon

I think femininity is mostly in mannerisms, how you carry yourself, and how you communicate. I grew up playing soccer near the beach. So until my first professional job, I dressed ‘sporty’ (soccer shirts, shorts) or, at most, beachy.

I worked in construction, which to me meant wearing kahki’s and button-up men’s tailored shirts. I think I looked feminine, mostly because of the contrast of my small frame and what I was wearing. When I got more confident, started mixing in colorful heels with the man outfits (it’s disconcerting to be at work as a 24 year old woman and realize you’re wearing a matching outfit with a 45 year old man).

Now that I’m more confident in my abilities and people taking me seriously, I’m more free about wearing bright colors, fun jewelry, and fun shoes. When at work my hair is up (I have very long hair), and the rest of the time it’s down. I can’t picture wearing a dress to work EVER, but feel comfortable wearing them in my off time.

So I guess, my main clothing is simple and masculine, but my styling and everything else is feminine. Katherine Hepburn (Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby) is my style hero.

February 2, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Lena

Active Member

Such a rich, thought-provoking and complicated subject. I have many thoughts that run in different directions on this question, and issues of gender identity in general. I’ll try to focus here and try to answer your question directly, Angie.

What does feminine dressing mean to me? My first thought would be to say it’s stereotypical things like you mentioned in your blog. However, there’s more to this. I always feel feminine in whatever I’m wearing, even though my style changes with my mood (I alternate between stereotypically feminine and stereotypically masculine, or a mix of both) I wear whatever clicks for me that day.

Also there’s another big point, and thank you Journey and Taylor and others for bringing this up: so much can depend on styling and internal sense of self. Chastity Bono (before surgery), KD Lang are good examples. I also know a lady who has what’s generally regarded a curvy body type, and when she wears menswear, she looks butch, and also very natural. It fits her personality. And stereotypical feminine items just don’t look right on her.

February 2, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Wow! Hmmmmm, what about my perspective…… Hmmmmmm (thinking very hard here)…

Physically, I have quite a curvy hourglass shape. I would say that whether I select to wear a dress or overalls on a particular day, the fact would be apparent to society that I am very much a “feminine” person, irregardless of whether I am or not deliberately trying to enhance my femininity. My shape, curves, lumps and bumps are *definately* of the female, rather than male gender and I think even if I tried, would be very difficult to disguise.

Now, for me personally, *dressing* in a feminine way simply means that, as a girly girl, whatever I select to wear on a particular day is a joyful expression of the fact that I’m of the female rather than male gender. This expression is aided by purchasing and selecting to wear clothing which would conform with what a large proportion of society associates with stereotypically female items of clothing, such as skirts and dresses.

Thanks very much for the opportunity to ponder this interesting topic!

February 3, 2011 at 1:13 am

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I love how feminine clothing makes me feel. Feminine clothing may project softness but I have the confidence in my own skin and ability that I never feel undermined. Thanks to the generations of women that have gone before me I am not restricted by corsetry and layers of underskirts which limited moving and required help to even dress in the morning. I am free to feel the breeze on a sunny day whilst wearing a cotton skirt and ballet flats. I can wear masculine clothes without reprimand. I can walk into a bank wearing a floral dress and discuss finances with authority. I can be soft, I can be strong, I can be quiet, I can be loud, I can wear a skirt, I can wear trousers. I am feminine regardless of how I dress. I am me.

February 3, 2011 at 2:04 am

iamang

(website)

Active Member

I agree with you Angie. I think that dressing in a feminine way has much more do to with how you carry yourself than whether you are wearing ruffles. That said, I do feel more feminine when I am dressing fashionably. That does not mean my look is less edgy…..just more current. Perhaps that has more to do with my confidence level when I feel good about my look though! What an interesting question. Thanks so much for sharing!

http://fasionablylearning.blogspot.com/

February 3, 2011 at 4:00 am

Joless

I mainly wear jeans, t-shirts and v-neck sweaters or cardigans and I’d love to dress more feminine but I find it hard to change my style. I feel awkward, though sometimes pretty, if I wear skirts and so on. Everytime I change my job, I think, right, I’m going to change my style, but due to laziness and a lack of style ideas, I always revert back to the usual stuff!

I feel too ungainly to be feminine and worry about looking ridiculous. I try very hard to avoid looking too butch though, as I don’t want to look stereotypically gay. I sit somewhere in the middle of femme and butch. Sometimes this is ‘boring and nondescript’ and sometimes this is ‘me and ok’ depending how I feel.

February 3, 2011 at 4:01 am

Lee

(website)

very, very interesting reading – from thoughtful women. I would like to touch on the alarm I feel when teenage and pre-teen girls feel the only way to be feminine is to a)wear clothing that exposes quite clearly the feminine aspects of their body allowing for no personal modesty with disregard to whether others wish to be exposed or not OR b)wear, for lack of a better word, beauty pageant clothing and/or accessories

As my daughter (now 10) was first learning as a very young child about the differences between men and women it was interesting to see how she picked up on the fact that women wore high heels (she called them “up” shoes) and jewelry and would play with these role-defining costume elements gradually discarding those that did not appeal to her personally and keeping those that she liked. Currently she eschews all things pink or “princess-y” and states she is a tom-boy. However she still loves beautiful colors, fabrics and wears skirts happily with her t-shirts about wild animals, football teams or favorite travel sites.

Femininity is, in essence, the converse to masculinity. Everyone has some of each but women are obviously going to have the majority of femininity. It is a balance that makes humanity whole. Created in God’s image who is both male (father/son) and female (spirit) we reflect that.

February 3, 2011 at 8:14 am

summerbl4ck

Active Member

Such a rich discussion about a fascinating topic. Coincidentally I was confronted with this question recently. I accompanied my husband to a work event. While getting ready, I completely confounded on what to wear. I don’t have a lot of evening wear; I don’t particularly like dresses. My “formal” wardrobe is mostly suits for work. So that’s what I decided on in the end. At the event we met up with my husband’s friend/co-worker and his new girlfriend. After introductions, she giggled and said oh look, you two match! Wow, did that hurt. And I’m still thinking about it! It definitely has me considering about my natural inclination toward simple, streamlined dressing (things I don’t have to think a lot about) and yet expressing my personality or femininity. But I see here, it’s not a simple question.

February 3, 2011 at 8:30 am

alice

How interesting to read everyone’s comments! I think for me, the most important part of dressing feminine comes down to fit. I have a thin, straight (boyish I suppose) figure, do not wear noticeable makeup (no eyeshadow, liner or lipstick) and the clothes I like best on me are simple modern/classic things. I don’t like frills or ruffles or florals, and my wardrobe is almost entirely solids in neutral colors. On paper, my dress would appear masculine – collared button down shirts, jeans, flats, but I think what makes this look feminine is the fit of everything. My shirts are not cut for a man and fit my body closely, the jeans are always skinny and the shoes are ballet flats. Combined with my personality, my clothes actually make me appear VERY feminine, I would say. I am certain I can find the same clothes in the same colors but baggier and cut differently and look entirely boyish (haha, as long as I was sitting still and didn’t move; personality is still important I think).

February 3, 2011 at 9:27 am

Marley

Veteran

I am very touched by what some of the women have shared! Such struggles so many have had over self-identity/esteem issues – and so much is based on the definition of what is acceptable femininity and masculinity!

I firmly believe that dressing in a feminine way is all about attitude and self-identity. As I have matured, I have taken more pride in the fact that I am a female who loves being a woman – but also, love sports, mechanics and competing in physical activities (which are more strongly associated with masculine qualities.) The other day I posted a Sart outfit wearing a fedora, peacoat, trousers and black oxfords and some of the feedback that I received was that it would be good to make it less severe by adding a feminine accessory to it. I was suprised because I felt very feminine in the outfit! But, I took in what the women were saying with an open mind – however, I honestly believe that if those women would have seen me IRL wearing that outfit, that they would not have felt that I needed to add a feminine aspect to what I was wearing – because I was truly excuding a feminine vibe – because I felt so much like a female!
Its about attitude and acceptance (I think!)

February 3, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Meredith

Active Member

For me, this word evokes lace, florals, modesty, and dresses. You say “feminine”, and the first thing that pops to my mind is a southern belle sitting underneath a lace parasol, shyly glancing up from her lap, eyelashes fanning the perfumed air around her ruffled dress. This exaggerated image is ridiculous, I know, but I can’t help it.

What is wonderful, however, is how much women have grown beyond a singular ideal of femininity. We have stepped way outside the boundaries of what was once requisite behavior and dress. Our fashion is a great analogy for the spectacularly varied lives we have created for ourselves.

While I don’t always feel particularly “feminine” because of the old-fashioned feelings it evokes in my mind, I do always feel very much like a woman.

February 4, 2011 at 7:44 am

Bianca

Veteran

Can mean sooo many things to sooo many people. Really for me its about showing off my curves and adding dainty touches such as ruffles, bling and bows.

February 5, 2011 at 7:25 am

Jennifer

I have to agree with Alice. When I was in my early twenties I dressed in a less feminine way, because I had less curves, was a student, and didn’t really care.
Now I’m a bit older and dress in a much more feminine way but the only real difference is the fit of my clothes.
Before I often wore mens jeans and t-shirts and jackets. Now I wear the same stuff but it fits in a more flattering, feminine way. I’m a bit too tall and big to look right in anything floaty or pastel, but jeans and t-shirts and still plenty feminine if they fit right.

February 6, 2011 at 5:07 am

AlexSue

Active Member

When I was in high school, I wore extremely feminine clothes and accentuated female attributes like my bust, but did so because I wanted to “prove” my femininity. As a college sophomore, I adore feminine details like bows and lace (especially on shoes and undergarments), but I wear pants and such a lot more often. My clothing is still fitted, but I’m more… covered, haha. I feel more feminine and confident now

February 6, 2011 at 8:17 am

Ruth

To me it’s dressing in a way that will not make people mistake me for a man. I dress so people can see my figure (without revealing too much, of course) and I wear clothing and accessories that most definitely are not designed for men.

December 15, 2011 at 12:01 pm

santa

Member

Years after losing my excess weight, I still find it difficult to show off my figure (I am now very slim hourglass). Despite loving clothing and shopping, I have found it next to impossible to think of buying clothes that are too obviously ‘sexy’. I’ve been one of the boys all my life and wearing things that draw flatter my figure leaves me confused by the attention I get.

But I’m ready to be the woman I am. And that means dressing myself for that.
When I think of feminine clothes, I think of a feminine silhouette. I think details or embellishment (including bows and frills) are girly than feminine and a question of personal taste. Feminine style is less about tailoring, which imposes structure on the body and more about accentuating the womanly, without being vulgar. So collarbone, neck, chest, maybe some cleavage – but without the push up bra. Torso-hugging and waist defining. Skirts of trousers as long as they don’t swamp the figure, but rather flatter it.
It’s quite grown-up and beautiful.

June 22, 2013 at 8:44 am

clarice a.

I finially made my First Holy Communion at age 14 and wore a poofy,short sleeve communion dress with lots of lace and ribbons on it and it had a bow attached at the waist in the back.my veil was lace and tulle and matched my dress as did my lace anklets and i had a small bow on both of my white mary jane shoes.

January 24, 2017 at 6:34 am

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