Who is your style audience?

Emely

I usually dress for myself.

August 30, 2010 at 7:42 am

Cookie

I used to worry about what “others” thought but now I dress to please myself. It is always nice to receive a compliment but if I am happy with my outfit that is enough.

August 30, 2010 at 7:44 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

It’s not that I don’t believe you, ladies! But I’m willing to bet that there is a small part of you that also dress for others. It’s just more subconscious

Go back to why you were happy with that outfit, Cookie. Address the question long and hard and see what you come up with. Could be interesting.

August 30, 2010 at 7:51 am

Louise

Veteran

I dress for myself. Though I do love to recieve compliments from the kids at work littlies are sooooooo honest so you know they mean it!!!! x

August 30, 2010 at 7:56 am

lynne

Veteran

I dress for myself, with a view to my audience. I used to have an audience of students, parents, and public and wore fun skirts and tops, tailored suits, pants and cardigans, dresses. My clothes always made me smile and I always got compliments. Now that Ive retired my audience is much smaller, but I still dress fairly well most days. I’m afraid that if I don’t make an effort I’ll be one of those people who spend the day in their pajamas.

August 30, 2010 at 7:56 am

Anne (mrsanniep)

Like you, Angie, I’m a combination. I dress for myself and for others. I want my spouse to find me attractive, and since I usually have two little boys in tow, I also want other moms (and other people) to know that motherhood doesn’t negate fashion and style.

I also want my boys to grow up with a sense of aesthetics and recognize self-respect in women. Taking care in my appearance is just ONE way to get that message across.

August 30, 2010 at 8:00 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Cute, Louise

Lynne, nice comments.

Anne, your comment rocks.

Just to pop another spanner in the works – think of how many of you give in to your environmental norms when you choose an outfit. You are not your audience when this happens. If you dressed for yourself – you wouldn’t care about your environmental norms. This question is tougher than you might expect.

August 30, 2010 at 8:00 am

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I dress for (in this order of importance):
-the people who see me at work (not necessarily my co-workers because they don’t necessarily notice or care what I wear; I mean the people I need to impress, my superiors, people in meetings, people in the hallways, etc)
-my friends, especially the fashion conscious ones. Shopping Friend and I often dress up for each other when we go out
-myself
-my blog readers
-my hubby (who sees me the most, but who cares the least…unless it’s super cute and worth taking me out to dinner for LOL)

August 30, 2010 at 8:09 am

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I love it when my outfit gets a compliment from my Husband, it puts me on cloud nine for the day because he has a discerning eye. I also love to dress for my friends who have an interest in fashion, a nod from my best friend is fabulous. I also keep in mind what Angie and the forum would think about an outfit so I guess I’m partly dressing for them even though it may never be seen by this audience. BUT I do mostly dress for myself.

August 30, 2010 at 8:09 am

crwilson

Veteran

I think that I’m unclear about my audience, most of the time. I don’t usually dress for my partner because he likes clothing that is waaaay too plain for my taste. I guess when I’m teaching, I dress for my students and my colleagues, even though few, if any, colleagues notice, and my goal is to make my students not really notice what I’m wearing. But, as I mentioned in my other, long, rant-y post, this desire not to be noticed is always in competition with my own desire to reflect my personality when I dress. When I’m at home with the girls, I dress more for my own self-respect, and I’m less self-conscious about my choices because I don’t need to create a particular impression.

I know that this won’t make anyone happy, but a lot of my dressing choices are based on physical comfort. Granted, I don’t wear gear and I don’t wear pajamas, but I choose clothes everyday that are comfortable physically and hopefully emotionally too.

August 30, 2010 at 8:23 am

Sihaya

Veteran

I dress primarily for myself. And then I dress for audiences since I present to large groups of people, some of my clients, and my spouse in that order. Not that I don’t love my spouse but I find that my dress is not as key a factor in how he appreciates me if I were to believe what he says

August 30, 2010 at 8:27 am

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I think you’re actually asking two different questions here, Angie. Your style audience is the people who you hope enjoy your outfit when they see it (in my case, that’s me and maybe my daughter- many days immediate family are the only ones that see me). We all are human, and will have interactions with other humans at some point. We wear clothing because it’s the social norm, and we want our clothing to look flattering (whatever way we describe that) because it affects the way we are treated and interacted with. I disagree that it means you are dressing for others- you are dressing for yourself. A positive opinion of you by physical appearance benefits *you*.

August 30, 2010 at 8:34 am

Antje

Veteran

Definitely a combination. I need to be happy with how I dress personally, top priority. But I also definitely dress for the world around me – which includes my partner, my daughter (love when my picky 8 year old likes something I wear, which is not too often ;-)), my friends, colleagues, acquaintenances, also strangers in and outside my neighborhood etc. I enjoy getting compliments from others, including random strangers, and I even have to fess up to enjoying the occasional smug satisfaction of being the only one who has really made an effort to dress up for a party or to look semi-put-together at the soccer game.

August 30, 2010 at 8:49 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sihaya, that’s fab

RoseandJoan (Julie), I appreciate a compliment from my husband the most too.

Kristen, loved your answer.

Chewyspaghetti (Khris), I don’t see it as two different questions so I respectfully disagree. The way you dress is also wrapped up in how others perceive you. Its all part of the same decision when you choose to put on an outfit. Your audience also might change on a given day. I hope that my perspective makes sense too.

August 30, 2010 at 8:49 am

FiestyWife

Active Member

As a SAHM I dress for myself & my son. I want to feel productive & pulled together. Even on days when I don’t leave the house I still try and get fully dressed w/ some attention to hair & face. My spouse comes next. I want him to know that I think he’s important enough to get dressed nicely for. I’d say him first but with this current job he travels or may get home after I’m already in my pajammies so he would never see what I was wearing! When I have church or volunteer activities I dress to those activities but in a way that makes me happy. I want those people (& God!) to know that I’m taking my commitment to them seriously. I also want them to think “Wow, Lacey looks great. I wonder wear she got that blouse/jeans/scarf/etc.”

August 30, 2010 at 8:51 am

Cynthia

(website)

Wow, interesting question. I just spent a weekend at a belly dance workshop where we spent a ton of time discussing who your audience is and how you style yourself and comport yourself to play to that audience, while still pleasing yourself aesthetically and also maintaining awareness of (and maybe messing with) the pre-conceived notions that people have about belly dance (the “woo-hoo, you’re a stripper!” factor). So it’s interesting to think about the answer to the same questions for daily wear.

For dressing up daily, my audience is myself, the blogosphere, and my colleagues and students, approximately in that order. If I were just to go by work norms I would wear totally boring but neat jeans or khakis and a t-shirt or sweater every day. I work in a research lab setting and every day is casual Friday, but from the neck up we’re Very Serious People. However, I like interesting clothes and a play of colors and so I dress “up”, but not as I’d have to for professional reasons if I were an administrator. There might be some pre-conceived notions that academics have about women that spend too much mental energy on looking good, but I don’t dress so far up (or so over the top feminine) that I’ve ever really run into those. Playing to a virtual “house” of other fashion bloggers forces me to up my style game a little and be more creative, so it’s a good influence. But I chose to blog and impose that influence on myself.

August 30, 2010 at 9:08 am

Emely

Active Member

I still think I dress for myself. My husband and 4 year son usually make comments about my outfit, and more lately since I am trying new styles, but I don’t dress thinking about others, hmmm…maybe I do… and I just don’t notice it!!!!????

August 30, 2010 at 9:11 am

jerseyjan

Active Member

As the owner of a home accessories store, I dress for my customers. I would like to be taken seriously as someone who knows good taste and design, so I try to portray that. Also, as I incorpporate trendy pieces in my wardrobe, I feel I look current and “young,” but with good style.

August 30, 2010 at 9:16 am

san

The is a difficult question because my spouse doen’t like for me to wear expensive, nice clothing. He would prefer me in mom jeans and t shirts and it all has to do with the expense of nice clothing. So this leaves my audience to be myself for the most part, but I do think about how the outside world will accept me. I don’t want to wear clothing that says I am trying to be young, but I do wear clothing that shows I care, and has an edge of fun. I also like nice clothing that is comfortable.
My friend DebbieK helped me to see the satisfaction in wearing a statement piece when she bought me a chuncky pearl bracelet as a surprise when she was in Seattle. When my birthday rolled around Debbie was sweet enough to remember it and gave me a beautiful statement belt. Since then I have felt good in wearing a statement piece every day.
We all know what my neighbor gal thinks of the way I dress so I’m not dressing for her, the only other people I see in a day are at the grocery store, so I really dress for myself.
On the occasions that I see Angie in Seattle, it’s all out fun. On those days, I’m dressing for her!

August 30, 2010 at 9:24 am

angie2

I dress for the persona I have at work. Which since I’ve been working so long, it’s part of *MY* style as well. Remember the cliche “Dress for the job you WANT, not the job you have.” Personally, I’d much dress in a more fun & funky way, but since I want to be taken seriously at work (not your peers, but your potential bosses, and upper management) and look professional, I dress in much more boring attire.

August 30, 2010 at 9:53 am

Vix

Veteran

If work is involved, I usually try to dress with an eye to whatever image I want to project. Generally this works well unless I’m someplace where the dress code/lack thereof tis really counter to my personal tastes; having worn (service industry) uniforms in the past, I don’t enjoy having to be in lockstep with unofficial uniforms.

If work’s not involved — and keeping in mind that I could run into someone I know in a professional context — I dress for me.

If with friends who have an interest in clothing/style, I’m more likely to try to pick something they’ll get a kick out of.

August 30, 2010 at 9:53 am

M

(website)

I would second Kristen’s comment on her first two choices: work; girl-friends at work; then boyfriend; blog readers (even though I’m brand new) and then sadly, lastly, me. I’ve never actually thought about your question before but I don’t think my sense of self really comes into it when choosing what to wear. Food for thought… hm… how do you change that?

August 30, 2010 at 10:04 am

Cecilia

Interesting question and good answers… I do dress primarily for myself and my husband. I want to feel pulled together and I want him to see that I still care about myself, even though I went of the deep end a few years ago and now am clawing my way back up. But I do have to say that the best part of dressing is to get compliments from others, my family, the other moms, etc… However, at times my “audience” is not very appreciative of my efforts… either that, or I might be delusional about what looks good on me. Hey, that happens, right?

August 30, 2010 at 10:05 am

Laura

(website)

Veteran

What an excellent post! I dress for Angie and the YLF forum

Kidding aside, I always dress for an audience and never just for myself. I have a personal style and translate that look to various audiences, depending what the day calls for.

For example, for a job interview, I wear a black lightweight wool skirt suit, which fits the setting, and to make it “me,” I add a long string of pearls that I wrap around my neck about four times, a silky silver and black blouse, a bright red patent handbag and funky black mary jane pumps. So that’s how my style translates to that setting. It’s appropriate and still “me.” On the playground with my kids – an empire waist casual cotton dress, sandals and a denim vest — totally different, but still me.

August 30, 2010 at 10:17 am

judy

(website)

Such an interesting question, Angie.

I think when we are dressing with an eye to proportion and fit and silhouette, it IS for others. After all, we don’t see ourselves during the day. We FEEL the clothes, so hopefully they fit and don’t bind and support us through our day.

I agree we are probably dressing much more for “others” than we are consciously aware of. If all the worlds a stage, then everyone who sees us is our audience, from the clerk at the grocery store and the bus driver to our friends, family and coworkers. So we need to “play our part” don’t we? That is how it feels to me!

August 30, 2010 at 10:20 am

Debbie

Veteran

This question really make me think. I dress for myself but their are definite influences on that. My husband who may or may not notice.
Work lately there have been comments such as is that new, did you go shopping again….ect So I find myself choosing what I wear to the office carefully.

I also dress for my girls even though they might not notice either. I don’t want to look like them. I want to like me a 50+ professional woman and grandma on the go.

San-Thank-you!

August 30, 2010 at 10:26 am

valleycat1

Thought-provoking! I used to spend a lot more thought & effort in trying to be sure what I was wearing was appropriate to the setting I’d be in. When I hit 50 (several years ago now), I began moving toward wanting to dress as myself in any situation, which has influenced my shopping choices & pared down my wardrobe. So the ‘audience’ in my head isn’t quite as noisy these days, but I’ll probably never fully get away from the thought as to whether I’ll be considered appropriately dressed.

My DH, on the other hand, has for years worn exactly what he wants to & has boiled it down to one standard look (which is VERY casual) for warmer weather & one for cooler. There are few times that he’ll dress differently, & it’s only if he’s going to be in a situation that another person that he admires/respects expects him to have a more polished look.

August 30, 2010 at 10:36 am

melli

what a question! Thanks for asking it. If I’m completely honest I dress competitively. I want to look better than others, show off my sense of color and love of textures.

I work with people so have a large audience. I do not ask for feedback but rather know when I feel good in what I wear I’m prone to get compliments.

We have an elevator with one mirrored wall and the moment I step inside I usually see how my outfit works out …

My partner loves everything I wear indiscriminately so is less an aesthetic help than an alltime moral support.

Well, never thought about these things consciously!

Best wishes,
Melli

August 30, 2010 at 10:36 am

dawn

people i work with, wearing suits everyday i like to spice it up so it not like we are all cookie cutter employees.

August 30, 2010 at 10:42 am

rute

Veteran

I dress for myself, but of course for my hubby too!

August 30, 2010 at 10:43 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Antje, I loved reading your comment. You are a great style role model for your daughter.

Judy, you don’t comment often but when you do it’s always fab. The world *is* our stage, and quite frankly – I love playing my part

Laura, I’m honoured.

August 30, 2010 at 10:58 am

greenglove

(website)

Veteran

I dress for myself, my work environment and my husband (although he does not always notice the difference between two different olive green jackets or brown boots. rust scarves, denim jackets, motojackets etc….)
I dress for creative folks or those interested in creativity. I dress for anyone who notices fashion. I love to see others put things together in interesting and beautiful combinations. I remember when I was a student I noticed a young very put together and hip photo teacher who had on the most basic outfit ( i think it was all brown or another interesting and perfect for her coloring neutral. She was carrying this perfectly shaped muted teal bag that was the most beautiful balance with the monochrome of her outfit. I was mesmerized and inspired for weeks. It was a color and shape lesson. I think about that all the time as an art teacher. I dress carefully for my classes. I want to be deliberate about color, shape and design. I often point out combinations of colors that I am wearing to illustrate a point. People always notice colors that I am wearing which gives me the opportunity to help them- I love that. Dressing for others is an act of generosity.

August 30, 2010 at 11:08 am

marianna

Veteran

Hmm. One of the things I really miss about working is being able to dress up for work and have colleagues notice my outfits. I always loved coming to work well dressed, and seeing what others were wearing. It gave me great pleasure. So, I suppose I dress for others because I love the feedback, but I also dress for myself because I care, and I always have a rotten day when I’m not well dressed. My mood is highly determined by what I’m wearing! Also, I will admit that strangers are my style audience — that is why I never leave the house in loungewear, etc. I want to portray a certain style persona to *everyone*.

August 30, 2010 at 11:22 am

morethanbeige

Veteran

Wow, what a great question and very interesting answers. I believe I dress for myself and others. I feel more alive and engaging if I have taken the time to dress. Others seem to notice too. I seem to actually be more engaged. It feels like showing up for the day and each day is important! I would say that hubby notices in a general way, but mostly notices if I am feeling good about myself (which often coincides with my attire.)

August 30, 2010 at 11:31 am

klauren

Active Member

My audience has changed over the years, but for the most part, I’d say I dress for myself. That is not to say I don’t care about/for other people. If I feel good, comfortable, fashionable, etc – then that is how others then to see me and engage with me (usually). My husband often comments favorably when I’ve taken the time and thought to put together something that makes me feel great. Clients have seen me as capable and interesting when I’m feeling put together. Friends have said great things when I feel I’m looking good. Comments are one of the ways we know our audience likes what they see, actions toward us are some what harder to perceive. So I have to say, I do dress for what makes me enjoy myself more, but the feedback is a measure of how I’m being seen by others.

August 30, 2010 at 11:40 am

judy

Veteran

Aw, thanks, Angie!

Jean, I loved this that you wrote: “Dressing for others is an act of generosity.” That’s lovely.

August 30, 2010 at 11:41 am

Cookie

Active Member

Angie – I have really tried to think about this and I want to give you a precise answer. I have a husband who I hope finds me attractive and I have teenage children whose biggest request is that I not embarrass them. I have friends for whom it is very important to wear the latest trends and friends who have no clue what the latest trend is. I sit on Boards with older women who command respect and formal attire to be taken seriously and I work with younger people whose idea of fashion is beyond my comprehension. But the thing I do that I love most, that brings me the greatest sense of satisfaction, is wedding planning. And what I have learned from that – which I try to instill in my Brides – is to stay true to your most core self. Weddings bring out so many emotions, they bring out cultural differences, religious differences, class issues, educational differences, any type of difference there could ever be. In June I did a Christian/Muslim wedding where it ended up that not a single person from the Groom’s side attended the ceremony or reception. This weekend I did a wedding where the Bride’s best friends caused all kinds of problems because this girl married a man who is so much better educated than any of them and I think their fear of her “leaving them behind” drove them over the edge. What I have come to believe is most important is to consider everyone’s feelings, listen to everyone’s opinions, think about who and what you truly love, look at what the current trends are (wedding fashion and receptions have their “ins” and “outs” too) and then the Bride needs to do what is best for her. I have learned that more “classic” looks photograph well and do not “date” as quickly as trendy looks (especially in attendant dresses or tuxedos) and that can be said for any formal event. I am lucky enough to attend some lovely parties and I try to wear less trendy styles as I have found this keeps my pictures from looking “out” when the next fashion season comes “in”. I know what styles and colors look best on me and that is what I wear. I enjoy keeping current with trends and I find ways to include these in my wardrobe but only in ways that compliment my true style. This is how I dress my Brides. Try on any and every type of gown but wear the one that makes you look the most perfect “you”. When a girl feels truly beautiful she will radiate that and her Groom will be in awe of her. I have seen this over and over. So that is why I say I have come to believe that if I dress to please myself first I am presenting my “best” to any audience I might encounter. If my outfit makes others happy that is icing on the cake but I do not need that to happen for me to feel confident in my choices. I hope this makes sense.

August 30, 2010 at 11:50 am

Maya

Veteran

I dress respectfully for everyone, including total strangers. This includes: Wearing clothes that fit, always maintaining a reasonable grooming and hygiene standard, and being mindful of dress codes and expectations. That’s the minimum I expect from everyone (of course, living in America, that minimum is rarely met). Not everyone is into fashion and wants to invest lots of time and money in their appearance, but I think that minimum is feasible for anyone

However, I go beyond that minimum because I *do* love fashion. This aspect of my style is strictly for me. I put great care into choosing colors, silhouettes, details, and take the time to stay abreast of new styles and trends, for no other reason than that it’s FUN!

I’m sure hundreds of people each day see me and hate what I’m wearing (yes, hundreds–I work and commute in NYC). That’s okay. I have met the minimum standards that I already outlined, and the rest is all subjective. Even within the office where I work, everyone will have different opinions. How do I dress in a way that satisfies all of them? I don’t. I just make sure I am dressed respectfully and within the dress code, as explained above.

I never understood the whole “I dress for my partner/husband” dynamic. We all want to be attractive to our significant others. But if we weren’t, we wouldn’t BE significant others, would we? If my SO hates how I dress and how I look, we wouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with. I do not and never will find a poorly dressed bloke attractive, so the odds of me being in a relationship with one are slim to none. Whenever I hear a woman say “when I first dated <>, he looked like a slob” all I can do is quietly wonder to myself why she dated him in the first place?! To me that shows disrespect and I don’t tolerate disrespect in a relationship!

Small wonder I’m still single

Still, despite being single, I do not dress to attract potential mates (the whole thing sounds so hopelessly primitive..). Rather, I have found that if I dress the way I want to, the way that I truly am, then I will naturally attract the right kind of people to me. Sure I won’t attract an ultra conservative, straight-laced guy…but that’s not who I want to attract, so that’s okay. Maybe I have high standards, but I don’t think it’s so bad. It may take a while but I know in the end I’ll find exactly what I want, and if not, no worries. I love cats :p

August 30, 2010 at 11:52 am

Kate

Veteran

Haha, my immediate response was anyone and everyone who cares.

I dressed “for me” for the first 22 years of my life… ok, my mom dressed me at the beginning, but once I had a say in it I was dressing for me, which meant dressing for comfort and not much else. Now I also dress for my professors, fellow grad students, undergrads I TA for, my boyfriend, and anyone else who notices/cares. In some ways this is all dressing for me: I’m dressing for my professional reputation, my personal reputation, and the happiness I get out of making others happy or maybe even inspiring them with what I wear. I’m certainly not a slave to the opinions of others, but I do put effort and thought into how other people will perceive me without sacrificing my own sense of style and comfort.

August 30, 2010 at 11:53 am

Jenava

I love fashion, and it’s even more fun when you have an audience who cares. I dress for that audience. Currently, I work in fashion retail, so there are a lot of very smart, professional women and men around who are always perfectly turned out. I love to see what my co-workers are wearing and I hope the reservse is also true!

August 30, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Lesa

(website)

I dress for myself, to give my confidence, which I guess means I dress for strangers too. My husband just thinks I look good in whatever I wear, which is good and bad.

August 30, 2010 at 1:16 pm

LegacyOfPearl

(website)

Hard question. I don’t know the exact answer, but I think I dress for fitting in and being respected. If I were to dress only for myself, my daily style would have been a lot different. (Maybe it is a bit of a sad statement, but being honest here.)

Naturally, the first thing is I have to like what I wear and feel confident in it, then the next step is tuning what I pick to who I’m going to spend time with and their norms:
– Work: it has to fit in with the people I work with, i.e., not stick out too much;
– Friends: it shouldn’t make them feel overdressed or under-dressed, i.e., I should take their style and activity as the guide;
– Son: he likes colors and notices my clothes, so I try wear colors when I’m with him all day;
– Husband: depends on the activity, he doesn’t care much, but I still try to impress him daily;
– The list goes on and on… husband’s colleagues, extended family, students, … they all affect my clothing choices.

August 30, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Gaylene

Veteran

The “I dress to please myself” is ALWAYS the first response my students give when I ask the “who do you dress for” question at the start of our nonverbal communication unit. As Angie points out, however, this question is much tougher than it appears.

After showing them a series of people in photographs, and pointing out the similarity of their own clothing choices (jeans, T-shirts, and hoodies), most of my students will admit that the answer is not quite so straight forward. When they look at the photographs, my students make startlingly frank and definite assumptions about the age, nationality, occupation, economic status, attractiveness, and general likability of the people depicted in the photographs. Once they realize how easily and instinctively they labeled others, most admit that they do probably make their clothing and accessory choices using quite defined parameters– parameters that will hopefully cause others to associate them with a desired image, label, or group. In other words, they do dress for others. But, as one student burst out, “I sleep alone, so at least I don’t have to worry about an audience then!” As a class, we declined to explore that one further…

I suspect that most of the women on this site, like me, use the reactions of Angie, and other YLFers, as a benchmark to see if my choices make me look attractive and stylish to the segment of the public who are interested in fashion and style. Given the frequency of “would Angie approve” comments, it is fair to say that her online persona is an influential audience for many of us on this site. But, as some participants have discovered, what works for the YLFers does not always work for other audiences. My most important audiences are those whose perceptions are most vital to my life– my family, my friends, my co-workers, my real-life contacts. It is their reactions to my choices that ultimately guide my decisions as to what I choose to wear in different situations.

August 30, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Sharon

Veteran

I realised how much I dress for other people when I changed jobs this year.

Previously I wore very conservative, professional looking clothes because I had a lot of patient contact. I felt like I didn’t really know how to dress when I finished this job. In my new job I work in operating theatre, so I wear the same as everyone else and the only time anyone sees me in my own clothes is if they happen to run into me in the change rooms.

Not having a defined “audience” actually made it harder for me to decide what to wear, because I really could dress for myself, and that involves having a very clear idea of how you want to look! I suppose my audience now are strangers in the street, my girl friends and my boys at home and YLF.

August 30, 2010 at 1:36 pm

April

Veteran

I dress for myself first, and close behind are all the other members of my style audience: my colleagues; the families I meet with and to whom I often have to deliver difficult news; my son; my YLF forum compatriots (who are in my head even if I’m not photographing my outfit); SO.

When I’m going to a very public place, such as one of the urban train stations where I spend a good chunk of time every month, I also dress to do my tiny part in keeping the public space visually interesting. I’m always appreciative when my fellow passersby are wearing anything intriguing to look at, and it doesn’t have to mesh with my personal style or be expensive or tasteful or even beautiful. All I ask is that it be something my eye wants to linger on for a moment.

It’s not far from what Jean is saying: dressing for others is an act of generosity.

August 30, 2010 at 1:44 pm

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I dress for myself mostly. I am single and looking so I definitely think how I look to the opposite sex. I definitely tone down my look on a first date.
I love unsolicited comments from strangers. I was at a restaurant last week when one of the waitresses complimented my shoes.
But when I’m commuting to work on the bus I dress for comfort and ease of movement. I do miss dressing for work from time to time.

August 30, 2010 at 2:42 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I have thoroughly enjoyed your comments!

Gracey, you hit many nails on their head. I like this part best:

“most admit that they do probably make their clothing and accessory choices using quite defined parameters– parameters that will hopefully cause others to associate them with a desired image, label, or group. In other words, they do dress for others”.

Cookie, thanks for chiming back in. The way you dress is defined by parameters – and it’s these parameters that make your style feel like “you” . But these parameters are not defined by you alone. They are also defined by your surroundings. Its these surroundings that form part of your style audience. You, your family, your husband, the guests at the parties you frequently attend, your Brides and your friends are examples of your style audience. While you ultimately make the final decision to wear an outfit, the cognitive process behind that decision is more complex than we might think. Got my psychological hat on today! I hope that makes sense.

Maya, you need to find a cool cat

August 30, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Tanya

Veteran

What a great and thought provoking question!

I want to sat that I dress for myself only, but ti would not be true. I am also a combination. In my free time that statement would be 90% true. However, at work I do dress for the environmental norm, while trying to keep something that is me. Even outside of work, if the activity involves people from work I will still be much more careful.

August 30, 2010 at 4:12 pm

Meredith

Active Member

I dress for anyone who I might be seeing that day. Whether it is folks at work, other parents at my daughter’s school, or just my family–I like to feel like I’m put together. Ever since I’ve become an Angielista (a term I just made up a second ago), I dress for myself. As dorky as this sounds, I don’t even like to lounge around the house in something I feel is too slovenly. I love the feeling of being put together.

August 30, 2010 at 4:23 pm

tiffany

Like most of the commenters, I’d say first priority is dressing for myself, but I also dress for my kids (so they can see I take care of myself and dress appropriately and ENJOY looking as good as I can) and anyone who might see me during the day. Spouse – I think of him when I’m dressing for a party or to go out together, but not the rest of the time Obviously enough, when I have work/client meetings, I dress more specifically for that audience – I’ll wear heels to make me feel more powerful, wear darker colours, etc …

August 30, 2010 at 4:42 pm

Jeanne Maxon

This question really hit home for me! I LOVE clothes, and when I worked as a school counselor, I enjoyed putting together appropriate but approachable outfits – and I got positive feedback from co-workers and kids. Now I am retired and live most of the year in a rural areal. My clothing choice is pretty low on my husband’s radar. At first I found myself living too many days in sweats and feeling depressed. Now I still go for comfort, but minimal make-up and jeans and sweaters or cute/funky knit tops are the ticket, even if I’m not leaving home that day. I find that I smile at myself when I’m feeling put together, even just at home and for me! Which is a long way of saying, even though retirement shifted my audience somewhat, I can (and do) still have fun with clothes – even when it’s just for me. Thanks for that question!

August 30, 2010 at 4:46 pm

shana

Veteran

I dress for myself and my environment (to some degree). Since I am at home, I don’t really have a regular audience but then again, the whole world is a stage, right? I do dress differently depending on the occasion and spend alot of time thinking about what would be appropriate without sacrificing my own personal style.

August 30, 2010 at 5:25 pm

taylor

Veteran

being in the beauty and fashion biz I dress for many different audiences each day, weather I know them or not, yes that includes strangers..

when my hair clients see me I want them to see someone who has current hair and dressed like I am aware of current fashion…when I am at Ann Taylor I want customers to see just how to wear the items in a fun and fashionable way , when strangers see me I hope they see an older woman who very much cares how she looks, and when my husband and children see me I hope they feel I have enough love and respect for them that I care what they think , even though I know they love me unconditionally.

August 30, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Russian Chic

Angie, are there rules of dressing to look attractive to the opposite sex?
Do they include tight, short, revealing and bright?
If so, than I am dressing for myself mostly. I like quality classic garments with just a touch of drama (backless dress or top, or oversized piece of jewelry) when appropriate. I do not follow trends. I aspire to develop a personal style.
Angie, have you heard about French two-color dressing rule? I would love to find out more about it. Thank you.

August 30, 2010 at 6:17 pm

shell

Active Member

Lots of interesting responses!

I like to dress nice at work because it shows that I take my position seriously; in turn, I hope to be taken seriously. Being the newbie and sort of the “low man on the totem pole” (plus about 15 years younger than everyone else), I need to look more professional and put together than most.

Since I usually am in my lounge wear by the time hubby comes home, I can’t say I dress for him on a daily basis. So when we actually do get to go out and spend time together, you know I’m going to put together a cute outfit! I think there’s a big difference between putting some effort into looking nice when spending time with one’s SO and completely changing one’s look just to make the SO happy.

August 30, 2010 at 7:34 pm

Frances

Active Member

While I mostly dress in a way that is professionally appropriate for my work environment, this always involves choices that suit my personal style and taste. So at the core of it all, I truly do feel that I dress for myself.

However, your provocative question got me thinking, Angie. Truth be told, a part of me is dressing for ghosts from my past. I imagine what my prudish mother and hypercritical sisters might say if they could see me now. Or the people I went to high school with. But my embarrassing (and very unfeminist) confession here is that I sometimes have in mind past boyfriends who have dumped me or men who have rejected me. It’s not that I’m dressing FOR them–it’s more that, as Katiepea so humorously explained on a recent Forum thread, “living well is the best revenge.” And it’s true. When I feel well-dressed and well put-together, there’s a certain “Take that!” kind of attiude about it–like I’ve gained an extra ounce of confidence that keeps kicking all of those hurtful ghosts to the curb. Just as my style is evolving for the better, I am continually evolving as a person and consciously stretching myself beyond my comfort zone to reach for happiness.

August 30, 2010 at 7:43 pm

Joy

Veteran

As I read all the responses so far, I found myselt often nodding in agreement. As a young single woman, I dressed more to please myself than I do now. My DH doesn’t say much about my choices, but I respect his opinions which, BTW, agree with Angie’s…PPL, no frumpy skirt lengths, etc. For him I tame my wild dramatic streak, which isn’t appropriate anyway.
It is important to me to be appropriately dressed for whatever is in my day, but also feeling like I’m looking my best under those parameters. If I’m working with children, I need to look attractive and maybe have a statement piece for interest, yet not let the outfit be distracting. Dressing well also helps command respect.
If I’m with a group of peers, I try to look good but not so different as to look like I’m trying to stand out or make someone look bad by comparison. Still, I need to please myself. If I know most will be wearing mom jeans and tees or sweatshirts with “Worlds’s Best Mum” emblazoned across the front and Reeboks, I’ll wear nice jeans smart-casually with a woven top and jacket, flats or cons and still look non-threatening. Dressing well is, as Jean said so well, an act of generosity. It’s also an act of respect, for others as well as yourself.

August 30, 2010 at 8:53 pm

MsMary

Veteran

I have a job that has me somewhat in the public eye locally, and it’s not uncommon for me to be recognized when I’m out and about. So I dress for the public even when I’m not at work — i.e. I try to look decently pulled together even when I’m running to the grocery store. When I’m actually at work I try to find a balance between looking authoritative and stylish. Although the dress code at work is business formal, I think I push the envelope a little, especially in summer with my beloved cute little skirts and non-matching cute little jackets. So I dress at least as much for myself as for my audience, I think.

DH is usually up and out before I’m stirring in the morning, and I’m usually in gym clothes by the time he gets home, so during the week I don’t dress for him much at all. I do make an effort to wear what he likes on the weekends — he likes me in colors rather than neutrals, and I try to accommodate that to a reasonable degree.

Bottom line: I dress for myself, but with due respect for context.

August 30, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Carey

Oh, definitely for myself. Over time I’ve learned that no matter how many people tell me I look great, I’m miserable in an outfit unless I feel comfortable and true to myself while wearing it.

August 31, 2010 at 4:43 am

Barbara

Veteran

Jumping in here a little late: I have always dressed for myself, but I adjust my personal style rules according to what is appropriate. I don’t think my darling 82-year old mother would understand why I love leopard print tights with my knee-length, fitted denim dress. My fellow design students, however, would totally get it.

August 31, 2010 at 6:24 am

Queen Mum

Veteran

I mulled over this all day yesterday. I think I have some healthy as well an unhealthy motives for the way I dress…
I dress to please myself. I want to feel good about how I look. I am more productive when I feel well put together. I think this is a healthy motivation.
…. but also to be seen by others as stylish, attractive, hip and so on. While I do recognize that it is fine to want others to be pleased with our appearance, the unhealthy part of this is the self-absorbed aspect. I battle to keep this in check.
My husband and kids are also in the mix here. I know they appreciate the fact that I present myself well, but if it boils down to my husbands opinion of an outfit over YLF’s opinion or the opinion of girlfriends.. I take the opinion of my women friends over his.

So, in short, my audience is really everyone. Myself, my family, friends, YLF, the clerk at the grocery store, other mom’s at school. Speaking of which, I gotta run to go help with the magazine drive

August 31, 2010 at 9:13 am

Rachel

I dress mostly for myself, and by that I mean that I buy pieces of clothing that make me happy when I look at them – when I wear a brightly coloured striped skirt, I look down at myself during the day and it cheers me up. This is why I am Team Brights.

August 31, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Lisa

Veteran

My style audience changes with the occasion. During the week I dress for work, to fit in, and garner respect from my superiors. Off work hours I dress most often for myself, and this is always based on my mood. If I’m going out, I dress for the enviornment, again to fit in. A nice restaurant guarantees I’ll be in a nice dress and done up hair and make-up, where as the movies means a pair of jeans, nice top and shoes.

September 1, 2010 at 7:25 am

greenleaf

(website)

Member

in my opinion, the style audience of many people is himself/herself first, as he/she should resepect himself/herself first, then respect others. And fashion can make us more beautiful and confident.

September 1, 2010 at 10:58 pm

quail

Active Member

My first priority is *not* dressing for myself. If it were I’d just be naked all day, haha! I date a lot and my personal & romantic relationships are most important to me so primarily I dress to appear attractive to potential partners. At the same time, I place a premium on expressing myself through my clothing choices – but that’s definitely not the same as simply “dressing for myself”.

My outfit choices are also highly motivated by knowing that other women I know who have excellent taste and are into fashion will see what I wear. As everyone here knows, fashion isn’t (just) about brand names or expensive price tags – it’s fun to see who’s decided to take up which trends, and how Mary Jane has decided to style herself today. Right now, I’m not planning on trying out the waist bag look, for example, but I have one friend I know is going to rock it without even talking to her, because it speaks so closely to her personal sense of style.

September 2, 2010 at 7:41 am

La Musica

Member

I dress for, well, mostly me. : ) sadly: 0
BUT, I do love it when a sybling, parent, friend, or stranger, will complement me on my awesome wardrobe. But I love it without the compliments, too.

July 20, 2011 at 6:58 pm

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

I dress for myself and others. It’s a nice feeling when someone notices an outfit that I lovingly put a lot of thought and effort on and the compliment is the icing on the cake.

March 20, 2014 at 11:15 am

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