The Unexpected Compliment

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Angie is co-founder of YLF and its resident fashion stylist.

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The Unexpected Compliment

— by Angie

on September 20, 2011

From time to time, people receive compliments about one of their physical features or their personal style. After a while a pattern emerges as repeated similar compliments merge with their own self perception and become the things they regard as their strong points. It isn’t necessarily conceited, but similar compliments in future are not unexpected.

And then there is the completely unexpected compliment. This happened to me a few months ago when a very sweet friend, who was looking at my outfit pictures, randomly sent email just to tell me that I had “beautiful knees”. Oh my goodness, I thought. I had never viewed my knees as anything but somewhat knobbly, and well, just there in the middle of my legs. How gracious and thoughtful of my friend to let me know how she felt. It may seem silly, but I now see them in a new light.

Inspired and touched by this exchange, I promptly emailed two other friends and gave them a sincere compliment. Who knows, maybe one of my compliments was even unexpected. It got me thinking about the supportive chain of positive body image that might result if everyone did the same.

Have you received an unexpected compliment about a physical feature or your personal style? I’d love to hear about them in the comments below.

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54 comments · Add a comment

Laura

(website)

Veteran

I was the lucky recipient of one of Angie’s unexpected compliments, and must admit, I was glowing all day. Can’t even remember what the compliment was anymore, but that doesn’t matter — it’s the warm and fuzzy feeling that I can still recall. It works magic!

September 20, 2011 at 3:45 pm

rae

(website)

Veteran

I wrote a little about this on another forum member’s thread. YLF compliments have truly helped me see myself in a whole new light. I no longer dislike my legs, my hair, my thighs… it is a shame our culture is so miserly with compliments, because having this kind of positive feedback earlier would have counteracted a lot of negativity. :T

September 20, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Aziraphale

Veteran

I know what you mean, Angie. Compliments are always nice for the ego, but when they are totally unexpected, it causes you to appreciate something about yourself that you’d never even noticed. It’s happened to me a few times. The funniest one was — of all weird things — my eyebrows. Like your knees, I had never given my eyebrows a moment’s thought — they are just there, and they’re pretty normal, if a little on the blond side. But after someone commented on my ‘perfect eyebrows’ (“What do you mean, you don’t pluck them? They just grow like that??”), I saw them in a new light. I mean, they’re not what I’d call perfect, but gee, they are kind of nice, as eyebrows go, I guess. So now I’m grateful for them, and I never would have been without that compliment.

September 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Velma

Veteran

A former boss once told me that I have great posture. Funny–I always feel that I’m inclined to slouch, especially in the afternoon, after hours in front of my computer . . . so that was unexpected and welcome!

September 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Angela

I received a compliment from someone in my office whom I consider very chic. He is very much a ‘big city boy’ born and bred in Toronto. Several times he has commented that I am very elegant. That is a big compliment to someone who grew up in a town of 2 traffic lights, it made me feel great.

Now I’m quicker to compliment others, I think we assume people know they look nice but that is not always true.

September 20, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Allison

Active Member

I didn’t expect to get compliments on my sky high wedge/ booties from all the middle aged conservative women at my office Looks like they have fashionistas hiding somewhere inside them. I loved this post because it reminded me to compliment others when I appreciate something because I love getting sincere/ unique compliments.

September 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

When I was plus size, a good friend of mine said I had great legs.

September 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Ginny

Veteran

I have gotten complimentsbefore and.esp. from DH but this last week.he has.randomly.told.me.you.know your wardrobe has really gotten better you are.looking really stylish lately . I think He is so happy I am no longer wearing his shirts!!!!! Lol

September 20, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Erin

Veteran

Such a timely thread for me today. As I was walking into work today (sans scrubs) one of the heads of the school that I work for stopped me and commented on how nice I looked today. I have to say that I held my head a little higher for the rest of the day!

September 20, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Linda

I once had a stranger tell me I was inspiring her to stop coloring her hair. I wasn’t sure how to feel about this because it made it clear that everyone notices the gray right away, but I decided it was a compliment.

September 20, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Vildy

Veteran

Well, I *give* compliments all the time, every day. And I like so many things that I compliment all kinds of people and not just about their clothing selection or appearance. I might tell a skateboarding kid that he has amazing balance.

I get a lot of compliments, too. One neighbor told me I inspired her to make more of an effort to dress better. Once, a fella I was then engaged to took me to meet an older aunt and she said I had lovely ears! hunh?

I don’t have the body issues lots of women have. When I was in high school I weighed about 97 pounds, wore a size 3 and had large muscular thighs. I’m short, too. The idea we’re shown is always those long, lean thighs. Even back then. I sure knew I didn’t have them and how much less could I weigh? My then boyfriend told me how sexy my thighs were. I had never considered this idea but I took his word for it and never looked back. So I’m probably the only woman in America without Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue thighs who’s not worried over that.

I used to have wide in diameter, separated flat breasts. A college boyfriend told me they were “perfect.” I didn’t believe it for a minute. But some years later I was browsing through a remaindered picture book of the shape of women’s breasts and thought, “You know, he’s right.”

September 20, 2011 at 6:39 pm

(website)

Veteran

This is great! I was told a few years back that I had a great smile. Well, never having had braces, and the crooked teeth to go with it, I found that quite surprising. Delightfully so!

September 20, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Mellllls

I wore a dress today and last week that I don’t absolutely love and got compliments both days. Can’t say it didn’t change my opinion of the dress!

September 20, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Francesca

A friend of my daughter’s told her that she had “elegant earlobes”. I’m not sure if she meant it tongue-in-cheek — I mean, who notices earlobes?! But my daughter was so tickled by the comment (it’s unexpected nature, humor & originality, rather than the physical feature itself), that it served to cement their friendship.

September 20, 2011 at 6:56 pm

sarah

Veteran

Well, when you yourself told me I was on Team Legs, I was rather blown away. As a short person, I’ve always thought of my legs (although muscular) as “stubby”. So, thank you for that.

I loved a recent column by Sal (Already Pretty) about compliments, and it prompted me to try to dole them out more, as well. It was very liberating for me to tell my sister, of whom I’ve often felt jealous regarding style, body, etc., that she looks terrific in a bikini. It was wonderful to just let go of my insecurities about my own style and body and say something complimentary to someone else. I’ve vowed to do it more often.

September 20, 2011 at 7:21 pm

sarah

Veteran

And of course you set a terrific example, Angie! That’s what this place is all about.

September 20, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Active Member

The one that always catches me off guard is when someone compliments me on my long “artistic” fingers.

September 20, 2011 at 8:13 pm

ironkurtin

Veteran

Gee, I guess I always remember the negative ones. The compliments I remember aren’t about how I look, since those always seem to be about what I’m wearing as opposed to about me. Hm. Compliments about me, not an item…

– My shrink in NYC years ago told me I was one of the strongest people he’d ever met (emotionally). Yay strong me!

– My trainer told me today he was baffled as to how to strengthen my core more because I’m already so strong there none of the exercises work. Yay strong me X 2!

– Once in college a girl told me enviously I always looked good in my jeans. I fed off that one for years, I’ll tell you. (Pats back.)

– A boy walked into a pole once looking at my legs. I assume it was my legs, and not my shoes, because his girlfriend was pissed!

This is fun, now I’m remembering more nice incidents. What a lovely topic!

September 20, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

These are a great read. Thanks for sharing, ladies. Power to you all!

September 20, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

It happened today as I was at New York & Company buying Amy’s double-pocket silky blouse. The young sales clerk told me I could really wear red (I had on my Ann Taylor thin silk and nylon red cardigan). Then, she looked at my blue jeans and told me she liked those and asked me the brand. I told her they were GAP 1969 jeans and she was short and had short legs, like me, and was thrilled to see they fit in the leg length. I told her that while I love J. Brand jeans (probably TMI), that these GAP 1969 jeans were great for the price. But, what I loved about this exchange, is that we were both energized by the conversation, and we’re years apart in age, and there was this wonderful sharing going on, which left us both feeling good as we left each other’s company. It was a nice moment.

September 20, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Kate

Veteran

Oh Angie, you are so right about the power of the unexpected compliment.

Riding the metro home after work one afternoon, a young woman, probably in her early 20s, admired my outfit — of which I was justly proud, then being very interested in fashion and working hard on my style — and said wistfully, ‘You have such style, I wish I knew how to do that.’

That young woman made my day, and taught me a valuable lesson in the process: Never be stingy with compliments. I’ve put that lesson into practice every day for the past 25 years and it never fails to bring me joy when I can give someone else that feeling of unexpected delight that I was a recipient of so long ago.

Happily, I’ve received many compliments over the years, but few I treasure as much as that one.

September 21, 2011 at 12:57 am

Lynne

Veteran

Wonderful read, and Vicki, your post makes my heart glow!

My most unexpected compliment came from a client at work, who, when making her appointment with the receptionist, referred to me as “the attractive one” because she couldn’t remember my name. This was SO unexpected, as my colleague, no kidding, was Barbie Doll gorgeous. And I mean that in a wonderful way; she had an identical twin and together, they were off the natural beauty meter. I was blown away when the story was relayed to me.

I guess it reinforced that attractiveness is a package, not a photograph, and is entirely in the eye of the beholder.

I’ve never forgotten the ladies compliment,

September 21, 2011 at 4:06 am

Irene

Veteran

I’ve been told I have beautiful knees and feet. I had never paid attention to my knees or feet. I also have gotten compliments on my difficult, stubborn and unmanageable wavy fine hair, which I don’t quite like most of the time. I’ve been also told I have ugly knees and feet, though. Oh, well, guess you can never please everyone.
I compliment people on smiles, eyes, waists (women), shoulder lines and freckles. Those are the things that always get my attention first when I see someone

September 21, 2011 at 4:14 am

Astrid

Veteran

The most unexpected compliment I ever got was when I still had a pixie cut and a friend told me I had the cutest perfect little ears!

I often get complimented on my smile and I’m very happy about that. It just makes me want to smile more! And my dentist once honestly told me she was looking forward to every scheduled check-up because it would be a joy to look at my set of teeth.

But the best thing of all wasn’t achieved with one single compliment, it was a group effort. YLF and the compliments I got here helped me to accept my pear-shaped body – I no longer fear my curvy bottom half!

September 21, 2011 at 4:18 am

kimlee

Veteran

My sister-in-law recently told me that I was so “classic and elegant” in the manner in which I dress. I was suprised since those are not too words that I tend to think of when describing my style. Her kind words had me smiling for the remainder of the day.

September 21, 2011 at 4:31 am

Anya

I gave recently an ( I think ) unexpected compliment to the cashier girl at the grocery store . I was just pooping in for some pasta, and while in line I was just blown away by her beautiful eyeglasses. They were cat-eyed, not cartoonishly big, but not to small, black with white and red stripes on the inside . She had big Spanish like features, big black eyes, and those frames were jewelery for her face! So when I payed, I just told her: Your glasses are reaally nice! And they suit you so well! And she lit up ! I was afraid of offending her, but she seemed genuinely happy. I was inspired after that to compliment more when I feel it. Share the love!
As the compliments go, a girl complimented me on my nails. She said : They are so elegant an classy! I never thought people have such nails. As a person who was convinced I have stumpy fingers and nails, it really made my day!

September 21, 2011 at 4:32 am

lyn67

Veteran

For me it happened just a cupple a weeks ago.

I was returning a pair of boots to the store, and the girl there(clearly in her late twenties) was talking to me so kind and smiley only a bit more informal as expected from stuff (but not rude). I mean as like I would be the same age with her…
I wasn’t sure at first glance if it surely was a compliment for me(at 44), but decided so, and totally made my day! :-))
(I guess it was my white denim jacket and crossbag, plus the wedges I wore:-))).

September 21, 2011 at 6:01 am

lyn67

Veteran

Forgot to say, it’s a strong habit of me to compliment others, inclusive my employees, usually on good job or even smart clothes .
I can’t help, but even when see an error, I start with what’s good, than ask for improving. (I guess it’s occupational disease-if that’s makes sense).
Sometimes have to restrict myself for not complimenting so often, cuz I may be considerred weird, in my business:-((.

September 21, 2011 at 6:07 am

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I have been known to compliment strangers on an item they’re wearing — I like to hear it, so I bet they do too!

I’m much better about accepting compliments graciously than I was when I was younger. Certain things I’m used to hearing (comments on my eyes, hair, etc.), but one on particular took me by surprise on a visit to San Diego a couple of years ago. I wandered into the boutique of a former Project Runway contestant, Gordana, and she was there. I was happy to have stumbled upon her shop, but it was just about closing time, so I didn’t have time to try anything on, although she and I chatted for a little while.

Out of the blue, she told me, “You have very nice skin,” which completely took me off guard because I’d started to really see signs of my 40s creeping into my face (ah, the years of battling not only wrinkles but breakouts!). Still, it was a nice compliment.

It still makes me laugh when my husband tells me I have a cute butt — my backside is so flat! I am like the anti-JLo!

September 21, 2011 at 6:30 am

cjh

(website)

Veteran

It’s fun reading all these stories, and starts the day with a smile on my face, just like when receiving an unexpected compliment.

When I was in college (YRS ago!), my roommate told me I had a pretty back. That was a surprise, but nice to hear.

When my grown daughters and some of their friends and I were talking about manicures, and the fact that I never use nail polish on my fingernails, and just keep them pretty short and smooth, one daughter said, “Mom’s nails always look so nice.”

I do get complimented on my smile, which always makes me want to smile more. Once when I was a very young engaged girl, my now-husband’s boss complimented me on my propensity to blushing all the time. ?? But that is a sweet memory.

September 21, 2011 at 7:01 am

Antje

Veteran

The most unexpected compliment I once got was that I had “great ears”. Huh. I had never even looked my ears in a critical or appreciate way. And I still don’t think of them as “great”, though I’m a bit more aware of them and happy that someone likes them

September 21, 2011 at 8:19 am

Liz Y

Active Member

One of the most unexpected compliments that I have ever received came from my ex-husband’s second wife. She told me I was very peaceful to be around. I had to check to make sure my mouth was not hanging open!

September 21, 2011 at 8:23 am

Mimi

I have a strong, crooked nose which in my teens I used to be very unhappy about. When I met my current partner, one night, when we were lying in bed he suddenly said: Turn around, I want to look at your profile, I love looking at it.
That was when I decided to keep him …

September 21, 2011 at 8:38 am

ruthe

Active Member

My doctor’s office uses those thermometers that takes temperatures in the ear. The nurse told me I had delicate, little ears and that really made me feel good as I’m in my sixties. I love wearing my hair in a pixie cut now because of that compliment. I try to pass along compliments to others because of how good it makes me feel. That’s a compliment in itself, don’t you think?

September 21, 2011 at 8:46 am

Julia

(website)

I second (or third) the ears compliment… they’re just ears, you know? Not very large or sticking out, but otherwise unremarkable.

But the best, absolute very best compliment I’ve EVER received was from the very young, clothes loving French girlfriend of a good friend, who said… what did she say? I don’t remember exactly, but it went like “you always look so good”.

Who, me?

That day I was wearing black flared pants, black pointed slightly wedged leather maryjanes, white cotton button down shirt (I think), a fit stretch denim jacket, multicolored beaded necklace and an orange Baekgaard leather tote. Long good looking hair too (oh those were the days…)

Except for the shoes and the shirt, everything I wore had been so cheap… the jacket, Gap Stretch had been $5 at a garage sale, the pants $10 in Marshall’s, the bag $15 in Marshall’s (with a broken zip I repaired), and the necklace maybe $8 in H&M.

Well, the compliment had me humming for days and is still kind of an inspiration. The necklace beads lost their colors, the shirt is not crisp anymore, and my post pregnancy body doesn’t fit the pants so well or has my hair shining these days… but I feel just French Fab when I wear parts of that ensemble that lifts my spirits immediately.

Now that I wrote this I remember that I got a compliment from a neighbor (we had just moved in) also with a “you always look so elegant” while wearing the shoes, jacket and bag (with grey linen pants, again $5 from a second hand store and a pink scarf), so when I wear these items together… I might mean business!

September 21, 2011 at 8:48 am

Charmian

Veteran

Oh, this is so me! I mentioned something similar a few months ago on the forum (http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....body-parts): my eyes have gotten into the habit of going straight to my flaws or a very small set of features that I consider positives.

The unexpected compliment — especially the specific one, which tells you the giver has been thinking about it for a while — just hits me out of nowhere! It takes me a _long_ time to wrap my head around them

September 21, 2011 at 9:12 am

DragonflyJane

Active Member

What a great post – so many positive vibes! I had an unexpected compliment a few weeks ago. I was browsing the dressmaking patterns at a local store when an older lady sidled up to me and said, “you look lovely in that blouse” before turning away to speak to the sales assistant. I was doubly thrilled because it’s a new colour & shape for me (mustard, sheer with a pussy bow but very loose & longer at the back) and earlier I had overheard 2 ladies saying how much they hated the colour of a very similarly coloured top just as I walked past! I also love to compliment others.

September 21, 2011 at 9:29 am

Carol

I once dated a man who commented that I had “lovely hands”. I had never thought of my hands that way before, and I was flattered with such an intriguing compliment that was not sexualized. I still think of that remark to this day.

September 21, 2011 at 10:16 am

Scarlet

Veteran

It is interesting to read other people have had their ears commented on as well. I have been told more than once that I have beautifully shaped ears. I always thought that was odd–I never thought about ears twice.More important to my self-esteem though was a recent unexpected compliment–someone said I am naturally self-confident. This was in a professional skills training session where someone was at a loss to give me constructive criticism about how I present myself. I was so surprised but flattered because I don’t think of myself that way, but I am pleased if that is how I come across. I don’t compliment strangers very often, except sometimes if I see someone in a store trying something on and not being sure about it. If I think it looks fantastic I will say so.

September 21, 2011 at 10:50 am

san

Veteran

This is fun to recall unexpected compliments.

I was told a couple of times that I carry myself gracefully. I was shocked because I thought of myself as a klutz.

Another unexpected compliment that I think of once in a while was when a dermatologist told me I have a cute little nose. I was quite flattered because I thought well she does see lot’s of noses.

September 21, 2011 at 11:29 am

Saretta

(website)

Active Member

I, like many others have said, always compliment people rather randomly throughout the day. If I think something nice about another person, it just seems right to tell them.

When I was in college I often heard, “nice a&@!” which I did not appreciate. I thought “only that”? What about my eyes, my smile, my hair…nothing?

A female friend once told me I had sexy hands. That really left me perplexed! And a student once told me I had the perfect nose…my nose is fine, I suppose, but I had never thought of it as anything special before!

September 21, 2011 at 11:57 am

nancylee

Veteran

This morning in my Beginner ESL class, I asked my students to make one positive statement and one negative statement (we’re learning the grammar of the verb “be”) and my Moroccan student said of me:

“You are beautiful. You are not ugly.”

For someone who’s just learning English, this counts as a compliment!

September 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Well I love giving and getting compliments, and have to say that I’ve been getting a lot more lately since I joined YLF! Someone at work told me “You look like you just stepped out of a Vogue magazine.” And I was posting some pics on my mommy board and someone posted, “GP – you are my new fashion inspiration! I love the looks that you are trying out, and I’m trying to use it as motivation to branch out myself!” And I think people posted similar compliments on my recent thread about experimenting with new looks.

Well that really makes my day, because I’ve been on the receiving end of so much fashion inspiration from you guys since I joined, that it’s nice to finally be able to repay the favor!

September 21, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Laurie

Veteran

Great timing! I was going to post about this anyway.

Was on a plane home from Boston Monday, tired, glad to be in the seat with my bag in the overhead.

A male flight attendent – middle-aged, regular kind of man, was doing the usual boarding prep stuff. I wasn’t paying attention, reading or something, and he stopped and said something to me that I didn’t catch.

He repeated it : “You win the wardrobe award for the plane today!”

So nice!

(Janet — I was wearing the Jones striped blazer that we both have!)

September 21, 2011 at 5:23 pm

rachylou

Veteran

Knees… my ex-boss once told me unexpectedly… that I had fat knees! Fat knees!

Ahahaha! Ok, he was only taking the mickey out of me, and it WAS just so bizarre it was hilarious.

Seriously, though, the most unexpected compliment I ever received and that sort of changed my thinking was from a child. She said I was very patient.

Yes, well… maybe only with children, *ahem*.

September 21, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Lisa

Veteran

Compliments always make a person feel good. Especially when they are unexpected. I try to give them out from time to time, even to a complete stranger. You never know when a compliment can change someone’s day.

September 21, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Meredith

Active Member

Yes! A gal the other told me I had nice calves…I just about fell over. After getting over the 2 second shock of the rather odd compliment, it sunk in, and I felt overwhelming gratitude to this gal. My horrible ex used to tell me that my calves were fat, and since then I have always been horribly conscious of my legs. I still have a very low opinion of them, but this one little compliment just made me feel so fabulous.

Angie–you do have nice knees, and you are the Bees Knees.

September 21, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Mainelady

Veteran

A totally unexpected compliment came my way while I was on vacation. I was walking from the pool area back to my room when a woman approached me and said, ” You look beautiful! It is so nice to see someone dressed up, instead of looking sloppy.” I was wearing a sheer ankle length sarong, patent wedge sandals and some simple jewelry along with my bathing suit. Given that my 50 year old self was swimming in a sea of tanned, toned and trim 20 and 30 year olds, I felt amazing. That comment still makes me smile.

September 22, 2011 at 2:51 am

Bianca

Veteran

Awww! Love hearing stuff like that! No unexpected complement comes to mind at the moment for myself.

September 22, 2011 at 8:14 am

Sihaya

Veteran

What a great topic and idea to consider passing forward. I was surprised the first time someone told me I had beautiful eyes. Up until then I had never given my eyes much thought and thought they were rather small.

September 22, 2011 at 7:20 pm

LeahJanes

Compliments are like food for me. I love them so much and I just can’t get enough! I’m happy to admit that. I like to pay compliments too though so I feel that I pay it forward pretty regularly.

The latest unexpected compliment was from a friend that said I looked like something from a Prada ad. She had previously told me she didn’t like that campaign so I feel like she meant it in a funny way, nonetheless it really made my heart sing as I freaking loved Prada this year!

September 23, 2011 at 8:23 am

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Yesterday I was at the OBGYN and he complimented me on my ovaries! From time to time I have heard nice things about my body from boyfriends over the years (sometimes not without a motive behind them, lol). But this “compliment” made me chuckle and made me feel good at the same time too.

September 23, 2011 at 11:51 am

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Denise, that made me LOL! Much better than the doctor at my last mammogram/sonogram who told me I’m a “cyst-maker.”

September 24, 2011 at 9:51 am

Barbara

Veteran

The most interesting compliment I ever received was from a male colleague – a rather good-looking one a few years younger than me. He told me I was “elegant.”

Wow. It made me feel like Audrey Hepburn!

September 24, 2011 at 2:08 pm

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