Practice Body Confidence

About the Author

Angie is co-founder of YLF and its resident fashion stylist.

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Practice Body Confidence

— by Angie

on June 28, 2023

Style is enhanced by confidence, and confidence comes more easily when you are comfortable with your body. Develop a healthy relationship with the way it looks and feels. If being body positive is too much of a stretch, strive to be body neutral.

When clothing, footwear and accessories do not fit straight off the rack, something is wrong with the items, not your body. Search for pieces that are worthy of you and fit your figure. Alter items as needed and experience the joy of superb fit.

Be compassionate and kind to your body. Build body confidence by surrounding yourself with people who have a positive outlook and appreciate you for who you are. Embrace your unique shape and empower others to do the same.

Style Nuggets

35 comments · Add a comment

Forum conversations about this post

Wiw: Serving 70s lewk — by bj1111
Wouldn't it be good... — by April

morethanbeige

Veteran

So true. I can’t hear this enough. I need to use it as a mantra until I finally start practicing it in my behavior. Thank you Angie.

June 28, 2023 at 4:18 am

April

Veteran

Well said, hard to do, worth practicing.

June 28, 2023 at 4:19 am

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Yes, absolutely.

I wish this message had been more prevalent during my formative years. Instead we were inundated with the idea of the “perfect size x” (which in today’s sizing would surely be a 0 or 2), and the female ideal shift from Twiggy to Bo Derek was somehow seen as celebrating some kind of body diversity, LOL. And diet culture was HUGE in my parents’ generation. Think the Mad Men scenes when Betty talks about “reducing.” No one talked about celebrating what our bodies could DO. I didn’t really appreciate that until I was well into my 40s and started running, the first athletic pursuit of my life.

The older I get, the more focused I am on taking care of my body for health. I still have more than my fair share of vanity, but try to keep it in perspective. Thanks for the reminders, Angie.

June 28, 2023 at 4:32 am

aloha emily

Active Member

Love your perspective so much, Angie! YLF is one of the places I come to maintain the positive self image and happy thoughts about style. Your posts and the pics you choose to illustrate outfits give me a boost every single time!

June 28, 2023 at 4:48 am

suntiger

Big yay to focusing on what the body can do, instead of just what it looks like! My shape is definitely not what I want it to be, but my health is good, and I do a lot of different fitness activities. I just accept that I’m best off to buy clothes that can work over a range of sizes.

June 28, 2023 at 4:59 am

RobinF

Veteran

Such a necessary reminder. I struggle with body image and always have. I try to ignore that inner voice saying mean things to me but easier said than done. I need to practice saying kind things!

June 28, 2023 at 5:06 am

Helena

Veteran

A-freakin-men to this!! After my mom died I leaned into exercise and movement to cope. I would often think, I am doing this for both of us since she can’t anymore. Our bodily existence is such a precious gift. Thanks Angie for your positivity and light xoxox

June 28, 2023 at 5:31 am

Eliza

Veteran

Yes to all you say, Angie. Appreciating what you have (in every direction) makes life better. All of us can work to improve the messaging as Janet was describing and support creators that are more inclusive. There is no one ideal anything and yet, fashion remains prone to a focus on however it is currently seen. Hurrah for ylf’s consistent attitude towards all of the dilemmas.

June 28, 2023 at 5:44 am

LJP

Veteran

My mother lived on Tab and cottage cheese. The Mad Men diet for sure. I am reminded every.single.day at work how lucky I am to have excellent health and to be able to do the exercise I do. I still fight the notion that clothing looks better on a lithe, tall figure . which took decades to become ingrained and is just as hard to let go of. I am thankful the younger generation (i.e. women my daughter’s age) don’t buy into that notion like we did.

June 28, 2023 at 6:17 am

rachylou

Veteran

Straight up (!)

June 28, 2023 at 6:22 am

Dee

Veteran

I certainly agree, I’m glad the messaging is finally changing, people are all so unique, there should never be just one ideal.

June 28, 2023 at 6:28 am

cat2

Veteran

Oh dear, lots of baggage to unpack here. I loved gymnastics and cheerleading but was told I couldn’t progress to the next level in each because I didn’t have the right physique. It wasn’t until recently, with Simone Biles’ generation that I saw anyone like me permitted to succeed. I am glad the current generation of athletes has role models who are strong and not required to look like ballet girls. Don’t even get me started on the fashion industry’s bizarre obsession with coat rail thin models; if you can’t design clothing that looks good on anything other than a hanger, you should retire your sketch pad and bad attitudes about real women.

June 28, 2023 at 7:01 am

Nikki

Thanks for the beautiful and beneficial information! Your composition rings true

June 28, 2023 at 7:18 am

unfrumped

Veteran

Very necessary reinforcement, Angie.

I think it is perhaps misguided, though understandable, to reassure someone that body is “ perfect hourglass “ or “ perfectly proportional” since that may imply is better than other shapes.

It can also be fraught to use the “ fruits and shapes” descriptors”. Curvy bs straight may be less so. I still think they are useful as an explanation for why some clothing styles are harder to fit, or may need tailoring, or deciphering the descriptions of fits. Or why someone doesn’t like how an outfit looks and wants guidance on reaching a goal. So it doesn’t bother me, and also I’m able to see the gradations of the shape spectrum and not feel pigeon- holed or limited, but may be sensitive for others.

So some things depend on the audience and where someone “is” in terms of history, style journey. But body acceptance and confidence are always good foundations for fashion.

June 28, 2023 at 7:39 am

The Cat

Veteran

Hear, hear!

June 28, 2023 at 7:49 am

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Well-said! It can be useful to understand our general line or shape, but only if we can let go of the carping voices inside (and outside) that tell us we are inadequate in some way.

June 28, 2023 at 8:17 am

nuancedream

Veteran

Truth! When I developed Graves disease in 2017 and lost approximately 15% of my body weight and a lot of muscle, I was praised by an unamed family member for being a “nice” size. I was 5’8 and weighed 108 lbs!! Graves disease is in remission and I’m thankful each and every day to be strong, healthy and confident. In fact, I was lifting and moving 60lbs bags of concrete mix yesterday. Skinny Minnie couldn’t do that.

June 28, 2023 at 8:23 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and personal stories. Meaningful, supportive and inspirational

I’ll be back in a bit to comment more fully. In the meantime, PRACTICING body confidence was a very deliberately used adjective. It can be hard to feel comfortable and confident with our bodies. We have all experienced negative body image at one point, I will wager. Practicing good thoughts, or at least neutral thoughts about our bodies is a good place to start. With most things on life, practice makes perfect. I am a believer in tenacious practice and discipline (and sometimes learned the hard way). It can make all the difference in one’s perspective on life and our enjoyment of it.

June 28, 2023 at 8:36 am

nancylee

Veteran

Such a lovely and positive reminder, Angie!

June 28, 2023 at 8:47 am

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Well said, Angie! The last sentence I read two ways, both of which I like. “Empower others to do the same” at first suggested to me that by embracing my unique shape (and projecting confidence), I’m empowering others to embrace my unique shape, too–an idea I really like! Then I saw it could be read in the spirit of setting an example so that others can embrace their own unique shapes–also a worthy goal.

June 28, 2023 at 9:12 am

Bonnie

Veteran

It took me some time to learn this and you and YLF were the catalyst to my understanding this important fact.

June 28, 2023 at 9:15 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks for your positive thoughts!

BLESS everyone’s healthy bodies. Long may they last.

Janet and LJP, I’m in awe of how much more body confident Gen Xer’s and Millennials are than previous generations like ours. It is VERY welcome!

Aloha Emily and Helena, that is high praise, thank you!

cat2, it is my ongoing wish for the fashion industry to showcase a diverse set of body types online and on catwalks.

Suz and Eliza, wise words as always!

Nuancedream, onward to increased strength.

June 28, 2023 at 9:22 am

kj2008

I like your perspective on this! I think my body is good, but sometimes I struggle with fit. I might have made a good Rosie the Riveter. But yes, style is possible & even fun.
It’s just that occasionally I get into projects like making my own wedding dress.

June 28, 2023 at 10:53 am

Echo

Veteran

I am not sure that any adult woman is free of the perceived pressures from society to look (and act, and speak, and exist) a certain way. I have tried so hard to raise my own daughter with the phrase in fitting rooms, “That’s just not fab enough for you!” to make it all about the clothes and not her body. I am not confident I have been totally successful, as I battle my own inner demons about it, but I did the best I knew how.

And even as I try to embrace the idea of appreciating what my body can do, I still find myself slipping into thoughts that it could do more if I were thinner, younger, taller, shaped differently, etc. It takes constant redirection of my thoughts to stay in the here and now and appreciate what I have.

I don’t know whether my DD is an exception or the rule for her generation, but I applaud her ability to see something different in the mirror from what I was raised thinking was “good” and love it. I often wait to see her reaction to something before expressing an opinion because she embraces her body in a different way. Additionally she isn’t hung up on body hair the way I am (another whole can of worms and baggage from my own upbringing that I still dutifully carry).

To put it further in perspective, my DD mentioned how she wanted to avoid buying clothes this summer as she wanted to start a fitness program. I told her I thought she looked fab as she is, but if she wanted to get fitter that was a great goal. My own mother mentioned to me the last time I saw her how she saw a young woman who looked like my DD but was about 20 pounds thinner, and it made her happy to see what my DD might look like if she lost weight. I was just seething inside, and told her in the kindest way I knew how that under absolutely NO circumstances was she EVER to say anything like that in front of my DD, and that she was healthy and perfect the way she is.

So that’s the kind of attitude I was raised with and I still battle it daily. I love my mum, but she is 84, and she isn’t going to change. I won’t berate her for her antiquated opinions, but I cannot say they don’t still affect me, either.

June 28, 2023 at 11:07 am

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Thank you Angie, I know this internally but as some of my recent struggles have shown, I also need to practice it. I’m sure I will get plenty more opportunities to do so.
I’m happy that I tried hard with my daughters to push back against unrealistic body and beauty standards, think their attitudes are fairly good in this social media obsessed society.

June 28, 2023 at 1:07 pm

Sal

Veteran

I agree – practice and voice positivity – and I think it becomes real. By luck despite having a Mum who herself had some body issues, I have escaped them. She didn’t hand them on to me and I feel very grateful. I am a rarity in my friend group and have differences with my sisters who view things differently. I say lucky but I have fought hard not to talk about diets or size or other peoples bodies and pull people in person up on criticism of them self or others. It has worked.

June 28, 2023 at 1:20 pm

kkards

Veteran

it’s nice to be reminded that each of us is unique and there is no “right or wrong” body or shape. Thank you

June 28, 2023 at 5:12 pm

Bijou

Veteran

I have body issues and it goes back generations. My Nan would take diet pills daily, Mum lived on tuna and cottage cheese…. If I gained weight my Mum would point it out, it was her way of being ‘helpful’ because in her eyes I looked so much better being slim. She even tried to convince me to get liposuction, DH had a fit and said that I was perfect and that there was no way I needed it. Needless to say, I have a lot of work to do in this area, whenever I put on weight I feel like I have let myself down.

June 28, 2023 at 5:16 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Bijou, you have a wonderful hubs. LISTEN TO HIM

kj2008, NICE!

kkards,

Sharan, thanks for sharing the dual meaning of the last sentence. Even better!

Echo, thanks for sharing your heartfelt feelings. You are doing an incredible job of instilling body confidence in DD. I’m impressed! She is a lucky person to have your loyal, unwavering, and positive support.

Jenni, your children’s attitudes are an excellent example of your fantastic encouragement and successful practicing!

Sal, WELL DONE! You are amazing.

June 28, 2023 at 6:12 pm

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I truly credit you Angie, and YLF for helping me with my self acceptance practice on so many fronts – body acceptance included. And I agree with the comments about Gen Z. Nothing makes me feel more “boomer” (and I am Gen X!) than seeing them rail against the diet culture that I, and so many of us, took for granted.

June 28, 2023 at 7:07 pm

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Jaime, that is a joy to hear

June 29, 2023 at 6:18 am

Rejoiceandbe

Active Member

As someone who has had health issues for the past 10 years and whose body is currently undergoing one of its periodic flare ups, I find it helpful to acknowledge that even a malfunctioning body is worthy of being cared for. Dressing for comfort and stylish pleasure helps mitigate some of the physical unpleasantness.

June 29, 2023 at 9:54 am

Tina

Active Member

Thanks for the reminder. I’m working on this and so is my 80 year old mother. It doesn’t help that my body shape has changed a lot in my 50s! Things that used to feel great don’t anymore because my middle is thicker and any weight gain is going to my middle vs. my bootie.

In my 40s, I used to end up in tears after trying on bras at department stores. I felt deformed because nothing fit right (even though most people would have said I was blessed in the “boobage” department). Now I order online and send them back if they don’t fit. Still hard to find bras that work (full cups but narrow shoulders) — but that’s the bra designers fault, not mine.

June 29, 2023 at 10:49 am