This is very timely. I turn 30 in May and on Saturday my BF jokingly said to me “once you turn 30 you won’t be able to wear short skirts like that” I laughed and said i fully intended to wear short skirts and come to that leg warmers and skinnies! But it did get me thinking about what age these things do become inappropriate is it just when we feel uncomfortable in them?

I too have been mystified as to why women are so offended by this assertion. I think changing your dress as you age should be a natural change just as you change your makeup from glossy smack of teenage hood and from frilly Easter-style dresses of little-girlhood. I am headed into my later thirties so I have already hit that point when many say dressing style should change to reflect age. I am also a mother,wife,and professional. Obviously for some what reflects change will be different than for others.for me it meant no supertight revealing clothes even though I may be able to pull some of it off(with some supportive undergarment help!). For others it may mean no more colorful hair dye,or super-platform shoes etc.I accept it will be individual for each woman,and no one wants to feel like she is being TOLD how to dress.but this for me is part of growing older with grace and accepting new bodies and stages/roles in life. Whether we like it or not clothes do convey a sense of age.

I think age appropriateness varies with culture (and climate) as well.

It can also work both ways — sometimes people can wear things/styles that prematurely age them. I have a friend who was wearing an old shapeless wool coat and a big shawl like scarf when we went to the movies last month. They charged me regular ticket price — she got the seniors discount (and she has not yet turned 50). I think that shocked her into making some changes!

I think you’ve nailed it, Angie. Few people like to be lumped in with their entire age group, when personal style can have more to do with personality than chronology. And I really do think that there aren’t any hard-and-fast rules about age-appropriate dressing. General guidelines are one thing, but true rules? Nah. Lifestyle, personal style, and body image all play huge roles in what looks good on a woman in her prime, and women who know that bristle when they’re told what they can and cannot wear.

Age is just a touchy subject overall. In order to address age appropriate dressing, you have to admit to your age and the changes your body has gone through- not an easy thing!

As an over-60 I’ve observed this problem in friends and aquaintances and formed a couple of theories. Of course almost every woman wants to look younger than her age after 30 or so.
*The ones that seem most desperate to try to wear the tight sexy low-cut look are often those who were known for their sexy good looks as teens. I know women who have never really moved on from when they were the popular cheerleader in highschool. It’s sad.
*Older women see men their age chasing after the younger women in the office, etc. They need to learn to compete with their intelligence, humor and compassion and a zest for life and adventure. Trying to be eye-candy isn’t going work. Looking fab and appropriate and being fit and healthy, however, is always a plus.
*For some reason women with daughters seem to be the worst offenders. Maybe they think what looks good on their daughter will also look good on them?

I´m turning 39 this week, so today´s post is spot on for me.

Meanwhile I´m a very confident dresser. My crisis hit me in the early/mid thirties, when I started to work AND realized I´m not a girl any more. Back then I wanted to adapt every trend and was depressed when the look wasn´t the same as on the teenage model that presented it.

Now, things are different. Thanks to Angie and YLF I found my fashion persona and know how to adapt trends age-appropriately.

Possibilities are endless, at any age.

What a thought provoking topic and one of particular importance to the women of today. You do not have to look far back in time to find a period where the rules for dressing remained constant from your teenage years to old age. I often thought the people of that generation grew into the style of clothes as they aged.

Then the sixties exploded and we had the first generation of teens and twenties who had their own fashions and paved the way for a liberated life. I expect these women who were the first to wear mini skirts, paint their nails white, dye their hair peroxide, experiment with the contraceptive pill do not wish to follow the rules of age dictated by an older generation. I assume they wish to forge their own.

The retail industry is also neglecting this market, there are many shops on the British High Street which cater for the teens and twenties market. Many shops cater for ladies in their forties and fifties but what is after that. Surely not clothes with elasticated waists, boxy tops and beige shoes.

This website in particular interprets fashion for all ages, I’m inspired on a daily basis by San, Jean, Deborah et al and how Angie encourages creative but appropriate dressing at all ages.

as I entered my twenties I experienced the reverse, in order to be considered mature and professional, I dressed mature and professional at a time when I should have been carefree with my style. I hope today in my early thirties I have struck the right balance.

As I age, I will not be forced to cut my hair, or stop wearing jeans. I will probably continue to wear sleeveless tops but I will not wear a short skirt without hose or bare too much cleavage. I just hope the guidelines I impose on myself are roughly in line with what is considered acceptable by society at large.

I was just thinking about this this morning in response to your comment about wearing colored hose on the forum. I am in my early thirties and in a professional career, but I FEEL no different than when I was 20. I still feel young (and I look very young). I also (purposely) act young. I like to have fun and be silly. So it feels awkward for me to dress “older.” I have never been one to flaunt skin, so I don’t have the mutton dressing like lamb issue, yet, but I know that I should dress different in my 30s than my 20s.

I think the problem is that in my early 20s, I was a little chubby and had bad acne. I was a bit “natural” and really lacked confidence. Now, in my 30s, I am at a (mostly) happy place body-wise. I’m comfortable in my skin. And I now grasp and love fashion. But, since I missed out on dressing fabulously in my 20s, I think I’m reaching back and trying to recreate those years.

I guess (to use a well-worn analogy) age-appropriate dressing is as Justice Stewart once described porn: you know it when you see it.

This is a subject close to my heart, since I am between 50 and 60. I can remember years ago going shopping with my mum, and she would say, “I just can’t find anything. Everything is for young people.” I can’t believe I am thinking along similar lines these days. For example, I am so tired of tanks and shells instead of tops with a short sleeve to layer under sweaters and cardis, etc. I’m also not into low cleavage, and don’t want to have to layer everything!!
Since I turned 50 (believe me, 30 IS young…wear those short skirts!!), I have tried to define what age-appropriate is for me. Regardless, I do think there are a few hard and fast rules, as well as “suggestions.” For myself, I really admire older women that are current and classic, or current, casual, but understated…or have one or two items that might be a little “wild”…like an accessory. This is just my personal style. I just admire that more than a 60 year old wearing a short skirt no matter how great her legs are.
I want to embrace my wrinkles, especially since some are laugh and smile lines. I do color my hair and have been since it turned white in my 20’s.
I don’t wear heels over 2 1/2 inches, mainly because of problems with my feet, but also because I am small. However, I have a lovely bright orange handbag that garners many compliments, and an array of colorful scarves and earings.
I love to keep up-do-date with your site and advice, Angie, and anything forthcoming on age-appropriate is something I’d love to read more on.

I agree with Chewyspaghetti–no on wants to admit their age and wants to be perceived as younger. Age-appropriate dressing requires people to admit their age.
On a personal note, I am approaching 30 and know there are styles I shouldn’t be wearing. While I have no problems with admitting my age, I think it is difficult to give up things that I currently wear. To wear a short skirt on the weekends one day and then not be able to wear it the next? I just can’t get my head around it. I think for me I will continue to wear my non-age appropriate clothes until I am ready to get rid of them but will stop buying those non-age appropriate clothes so that eventually they will be removed from my closet.

I think you’ve nailed these topics Angie. I’m in my mid-twenties, but there are types of clothing and styles that I’ve left behind at some point due to age. For instance, as I graduated from college I felt it wasn’t age-appropriate for me to wear juvenile-logo tees, mini purses I had kept from my childhood, back-packs and super clingy tops from teen-driven stores. I felt grown-up and wanted to dress that way in public.

I think dress and style evokes such emotion from many people because it’s a part of our identities. Look at What Not To Wear: so many of the contributors go through this huge transformation because they are dressing to reflect more positive aspects of themselves, instead of the negative aspects (too big, too curvy, funny legs, abnormal chest size, etc). I think that can be related to age-appropriate dressing, because as we grow, regardless of age, we change and modify, and some habits die hard.

I am 48. I was lucky enough to have benefited from the undeniable perks of youth and good looks, especially given in the workplace to women, during my 20’s and most of my 30’s. And I have lived long enough to have become background and even invisible to younger men and women — and most men in general. I think that this is most middle aged and older women’s reality, no matter how stylish or well maintained in appearance: they are no longer the fresh faced “girls” that only have to show up to be seen.

Angie, I think you hit on many of the factors why age-appropriate dressing can be a sensitive topic, but a painful one that you didn’t cover in your blog post is the value that society, especially men that still hold most of the power, place on youth and beauty together, as a package deal. It can be difficult to accept this reality and not to think that you can make it not so by trying harder to look young by doing what worked for you in your youth.

I think it’s important to note that some styles are too young for a 20-something. So it’s not just 40 and over that are restricted, it’s that *everyone* should be dressing age appropriately.

oops, I meant some styles are too old, rather too sophisticated, for a 20-something.

Angie, I think you have really hit the nail on the head! The fact of the matter is that our society is youth-obsessed – all the marketing dollars target this group of current & future spenders and the rest of us are made to feel irrelevant.

What’s sad to me is that some women who try too hard to dress young-er just end up looking even older! Joy, I totally hear you on the mothers of daughters vs the mothers of sons. I have often observed this same phenomenon.

I know for me it was a combination of age plus lifestyle change (motherhood) which prompted me to make a style change right around 30. I felt pretty silly toting around a baby wearing a mini-skirt! But then again, for most of my life I have mostly been guilty of the opposite – dressing in a style that was much older than I really was. Like Juile, I hope that now that I am in my late 30’s, I find the right balance.

What timing – I turned 39 just last week; however, it is not my age that has caused me to “dial down” the youthfulness of my appearance, but that of my children. I have two teen age boys and with teen children come their many, many teen friends. I would never want to embarass my boys or make them feel uncomfortable with the notice of a friends wandering eye. So when the boys are around I deffinately tend to dress older than I feel.

I am also married to a man 11 year my junior. I don’t feel or look any older than he does. Most poeple are surprised to learn there is such an age difference. When out with my husband I do not dress like many women his age, but I do rock what I’ve got to the best of my ability!!

Not every trend suits every body, regardless of age. Most trends can be adopted in an appropriate manner. Finding this balance is key to developing any individual sense of style – that has nothing to do with age.

Not only has Angie made some great points – but so have the other ladies.

Wendy in particular hit a nerve with me because “appropiateness” was a huge part of my Portuguese upbringing. Women’s dress depended on married status, whether or not you had children, whether one’s parents were alive, etc. So the premise is not off putting to me. I find it liberating. The older I get the more wonderful things I can do : like wear bigger jewelry ! Have quality clothes or shoes. I don’t feel the pressure of having to keep with the trends, it is easier to be an individual and still be part of the “crowd”…etc. I ‘ve done the ridiculous trends, survived them, and moving on.

@Wendy: I agree that it can go both ways; that there are some looks that prematurely age women.
@Claudia: the idea of becoming invisible as one ages is spot on. Women 50plus are a neglected demographic in fashion. I think it’s this fear of becoming invisible that pushes some women to dress inappropriately…meaning, dressing young in an attempt to look/feel/be young.
@Bea: agree about the tanks and shells that are overly revealing.

I also thing there’s the notion of “body appropriate.” I sometimes think that women who are trying too hard, wearing “age inappropriate” clothing are actually wearing “body inappropriate clothing” like the aforementioned tanks and shells.

I am a big woman (size 14/16) and while I’m in reasonably decent shape in terms of fitness, I also know that sleeveless has never worked for me. Same for shorts. I have never worn sleeveless, and about 3 years ago, got rid of all my shorts. Just don’t wear them cuz they are not age or body appropriate for me.

A couple years ago, I saw woman older than I (I’m 54) in a Pier 1. She was one of those wiry, super skinny women who was overly tanned and had overly processed big blonde hair. Lots of makeup, lots of bangles and rings, etc. She was wearing the shortest denim skirt I’ve ever seen, clearly purchased at a store like Hot Topic, with a bunch of zippers and little pleats. And also a clingy revealing tank top. Had she been 14, cute. But at 64, it was comical and cartoonish. I am not kidding that other shoppers were snickering behind her back. It was pathetic. I’m sure she was proud of her look, but frankly, it was a tragedy.

This is the person for whom the concept “age appropriate” was invented. Most people don’t cross that line so severely.

I agree with Claudia and a number of other responses, in that it is hard to accept our aging bodies as women in this society. Youth and beauty are strong values that are, unfortunately, placed especially on women. An older woman who is dressing “too young” probably needs our compassion more than anything.
It is also easy to get “stuck” wearing the same “uniform” no matter what age you are.
Angie, I would love it if you would show some outfits put together for the over 50 crowd just like you do for the “moms on the go.” Just a thought or wishful thinking on my part. You could go from “very conservative” to “adventurous”, etc.

I guess time sneaks up on you and you don’t always realize it, as per this backhanded compliment…Someone came up to me and said “Meredith, the other day I saw you and thought you looked so cute, just like a teenager from the back, and then you turned around and I realized…” or something to that effect I thought I was sporting some great Angie tips…black leggings with a sweater that hit at about my mid thighs, thin leopard belt, and riding boots. I was pretty happy with the look, and then I got that “compliment”. I realized – maybe she’s right. At 45 maybe the sweater was too short, even with the leggings. It got me thinking about this whole subject, and I think Angie is right, that we need to consider if an outfit is age appropriate. I’m still torn about that particular outfit I wore though

I think “you’ll know it when you see it” really hits the nail on the head for me. Great topic. I personally am grateful to receive feedback. Then it’s my choice whether I let that feedback completely define me or use it as just another data point in order to be conscious and choiceful about how I dress and present myself. When I see people who are really age inappropriately dressed, I think to myself – I hope somebody will point it out to me if I look ‘mismatched’. I recently saw somebody look like this and it was not a pretty sight. I so much wanted to give her Angie’s business card!

Hi Angie, I’ve worked in boutiques for the past 10 years and yes, I’m sixty-something. Women of all ages look for something new, unique to them, daring, and just plain fun to feel good! One boutique I worked at was nicknamed the feel good shop. Now I can tell you some of the older ladies try wearing low rise, skinny leg jeans; neon tees; oversized patent leather totes and 4″ heeled boots and SHOULDN’T! But there are others who look great being on the cutting edge. Your website is so helpful because it defines fashion with specifics. Honestly, it’s been great for me in assisting women choose or not choose fashion fads. Keep it going!!

Thank you, Angie, for this timely post. I have been thinking a lot about this lately, and am so thankful for the guidance and insight I’ve received on this forum. So many of the comments listed above are so true, and I think that Phoebe especially hit the nail on the head when she mentioned the ability to adapt trends age appropriately. My goal is for ageless style. I’m beginning to see that at my age, I should be looking for clothes with better quality fabrics, cleaner lines, and better fit, even if it means buying less or embracing trends in smaller doses. I would love to be modern yet timeless at the same time.

In my twenties, I dressed so boringly. Now in my mid-thirties, I am more confident in putting together an interesting outfit and even though it is trendier than I used to wear, it is age-appropriate and I look younger (in a good way!). As you’ve said, its about finding the best fit, color, fabrication … I don’t settle for things now.

I find rules aimed at older women insulting and sexist. When men begin being told what to wear based on age then I will agree the playing field is even.

“So just as we are becoming more confident, our bodies start to let us down.” Angie, it is like you are putting words to my feelings

As I am passing through my early thirties (too fast!) this is something I face on a daily basis, especially when dressing casual. From a quick trip to the grocery store to a laid back evening of beers at a friend’s I find myself not wanting to dress like a 20 yr old in low rise skinnies, tee and cons all the while knowing I’m going to get flak for it because all my 30yr old friends are going to be wearing exactly that! I have never been comfortable with cleavage or minis so I’m hoping I won’t go senile and feel too comfortable in my own skin and start wanting to wear them when I’m 60, LOL!

It’s fascinating reading so many comments about how 20-somethings can wear so much, and I really liked Dawn’s comment about how some styles look too old on women in their 20s.

As a 22 (almost 23) year old PhD student on the petite side with a very round face, I feel I’m constantly striving to look age and job appropriate when people often tell me I look like I’m 18, or even 16 from time to time. I certainly don’t think I can get away with wearing mini-skirts, and I constantly worry that a dress or skirt that hits above the knee is making me look younger, particularly if I pair it with colored tights. Since entering grad school I’ve been trying to grown-up-ify my wardrobe, often by asking myself “could I wear this if I were 30?” Maybe I’m wasting my youth, but I’m tired of professors thinking I’m an undergrad and being the only person carded at grad student happy hour.

Even at 22, there are styles that I think are not age appropriate for me and for the lifestyle I want to live. Whereas a few years ago I would have been comfortable in a cute hoodie and fashion sneakers everyday (this was my uniform), I’ve come to realize that that sort of look reflects a college student and not a young professional. I guess it’s important to realize that it doesn’t matter your age, young or old, we all have to dress appropriately for our age and stage in life.

Angie, you are so brave to tackle this topic head-on in a blog post! Whew. I admire you!

Trying to obscure your real age by wearing clothes suited for people 20 years younger always rings false. So be brave, accept where you are in life, and love the life and body you have.

You will never be younger than you are today!

I want to be hip and fashionable without looking silly. At the recommendation of a same age friend (late 30s), I went to Forever 21 to look at cute tops. They were cute — and looked ridiculous on me. I’d have to wear a camisole under everything; it seems I’m more modest than I used to be. I have a great flowered tunic that I wear with leggings now. Ten years ago, I wore it as a mini dress with bare legs and towering platform sandals. Apparently I never attempted to bend over. Yikes!

Why is it always assumed that an older woman is attempting to look younger?
Can’t it be a question of pure aesthetics? Perhaps she is wearing a mini skirt because she likes the skirt and likes how she looks in it – aside from age.
Frankly I think it is admirable that there are women over 40 who challenge the norm. If we always accepted the status quo we’d all still be in corsets. Isn’t it a good thing that women have the choice and freedom to wear what we want? I never hear men tearing down a woman for dressing too young, but women are more than happy to jump on the bandwagon.

I would like to put out some facts about some women in my family. Let’s start with my mother. She is 76 and recently become single again, has been married 7 times. Obviously she used her beauty to get where she wanted to go in life. It was a tool and she knew how to use that tool. She ran off with another man, and left us when I was 16, while she was still married to my dad. After all these years and several more marrriages, at this time she tells me she does not want another man because her looks are in such bad state that she wouldn’t want a man to see her un clothed. She’s 76!!!! She knew the power of her beauty, and according to her it is gone now, so no more men.
My sister was born on my first birthday. She got my mother’s looks and she learned very young how to use those looks. She learned to swagger and flirt. She left husbands and kids behind to run off with a new man several times. At the age of 48 she blew her heart out with a gun. Her looks were fading and there were now younger women in competition with her. She new the power of her beauty.
Both of these women also know the power of fading beauty, it’s a killer.
To me, these true stories, show how some women with a certain aspect to their personality, keep trying to use the same thing over and over that has won them power in this world. They don’t know how to mature. Most of us in general won’t try so hard to look like we’re of a younger generation. Our mistakes in how we dress will just be small innocent ones.

Yikes, san, I’m sorry.

Here’s something I’m wondering about as a read this – is there such a thing as an age-inappropriate fashion PERSONA, not just age-inappropriate clothing? As we get older, does it mean we need to move further toward the modern classic end of the spectrum, or is it possible to dress bohemian, or urban trendy, and still be age-appropriate?

What a great discussion, as usual for this group!

It really does seem to hit a nerve, the idea of HAVING to dress a certain way (at any age, really.) I do understand, and I try not to judge anyone else for hanging on. It’s a very personal process, this whole aging thing. And it’s scary. It’s impossible in your 20’s to know how it feels in your 40’s or 50’s to look in the mirror and see some stranger’s face with wrinkles/jowls/grey hair. You feel exactly the same inside, but you wonder who that old lady is who’s staring back at you! And your body changes, even if you don’t gain weight, which you probably will. It’s all very odd.

I have started to embrace the idea of looking “mature,” which for me definitely DOES NOT mean I’m relegated to J.Jill/Chico’s/Eileen Fisher. “Mature” is not a bad word! I am loving the structure of a nice blazer – worn with my dark wash jeans (mid-rise, though, and hard to find.) When I wear a super casual hoodie to the mall (um, which of course, I never do, Angie), I get ignored. I get more respect when I look pulled together and “mature.” And “pulled together” can absolutely be fun, full of my own personality, and comfortable. Mature is not the kiss of death!

I think at a certain age we all have to accept some maturity. Young people will start asking you about “life.” You will be expected to “know stuff” and have this thing called “wisdom!” Embrace it! If they only knew that deep inside, you STILL get silly crushes and you still have dreams for the future and you still think that you could win an award and be interviewed by Oprah someday … but that’s a whole other forum topic.

I recently poked through Charla Krupp’s book and was somewhat appalled that people actually liked it. This is a woman so terrified of the natural aging process that she will go to any extent and any financial cost in order to prevent it. Just looking at her on the cover seemed to sum up all my doubts on the book. She needs therapy more than anything else.

I think it’s true that there have to be changes with age, but those changes should be meant to represent the wisdom and authority of older women. What I don’t like is the “cover up, you’re old” aspect of age appropriate dressing. Dressing should be empowering and telling older women to “cover up” because that’s just life is a) not true and b) does more harm than good. I find “do” and “don’t” lists to be an exercise in futility for precisely all those reasons. If a woman can wear something elegantly and confidently, just let her wear it. Some things will naturally be harder to pull off in a sophisticated way and those things usually end up on those lists (it’s not easy making a tube top sophisticated). But, for example, I think older women can absolutely rock 4″ shorts with a silky top, top notch accessories, flat gladiator sandals, and a good dose of confidence. I love women who challenge social norms, even if it happens in ways that I wouldn’t necessarily do myself. It’s the only way things change.

Also, what is age appropriate or not changes dramatically between generations. I think younger generations naturally have more freedom than their mothers and grandmothers. This needs to be accounted for.

I don’t see men giving women this lecture, nor receiving it themselves. That right there bothers me as a feminist.

PS–I have never found Angie to be judgmental or unfair. I actually find her input to be the most liberating of any style advice I have ever read and the forum is certainly overflowing with amazing over-40 role models.

Thus concludes my little novella.

I would like to respectfully disagree with a point made on the forum about it only being women bringing each other down about this issue–I have known LOTS of men who READILY point out a woman dressing “too young” for their age, regardless of what that age is( 20’s,30’s,40’s,50’s etc). In fact it IS the men in most societies who determine and implement strict rules on how women should dress. That itself may be why this issue is always perceived with bristling these days. Perhaps we all feel that this may be another slippery slope where at some point we will again be MADE to dress a certain way? And the last thing any of us wants is for another woman to be the one to hurl the first stone, right? I love reading all the views today by the way, it is fantastic conversation

San that was really sad and powerful, those stories you shared.Thank you for sharing them.

I feel vaguely uncomfortable when “age appropriate dressing” becomes the topic of discussion. I definitely don’t like being lumped into a category and then dismissed. Many older women were on the front lines in fighting discrimination based on sex and race and remember all too well being dismissed with “don’t worry your pretty head about that,” when a serious topic came up. Now we are sometimes dismissed by being placed into the “granny” category when fashion is discussed.

Angie is right in that there is also a sense of loss for some of us. Recently I started scanning old photos that are fading away. I look at my younger self and laugh at how I worried over minor things. There is a sense of regret for not appreciating every moment of every day when I still had endless energy and good feet.

There are many clothing lines for “mature” women–unfortunately the clothes they offer are shapeless, or boxy, poorly cut, and in colors that are neither fashionable or flattering, not to mention hideous prints. I sometimes get the feeling that certain retailers want older women to look frumpy.

Fashion changes at a dizzying rate today. I am sad when I see favorite designers and lines from just a few years ago fade away or go out of business. Just when I think I have everything figured out and can coast along on my “investment” clothing, everything changes and all the “rules” I learned at a younger age go out the window. Thank goodness for Angie to help us sort out the sometimes confusing but always exciting world of fashion.

I have also been around men that have brutally mocked women for trying to dress young and for using plastic surgery.

For much of my life I looked younger than I was, so in my late 20s and 30s I was more “lamb dressed as mutton.” I was looking to be taken seriously and so my clothes were quite conservative. That said, I’ve never been a fan of the overly tight, overly short, overly young looks. So transitioning into my 40s has been easy. I see as many younger women in unflattering looks as I do older ladies.

And San, your story is heartbreaking. It underlines to me the difference between knowing the power of your beauty and believing that’s all you have to offer:(

I assume you’re talking about women dressing too young for their ages. I have generally fallen into the trap of dressing too old and I think this is because I wanted to convey authority at work, and also because I don’t like wearing anything skimpy, and “young” clothes are often skimpy.

The women I know who dress too young are usually women who work really hard on maintaining a great shape and want to continue to show it off. Unfortunately, a 40 something woman wearing very young, revealiing styles can come across as a bit desparate and it sometimes makes the wearer look older.

Being one of those over forty gals…I agree with Angie. I do try to dress correctly, however, I do wear skirts a few inches above my knees. I am small and my legs are good enough to pull this off. I do wear patterned or colored hose often with them. I find it’s more of a look than being set in concrete whether it’s right or wrong. Obviously some things are off limits IMO…clothing that is associated with the young being worn by mature women … is kinda like braids or pig tails. A classy pulled back pony tail hairstyle..yes. Rule of thumb for me: if it does not look classy or even classy with an edge to it…off limits. And for that matter: dressing young applies to males as well. I hate to see middle aged men all decked out in beaded necklaces, large punk T shirts and their caps on backwards or sideways. I try to think of it, not as ‘too old ‘ to wear certain outfits, but just a different “season” of life- ala Stevie Nicks.

I love what Maya said above.

It may be the eastern way of looking at life. I am much happier *not* using dye on my hair or make-up on my skin. I am my age, and I am proud to show it.

Just don’t tell me what I cannot wear, no matter how good it looks. I do not wear things to look younger. I wear things because they are me!

An example: Growing up in India, skirts were not worn by women past a certain age, as baring legs was not age appropriate. Now, how much sense does that rule make to the ladies here?

Now, after two kids, my body has changed, and certain things just don’t look good on me anymore – but I am sure there are other people my age who can pull those off with grace.

While Angie says “age appropriate”, I have not seen her give a style advice that is not person appropriate – so maybe she means something different than what the term means to me (and Maya?)

I am mid-sixties and still LOVE fashion (which is why I devour this site every day!) I work out, and still wear a size 8 (which I have worn most of my life). I struggle with this age-appropriate issue, especially since I’m retired now and live a more casual lifestyle. I tend toward dark-wash boot-cut or trouser jeans, sweaters or structured jackets, and flats or low heels. I love the bright green ankle boots that Angie showed awhile ago, but asked my self if they look too young. (I decided that they didn’t ) I just hate that most of the fashion industry seems to think that, once a woman passes sixty-ish, she doesn’t care anymore or is ready for the “I love my grandkids” sweatshirts! Hopefully as more women age beautifully, there will be a different mindset.

So much collective wisdom on here! I am so thankful Angie is willing to broach this topic and so many others on here are. I think this is such a hard topic to understand and process because as so many identified starting with Angie it touches off on so many other things – life stages, loss of youth, missed opportunities, etc.

I’m 32 and I definitely spent my early twenties a) too poor to buy hardly any clothing and b) trying to look older than I was so I could get ahead professionally.

Now that I am comfortable in my own skin, and have a bit more money to buy clothing were I in my early twenties again I would take some risks I did not take then. As RoseandJoan said, I only hope I am now hitting it right in my early thirties.

I’m curious to know from Angie and others – if retailers are aiming so much of their clothing at women in their twenties and that is a span of all of ten years, isn’t that tremendously foolish? The length of life after the twenties is much longer and could they not have a ‘customer for life’ if they went after a broader demographic? Why aim so much fashion at the very young?

Before you start reading my rant, please understand that this is not directed toward any individual or group of people and *does* hit a nerve for me, so it’s pretty dramatic. Would you expect anything less from me?

This absolutely hits a nerve with me. Angela said exactly what I was thinking, “I find rules aimed at older women insulting and sexist. When men begin being told what to wear based on age then I will agree the playing field is even.”

Hoo-rah Angela!

There are situations in which I need or want to look more conservative and there are situations in which I don’t. I ask for advice on this forum for the former but I doubt you’ll ever see me post about the stuff I wear for the other part of my life. I know it would send a lot of folks here right over the edge.

There are things I no longer personally feel comfortable in as the years have gone by, so I don’t wear them, but it isn’t because I am X number of years old.

I don’t have fabulous thighs, or I’d wear micro-minis. I do, however, have a magnificent bosom, and as long as those babies are still kissing the sky and looking smooth and pretty you can bet your a$$ I’ll be wearing tops low enough to make a priest forget his vows.

Check out some pictures of Sophia Loren. She isn’t young and she’s not quite as lithe as she once was, but she is one sexy woman. She still wears clothing that unabashedly shows off what she wants to show off.

Halle Berry is another woman I admire for being unafraid to wear body-hugging, low-cut styles and absolutely rock them.

I saw a picture of Raquel Welch at 67 wearing a tight, leopard-print, off-shoulder, belted tunic top and thought, “That is exactly what I want to look like when I’m 67.”

That’s my style and I don’t expect that will change, even if some of the specific clothing items do. I also don’t expect that everyone would be comfortable with my particular style and I may not be comfortable with yours. That’s fine too.

What’s important to me is that I wear things that are flattering to my shape and we may even disagree on that, but that’s ok.

As long as *I* look in the mirror and like what I see, and as long as the partner in my life likes it I’ll wear it, and nobody but nobody is going to dissuade me because I’m “too old” for it.

I still want your (that’s the collective “your”) honest opinions on my outfits though. I don’t want this to sound as if I am thumbing my nose completely at the idea of appropriateness. I just that for me, appropriateness is more about the situation than my age.

(rant over, and I hope you all still like me)

I really should be at Costco right now, but here’s my quick thought….

At 44, my goal in dressing is to look “youthful” which to me is different than wanting to look ‘young.’

There’s alot more rambling I could do, but I really need to get my hiney out the door

and of course we still love you Jenny

Interesting discussion. As someone who just turned 60, I find it fascinating to see the term “older” applied to someone in her mid 30s. That seems awfully “young” to me! And, no, I don’t think that “age appropriate dressing” is only directed at women. My husband, who has just turned an athletic 70, has found that, when he is dressed casually in a nice shirt, well-fitting jeans, and a sports coat, he receives a great deal of favorable attention from others, including younger women! (The addition of a traditional British walking cane when he twisted an ankle recently seemed to bring them out in droves.)

I’ve always been inspired by the way French women “of a certain age” seem to be able to retain their femininity and yet dress appropriately. Most wouldn’t be caught dead trying to look like their daughters. I think that many of Angie’s formulas can work for women over 50 when modified and adapted to one’s personal style and age. Boot-cut, dark-wash jeans with boots, tunic sweaters, and scarves were my uniform on a recent trip. But I wouldn’t have felt as comfortable with skinny jeans tucked into Doc Martens topped with a flowery print shirt as I might have 20 years ago. I also think that paying attention to details becomes more important as you get older. A good haircut, updated eyewear, a classic bag, and a beautiful watch make a difference. Spending more to achieve a better fit is also even more important as you get older. Wearing clothes that are too big, or too small, or that don’t fit quite right on your changing body, are especially aging. And, while I can certainly relate to the desire to show off a well-toned 50+ body, I think that dressing in an overly youthful style makes the less than youthful face and neck look even older.

I’m a 60 year-old-woman who is healthy and happy with the way she looks… and, no, I don’t want to dress like I did when I was 30, or 40, or even 50. Been there, done that. I like the respect (and occasional compliments) that I get when I walk into a store or restaurant or hotel. Looking feminine and elegant can be ageless.

Well , Angie you know how I feel about this:)

At my size I can wear anything I choose, but I choose to dress on the modest side.

Something looks sleezy after a certain age when a woman is trying too hard to show off what she may think are her best assets. Please don’t force me to stare at 5 inches of cleavage…I have some of my own thanks…please don’t make me gasp when you bend over because your skirt is too short …yea nice leges…but so are mine:) Please don’t wear that too short top, I can see you spare tire, streatch marks and whatever…

I guess I just don’t understand why women feel the need to display themselves at any ripe old age…please spare us…sure show us the best you got, but in a classy respecful way .

I think that women struggle the most going from 40-50 and then from 50-60. Generally I stress to clients that we’d like to look 5-10 years younger than we are which doesn’t mean dressing 20 years younger. I tell the women I work with to observe well dressed women and notice what they like and DON’t like. The ones trying to dress too young stand out. I believe you are right on when saying that it’s important to take your body type/personal style into consideration FIRST. I encourage older women to find ONE trend that works well with their body type/style and give it a try because it is important to still look young and hip.

That’s true at any age to me. I don’t want to see muffin top and stretch marks, whaletales, mounds of cleavage, panty-flashes (or worse, no-panty flashes) even on a teenager or 20-something.

My body is in awful shape. I’m flabby and jiggly. I have stretch marks. I have what most Caucasian, African, and Asian women would consider to be too much body hair as well.

No, I have never been pregnant nor have I birthed any children, and my hormones are just fine. I just “expanded” very rapidly in my mid-20’s and, on the hairy front, I’m Indian and Middle-Eastern. I actually feel that as a young person who has never been pregnant or had kids, there is more pressure on me to be have this young, ideal, nubile body and flawless features because I have no excuse NOT to look that way.

There are definitely plenty of 40+ women who are in better shape and who are easier on the eyes than I am. I’d rather they wear the micro minis and plunging necklines than me. Contrary to popular belief, youth doesn’t mean you have a fantastic body and natural glowing beauty. Sure there are changes like wrinkles, veins, sagging, etc. But I don’t see why these are any more offensive than any other perceived flaws that occur at any age.

I’m sympathetic to Jenny’s comments. As a teenager, despite a body that was tall, firm, and Jessica Rabbit-curvy, I darn well realized that a lot of teenage fashions did not flatter me. Yes, I had a nice figure, but it was not a typically straight teenage figure, and clothes designed for petite frames, narrow hips, skinny legs, undefined waists, and small breasts looked tacky on me. So, despite occasional fashion flubs, I generally didn’t wear halter tops or tight jeans or minis or a lot of the other skimpy things my shorter, straighter teenaged peers could get away with. And when I did slip up and wear anything of the sort, I got catcalled to the point of a nervous breakdown. So, really, from an early age, I had to admit that the age-appropriate rules didn’t fully apply to me. A teenager with large breasts isn’t going to look tasteful in a graphic tee, for example.

Now, I’m 33, and I find that many of the items I choose to wear now–tailored, figure-defining dresses, cardigans over dressy tees, pencil skirts– would have looked just as good in my younger days. In fact, they would have looked even better because my waist was impossibly defined and I was much fresher and dewier than I’ll ever be again. And I’m not sure what exactly I will have to give up by 43. I’m not wearing minis now, and I try not to choose daytime clothing that reveals deep cleavage. I don’t wear cheap accessories, dye my hair unnatural colors, or wear glitter makeup. I think aging will actually allow me to start wearing things that can sometimes look faintly dowdy on me now–my pearl necklaces, scarves, and other dressier details.

In ways, I feel “youthful” dressing can be oppressive, because I notice a lot of women who interpret dressing youthfully as dressing extremely casually. I know women my age who will go to evening events in jeans and fleece without a speck of makeup. And I expect that I do look older than they do, with my red lipstick and tailored dresses, but older in the sense of being more sophisticated and not in the sense of being wrinklier.

I hate to be one of those women who insist that she really looks ten or twenty years younger than her coevals, because I’m sure I do look my age. However, I look like a 33-year old who has never been a drinker, drug-user, smoker, crash dieter, or tanner, who stays hydrated with plenty of water and relatively firm with exercise. There are 33-year-old women who appear significantly less youthful due to unhealthy life choices, and I don’t care to be classed with them when it comes to appearance. Yet, I don’t suppose I am wearing things they can’t wear, except that I’m fairly comfortable with bare legs or with a bit of evening cleavage, because my skin is still firm and unspotted.

When I think about what looks “youthful” to me, I suppose it is a sense of fun in one’s dress, a sense of femininity that is flirtatious but never vulgar, and a willingness to try new looks when they seem as if they might flatter. What never looks youthful is a woman who clings to the styles of her teenage years, who forces her body into unflattering fashions, or who clearly takes no pleasure in her self-presentation. I’ve seen a lot of women lose any semblance of youthfulness through hairstyle alone; several of the mid-forties women I know still wear the big eighties hairsprayed styles of their youth, replete with mall bangs. It’s so aging, unflattering, and unchic, but I’d guess that they feel “young” because they still have their high school hair. So, adaptability is really key, but adapting our look will not be the same for every woman.

Honestly, I still rarely shop in department stores other than Nordstroms because it just feels too hard to find clothes that don’t look too conservative or frumpy. I feel that a lot of clothing designed for more “mature” women tries to obfuscate the waistline, for example, and my waist is the best point of my figure. And, then, there can be too many frumpy prints and too much of the golf-club look. Possibly, I am uninformed, but, really, I have lived in areas where department stores like, say, Macys, seemed to only be carrying stock designed to appeal to the 50+ market.

So, ultimately, I think with my frequent haircuts, tastefully-applied makeup, body-conscious but never skimpy clothes, and nice but not ultra-pricey jewelry, I look about right for my age. I still feel young, but I’m not going to schlump around in baggy t-shirts to prove it. Nor am I going to choose clothing that forces half my body on naked display, just to prove that my skin is still smooth. And while I’m sure my style will adapt as I age and my circumstances change, I see no reason to draw too many lines in the sand.

Sorry to post again so soon, but when I think of inappropriately youthful, I do think of the thirty and forty-something women I know who wear their hair in pigtails, or who use hair ribbons. While I think more mature women can sometimes wear headbands or barrettes, if the design is sophisticated, I always associate pigtails with either actual nursery schoolers or porny schoolgirl-images.

I am not at all offended with the idea of age appropriate dressing, but I agree with previous comments that there are not many hard and fast rules for this because there are too many variables, like the woman’s shape, personal style, or whether she looks younger or older than she is.

I think that age appropriate dressing has become a bigger issue now than it was, say in the 30’s, 40’s or 50’s because people these days aspire to look like teenagers, whereas before, they aspired to look like adult women. When I see fashion mags, photos, or movies from the 1960’s or before, even though the models are all young, the outfits are wearable by women from their 20’s on up. Many modern fashions however look silly on anyone who could not pass for a teenager. Maybe this is because teenagers are now recognized as a separate market and get more attention from designers than the adult market? Before the 60’s, it seems like people either dressed like a child or an adult. There was no in-between stage.

I think a big factor is that our culture has placed such a huge value on youth and beauty that women think if they don’t look like a 20 year old hottie, that they aren’t pretty. If we valued age and the wisdom that comes with age, I don’t think we’d have such a hard time “dressing our age”

Personally, I think there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who allows herself to age with grace and dignity.

I’m 67. I feel sorry for older women who feel they have to go through all that Charla Krupp recommends — plastic surgery, botox, and other extreme professional treatments. Aging is gradual. You’ll never be younger than you are now, and there will always be younger gals around, so my advice to middle aged and even younger women is enjoy what you have and not drive yourself crazy.

At the same time, I think women who enjoy fashion even to a small degree will dress both for fun and to impress other women. Unless you are dating or have a partner who dresses to impress and expects you to do the same, what’s the point of looking sexy? Wear a red bra and thong, and keep it to yourself and your partner if you feel like a sex kitten. My opinion of older women with too much makeup or revealing clothing is that they look like hookers, or else that they feel so bad about what they have done with their lives that they can’t relax into the invisible beauty and wisdom that age brings. Just like any other stage of life, your clothes give a message to the world about who you are and how you want to be treated. I want to be taken seriously and respected and at the same time I want people to relax around me.

I like to think the trick to dressing as a grandma is to balance self expression with good taste, comfort, and trends. Good grooming, staying fit, smiling, good posture and the like are going to have to stand in for being alluring, firm, wrinkle and sag-free, and hot!

Ang, you can tell me anytime what looks foolish on a mature woman. I will listen and not be offended.

The reason retailers focus on teens and 20-somethings is they are they ones who spend the most money on themselves. Then, most women have families to spend on, and then… many women give up caring and turn to elastic pants and cute sweatshirts. I’m retired and many of my friends would rather spend money on travel or grandchildren than clothing, and retailers know this.

And the reason men will never be told what to wear is that they wouldn’t listen. Most men think they look just fine. So don’t wait for any level playing field. Just enjoy being a girl, even if you are an old girl like me.

This is a very, very thought-provoking topic!

I also beleive in age-appropriate dressing, but what exactly is age appropriate depends on so many factors that it is difficult to define properly. I would like to think that with age we learn more about ourselves and grow into our own skin and personal style. We are constantly evolving and learning, and I think that our clothing should reflect that.

I am 32, and have had pretty much the same figure and same weight since I was 15. However, what I wore at 15, 20, 25 and now are all very, very different styles. Sometimes I do cringe at some of those things, but I I guess it is all a part of the learning experience. With age some comes wisdom and better self-awareness and I think we should all embrace that.

this is such an interesting discussion!

i think that some people, when they hear ‘age appropriate dressing’, think of an age-specific dress code that they don’t relate to at all… like, when i was little and all the older women i knew had the same pastel-colored, permed poodle hair, support hose, orthopedic shoes and i did think of it as a sort of ‘old lady dress code’. and i remember wondering if i would someday end up looking like that LOL.

even though those age-related ‘dress codes’ don’t have anything to do with what is -appropriate or -flattering. but many people assume dressing that way is ‘age appropriate’. because it’s the way the majority dresses so it must be correct and proper… so they blend in without questioning it because they’re afraid of standing out.
i think most people limit themselves much more than they need to, in trying to stay age appropriate, because they think this way.

for example, my husband (to flip the gender aspect of this topic) on the weekend usually wears dark-wash japanese denim and black converse, he looks totally age-appropriate for 40. most of his/our guy friends however are wearing light wash baggy jeans or khakis with white sneakers like Seinfeld circa 1994. they sometimes tease him about being a ‘hipster’, (i translate that to mean that he has moved on with the times) and marvel that he can dress ‘cool’ without looking silly.

anyway, i think that’s the kind of resistance most people i know have to the idea of age-appropriate. they assume it means an increasing level of dowdiness that leads to one day wearing polyester lounge suits!

Wow, what a fascinating topic. I think that an age-appropriate check-in with yourself is just fine. I don’t think it should be dictated by others, but by each individual, what you look and feel good in.

My mom is the perfect example of a fab woman who is 60. Her secret is that she approaches fashion with consistent interest and has not put fashion and style lower on the list, which can happen gradually over time. She shops thoughtfully, works out, eats heathfully and carefullly accessorizes. The sum of all this is that she looks amazing and always has. She also buys not expensive, but always good quality pieces. The quality means that even though an item is trendy, it doesn’t look cheap. She has held true to this all of my life, and is very fashion forward.

I am 34 and am just now learning her secret to fashion and style – it takes effort. She always has said – she does it for herself – not for anyone else. I feel like I have a lifetime to build great style. It’s about now, not looking back.

My biggest challenge is that contrary to my mother’s example, I have thrown away money on lower quality items that do not look good on a 30-somthing and show a few lumps and bumps that were not there in the 20s. I am learning that upgrading and paying better attention to quality and fit goes a long way to being age appropriate. Those cheap polyester tops were okay in the 20s, but not so much in the mid-30s at least for me!

I am really struggling with this very issue these days, especially when it comes to translating my own style (such as it is!) into something a little more age-appropriate. (I’m 42, with 2 little kids, and while I’m pretty much the same weight/dress size I was 10 years ago, things are definitely heading south; I like to call my bra size a 34 long.) I’ve always loved clothes that have a little bohemian/rocker/funky edge. Cowboy boots, vintage dresses, kneesocks with tall boots. I’ve been thrilled to see leggings and loose mid-thigh dresses come back, because I have nice legs and don’t mind covering up my non-existent waist. So, I’ve been buying more youthful/trendy styles than I have in a long while, because I feel like the styles right now suit me. But then every once in a while I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and have a moment of shock. Look at that face! Those jowls! The eye bags! Do I look pathetic in these clothes?? I don’t expose much skin but I do sometimes worry that the general vibe is too youthful. And in my quest to avoid baggy clothes, is everything too tight in the chest–am I calling too much attention to myself at my age? It’s so hard to see yourself honestly when you’re in the middle of a life change.

as for me, i feel like i am very open to the idea of ‘age appropriate dressing’, at least in the way that angie is talking about it. it’s really useful to know how to use clothes to project an image that is in line with how you want to be seen.

i’ve been realizing how age does change the equation. over the last 5 years (35-40) or so i’ve noticed that some things i would have worn before just don’t feel right anymore. and i’ve been intrigued by that! i haven’t figured out many hard and fast rules, but it’s something i’ve definitely been paying more attention to.

It’s interesting to me that some people think of “age-appropriate” as a term that’s applied only to women, because if anything, my ideas about what’s age-appropriate on men are stricter than my ideas about women. I’m more likely to like a basic tee, for example, on a 30+ woman than on a 30+ man, I guess because women have more options for making it smarter with accessories. Really I’m much more tolerant of young-looking clothing items on women than on men–I guess that’s kind of sexist!

At age 62 I think one of my responsibilities is to be a role model for younger women by defending women’s rights, volunteering in my community, voting, making my voice heard, supporting cultural institutions, and keeping informed. I enjoy food and eat well, exercise for pleasure and health, and keep my weight in check. I enjoy clothes and dressing for myself and the pleasure of others. I hope the way I dress encourages younger women that age is not something to fear, that it is possible to be over 60 and still have fun and create beauty with clothes. Check out Iris Apfel!

What a great discussion, Angie, and an excellent post. This is one I think about a lot, because at 40 I don’t have the lifestyle many people my age have — kids, a house in the suburbs, a conservative corporate work environment, and so on. So I do bristle a little at the thought of being told what I ‘can’t’ wear (not that anyone would ever be brave enough to say that to me –haha!).

But I do think that as we get older we need to evolve in many ways, style being one of them. There are many, many trends that I’ll gladly leave to the 20’s crowd, both because they would look ridiculous on me and because I think they just look ridiculous period; there are others that I’ll try without fear because I know I can style them in a way that makes them my own. I dress for myself, my lifestyle, and my body; and that, I think, equals age-appropriateness for any given person.

Audi, don’t change the way you dress! In my fantasy life, I have the lifestyle and the confidence to pull off the amazing combinations you come up with. My reality, however, includes kids, a minivan, and a house in the suburbs, so I need blogs like yours through which to live vicariously.

(not a stalker, I promise)

Got a little story on this topic. I was attending the symphony for my BD and it was a celebration of Motown. Now, I love Motown! One of my friends, who is younger, and a buyer for a boutique chain, that tends to sell younger Trendy clothing[....and where I do buy clothes selectively] ‘forced’ or heavily encouraged me to wear a deep plum, sequin sheath dress-5″ above my knee [horrors! LOL]. I protested, saying I was too mature…she vetoed that right away. I did wear the dress with a black tuxedo jacket, patent plum [same color as dress] heels, and a black leather clutch. I am petite with a very good figure and a nice top [of my own]..thanks to exercise…so body wise…no problem. Still, I was a tad self conscious…and this is what really gave my self confidence a shot in the arm or leg….ahahaha….a woman and her daughter came up to me at the wine/cheese table and said: “We just had to tell you, you ROCK that dress with your Tina Turner legs!” Having just come from a very painful divorce where my husband left for a very young woman[19] I needed that boost! Really made my day! *high five on keeping it younger if you can pull off the look!

Wow. The response to this blog post has been fabulous to say the least.

I am especially pleased that we heard from ALL age groups. Lasses in your 20’s like Maya, Marianna, Dawn and Louise, I really enjoyed hearing your fresh perspectives on the subject. Stylish lasses in your 60’s – we can all learn from you.

I’d love to be able to respond to each of your comments in detail, but I’m fighting against the clock at the moment. I would like to share the following thoughts with you, though:

o Chewy spaghetti, fab observation.

o Rose and Joan, I love how you compared dressing age appropriately in other eras to now.

o Christie, love that quote.

o Bea, we have many, many stylish women in their 50’s and 60’s who sport their looks on our forum. Look out for outfits posted by Jean (Greenglove), San, Debora and Joy. They’ll blow you away with their hip and dare I say it – age appropriate style.

o Claudia and Shana, thanks for bringing up the point that we also live in a youth obsessed world. That’s a very important factor in all of this.

o Angela, I’m not letting men off the hook! They too should absolutely dress age appropriately.

o San, thanks for sharing your thought provoking and emotional story with us. Big hug.

o Tricia, good point. Let’s have the debate!

o Tara, I too have always thought of “mature” as a good word.

o Marilyn, loved your comment. Parisian women in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s are in a class of their own. They are the ones whose style will blow you away when you visit France, leaving the younger gals in the dust.

By the same token, age-appropriate dressing can mean dressing too old for your age. Topic for another day!

To be honest I think a lot of the problem lies with the fashion industry and the crappy quality of most clothing sold today. Instead of having properly tailored garments made to last — and to flatter — we are stuck with entire stores full of cotton-spandex. Stretch is in everything because nothing is properly cut. And the result is tons and tons (and TONS and TONS) of disposable, junky clothing, all destined for the landfill, which doesn’t really flatters anyone — especially those of us who have anything to hold in or shape up! Someone mentioned Sophia Loren. Look at her and the other great ladies of her generation. They wear beautifully cut clothes and man — does it show! But they can afford couture and very high-end ready to wear. The rest of us are stuck with cheaply made crap (even when it’s EXPENSIVE cheaply made crap, like $200 jeans sewn in some factory by poor women making 50 cents an hour) and so, as we age, we find it harder and harder to find pieces that really work for us. Recently I’ve been trying to replace some classic pieces in my wardrobe and I’m constantly shocked at how much quality is continuing to go into the toilet while strangely enough, prices actually go up.

And yes, I agree that men can be total a$$holes about how women look. If we have something “done” they are harshly critical, and if we don’t they are also harshly critical.

Really I believe that as women the last thing we should be doing is judging other women. We all get it enough from men as it is.

Whenever the “age-appropriate dressing”-topic comes up I immediately think of http://www.advancedstyle.blogspot.com/

After reading all of the thoughtful responses a question occured to me, At what age is dressing sexy no longer age appropriate? Then I thought there is sometimes a fine line between sexy and trashy. To me dressing too sexy/trashy can be the time when I think someone is dressing age inappropriately. Do the forum members agree that sexy dressing is often the key to thinking someone is dressed inappropriately for their age group?
As far as men go my 65 year old husband dresses like he is a 15 year old skate boarder. Cargo shorts, T shirt with graphics, baseball cap, hoodie and yes there is a ponytail too. He is retired so he rarely wears suits… I think that the mental regression will be following any day now.. In short I think he dresses in appropriate for his age. Does he care? NOPE!
I too would love exa,mples of how to look bohemian in my 50’s. I know how to rock the jeans and jacket with accessories but cant quite figure out how to wear the more advant guarde modern looks.
I have to thank Angie for helping me realize what styles will look good on my body type. I have in the past bought so may cute pieces that ended up looking better on my friends than me.
I so enjoy the other forum members comments.

What a fascinating topic! Age-appropriate is so difficult to define. So much else is in play: personality, figure type, the degree to which skin has aged, etc. etc. As others have mentioned dress can be simply inappropriate regardless of age.

For me I am hoping to age gracefully and my greatest wish would be to be comfortable in my own skin, casually elegant and radiating peace and joy. I already have close to 50% grey hair and my skin would look a whole lot better if I hadn’t spent a lot of time sailing, swimming, walking and gardening (no sun bathing, though!). But I wouldn’t trade the way I look and feel now for my youthful appearance and the pain that accompanied it.

Some of my friends absolutely hate getting older but still look great. One of them (58) is a plastic surgery junkie – but she fits her classic clothes perfectly and manages to look both age appropriate and utterly feminine. Another (62) is a flower child who hates her age with a passion, but also looks very good in her long hair, jeans, sandals and tattoos. Neither of them is wearing skimpy clothing. Neither are they mutton dressed up as lamb or faded frumpies. They both know haw to wear clothing that suits them perfectly and plays up their biggest asset: their personality.

I’ve been getting a lot of inspiration from Advanced Style (http://advancedstyle.blogspot.com/) which subtitles itself “proof from the wise and silver-haired set that personal style advances with age”. I love the way the older people they feature are so individual and so alive, and how much this is matched by their clothing.

I like the idea of “guidelines” for dressing appropriately rather than “rules.”

When I was a 17, my mother wouldn’t let me wear the clingy, black dresses to school formal dances even tho’ all the other girls did; she insisted that this look was too sophisticated for my age. Nor would she let me wear makeup when I begged at age 12; she considered me too young. While it felt very “mean” and strict at the time, I am grateful to my late mum because these sorts of things taught me that there are guidelines for being age appropriate at every stage of life.

Too often, it seems that our society says, “Girls/ young women can wear ANYTHING” which then makes the issue of age appropriateness seem like an unkind set of rules directed at punishing women for aging (and implicitly encouraging girls to dress as though they’re more mature than they are in fact). I’d much prefer the widespread notion that there are guidelines for every age, and it’s not only when you turn 30, 40, or 65 that you suddenly have to start concerning yourself about whether or not you’re wearing clothes suitable for your age.

Loving the lively discussion here!

I’m in my mid-30s and struggling a bit with age appropriate. I don’t want to wear the uber-trendy stuff that gals in their 20s do, but I’m not ready to head off into the nanna shops either. And honestly, I’m not sure why the nannas go there either, I’m sure they could do better than shapeless beige slacks. The YLF over-50 ladies here are absolutely stylin’ and I hope to look as good when I reach that age too.

But I don’t really know what I’m doing right now – I’ve found the MOTG outfits the most useful for finding the middle ground between frumpy and uber-trendy. I just want to feel attractive *and* comfortable

Fascinating topic! I loved reading everyone’s thoughts. And san, thanks for sharing your story–big hugs.

Put me in the often-confused camp about dressing age-appropriately. I veer from “who cares what everyone else thinks” to “ohmygawd, what will people think!” It’s particularly hard for me because I look younger than my physical age (honestly, many people get a really shocked look when I tell them my age).

Mary, I can relate. I dress with a boho/rocker edge too, and your sentence ” It’s so hard to see yourself honestly when you’re in the middle of a life change.” totally resonated with me.

It is impossible to get a consensus regarding appropriate clothing and style. For some, a burka is considered offensive, for others, whale tail. There are just simply too many factors involved. Geography, religion, body shape, profession, context, age, just to name a few.
There are guidelines based on a plethora of factors that determine what is and is not appropriate for any individual, but to select age as the determining factor in deciding appropriateness/style seems extremely limiting.
Anyway, who gets to write the rules?

Can you imagine a male celebrity writing a book titled, “How Not to Look Old”?
Brad Pitt maybe?

Long time lurker coming out to comment because I just had to had my two-cents on pigtails. I am going to be 40 this year and I rock the pigtail look…no ribbons though…just my long hair pulled in two low ponytails. The hairstyle flatters me, my workplace super casual and creative so I can pull it off there, and, I think it helps that I look younger the 40. But just because this hairstyle works for me doesn’t mean it would work for other 40-year-olds or 20-year-olds for that matter. I would never be able to wear my hair short but my 20ish friend owns that look. Nor do I think this hairstyle will work for me for always, but it does for now. I think knowing yourself, body type, personality, and your environment is key to personal style. Age is but a number…

That’s an excellent point, Mac. I have a style book from the sixties that places a lot of strange restrictions on younger women, such as teenagers shouldn’t carry umbrellas and that it’s tacky for women under 30 to wear diamonds. I’m not in favor of those sort of restrictions, but I do think the idea that young women (say those in their teens and early twenties) can wear anything at all a bit misguided. I dislike seeing fitted, low-cut evening gowns on teenagers, for example, because they tend to look awkward, as if the girls are desperately trying to appear older. Yet a woman in her thirties or forties can carry off this look with confidence. Even in my early thirties, I am hesitant to wear pearl necklaces or silk scarves because they seem to have a bit too much gravity for someone my age. (Yes, I know I am silly.) Still, there should be styles that we grow into, and age-appropriate style should not be an increasing series of restrictions. It does sometimes feel like women are being “punished” for every new birthday. Frankly, I can’t think of any man my age (33) who would think that he needed to change his mode of dress to indicate that he is aging.

I think its about accepting that an aging body and face are strong statements in and of themselves and hopefully there is some wisdom and respect for ones life experiences that is carried over to the exterior appearance. Its a very beautiful site when an older woman reflects her spirit in a current, artful and self respecting way while still obviously in touch with her sexuality and womanly charms. It gets tricky only when a woman gets confused with her growing strenth and wisdom while trying to reflect our cultures limited and rigidly boring rules of only youth being of value and beauty.

An observation: notice all the ooh-ing and ah-ing that always goes on in the forum when members post pictures of themselves and then reveals their “true” ages and it is older than their generally “perceived” age.

We as women constantly reinforce men’s and society’s message to each other that looking a lot younger than one really is is admirable, desirable, highly valued and gains much positive attention and feedback.

Winning the good genes lottery in life (the real “secret” of longevity, good health, AND beauty if we are being honest) and the pressure to attain/maintain this goal by any other means possible surrounds women much more than men.

I’m not really answering your question but after hopping on a plane with hardly any notice (a family medical emergency meant I had to grab the next flight out) I learned that wearing something “too young” for me actually made me look frumpy. I didn’t have time to pack so I threw on jeans, a T, a hooded sweater and wore my cross trainer tennis shoes. I barely had time to pack a few things and I thought I’d get the most mileage out of what I was wearing. I’m in my 50’s and when I saw myself in the airport bathroom mirror – I just wanted to die!! I looked really dumpy!!! I knew Angie’s smart casual formula and just a few changes would have totally upped my look.

I love this subject because I want to enhance my looks – not detract from them.

It’s not hard to understand. I’m 21, and already I’m starting to freak out about being “old.” I search my face for wrinkles, and am dismayed to see that I do have a few fine lines starting on my forehead and at the outside corners of my eyes. I found a grey hair a few weeks ago. I don’t want to get older. Being young is all I know, and I’ve spent my whole life in the mindset of being young and having my whole life ahead of me. What do I want to be when I grow up? I still ask myself that, even though I’m a legal adult and only a year away from graduating college and BEING grown up. It still seems just as far away as it did when I was 13.

So, I can understand how being told “you’re too old” to wear something would freak someone out, injure them, make them feel like they’ve been kicked out of the only club they ever really belonged to. What am I going to do when I’m suddenly “not young” anymore? I have no idea. And if there are different rules for what I wear, what about other rules? Will I have to act differently, think differently? Will I just know it someday, wake up and know, “I’m too old for this now.”? Or will someone else have to spring it on me?

I’m 53. I know, when something looks ridiculous on me because it was designed, cut, and styled for a 16-year-old. This is not the best feeling in the world, but it’s not too different from being 16 and putting on something that was designed for a more mature woman (not a pastel sweatsuit, but for example a very sophisticated evening gown or suit or dress). You look in the mirror and feel like you’re playing dress-up.
When I turned 30, my mother-in-law (born in 1914) told me it was time to cut my hair. I was like, WTF? But among women of her generation, a “mature woman” didn’t have shoulder-length hair.
That sounds preposterous now. My gorgeous friend who is now 71 has shoulder-length curly silver hair, wears a biker jacket and jeans, or a sleeveless sundress and sandals, and no one would dream of saying the clothes aren’t “appropriate” for her. She looks too good in them! But if my mother-in-law had worn those same clothes at 71, had they been stylish in 1985, she would’ve looked ridiculous.
It happens more and more, the older you get: one person’s 50 looks very different from another person’s 50. People age at vastly different rates, and “aging” itself means different things to different people. I think this is why many women feel insulted by a one-size-fits-all approach to “appropriate.”

When I first graduated college I was afraid to be mistaken for a grown-up and therefore thought to be uncool. Who wants to admit that the funnest part of their life is over?

Except, now I use clothing to actually look my age. I’m petite with a baby face and am often mistaken for a high schooler, instead of a professional in her late 20s. I now realize that the fun part isn’t over, that I love my life as an independent adult and want the world to recognize that. Working in a casual environment in a college town, I could get away with jeans, sneakers and hoodies everyday if I wanted to, but I don’t. Teeny bopper jeans and skirts don’t flatter my curvy body and I love what makes me a woman.

I agree with Mary’s sentiment. Really we all want to look good or better than our age, well I know I do. It’s not just that older people that need to dress in an ‘age’ appropriate way – some people need tips on dressing in an appropriate way full stop. I teach in a High School that doesn’t have a uniform and we constantly have discussions on how we can sensitively broach the topic of too short shorts, low cut tops, spaghetti straps and other clothing that reveals more than it covers. Usually we use a ’sun protection’ or ‘it’s freezing out here’ message to get the kids to put more clothes on, but sometimes there is fashion that next to no-one can get away with – it doesn’t matter if you are 16 or 60!
I don’t really mind the dress for your age stuff – I know that, at 35, I’m too ‘old’ to wear distressed skinny jeans covered in holes. But I like it when the trend is reinterpreted into something I might want to wear and would actually look good on me. (can’t actually think of anthing along those lines that would look good though at the moment )

Age appropriate…what is that? I am 41, and in the best shape of my life. I move like a much younger person because of the exercise I do. I’m a college professor, so I’m not expected to fit into a business-suit type environment. What I find is that women my age start just looking dowdy — badly cut clothes, clothes that were their size a few years ago but they haven’t appreciated the change in their body image (like if I kept wearing my size 16s even though I’m now a size 10). And the lack of colors…everyone’s wearing khaki and blue. Every damned day. Do I look age-inappropriate because I don’t look like anyone else? I definitely stand out. I wear clothes that fit my current size, and I pay attention to what I wear, I dare to wear colors and interesting prints and accessories. And not in the caftan and huge jewelry way that fits the female academic stereotype. I know that I don’t quite fit in, and if I were to be meeting with bigwigs on a daily basis I’d have to hie me to Talbots and invest in a couple of nice looking suits, but…am I age inappropriate because I choose to have some flair when I can get away with it, which is most of the time?

Very good topic! I am 39, will be 40 at the end of the year, so as you can imagine many of my thoughts seem to be around this number change. Regardless, I think a classy look with a pop of trend is the best way to look your best at any age that isn’t teenie bopper. I guess I want my outfit to support and enhance who I am, not distract from it.
A comment for Joy and others about mothers of daughters being the worst offenders. I am a mother of two daughters (19 & 17). I can shed some light on this. If you have a good relationship with your girls, they want to include you on their shopping and fashion. It is easy to fall into that. I try on what they suggest and giggle with them at the result. Sometimes they disagree and say I am not to old to wear this or that. This is usually easy for me to decide, I work with almost all men & I am their boss. I imagine myself wearing said outfit in a meeting with them, do I feel confident and secure in what I am about to say or do I feel their eyes or imagination wondering? Regardless it is a point of remembering to be a parent and leader with your girls & not their best friend.

Angie,
Like a lot things in life, you may not get it until you experience it yourself. I really didn’t have an issue with this until I turned 50. It’s a bummer to not be able to wear certain clothes that fit me better than the young ones that wear them. I’m not talking about mini-skirts, etc. but certainly jeans, boots, etc. It’s a process of learning to embrace your age, and it takes getting used to. Ask any woman who has turned 50. I have yet to find one who has not struggled at least some. Clothing is designed with the young in mind.

im a non-conformist, free spirit. as i am getting older i feel more liberated. so i will dress the way that i want as long as i am comfortable, and those around me are comfortable. fortunately at 32, people still think i am in my twenties. i look young. and i have great legs. thus, i can still wear a short skirt, in the appropriate setting of course. poolside. at the beach over my bikini, etc…

in short, if you still look good and feel good in something “youthful” go for it.

Beauty is power for women. In a world dominated by men it is the only real power we have and as you get older you lose it. That’s why women are terrified of wrinkles and body parts that slowly begin to migrate south. I’m afraid. I’m married to a man a decade younger and I want to break out in a cold sweat thinking about my impending menopause and the changes that will bring. A few weeks ago I had my first juvederm treatment – and mind you – I look quite a few years younger than 42.

The real bugaboo is my body. I am a size 8, but a skinny/fat size 8 with cellulite, a myomectomy scar, and a growing menopot. Meanwhile we go on vacations with his super fit sister in law traipsing around in her bikini. I can’t wear one, or a bathing suit either with these cottage cheese thighs. It’s doubly sad for me because when I was younger I was too bashful to dress fashionably or wear a bikini in public when I had a perfect 35-24-34 figure. I have to diet all the time to keep from getting fat and am now 38 – 27- 38.

I feel loss and I wonder how I could be happy once my face starts to sag seriously or if I gain 20 lbs at menopause. I am afraid to lose love, to not be able to get a job, to be relegated to ugly matronly clothes, to be ignored – which has already begun. These are the concerns of aging for many women I’m sure. It’s a fear of just falling off the edge of the Earth.

It shouldn’t be so. But I know it’s just a phase and that soon I will be old and there’s nothing to be done, but I will get through it and find new meaning in my second half of life. In the old days, in traditional societies, old women lost their youth but gained respect as elders. In this society you gain contempt unless you go the grandmother route. But as an older person you are still not fully respected in this youth obsessed society.

Raisin girl, I like what you said about feeling as if you have been kicked out of the only club you know, or something to that effect. Boy, 21! I felt the exact opposite of what you’re feeling. The day I turned 21 I sighed and told my self “I’m a real grownup now and I’m in charge of me. FINALLY.”

Up until now, all you’ve known is teenager hood. I’m hear to tell you being an adult is so much more fun than that. The only rule really is to be responsible. That’s what adults do. They take care of their sh* do what has to be done when it has to be done and behave appropriately to the situations they are in. For real, that’s IT.

I’m 42. I am the same person I always was pretty much since I was your age. I still love movies, video games (Wii is so fun), junk food binges, graphic novels, and going to concerts. The only difference is my increased responsibilities of a husband, a mortgage and a 9 -5. Plus, now I have the money to indulge my passions. Have I changed how I think about things? Of course. You grow and mature and learn if you’re smart and pay attention. That’s a wonderful thing about being older too: wisdom and the confidence that comes from that. It really kicks in around 40.

As far as the wrinkles, etc. You can look really good if you start now in your 20s and take care of your body. Don’t party too hard, stay out of the sun, wear sunscreen, hydrate, eat right and exercise. If you smoke, stop it now. Don’t chew gum, both cause wrinkles. If you follow my advice it will pay dividends when you’re “old” like me.

I’m 5′8″ tall, and was quite thin when I was younger. Actually, I haven’t done too bad in putting on only 15 to 20 more pounds than when I married almost 33 years ago. (I’m 53).

Between having had 2 C-sections and the effects of the aging process, I know my body has changed, but it is difficult to really SEE exactly how it’s changed, for many of the reasons mentioned by others above. I still feel 17. I still feel good, and perhaps have even more energy and confidence than ever. In short, my mind has not aged, and therefore, it is my mind that is out of sync with the way my body looks. That is the crux of the whole problem.

I used to be able to look in the mirror and truly KNOW how I looked, because BOTH my body and mind were young! A mirror no longer works, but I’ve found a great substitute that forces me to see reality – THE CAMERA.

The camera does not lie. If I put on an outfit and take a picture, especially with today’s digital cameras, the truth is revealed in an instant on the camera screen – my belly’s too fat to wear this, this outfit looks too young (or too old), etc.. Then I can adjust accordingly. This has been a great way of bringing my young mind and older body into sync with each other! It has not been a “downer” at all – in fact, I have discovered just how great I can look in the “appropriate” dress! It has helped me come to terms with the aging process in ways I never imagined, and to find more fun than ever with clothes!

Sure, there are those companies that haven’t snapped awake yet and still lump 50 somethings in with 80-year-olds. Their stubborn refusal to change has closed the doors for some of them, while others have gotten more “hip” and are beginning to separate the age groups more instead of lumping them into one group spanning 30 years (a ridiculous notion to begin with).

I think I am not in favor of so-called “age-appropriate” dressing. I agree that many women of a certain age wear outfits that to most people look terrible. I also agree that some older women try to look sexy by showing skin, and thereby end up looking repulsive even if they could look very attractive by dressing more stylishly. And some older women have forgotten to adapt their look as the years have passed, such that their look seems horribly out of date or simply embarrassing (like tanned leathery skin and sharp black eyeliner). And of course women of all ages wear clothes that to most observers make them look too fat. And I concede that some women with ageing faces wear clothes that they appear to have borrowed from their granddaughters. But I still object to the whole idea of age-appropriate dressing.

I have seen old women wearing fabulously ‘now’ fashions and pulling it off totally. They are not trying to look young — not even dyed hair — and yes, they don’t show skin, but they look both stylish and fashionable. Perhaps their look is more runway-fashion than Forver 21, but it is fashionable and not conservative/’timeless’ neverthless. When I see one of these women I always think she must be in the fashion industry. I have noticed that there is not just one style that works in this way. I have seen terrific bohemian looks, very eccentric looks, even edgy looks, as well as the more obvious ’sophisticated conservative’ style on old women.

On the other hand, I cheer on older women whose looks don’t work (to my eye) too, because like some of the other posters, I see no reason to accept the current “dress age appropriately” rule (i.e., that older women should shut up and butt out). Yes, these women may not be dressing in a way that most people find attractive, but whose business is that but theirs? Often, such a woman has a husband who finds her the sexiest woman on the planet even if to most people she is an embarrassment.

I intend to try to dress stylishly and have fun with fashion throughout my life. I won’t be showing skin and I will take into account my body shape and size, but other than that, I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY.

The topic of age-appropriate dressing is touchy to women for the same reason that the topic of baldness is touchy to men: it means that you’re going to get old and die.