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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

The currency of aging

SarahD8

Veteran

I'm intrigued by a theme that has emerged in LJP's thread about forever pieces. I hope it is ok that I'm piggybacking here. If not please let me know.

In that thread, LJP says:
"I have always liked looking current and aware, but I think as I get older and my world changes, I am less interested in what's trending and more interested in dressing in a way that projects "me". When I sit and people watch, it's the younger women who are dressing in the linen sets, super-chunky shoes , whatever the current look is........and that's fine. They can have at it."

And Roxana says:
"I also think that assuming for a timeless wardrobe is hard if you want to look current - and this is becoming more important to me as I get older. (A 20 year old wearing ‘timeless’ pieces looks young; me, at 46, in all timeless pieces can look staid and older.) you have taught me that, actually - your important injection of modern style through jewelry and shoes is a lesson I have taken too."

I don't think these are necessarily contradictory stances; perhaps they are just a difference of emphasis. But I'm interested in the tension between them.

(And I definitely don't mean to call out LJP or Roxana here in any way! -- They're just articulating some ideas that have been floating around in my head in some inchoate way as I contemplate the completion of my 50th trip around the sun later this year.)

On the one hand I can see how an obsession with the latest trends could seem increasingly...desperate? as a person ages. (Not in all cases of course, but it does take a certain sort to pull it off.) On the other hand I think it was really common among women (and men for that matter) of my grandparents' generation to get sort of sartorially stuck sometime in the 1960s and never evolve their look further for the subsequent 30-40 years. Which isn't exactly what I aspire to either (but feels like a bit of a risk for me since what I really like are certain "traditional" things like cable knits and fair isle).

Anyway, over to you all. How do you think about the balance between staying current and being true to your style? How has the importance of currency vs. your own individual style changed as you've gotten older?

Dressing

65 replies

Latest reply was from MsMaven

LJP

Veteran

I did find Roxanna's comment really interesting. And I don't mind you starting a new thread at all

I absolutely agree that wearing nothing but classic pieces can make one look - here we go, and I'll probably get myself blocked by someone once again - or wait, maybe it's the clothes and not the wearer? - staid and older . There's also an opinion out there that wearing loose-fitting linens and oversize knits (a la coastal grandmother) can also be aging. I've decided this is going to be very different for everyone, and no one's opinion should be wrong, offensive or otherwise.

Anyways, to the point, I still believe the devil is in the details. If you never update/upgrade your footwear or your jewellery or your makeup and hair, it's a slippery slope into a look that's stuck in a timeworn. However , if that floats your boat, then more power to you. And I don't mean you, Sarah literally. If you look at Linda Wright, there is nothing trendy at all about what she wears, and it's all classic, but she never looks stuck in the past or boring. It's a skill, really.

kkards

Veteran

I can remember when I was ‘coming up’ there was a saying that if you wore it the 1st time you shouldn’t wear it again. And I think it was went to express that wearing it for the 2nd time meant that you where trying to hang on to your youth and/or that you where dressing to young…over time I’ve let go of that “rule’…but I do think as trends, silhouettes, cuts, etc come around for the 2nd or 3rd time you do need to be careful to wear them in a way that shows that your understanding of the current culture. IMO It’s like anything else in life, you need to be open and fluid to new things, ideas and ways.

Roberta

Veteran

I have enjoyed a certain reverse aging in style terms. When I was first working full-time and trying to look like I fit in a wealthy world (museum work), I embraced a rather matronly look. I collected scarves and pumps and blazers and pencil skirts. It did make me look older - but it felt reassuring and polished to me. When I became a librarian, it helped me feel professional in a casual field. Verrry gradually I expanded my style by color work (I've mentioned that before). The same cuts, but in expressionist color combinations.

In my fifties I started liking a more athletic or sporty look. Athleta and Title Nine became my pinup girls. I bought more sneakers and boots than dress shoes. I gave up some blazers for sweaters, some skirts for pants. I bought a few trendy pieces! Maybe I looked a little younger?

Now I am, frankly, a toddler most days. Bright colors, overalls, t-shirts, lots of corduroy and other textures. I love a trend if it is in my limits of comfort and cheer.

I am starting to wonder if this phase will hold up, though. I see a lot of photos of older women who are held up as "free spirits" and "owning their own style" and wonder if it would just make me look like a crazy person. Not many people can be Iris Apfel. Also, aging stylishly in New York looks pretty different from Akron (my home town, no shade!).

One way or the other, I'm going to be an old lady, no matter what I wear. Might as well wear what I like, and reserve the right to change my mind about what is stylish at any time. Heh heh.

gryffin

Veteran

Interesting question Sarah. I immediately thought of Anna Wintour and her bob and sunglasses. What separates signature from a rut? To me personally it’s flattery, joy and intent. I do think age, esp at 63, brings with it the assurance that DYOT is fine. There is nothing wrong with following a trend but it’s also ok not too. I think, unless you buy nothing, it’s difficult not to end up with some current pieces. I guess for me it comes down to something a make up lady once said to me “ darling, you have something better than beauty, you have a look. You are a China doll”. That made a huge impression on me. The older me might as well be an original rather than a copy. So to a certain extent, my journey sartorially has been to refine my brand. My look. It can be created in many different ways with current and older pieces but it’s, despite varying silhouettes, cohesive. For me it’s about being out of time in that it can’t be pinned down, you can’t be stuck if you can’t be categorized. Classic, elegant, minimal, timeless, understated and unique. Enduring. A little equestrian. A little bit rate - pieces that have lived. A provenance. I guess the real currency of aging, for each of us individually and authentically, is knowing the gold from the fool’s gold if that makes any sense.

LJP

Veteran

gryffin , you make some excellent points. Having a look is something I really aspire to and have always admired your adherence to what works for you.

and kkards - YES, to being open and fluid to new ideas and looks. I think that translates into every faction of our lives, actually. I'm reminded of the current conversation around our house about the Taylor Swift Eras Tour. DD scored a ticked to one of the shows in Toronto in 2024, and Taylor Swift was all she/we heard and talked about for a few weeks. I could not tell you the name of a single TS song, and doubt I've heard any of them. Of course I know who she is, but I don't listen to "new" music at all now, and sometimes I wonder if I'm on that downhill slope to spinning records on a huge living room cabinet that houses a turntable. I think if you never look at the new, there is no context for the old stuff - clothing included.

Irina

Veteran

I always believed that because of my interest in fashion, I’m aware of trends and somewhat successfully adopt some of them into my wardrobe. I felt it kept my style fresh. But I actually looked at my purchases for the last two years and found that I’m unhappy with items that represent some trends, maybe too literally. And I love pieces that feel like “me”. So, I’m going to be aware of changes in fashion but more for the information and out of curiosity. I’m much more interested in developing my own style at this point.

And it came with age to me. I’m rarely in the office these days and when I’m there, I’m surrounded my younger generation of women who are interested in what their peers are wearing and not in an odd middle aged woman. My peers are mostly retired. So, I feel 0 pressure and judgment. Also helps that I’m increasingly oblivious to the opinions of others and I live in big, multi cultural city, where everything goes and it’s easy to be inspired.

Anonymous

I think there always needs to be evolution in life. Doesn't have to be strictly following all the new trends, but evolving in a way that's true to you. I'm on Team Change though! Decor, new hobbies each year, different types of work, new music, exploring new places, trying new foods, etc. Life's too short to stay the same

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

SarahD8, I admire and enjoy the styles of people up and down the classics and trends continuum! I love a beautifully extreme classic dresser. I love an extreme head-to-toe trendy dresser! I love a mix of classics and trends! The devil is in the details, as LJP mentioned.

In short: Confident, unaffected, empowered, sartorially-suited, and natural-to-you dressing will always win because it's honest. Good energy and style flows from looks that make you feel happy in your own skin. At any age.

Personally, I'm a Trendy Classic. Equal parts of both. I milk my signatures - as Gryffin mentioned and does age same - and have a good chuckle when they become trendy (like white footwear and pearls!). I thoroughly enjoy the trends, and add the ones the tickle my fancy. It's all in good fun, and I am IN THE INDUSTRY! Plus, as Suntiger says, evolution in life is a good thing - even when you come full circle. I am as devoted to the classics and my signature colour palettes. They suit me, and I don't tire of them. 50/50 BALANCE.

kkards, good show! I'll enjoy wearing a trend I wore decades ago with a very happy heart! I don't feel old doing that. I feel youthful! It's wrapped up in feelings of nostalgia and playfulness, which might be close to what Roberta is feeling.

Helena

Veteran

I appreciate this thread as well as Lisa's thoughtful thread on timeless style. I am currently struggling to figure out where the right balance between trends and personal style, or trends and timeless, lies for me. I'm one that likes to settle into a uniform and milk it ... But I do revisit it every couple of years to make sure it's still relevant. I. I that process now and still haven't figured out the more oversized silhouette of the 2020s and how to interpret it for myself. And if I'm honest it DOES bother me when tiktok says I'm dated ... Even though I know it shouldn't .. and I contradictorily don't aspire to keeping up with fickle tiktok! So no great contribution from me except to say I'm working through the same questions for myself!

Dee

Veteran

I AM most comfortable wearing many of the items that most would consider to be classic, I just feel they suit me the best and yet I don’t think I look frumpy or old wearing them. You can see some of my typical outfits in my most recent post and decide for yourself. No, there’s nothing cutting edge going on in my wardrobe these days, but that’s not who I really am anyways.
At this stage of my life (in my 60s) I feel no need to chase the trends too hard. I’m happiest watching what’s happening with the current culture and then choosing what feels authentic to my style and having it work with what I already have.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Great thread full of wise thoughts. I am nodding along with almost everything. As for me, I have enjoyed being a bit *different* with my style and finding ways to wear (some) trends using older clothes. But even within that framework, I evolve. Maybe it is a conversation between me and the world and as long as I both keep listening and keep talking back I am less likely to get stuck?

LaPed

Veteran

I'm with Angie on this one. You can make a sublime outfit out of nothing but classics, or out of nothing but trendy pieces, as long as they're the right ones for you. Regardless of age, I'd say!

I don't think there are any shortcuts when it comes to personal style, a "correct" ratio of trendy to timeless, for instance. For every maxim, there's an exception. And pivotal fashion moments, in a cultural sense, often arise from turning a rule on its head. In the end, it all comes down to what works for the wearer and looks, or better yet feels, authentic. And it's awfully hard to know what that will be without just trying on a whole bunch of things!

Trends are a bit problematic these days in the sense that the fashion cycle is so accelerated it starts to feel absurd. Even small "sustainable" brands drop new product so frequently, and I think it can result in a forest-for-the-trees sort of situation, where it's hard to tell what's current and what's just novelty for novelty's sake. But again, that just makes having a handle on individual style all the more important. One person's flash-in-the-pan is another person's essential HEWI?

Kari

Veteran

A few thoughts:

• What @helena said echoes a lot of how I’m feeling lately: “I am currently struggling to figure out where the right balance between trends and personal style, or trends and timeless, lies for me. I'm one that likes to settle into a uniform and milk it ... But I do revisit it every couple of years to make sure it's still relevant.”
• Generally, I don’t intentionally follow what’s trendy or avoid what’s… not? (I don’t honestly know what “dated” even looks like to someone younger, since there are SO MANY different trends and subcultures.)
• When I knowingly follow trends, it’s often a matter of greater availability - such as when overalls exploded on the market years ago, and in a different cut than what I wore as a kid or teenager. I could think of ways I could see myself wearing them with pieces already in my wardrobe.
• When I search for trends, I’m looking for inspiration for how I might make something work for me - such as several years ago, when I was a searching for what wide, cropped jeans look like on bodies like mine & what are some ways I want to try to wear them, compared to smaller and straighter bodies that I would typically see in catalog shots or social media. Slowly, I’ve curated my social media to be able to see more of what I was trying to seek out, and I make note of what looks interesting, what’s similar to pieces that I already own, what sparks interest in trying out.
• Because I CAN do so, I am making an intentional effort to avoid fast fashion brands that rip off designs from others (especially independent artists) to make a quick buck on in the marketplace. At the same time, that’s a privilege that I can choose. There are some people - especially those in large bodies - who have limited shopping options to begin with, both buying new and secondhand, and ability to steer clear of fast fashion may not be accessible for all.
• I also want to acknowledge that in the past (and maybe still now? I’m no longer sure!) when I was first active on YLF, I was at the younger end of the spectrum of forum participants.
• I’m going to turn 40 this year, and I am not shying away from my age - but I’m trying to care for this body better than I have in the past, and aim to treat it lovingly rather than aiming to disguise or transform it. Self-expression through a super vivid hair color, choosing when and how to wear makeup and when to skip it, and dressing in bold colors and patterns is part of that.
• My style preferences have shifted in the last few years. I’ll come across a piece that looks good and fits well and think that this just doesn’t feel like current ME. It’s not a matter of whether it feels “dated” or “trendy”, and trendy has never been a style moniker I aspire to. But you know how sometimes you put something on and it almost makes you itch and squirm because it just isn’t you and doesn’t fit with who you are today? That’s the way I feel about some of the pieces I thoughtfully chose a decade ago - but not everything. Sometimes I just feel like I’m “done” with something for a while - for example, being ready to try a different, longer hair length back in 2015 after having very short hair for the past 8-9 years, or feeling bored of wearing knit pencil skirts after at least a decade of that being a firm staple in my wardrobe.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Sarah, what do you mean by the “currency” of ageing? Do you mean more like in payment (or payoff?) terms or do you mean whether something is “current”? Not sure I can reply until I understand. Interesting thread so I would like to understand.

SarahD8

Veteran

Thank you all for the super interesting discussion that is developing here!

First off, quickly -- JenniNZ the title was just me engaging in silly wordplay, apologies for leading you astray with it. I would love to hear your thoughts -- I think the last paragraph of my initial post is the best I can do at the moment to frame the questions I'm wondering about.

LJP, thank you for being cool with me piggybacking! I totally agree with you that the devil is in the details. Oh, and thank you for reminding me of Linda Wright! I really like her style -- I kind of aspire to be a Scottish/Nordic version of her when I grow up.

kkards yes it's like when the trend comes around a second time you have to wear it in a cheeky way. Especially if you are wearing the trend via original items. This is something that often trips me up as I am kind of an unrelentingly earnest person. I think the wearer's personality makes a difference too!

More in a bit!

slim cat

Veteran

I'd say I'm still developing my style - with tendencies to include graphic tees, jeans and moto jacket into my every day life. To me the All Saints black leather moto inspired jacket is a classic.
The work dress code became my dressy version of outfits, but off duty looks are kinda same as a few years ago ( not polished or interesting enough ). My concern is what to wear on regular day off with no events/dates/lunches. The current comfortable outfits starting to look stale to my eye ( or even aging ) - project for the next few seasons to find the balance and update the relaxed/casual looks.

SarahD8

Veteran

Roberta and gryffin your posts are really interesting in juxtaposition to each other -- evolution vs. refinement. Perhaps both can avoid an unwelcome sort of stasis.

LJP ooh this -- "I think if you never look at the new, there is no context for the old stuff - clothing included" really crystallizes something nicely. Also I am right there with you on having completely lost touch with music.

Irina oh that's super interesting about the more trendy pieces that you feel haven't worked out for you!

suntiger wise words indeed!

Angie, Helena, and LaPed (three people whose distinctive styles I admire very much!) I am going to push back a little bit on the idea that trendy vs. classic is the only relevant spectrum here. I think that what many of us would label as "classic" is not just "not trendy" but actually a particular style, and one that is rather historically specific at that. (What we think of as "classic" IS a trend -- albeit one on a quite long cycle.) Like, I don't think many people would look at my colorful vintage fair isle cardigans and say, "Ah, a classic dresser!" Nor would they have that reaction to my the double-knit polyester pull-on slacks of my grandmother's set. You know?

rachylou

Veteran

I’m thinking of the ‘little old blue hair ladies’ of my college days, with the once a week hair appointments and the helmet hair that an earthquake couldn’t move. Them v the other cardboarded blue hair people who roamed the city at the same time. Were they on trend or not? I think one can’t reduce things down to a ‘symptom’ like blue hair. There’s a question of whether or not you’re responsive to the present or bespelled by a dream of the past. You can put on the same 40-yr-old dress and be one or the other somehow.

SarahD8

Veteran

Dee it sounds (and looks!) like you've found an admirable equanimity and confidence in observing the turning of the fashion wheel. Brava!

Jaime ooh -- "Maybe it is a conversation between me and the world and as long as I both keep listening and keep talking back I am less likely to get stuck?" -- this is excellent.

Kari, great food for thought here. I think I'm similar to you in relation to trends. I don't intentionally seek them out necessarily but sometimes I'll see somebody wearing something and think: "Ooh is this a thing? Are we doing this now? I'll play!" Great point about curating what you see on social media etc. to make it most useful to you.

slim cat those occasions that call for dressing mostly for ourselves can be tricky, can't they? Which is sort of the whole problem of the thread in microcosm...

rachylou yes exactly...it's hard to pick apart! And now I'm thinking, maybe my grandmother and her friends were exactly on trend, and I was simply not the intended audience.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Thank you Sarah! Not silly at all, just didn’t make sense to me. I’m also rather of an “unrelenting earnest person” myself. Like my dear departed Dad who pretty much only made jokes by accident, and this has frequently tripped me up being married to a laidback phlegmatic husband with a very dry sense of humour for nearly 37 years. I can tell when he is joking more than I used to be able to, but not always!
I was upset to have it suggested that perhaps I didn’t have as much interest as others in “moving forward with fashion”. I feel I have had a significant interest in fashion since at least my 20s. I just prefer what I prefer, mostly, and that’s resolutely not wide legs, for example. My reading inspired by this forum regarding Kibbe, for example, would also suggest that certain styles of pants may suit my probable Kibbe type better-so slimmer and possibly slightly cropped cigarette type pants. So I will tend to stick to those whether they are in fashion or not. I don’t know if something like that is enough to be a signature, and others could easily call it a rut. It is freeing to not feel a need to look at Instagram or TikTok. I don’t think those platforms would be good for my mental health. I understand that such a stance ages me and I accept that.

Kari

Veteran

Sarah: “sometimes I'll see somebody wearing something and think: ‘Ooh is this a thing? Are we doing this now? I'll play!’”

Yes, EXACTLY!

Brooklyn

Veteran

I am interested in trends because they represent new ideas in design, and design interests me. I take the Angie view that trends are just a smorgasbord, and you can take (or not take) whatever you want. But if you maintain an interest in what’s happening you can get ideas to evolve your own style. Personally, I don’t want to dress the same way forever, although there will certainly be some continuing themes that are expressed in terms of favourite silhouette, colours, patterns, vibe etc. Although I do keep some items in my wardrobe for a long time, I am constantly on the lookout for different ways to wear them. I enjoy variety and the challenge of outfit creation. That’s what interests me. Keeping up with trends is a means to an end, rather than an end in itself.

Olive Green

Veteran

What an interesting thread. I laugh along with Roberta, I think we are in the same ‘stage’. I do look at the toddler clothes longingly sometimes. Great color and simple shapes, what is not to like?
I love the second and third time around observations. It really makes a difference each time. I am wearing cargoes again because something in me resonates with the military vibes (I love a utilitarian piece) and the loose-hipped skater girl, and the sloppy hidden-figure goth girl and the worker-bee tool-using woman, all of whom enjoy this style.
Leaning into the toddler vibe, lol, I have them in orange as well as caramel, and color block with strong colored tops.
I don’t take myself so seriously any more?
I have the luxury of resigning from more competitive and public roles and environments?
Sarah’s noted the effect of an ‘intended audience’. That has really shown up on the few occasions where I feel obliged to show up wearing a more dignified aspect. I had to emergency buy a navy capsule and revisit current codes for funerals and more formal occasions. Outward facing fashion vs what you would do if no one cared…more balance.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

So many comments here that resonate!

I am coming to grips with aging. I just turned 58 and I realize I am extremely fortunate to be healthy and able to do all kinds of stuff physically that many people can’t do. I was walking 8+ miles nearly every day for the past month and never blinked at the effort (except for one day of descending a mountain on mile 13 of the day when my dogs were most decidedly barking!). So sometimes I almost have to remind myself that my style and my age need to “go” if not “match” so to speak. I can be attracted to looks that may not translate so well on a middle-aged body, but usually the mirror sets me straight pretty quickly. LOL

Balance is a key concept for me in many aspects of my life, and style is definitely one of them. I do love keeping current and I love shopping, so I’m usually quite up to speed on what is trending. I usually have strong reactions to trends and am pretty quick to ignore ones that are clearly not for me, while embracing the ones that are. And I shift with time — sometimes a style that trended hard will sour to me after a couple of seasons and I am anxious to move on.

At the same time, I have evergreen styles, silhouettes, and colors that I always like. I may put some of them on a back burner for a while when trends are completely counter to them, but I like the variety of changing things up a bit from time to time. I do think it helps keep my look fresh and evolving.

By the same token, I am always checking in with myself on things like hairstyle and eyeglass frames, which can make a huge difference in how I feel. I can feel very stale if I do the same thing for too long.

So I fall somewhere in between having a singular signature style (no Anna Wintour bob approach for me) and chasing trends. Balance! I think everyone has their own threshold, and that’s great.

April

Veteran

LJP's comment about haircut had me nodding along. Remember the Seinfeld where Elaine's lovely friend had a 1950s 'do?

My town is jam-packed with extremely thin older ladies sporting stick-straight white hair. Lisa Birnbach's Preppy Handbook was perhaps written after visiting this town. After a time this look is, to me, a big yawn. Not necessarily aging (part of the look is to be facially weathered from years of sailing) just predictable and boring.

Who remembers when LMA and I spotted Linda Rodin and Winky in NYC? I like the "unexpected-for-age" quality to Linda's outfits.

Helena

Veteran

Rachy, this is so good: "There’s a question of whether or not you’re responsive to the present or bespelled by a dream of the past. You can put on the same 40-yr-old dress and be one or the other somehow." ... Which I think ties somewhat into your point Sarah about classic being a style/trend, which I concede, you're completely right. As Angie says, there is such a thing as a modern classic ... Like a white shirt is a classic but the shrunken fitted style to my eye looks less current than an oversized linen version.

And Jenni, I don't think skipping social media is aging ... Or perhaps one of the gifts of aging is the discernment to know what to give a miss! Alas because of my job and my kids, I find it hard to avoid, so I take a "devil you know" attitude, but it can be a devil make no mistake!!

Indigoprint

Veteran

I am thinking that one's style personality has influence on what is "timeless".
For instance Iris Apfel's timeless would be different that say Audrey Hepburn.

judy

Veteran

Echoing what Suntiger said: 20 plus years ago I heard a phrase that stuck with me: “ One must have the intent to evolve.” And I would say willingness too. It applies to all of life of course, but also to fashion. And evolving is a fun adventure. Paying attention to the internal and external clues of what we are attracted to wear is a way to feel alive to creativity for me and for most of us here. It’s a way of life, not necessarily a place to arrive at, in my experience. Though, after I posted this I thought well one can have the feeling of having “arrived” in the midst of evolving! I feel like that these days and I like it.

Roxanna

Veteran

Wow, I find this discussion SO rich! Thank you for starting it, Sarah.
A few of my preferences lead to a struggle to look current, I think: I love really good quality and amazing fabric - I usually find these things secondhand/vintage. I love to layer - cardigans especially. And I love the charm of past eras. As well, my hair is salt and pepper and I intend to keep it that way - but all these things mean i need to balance with younger elements that I sometimes struggle with.

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