Hopefully this isn’t too tangential - in a previous discussion about being perceived as older, I mentioned the word ‘archetype’ to help consider why people may react subconsciously to women with grey hair, etc. Well this group just popped up as a suggestion in my Facebook feed. I’m trying to wean off Facebook so I won’t be joining, but I like the title… some food for thought.

Jules, I’ve seen the “crone” archetype a lot lately, and also the “grandma” thing. I’m just…not there and maybe never will be, in terms of embracing that kind of identity. Maybe this is my own personal bias, but I kind of resent being identified in terms of my apparent age, and certainly not as a grandma (I’m not one and never will be one) or a crone (I know the term originally meant an ugly or mean old woman but there has been a rebranding effort to own the word and turn it’s meaning more into one of wisdom and spirit).

This is not about appearance or style, but when I think about getting old, the two main images that pop into my mind are both photographers. One was a man I studied with for a week in NYC — he was 80 at the time and is still doing his thing 14 years later. He walked around NYC, where he has lived his whole life, with a camera, looking at the world with the wonder of a child. He never lost that sense of fascination and awe with the sights of every day. I aspire to that.

The other that comes to mind is also from over 15 years ago. I was traveling in the desert in California, and on the side of the highway was an older woman who was standing on a stepladder in the field taking photos of an abandoned shack. I stopped too, and we chatted a bit. She was 82 and told me she does the same thing I do — takes solo road trips to photograph places all around the country. I told her, I want to still be doing that when I’m 82 as well! I think I was 40ish at the time, and I still feel that way, maybe even more so now.

So… yeah, this is long winded and tangential, but I feel style is this way too. I don’t see radically changing my style as I get older because I don’t see changing myself as I get older. I want to stay engaged and curious and active as long as I can, and I want my style to support that. I know that things look different on an older body and face, and that’s ok. I’m trying to adjust to that reality.

Thanks for that Janet - I wasn't thinking of "crone" or "mature feminine" in terms of "grandma" or even parent, but I see how those concepts might overlap. You definitely got me thinking! I like your role models as well. I definitely agree that staying engaged is key. My mother was a grandmother but I wouldn't say that was her core identity as a mature woman, despite being close with my daughters. And she was very much engaged with the wider world around her to the very end.

I wonder if the best currency of aging is that we just don't care what other people think...and also, as an older woman, no one seems to care what I am wearing. What freedom!

Also, I find that my "awe quotient" increases with age. I heard a podcast on it this winter, how scientifically awe is healing for us. I hear that in what you are describing, Janet, with the photographers. Noticing beauty, in life (and clothes!) . Noticing the beauty of everything also helps take attention off of whether or not we think we are beautiful...wrinkles, etc.

That's really interesting, Judy.

I think that is right. It takes the egoism out of t.

I'm so sorry I missed this thread until now. I've been on a river cruise, with, cough cough, mostly old people. So I've thought about fashion a bit, and aging, and people's attitude toward the "aging" folks.

The cruise did make us feel that we were among the Younger Ones, but who knows. And I did learn some lessons, some of which are discussed in this thread.

The most memorable fashion I saw on our cruise was one older woman who was with her daughter. Who knows how old she was, but every day she wore a similar, eye-catching outfit. White, man-style long sleeved shirt with khaki pants, like Dockers. One day she did dress up with a pair of what looked like navy men's wool pants. She had short gray hair, always perfectly groomed. She wore nearly the same thing every day, unconventional, but she always looked well groomed.

The daughter wore tee shirts and cut off jeans--looked fine, in good shape.

But the mom! Here was a woman who knew what she wanted to wear and wore it. Every day I looked for her. Toward the end her pants were of a softer fabric, but still that beige color. She wasn't very tall but had excellent posture.

I need to think about this some more. And do a post on aging and fashion. I did take too many clothes and too much "in case stuff."