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Does your DH know how much you spend on clothes/accesories?

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

I am curious about this. Personally, my DH doesn't know what I spend because we have separate accounts and he doesn't ask. I do think if he knew how much I paid for my recent Pucci scarf(which i bought at 75% off retail so do the math)he would think I am insane. But he is t shirt and jeans kind of guy so I am not sure he understands the appeal of fashion

61 replies

Latest reply was from Mellllls

Anonymous

Nope! He is supremely disinterested in fashion. I buy all his clothes too. He does think I have an excessive amount of boots, but I have tried explaining how some go with different looks so that is why I need more than one pair!

rae

(website)

Veteran

We have separate accounts, too, and he usually doesn't ask. If he does, it's probably because he's not 100% sold on the look and is trying to help me decide to K/R. My DH is a tee and jeans guy as well, and pretty much thinks nothing should ever cost over $50, so I hear you. We do sort of have a dialogue about these things, where I might inform him of whether something was a splurge versus funded by my Ebay sales. But I purposely did not want joint accounts when we married because I never want to have to ask permission to spend my own money.

Kirti

(website)

Veteran

Yep! We set a budget for me (and him) based on household expenses and other stuff, so he knows exactly how much I spend! I do go over budget from time to time, but even then he always knows so that we can factor it into our monthly budget. Even if I didn't tell him, we have a joint account so he gets all my updates anyway. He doesn't always get why I buy what I buy (like neon jeans!) but I usually get what I want anyway

It kind of keeps me accountable so I like the system. Plus, I keep tabs on his technology sprees too and also make sure he spends on things he doesn't like to shop for, like clothes!

Anonymous

He never asks. He knows I almost always shop the sales, though, and that I don't buy expensive designer goods.

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

Rae: LOL, my DH is the same way-anything over $50 is HUGELY expensive to him. Incidentally, I had the same idea as you when DH and I got married about separate accounts because I didn't want to ask his permission to buy something. We actually discuss large purchases for household but not personal spending

Anonymous

Same with us, Victoria. Large purchases are always discussed. Just not the clothing budget and other small expenses.

Scarlet

Veteran

Yes, he knows. We agreed to a budget, and it's not a topic of discussion after that.

Anonymous

No, we work for the same company, he earns dramatically more and our pay goes into the same account for all the bills, kids stuff etc. Then we each withdraw the same amount every pay as mad money. He spends all his on golf and I spend mine on clothes, shoes, my hair, etc

DH also is not interested in clothes. Once or twice a year, I drag him out for suits, business casual clothes, etc....one day I want to do a big shop like we do for him

rae

(website)

Veteran

Haha, I'm glad there is another husband out there with the same ideas about clothing prices. It is a double-edged sword that I can get such great deals at the swap meets - it sure makes him fall over with sticker shock to see the prices at retail stores! We do discuss large and joint purcheses together (mattress, television, etc.)

Janet

(website)

Veteran

He has a good idea of what I spend, although I'm the one who pays the bills for the most part. He out-earns me by a huge margin (my artist income is modest at best), but never discourages me from buying something I need or like. Likewise, he buys what he likes as well. We certainly don't hide anything from one another, but he does laugh at me when he sees a Zappos box on our front porch.

qpswan

My DH loves a good bottle of wine AND he has a sailboat so no matter what I spend on clothes it is always less than what it costs to moor the boat. He spends more on wine than I spend on shoes and I can wear my shoes over and over again...

I am very lucky in this regard but I do seem to have an inate spending limit. I don't have extravagent tastes and generally shop the sales. This being said after a intense shopping trip to the US and a hefty Zappos delivery...

Anonymous

No, but not because I'm deliberately keeping him in the dark. We're a single-income family (he brings in the money) and I'm in charge of the finances. He trusts me not to overspend and I don't take that lightly. I buy what I want within reason and my tastes are not extravagant. I use common sense and we really don't have a problem.

catgirl

Veteran

What Rae said exactly.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Unfortunately, yes... I have only my SSD payment monthly, which I put in his account and his credit card in my name (authorized user) I have bad credit, due to no income for 5 months when I became disabled.... and the interest/penalties went sky-high! so he sees and nitpicks eveything.. sigh

Kate

Veteran

He could figure it out because he's a spreadsheet kind of guy and does our taxes, but he doesn't care. He still remembers when he could buy a $4 shirt, and he'll bring that up wistfully every once in a while. Yes, $4, you did read that right. Of course, that $4 shirt was from four decades ago, and Lord knows it probably didn't look like much then. Bless him, he just doesn't care about clothes. Like Janet's husband, he just laughs when he sees the Zappo's or Zara box on the front stoop. However, I do keep him in lots of very good wine! And when I can twist his arm, I do like to buy him clothes. That doesn't happen very often, though.

Vildy

Veteran

I don't think he knows exactly. He would see any retail purchases on the online bank statement. I endeavor not to spend much, anyway, and mostly thrift my clothing. I like to experiment and I feel freer to do that if the cost is a dollar here and a dollar there. Often, he will encourage me to buy something or go shopping and I don't if I don't feel like it.
Once upon a time, many years ago, we were very poor and I was an officer in a parent organization and was requested to wear a certain combination of colors to the annual banquet. My husband took me to a thrift store where I found something and I bought a couple of other things. Total of seven dollars. He was very angry at the expense. I was very angry at being treated that way - I was the one, after all, keeping the accounts. I am well pleased nowadays when I see he has learned some of the rudiments of being a husband. But also, he is less self-depriving as time goes on and I think that is somehow directly related. He works outdoors for part of his job and it took him many years to break down and finally buy himself some proper gear and stop suffering.

Julie

Veteran

Do non live-in boyfriends qualify?

Traci

Veteran

Yes, he knows, or has the ability to know if he ever wanted to track it. We share a bank account and we budget together. He was giving me a good hearted hard time a couple of months ago because he was trying out a new app for our budget and it sent him an email to alert him to high spending on clothing because I had beaten my previous month's spending by about 50%. I was a little alarmed at what my average was and how much I had spent that month.

Echo

Veteran

I'm not sure "asking for permission" factors into a good relationship, either with joint or separate accounts. DH is the main earner, but all of it is OUR money. He and I both have the same amount of "fun money" and unless we want to spend over that amount, it never is a factor how much each of us spent on something. He has a vague idea what a good bag or certain brands cost, but he never mentions it. : )

Mellllls

Veteran

We also have separate discretionary accounts and my money for clothes comes ou of that account. But I'm not hiding what I spend. I bet my husband actually thinks I spend MORE than I do :). I'm just a sales kind of girl.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Vildy, my husband is somewhat similar in that he doesn't always equip himself for work properly. Finally, last year (his 12th year at his job) he bought a Carhart down jacket (he's been wearing nothing but a fleece-lined sweatshirt!). And heavens if I didn't pay attention and buy him new work pants now and again lord knows he'd probably get complaints of indecent exposure; he lets them get so worn so that there are HOLES everywhere!

Victoria, we are the same; separate accounts. We split our joint expenses and pay into a joint account for those, and the remainder goes into our personal account, which is what I spend my discretionary money out of, including my hair cuts and my clothing.

Mellllls

Veteran

Jenava, we are EXACTLY the same way!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Definitely! We have a joint account. I shop for clothes/shoes, he shops for camera lenses and electronics. Our policy is we don't spend what we can't afford and we don't go into debt for anything.

Sometimes DH cringes when I order something on the pricier side and will say sweetly "we can afford that right?" but he knows I wouldn't buy it otherwise. It's all good.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

BTW, this reminds me; this discussion came up at work an my current boss was AGHAST that we kept our accounts separate. She still brings it up and says how odd it is; I don't get it. I don't think it's odd at all - it seemed like the natural and obvious choice when we got married. I honestly can't imagine sharing my account with someone.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Same as Anne. When we attended pre-marriage counselling we had to answer questions about a variety of senarios to see if we were on the same page. We still laugh about the 'How much should we be able to spend on a single item without telling each other', where I said 'Unlimited figure'! We subsequently agreed on $500 and have pretty much stuck to that since. (20 plus years ago though, so perhaps it now should be $1000?)

qfbrenda

Veteran

Yep, no secrets here. We are both an open book in this regard.

"Our policy is we don't spend what we can't afford and we don't go into debt for anything."

Yeah, that.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

No, I know that he doesn't though occasionally I inform him. DH is the main bread winner, but I do all of the accounts, bills and such. He doesn't like to have to pay attention to that sort of thing, so I take care of it.

We trust each other not to over-spend and I usually show off new purchases anyway. Like Jeneva and Vildy, my DH tends not to spend on himself. It was a Big Deal when we went and bought him some work pants at $60 each and my mom got him a good Carhart's jacket. He is thrilled with the pants because one of them has knee pads built in, and it's saved him so much trouble and discomfort. Time for a new pair soon....

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

Jenava: I had friends tell me as well that its very odd why DH and I have separate accounts and why wouldn't we just combined our finances, etc. I had joint acct with my ex-husband, and it was terrible, he always questioned everything I spent(and I am not a big spender or anything). I had no desire to experience this kind of situation again. Although I did have a friend tell me that because we have separate acct, it must mean we don't "trust each other"(which I thought was a lot of baloney)

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

It is totally a lot of baloney Victoria! It's whatever works for each couple.

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