Separate accounts here too, with a joint account for household stuff. I like the system. As for my clothing costs, he knows I'm reasonable and he may have seen me updating my "fashion" budget, but it hasn't been a discussion or an issue.
DH will pay more than $50 for clothes, not in a fashion-y way but if it fits he will buy it and be done. Like Jenava, I do have to tell him when it's time to get rid of his current clothes, because they are hole-y.

Yes, Victoria, I think that is what my boss thinks as well although she knows better than to state it openly, thank goodness! Everyone has different ways of doing things, and in this case whatever works the best for a particular couple is, well, the best!

Shannon and Jehava: exactly, thank you! Whatever works for couple. The friend in question has one joint account with her husband and although she says he never questions her expenses and it works fine for them, I could NEVER be comfortable with that kind of arrangements. But that's me-I am very independent and like to take care of my own finances

I do all of the budgeting and bill paying so he probably only has a vague idea. He doesn't care either way though. In fact he eggs me on to buy Frye shoes and other expensive items. I'm the one who usually refuses because I understand our budget and goals and if there are limits, they're self-imposed.

We've had a joint account since before we were married. Fortunately we've never had a dispute about money. I can't imagine the two of us having separate accounts but I definitely respect that it works best for other people.

The state I live in is a marital property law state, so technically everything that's his is mine and vice versa. If either of us were to apply for a credit card, the other would be sent a letter informing them. In the case of a divorce, I'd be responsible for his debt and he for mine. So while I understand how separate accounts may work better for some couples for everyday life, in the eyes of the law there IS no separation - at least in this state.

That said, I cannot imagine being married to someone who would question my spending. For anyone who has experienced that, I more than understand why you would maintain separate accounts for comfort's sake. But my DH has never said a word, even for extravagant purchases that he couldn't understand (few and far between). There is no way I could live with someone who treated me like a child (checking on my spending or questioning it).

We have joint accounts and DH could look up anything on credit card statements. He knows I am frugal in general and trusts me. I give myself an approximate "clothing allowance" because I like having boundaries. Only once since I joined YLF a few years ago has he said "you are buying lots of clothes" - and I slowed down then. Last year we were anticpating a 25% drop in his income (we are a single income family) and I offered to almost give up any clothes buying and gym membership and he said no I could still have them. He certainly doesn't spend much on clothing - a few hundred at Rivers Clearance stores every so often, but is slightly more extravagant than me and I am the one who has to be persuaded to buy any bigger household purchases.

Echoing Echo

We've been married for 39 years and have never questioned each other's spending. Having said that, I wouldn't want to make an expensive purchase without discussing it with him, more as a courtesy than anything else. I can't imagine living with someone who tried to make me feel bad about my decisions-- financial or otherwise.

My DH and I have always had separate accounts. We both contribute from our own to a joint account for bills and also another account for trips or extra expenditures. He has a few nice suits and a great coat, and other then that he is a O'Neill tshirt, cargo shorts, reefs flip flops kind of guy. He sees packages come and go and occasionally says something about them if he doesn't like the item I pull out of the box. He is actually pretty good about it. I went from an uber casual department last year to having to work in the administrative offices and I have been trying to put together a wardrobe ever since. Before this school year, I lived in levis and tshirts and boots or sandals.

We talk to each other about our spending, particularly when certain things have a big price tag, but we're pretty relaxed about it.

Seriously, this lurker had to sign up on this forum just to answer this thread. ;o) I've been losing weight steadily over the last three years and have probably renewed my entire wardrobe twice at this point. Hubby begs me NOT to go to thrift stores... He was raised to think that accepting hand-me-downs was shameful, and buying somebody else's, completely unthinkable. LOL! I've bought a few things there anyway. He now has told me it's OK, as long as I get the new stuff with tags still on.

He probably does think it gets pricey sometimes, but it's his own fault. He also knows that I am so cheap, that if I spent money on something, it's because I couldn't find it cheaper and it's worth it. We have joint accounts, but as far as I know, he never checks. If he does, he never says anything. Here's to trust.

Of course, at the beginning of our relationship, he complained about how much I spent on groceries. So I took him with me the next time and didn't say no to anything he wanted to put in the cart. His eyes got big as saucers when he found out he had spent twice as much as I usually did. And that was the last time he complained about my spending. ROFL!

Yes DH knows:). We have a joint account and DH manages our finances because he is good at it and I am not. We both have a budget set for our particular interests (mine clothing, his sound and musical equipment) and any large purchases are always discussed and agreed upon. Works beautifully for us and we have ever had an issue:)

We have separate accounts as well as joint accounts --- and both sets are actually motivated by a bunch of legal requirements and benefits (tax breaks that I can get as a woman that he can't; benefits he gets as a salaried employee that I can't; proof that both of us individually contribute our income to home ownership even though the asinine loan repayment rules insist that payments always come from ONE account...) So yeah, we're open chequebooks to each other!

Also, in any case, we've always done our budgeting out of the same spreadsheet; so anyone can put in the household expenses at any time. And *everything* is in that spreadsheet --- so again, open book.

Best of all, he's the one I typically go shopping with. So yeah, he does know exactly what I spend and vice versa. Oddly, his rules for sticker shock are different for him and me! He'll go into conniptions over the prices of men's clothes (admittedly, typically higher than the women's equivalent); but say I can spend more on each type of garment if I want.

But yes, we do debate each other's purchases, because we're voluntarily in a career that's not the best paid and we need to keep an eye on the expenses. I tend to debate his clothes and shoes far less, because he buys less and as I said, frugally (I have to make sure his T-shirts are hole-free!); indeed, I'm usually egging him on to buy the *better* rather than the *cheaper* item. I do debate his electronics sometimes (camera lenses!) and his kitchen equipment often (I swear we have something like a dozen wooden spatulas and ladles and spoons --- in either home! and yeah, they're all a little different, just like my shoes...!). He debates my shoes more often than anything else; and it actually helps, because I do want and need to limit myself to fewer and more versatile shoes for reasons of both space and budget. Compared to most couples in similar careers and life stages, we spend a lot more on groceries I think --- it's a conscious choice; but knowing that's where we tend to go overboard, we both try to keep the other in check!

You do often hear 'Can I buy XYZ?' in our household, which would probably be unthinkable to many of you as it sounds like 'asking permission'. But it's our way of keeping each other apprised of where the money's going and making sure individual excitement does not trump common and especially long-term goals. Because the truth is we both have slightly expensive tastes compared to our incomes

Well, yes and no. We have joint accounts. We both work and make roughly equal amounts and pay off our CC bills every month so we're not going into debt for anything. I have my Nordstrom card (I put all clothing purchases on that card to keep track) on Mint, so he can check the balances anytime. But I don't always advertise to him each time I place an order. The problem is I'm such a perfectionist that I'll order five or ten different styles of an item I want (right now, I'm looking for a cobalt dress for my sister's wedding) and then keep only one of them and return the rest. If I told him the total amount or number of orders I think he'd object. But I'm only keeping 10-20% of what I buy. I think if I could get better at figuring out what will work for me in advance, then it would be easier for me to be more open about it. For now, I wait until after a piece of clothing survives K/R then discuss with him and if he really hates it then return. I should get better about asking him in advance but I just don't want to overwhelm him and make him think I'm buying more than I really am (since I don't keep most of it). FWIW, he has his camera and scuba hobbies, and discusses purchases with me. Like he recently bought a new dive computer and flash for his camera. So it's not like i'm the only one spending money on hobbies!

Are there any other serial orderer/returners? How do you deal with the huge amount of packages coming to your door? I usually just tell DH, "I'm about to order a bunch of X's, but I'm only keeping one of them" so hopefully he won't freak!

My husband doesn't care ( or really know ) as long as we stay within our monthly/annual budget. It would be a problem if I went over budget regularly and didn't tell him, though. He knows that I am responsible.

We're also the separate accounts married couple. There just never seemed to be a reason to combine? But we have no kids and we both work fulltime. I suspect the separate accounts might change if either of those things did.

My SO and I don't live together so of course all is separate. But I have made it obvious that clothes are a hobby so the poor dear is prepared to accept my habits when/if the commitment comes. He is laughing at my spreadsheet showing my average spending...and any time money comes my way unexpectedly I make sure to point out that shoes will be purchased! He cannot say he didn't know later!

We have a seperate account but then we very well know what each other purchased... Though he never asks the state of my account... This was how it used to work when I had a job :)...

gp...i confess to being a serial buyer/returner. hubs calls the new packages things waiting to be returned!

We are married and have separate checking accounts, but a joint savings account and two joint credit cards (one for general expenses, one for gas and groceries specifically). We don't really have a set budget, but we never spend beyond our means and pay off our credit cards each month. When we pay bills throughout the month, we decide who is going to pay what, or what portion, then we each write out checks.

He is another example of someone who seems to have a hard time spending any money on himself, though he is loosening up a bit and is now shopping online for himself sometimes. I am one of those "You can't take it with you" types :). He would never say anything negative or parental to me about my purchases or spending--I would find it intolerable and unacceptable to live with a man who did that kind of thing.

B. and I are not married so we are each responsible for our own spending; we split the costs on joint expenses (rent, utilities, food, shared activities.) Both of our income levels have essentially been the same for the past year and a half, and we have different hobbies that we individually spend money on (him: season tickets to sports games and subscriptions to the games he plays online; me, personal style.) We aren't accountable to each other at this point for our own expenses, but both of us make sure that there is enough going into our individual savings and of course to cover the essential living expenses before spending on fun things.
I'd expect that the accountability level would change if we ever married and combined our finances, though.

He knows because I'll open and package and exclaim loudly, "this originally cost $78 and I got it for $9! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

This has changed over the years with us. We are not married, but cohabitating and sharing all costs for the last 11 years. When I was bartending and making cash tips, I'd buy little things that struck my fancy. I gave paychecks towards the bills and most of my tips, but would hold over little bits for fun money. The first time we moved to FL and he was the sole wage earner, I started to look for deals with my light spending cash and not really knowing how much I could/should spend. This led to vague guilt feelings, probably mostly because I'd never not earned my own money before. Eventually, on the 4th move to FL, I decided on a budget ($1500 last year, not including gifts) and shared the idea with him to head off any discussions about 'more clothes'. That solved me trying to score the most I could for the least cash, and trying to be sneaky about it to avoid explaining myself. Best thing I ever did!
I still don't trumpet my purchases, but they are within my predetermined budget ($1000 this year, plus gifts) and I keep a list of needs that I stick pretty close to. I'm a bargain hunter still, and even my biggest purchases yet are still bargains: Fryes for $235 instead of $398, and my Muubaa for $147 instead of $310
He spends for quality: Canali suits, Moreschi shoes, Citizens of Humanity and True Religion for casual pants. He is a minimalist, though, and really does believe in quality over quantity.
I think we've gone past the "another dress, pair of shoes, fill in the blank?!?" to an understanding that it's a hobby of mine and that I'm not being frivolous with our money.

Married 43 years, we have always had one joint account, but trust each other to be wise and have always lived well within our means plus putting away savings, even as students. He knows what I spend because he takes care of the bills. He also knows that most of my wardrobe is thrift or consignment and more is clearance sales. This is our first year trying to live on retirement fixed income and it has meant scaling back, especially if we want to travel. He has no expensive hobbies. Luckily I have a pretty good wardrobe and want to just add a few quality pieces each year.

What nicoleb said rings a bell - I am usually so pleased and excited about something that there's no way he couldn't really 'know' what I spend on clothes and fashion. I love telling my husband about the latest deal I got, whether it's clothes, household items or what have you.

That said though, I manage all the bills and finances. He can easily look at everything, and pay the bills himself - but I normally do it.

In general, I don't ask him questions about what he buys and he doesn't ask me about what I buy either. We can both easily see what we're spending and we're pretty good about not going overboard. I don't hassle him about stuff and he doesn't hassle me about stuff.

That said, we will check in with each other for something more expensive than usual or something that's out of the ordinary. Plus, if it's something that we both have to live with and use, then we'll always seek each other's opinion first before rushing off and buying something. A silly example is me wanting new pots and pans - he cooks too, so I took him shopping for new pots and pans and we bought something we both liked. He wanted new patio furniture, and he showed me what he thought was a good deal and that he thought we'd like etc.

But clothes and fashion? No, not really. Sure, I ask him what he thinks of what I bought, but it's mainly because I want to know if he likes the item/outfit. He doesn't ask how much something cost or how much I spent, but can easily see for himself what we're spending.

We're also a lot like what Joy was saying - we trust each other implicitly to 'do the right thing', and somehow, it all works out. I don't bug him about what he buys, he doesn't bug me about what I buy and we both check in with each other about anything major or anything that we should both have a 'say' in, so to speak. I don't worry about him and he doesn't worry about me.

My DH probably doesn't know *exactly* what I've spent in any particular month on clothes and fashion, but could easily ask or find out. I don't say, "I spent $XXX.XX on __________" or what have you. But then, he's also not doing that either if he needs a new replacement gadget or whatever. I trust him - if he needs a new phone, he needs a new phone. He trusts me, and if I need a new winter coat, then I need a new winter coat - and there isn't any questioning of each other on these types of things.

Just by answering this question, I'm realizing that we're both pretty trusting of each other and pretty relaxed - because we 'know' each other, and that we wouldn't do anything overly rash, without checking in. I trust his judgement, and he trusts mine.

Come to think of it - my DH has never ever even once asked what I've spent or how much something cost.

I don't think he *knows* exactly, but it's ok.

Hope this wasn't too confusing - the short answer is "No, but he can easily see for himself what's being spent and isn't concerned."

After reviewing the replies I think it takes trust whether you share and account or not; If not, you have to trust that the other person is not putting themselves into debt, and if so, same thing, although it's a little easier to see.

In both arrangements it takes trust to make it work!

Well said Jenava - what you're saying makes a lot of sense. Whatever way a couple prefers to arrange their finances (joint, separate, or a combination), it still means trusting the other.

To answer your original question, no. And he is better off that way. We are very closely aligned on many things, but his sense of money is scaled differently - to him, $20 is "a lot." This is a source of friction in our marriage for sure.

He knows or could know if he wanted to. We have joint accounts. He is uninterested in clothes for himself, but has other hobbies. He collects roman coins. He likes that I am interested in fashion, because he sees it makes me happy. He trusts me not to go overboard. Occasionally he will be aware of the cost of a particular item and be shocked because as he jokes he picks up his annual wardrobe for under $400. haha

We have a joint checking account but I am in charge of the finances and Hubby honestly doesn't take all that much interest in it. We each have a clothing allowance, and his tends to pile up in his savings account while mine gets spent every month, along with all my other discretionary spending money! And sometimes he'll buy me clothes or shoes out of his account. So I'd say he has a general idea of how much I spend.

He is supremely uninterested in how much I spend or indeed what I spend money on. I on the other hand am a total financial control freak so I know what we both spend to the nth degree.