Every year I honour my late Mum on Mother’s Day, sharing the profoundly positive effect that she had (and continues to have) on my perceptions about fashion and style. And for that I will always be truly grateful. Then there’s the other side. The times when Mum didn’t like what I was wearing, and even discouraged some of the looks that I desperately wanted to wear.
My Mum always commented on what I wore. She was very generous with her compliments and lovingly dished them out when she liked my outfits. When she didn’t like my style direction, she cut straight to the chase and told me so. Tact was not my Mum’s strong point in these situations because she firmly believed that she was helping her daughter by making things clear. Many times she was right and I’ll give Mum her due. But sometimes, I felt that Mum was wrong about the style choices she thought were less than fabulous.
For example, I was extremely drawn to punk style as a teen in the early 80’s. I fantasized about 20 eyelet Dr. Martens and wearing black from head to toe with studs, leather, chains, buckles and zippers forever. But Mum loathed this look and I was not allowed to dress punk-like at all. I didn’t rebel, because I held what my Mum said about fashion and style in high regard. Mum also hated seeing her daughter unhappy, so we struck a compromise. I wore biker jackets, studded belts, big hair and black in pretty combinations with bright colours. I was also allowed to wear shoe style Dr. Martens, but not the boots. Life was good and we could all live in peace.
In the early 90’s, I started my professional fashion life. I was in the midst of the fashion scene and very much influenced by trends and what people wore in the fashion industry. I cut my hair very short and gelled it back so that it stayed looking wet and sleek for the day. In true Prada-esque style I wore lots and lots of deadening black from head to toe. Well, well, well. This new leg of my style journey caused many a comment from Mum, who maintained that I looked very severe. She loved my short pixie cut, but NOT when it was gelled back sleek like a gangster. Where was all the colour? Why was I dressing like a gangster.
This time I rebelled. I loved my new look because it made me feel powerful, cool and fabulous at work. I also felt extra hip and fashion-y, receiving many compliments that out weighed my Mum’s opinion. Looking back though, I definitely should have lightened up the colour of my outfits sooner. Black can look very harsh against my pale complexion and wearing it from head-to-toe day in day out was not my best look. I still stand behind my gelled back hair though!
My Mum’s opinion on hairstyle didn’t stop at the gel. I grew my hair long a few times after super short haircuts and bobs. Each time I did this Mum said that I did not suit long hair and that sticking to a short bob or short do was best. I grew my hair anyway, but with hindsight I think she was right.
It’s been years since my initial fascination for 20 eyelet Dr. Martens. They never grew on Mum, but they continued to pull on my heart strings so I took the plunge 4 years ago and bought a pair in black and white. I love them to bits and wear them frequently on rainy, slushy and snowy Seattle days. I doubt my Mum would approve, but I had to release my inner punk.
Looking back I can see how my Mum influenced my style with both positive and negative feedback. In retrospect I appreciate both, and I really respect my Mum’s directness about the things she didn’t like. I am aware that we generally saw eye to eye on style matters and many mothers and their daughters aren’t as lucky as we were. If there was one thing I would do differently if I had a daughter, it would be to be more lenient on the experimentation with items that were outside of my own comfort zone.
When I was a grown up the tables turned and I got the chance to influence my Mum’s style. She happened to be sample size, so as a ladieswear buyer I would often bring her samples of things that would be great on her, even if they were outside her comfort zone. She loved this, and I definitely introduced her to some new style directions — like dressy jeans.
Ladies! Please share stories on how your mother shaped your style direction. Did she ever tell you in no uncertain terms that she did not like your outfit? Perhaps Mum was right. Perhaps Mum was wrong. I’d like to know how you felt about her style commentary and whether you rebelled against what she said. Have her words had a lasting effect? And if you’re Mums yourselves, how do you influence your children’s style? Lets hear it!
