Ooh, Sal, that's a fun idea.

Maybe some day we can try a challenge like that -- figure out some items we have that is the same or similar to several other forum member's and style it in our own inimitable ways.

SarahDB said: "(So, I'm saying that the gentle pressure to say something nice is actually a gift *to me.*)".

I love that -- and experience it in a similar way. I had a poetry prof who had the same effect on my workshop group. We were a wildly varied group with vastly different aesthetics. It was so enlightening to look for the positive in every piece of work that came in.

Popping in to say hi & to share a little bit of my story Interesting thread & responses - many of which resonate! Will bold my own reasons for sharing & looking at WiWs) in my drivel below, lol:

I haven't posted in quite a while but when I first joined the forum (under another username) it was mostly to comment on Angie's blog & occasionally the forum (absorbing fashion wisdom along the way). I think I started posting more frequently for advice after I moved to Brazil & my suitcase went missing - brings a whole new meaning to the 'I have nothing to wear' dilemma, lol!

I think I finally became less shy about posting WiWs after I moved to Hong Kong & actually had some space to take photos (as per @rachylou) but without my face showing. Whilst I appreciate compliments (who doesn't?), I did it because I value the 'constructive criticism' here from folk who have a bit more to give, fashion-wise - my family would be more concerned with cultural parameters and my husband sees no need to dress up (ever lol), so their feedback always skewed differently.

Like @Jonesy I'm quite a visual person, so I like looking at others' WiW & I find it easier to understand people's perspectives when I can 'see' their styles. So I figured people would also benefit from seeing mine ( a form of 'giving back' to the forum, as others put it). I used to be more cautious about only posting photos from the neck down, but after occasionally asking for makeup/ hair advice, I felt a little more at ease with occasionally showing my face so people can see what I look like (I find it easier to 'visualise' Fabbers in my head if I can imagine them standing there, which I appreciate can be difficult to do without a face). I still hide my photos after a little while though, because I sometimes find it weird to scroll through and see myself on the internet - even though @Judy I also remember the blogs (& also had my own at one point, lol)!

Speaking of which, I'm like @SarahD8 in that posting a WiW can help me build on my written thoughts by eliciting others' input, so that I can bounce back ideas in order to help crystallise them into actions. The visuals help alongside the text - for example, I like how @Donna8's challenge WiWs with lots of photos in one post help to tell a story of what she wore throughout the month. Or posting different photos of the same look allows you to gain different perspectives, as if you were looking at the outfit in-person.

@Brooklyn I've also felt the same thing you described - especially if I was posting & commenting around the time that the forum was active but wasn't receiving responses (those of you in eastern hemisphere timezones know what I'm talking about, lol). But as @Suz says, sometimes the type of engagement (or a lack of it) is less about us & more about them. I appreciate your (& others') WiWs though - it takes a lot of work to put yourself out there (& in good quality photos)! The different looks & approaches help to push the envelope on my own fashion boundaries

On the flip side, I've found that, the more self-assured in my own style, the less of a need I feel to post WiWs! Since my silhouettes/ colours/ styles are becoming almost 'uniform' now, I'm not buying much new to 'show off' anymore & I'm also less unsure of whether something will work on me or not anymore (hence not needing to ask as many K/R questions). So I'm not sure whether my WiWs would be of use to anyone on the forum anymore! So, dear Fabbers: do you prefer to see the 'process' in WiWs, or the end destination of the fashion journey?

I have loved this thread so much that I keep coming back and reading each and every response.

Irina to your point: "I rather dislike this “say something nice or nothing at all” I find that people often feel they obligated to say something nice even if they don’t like it or indifferent."

This is a very fair point of disagreement. The risk of course is that if people feel obligated the responses are inauthentic ... like I think someone looks terrible but I tell them they look great to be nice. However, I think what I try to do is, as Jaime says "meet people where they are" ... so even if something is not to my taste, I can find elements to genuinely appreciate (moreso when I understand their personal style and priorities). The genuine piece is key ... I don't think it's useful to be dishonest. If I truly couldn't find something positive, I would choose to keep my mouth shut. Unless feedback was sought, in which case I would try to share my thoughts in a constructive way.

But as I say, your point is fair and well-taken!

It took me reading all the comments to be able to articulate my answer.
I have been in the forum for 15 years and I find that the times that I posted WIW more were times of change for me, like being a new mother, moving to a new country,starting a new job.
Although the blog and forum have changed and evolved during these years I believe that the underlying message has always been that it is worth to be seen, that fashion/style is a form of self expression and can be a great tool for self acceptance and self care. In this light, I think that WIW's coming from people with different backgrounds, cultures, needs and body types reinforces the positive message that there isn't only one acceptable way of being, but rather many different ways all of them with their valour. I always enjoy when members have the generosity to share their outfits even if I don't comment.
Besides the times where I would be asking for advice, showcasing one of Angie's formula or participating in a challenge I wouldn't post photos because I think that if I post an outfit that makes me happy and showcase it as " I feel great in this" besides a potential happiness shared there is no good answer that the forum can have. I realize that this has more to do with my delivery than anything else but the fact remains that no matter what I can say otherwise having no answers to posts is demoralizing.

I enjoy looking at WIW’s. I don’t post myself for privacy, shyness, logistical reasons (plus I loathe myself in photos). And I don’t always comment for many of the reasons others have mentioned above - everything’s already been said, I don’t have a suggestion (if the person is asking for one), I’m ambivalent or dislike a look, I’m just not having a “chatty” day, etc. Also, for me, whether something “works” or not is an intuitive reaction, so I might find it difficult to articulate a response in a helpful/kind manner.

I do like the more general discussions about style and fashion, and opportunities to reminisce about past favorite eras.

Fascinating thread, wow.

I absolutely love seeing others' WIWs and getting a chance to know people's various styles better, get ideas, and just see how other real women dress for their real lives. My hope is I can contribute in the same way, at least once in a while.
I don’t post photos often, because it makes me feel just generally vulnerable, even though I have received nothing but kind and positive comments here. I do post photos when I want suggestions on how to style a new item or a tricky item, or in response to a style challenge, or sometimes just for validation. I have highly appreciated the suggestions I have received, which have been super helpful. The people around me are not interested in these subjects the way forum members are.

After a couple of days' worth of slow-burn introspection, I have concluded that I post WIWs mainly to "give back" - show forum members and Angie how they have inspired me, both in the particulars of the outfits and the overall sense of joy, contentment, and/or satisfaction I am experiencing in that moment. Thus I only really post outfits I am happy with and I'm not really looking for a critique (although gentle suggestions are appreciated!). At the same time while of course I enjoy validation, it's not competitive, so not getting the same level of interest as another forum member is totally fine.

On the idea of "the gentle pressure to say something nice" I like this phrase from Sarah, and Suz's response. Reminds me of a little game I played with my daughter when she was young... we would walk along the lakeside strip where our summer cottage is and pick our favourite thing about each dwelling (which range from the pretty basic to the pretty fancy). It gave us a positive reason to be gawking and we could always come up with something to admire, be it nice trees, pretty chairs, old-fashioned details, modern upgrades...

Generally speaking I find the idea that it's "too hard to be nice" interesting (to be clear I'm not attributing that to anyone here). By being opinionated, critical, etc, doesn't one also need to be open to equally opinionated pushback on that?

Jules, "

By being opinionated, critical, etc, doesn't one also need to be open to equally opinionated pushback on that?"
I probably coming to it from a different side. I learned important facts about how to dress late in my life and often feel regret that I didn't know much about fabrics, brands, type of outfits, proper fit when I was younger. I became a forever student of fashion. Offering an opinion (I don't unless asked) seems useful to me. Saying something nice, too.

I'm glad I asked this question. I came here years ago first of all to learn from Angie and others. I'm not static in my style and I thought if I share my journey with others, I contribute to an overall discussion on style and it might interest/help. But it seems that we are at the point in our lives that aside from something specific, we do not need and not seeking opinions of others but rather affirmation.

To be clear the act of offering a critical or nuanced opinion is generally not what I would push back on - it would be on the opinion itself: what it's rooted in (expertise vs bias), maybe how it's phrased. Basically, offering an opinion on the opinion (which does get a bit meta and away from the original point). If I see that someone is not interested in that pushback, I will eventually drop it. It's the tension between wanting to give critical opinions and how one receives feedback on them that I find interesting.

A very interesting discussion! I love WIWs but mostly don't post photos myself (maybe I've done one or two in a decade). It's a double-standard, I guess. It's a privacy thing, a desire not to spend too much time on social media or have my mind occupied with social media and posting, and that sometimes I think my outfits look abfab in person but I can't capture them the way I want to in a photo, ha ha!

Oh, Celia, “it is worth to be seen”
is the most perfect thing to say.

Very interesting responses. I’ve loved reading all of them. I’ve been on the forum for 10+ years, and I originally joined simply because I love fashion. I liked seeing what real people were wearing and having the opportunity to interact with them. I like that it’s a “safe space” - no rudeness allowed. Constructive comments are fine, but who wants to post something and have someone be mean to them? YLF wouldn’t have grown to be the friendly, fun, supportive community that it is if that had been allowed to happen.

I first started posting because I wanted feedback; I wanted to learn. I’m a very visual learner so looking at my own outfit photos, combined with reading comments/suggestions from others, really helped me a lot. One year I posted my outfits for each month and then reflected on my progress. It was quite the learning experience.

I also started posting because I felt like I was getting to know people through reading their posts, and I wanted people to get to know me. I slowed way down with posting outfits the past few years because in getting ready for retirement I wasn’t buying or even refreshing that part of my wardrobe. Now that I’m retired I have a whole new set of wardrobe needs, so I hope to get back to posting more often.

Kathy,
I like the idea of posting one outfit a month. I think it’s possible for all even if our lifestyles are now more casual. Also, would be great to see them all at once in our own photo collection.

Irina,

I didn't post one outfit a month, I posted all my outfits for the month in one post, every month - I apologize for the confusion! And it probably really wasn't ALL the outfits I wore, just a selection. I enjoyed doing it that way because when looking back, I could definitely see how my style evolved, how I paid more attention to fit, and how I learned to mix and match items. One outfit per month is a great idea, though! It would help me with reevaluating my now much more casual, more gear based, wardrobe.

@staysfit Sure! I've reposted my question here, if you're still interested:
https://youlookfab.com/welookf.....references

Thanks for kicking off the discussion, @Irina.