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Tips on culling with evolving style preferences?

Christina F.

Veteran

I don't expect this post to gain much traction during NAS (I don't have and won't get a Nordstrom card, so I'm waiting to see if I can buy a couple of basics), but I'm at a point where I need to write it.

I've written before about how I have small Manhattan space for clothes that's challenging because my tastes are evolving. Well, Angie's recent post about rules we don't need to follow any more solidified so,e of why my tastes are changing:

1. I'm no longer looking for things to be tailored and "flattering" in that What Not to Wear kind of way. I still love the fit and flare dresses and fitted knit tops I have, and don't want to get rid of them all, but I've been drifting towards a looser, more boho style. Also, this summer, I am showing more skin because I don't care anymore about my perceived "flaws." This is a product of getting older and more confident.

2. But the problem really is that I don't want to get rid of all the old stuff. I still wear a lot of it. Yet I can't help being extremely attracted to new stuff. Part of this is poor impulse control (I return a lot of stuff when I see it on me at home) and a need for some kind of creative hobby, and I'm working on both. But in addition to working on my mindset, I would like to find a balance between the old and new - I do need to cull some stuff I still like, or put some of it in storage for later, if I continue to shop. I think this problem may get better once summer is over, as I'm addicted to summer clothes and my fall and winter wardrobe is in good shape (My style change started last fall).

Have any of you ever tried to cull during a style change, without wanting to get rid of all the pieces from your older style? For instance, I'm not wearing a lot of breton stripes right now, but I want to keep at least a few because I know I will reach for that style again. I'm also trying to mix my more classic, fitted pieces with my new more relaxed ones, with varying degrees of success. Any other tips?

PS - this post was brought to you by the fact that I bought a romper after pooh-poohing that style for years. I was pleasantly surprised to find one that was not unflattering on a 37-yo pear shape body. I think the lack of thigh rub will make is a nice alternative to a summer dress, though I wouldn't wear it to work.

Daisy Tie Neck Romper

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27 replies

Latest reply was from Christina F.

Gaylene

Veteran

Well, I'm staying out of the NAS madness because my success rate with it is dismal. Living in Canada with a lower dollar, and with shipping and duties added to the mix, has led me to some unfortunate decisions. BUT culling is something I've learned about when we moved from a house with huge closets to a city condo with about the 1/4 of our former storage space.

What worked for me was to decide how many items in a particular category I wanted to have in my revised closet. Once I had my numbers, I looked at the candidates for each category and picked the best of the lot until I reached my number. My thought was, by forcing myself to compare and rank similar items, I'd find it easier to let go of items at bottom of the ranking. There was, however, an unexpected surprise to this process:

I decided to cull my pants to 10 items--4 dressy and 6 casual. Once I started, though, I realized all my top ranking picks for casual pants were going to be jeans. On the spur of the moment, I decided to restrict myself to 4 pairs of jeans and use the extra 2 places for a silky cargo pant and a pair of cropped skinny ponte pants to add some variety. Those cargo pants and cropped ponte skinnies had been bought for exactly that purpose, but were always being passed over as "don't have time to style" in favor of a pair of trusty jeans. Same thing with my dressier pants--all were turning out to be variations of black, straight-legged styles, so I dropped my least favorite pair for a pair of wide-legged, silk pants in cream. I liked those pants but they hadn't seen much action because of my dressy black pant style rut.

Seeing my 10 pairs of pants lying on the bed, it dawned on me the pants which excited me the most were the silky cargo pants, the cropped ponte skinnies, and the wide-legged cream dress pants --the very pants which I had usually passed over when getting dressed! My style preferences had shifted--but my dressing habits were obviously still mired in the past. I stared at my 10 items, and decided then and there to cull another pair of dark jeans and the second pair of well-worn black dressy pants so I'd have room to add a pair of cropped, white jeans and a pair of printed skinnies from the discard pile on the floor. These last two additions weren't favourites, but they were good placeholders until I could shop for replacements.

Looking back, I realized culling those favorites in favor of "lesser" items was a smart move because relying on those trusty favorites was actually holding me back from exploring where I wanted to go with my style choices. My current closet looks very different than my previous one, but I don't think I could have done it without reducing the numbers and actually "seeing" my style rut laid out in front of me.

rachylou

Veteran

What a great romper!

Your story is the story of my life, lol. My wardrobe has been huge, so much so the culling has been years in the process. Defining my style in fairly specific terms has really helped - silhouettes and activities. Wardrobe reviews before shopping has a been a big one. Also, this is a little silly, but it's been helpful - looking at magazines and Pinterest and separating stuff visually into what I like and what actually falls into my specified realm. Sort of building the habit of appreciating without buying / keeping.

And maybe lastly, a proverbial rubber band to snap my wrist to stay on track, hahaha!

Anonymous

I'm a ruthless culler, so I'm afraid I can't be of much help. Do you have room to create a holding zone for the things you just can't bring yourself to get rid of just yet?

Emily K

(website)

Veteran

I think I DON"T have a problem culling. FWIW, once I notice something negative about an item, the love is over and I can let it go without qualm. I need to be looking at the item critically, though in order to see the flaw or inconsistency. A couple of months ago, I got rid of a bunch of shoes that were really edgy when I got them, and expensive, too. I'd lovingly cared for them for years and I still enjoyed looking at them and having them in my closet. I seldom (OK, never) wore them but there they were in the closet. When it came the to make a decision about them, I put them on with a couple of current outfits and I imagined how they looked to others and how I'd defend my decision to wear them. Beginning this imaginary conversation with, "...yeah, I know they are dated and don't really match my outfit....but I LOVED them when I got them!!" and also knowing that in real life, I would never actually get the chance to defend my fashion choice, made it a pretty easy decision to let them go. Honestly, they were not part of my best presentation, no matter how I enjoyed them.

I'm also a person who appreciates order and likes to make efficient systems, so creating a closet that is a "lean mean fighting machine" is a pleasure in itself and extra clothes that do not fit with my current life and fashion are a detriment to this objective. Something that was influential in defining my closet-making-process was the idea of dressing for your actual life. If you spend at least 4 days a week at home, go out shopping (moderately dressy) for 1 day, and dress up for one dinner out, then your closet should reflect 4-5 casual outfits per week, not more than one or two dressy outfits total, and a couple of casual but presentable outfits. Thinking in terms of outfits is helpful because leaving a bunch of alternatives for mixing and matching leads to closet bloat. And, obviously, you would not need to have 15 dressier outfits, if this were your life.

These are personal reflections, but I hope that some part of it may strike true with you and help you to come up with your own solution.

PS--re: the romper--Alison over at Wardrobe Oxygen recently succumbed to rompers, too, after years of saying NO.

Anonymous

I'm not sure I can be helpful, but I have felt the style shifts and indecision you describe. I am learning that I tend to go too deep into a category I like (if one is good, eight is better). Instead, I would be better off enjoying few pieces more often until I inevitably tire of it. Then I could feel good about really getting enough wears from my pieces and avoid the senseless churn of getting rid of and buying more of.

It doesn't seem like you are ready to get rid of too much yet, if you are too deep in a category, I would move along the bottom ones. For example, when I used to ask DD to get rid of her old toys, I would set out 10 things and ask her which two she wanted to keep. As long as you don't get rid of the pieces that match with your new style, you get to keep your old favorites and have room for your new shift.

Christina F.

Veteran

Gaylene, what a fantastic post. I need to think about what you said some more. I may need to let some things go for the next phase of my evolution. What you and delurked say about numbers in a category may be a way forward for me.

rachylou, there is definitely a large chunk of me just liking to shop. I haven't used Pinterest in years, but I do like saving Finds here and taking time to think them over, which I guess is similar.

BC yes, in my storage unit, I store winter clothes plus a few things I'm saving. I also have a pile up in my apartment but there is nowhere to put it where it would actually belong - it's just on a pile of other clutter we have I am actually a good culler generally but am having trouble right now with an overload of dresses and tops, most of which I like a lot. The holding zone does help some.

Emily K, I wish I liked all the stuff I'm not reaching for less than I do. Maybe some should go in a holding zone. It's funny about the romper! Maybe our eyes have finally adjusted, as Angie would say. In my case, I also thought I couldn't pull it off. I tried a jumpsuit that almost worked (I had felt the same about them), so I said why limit myself? And I tried two rompers. Loft also has a long sleeved one right now that made me look like a member of the Partridge family (!), but this one was adorable.

unfrumped

Veteran

What delurked said, and Gaylene.
I tend to have more options than I need in certain categories. I also tend to get some new things without first deciding if they are needed to REPLACE something. So I have to work to pare down and then not really dislike something enough to let it go.
One thing that does help us to be ruthless about fit. You may find if you realll try things in critically, that something is "off" with a top, pants, etc. Those are ones to let go. For example,
maybe a Breton top is too short or too snug and even if you may still love the stripes or style, you can tell THAT top is not the one you would reach for.
Then, if you are adding new style- direction items, try not to duplicate ( she says to herself!). Create 2-3 good outfits, a small capsule, and don't worry about repeats- " wear now". If you really know the type of item you are enjoying now, try not to buy the first thing you find if it's not really good, or it'll just end up as a placeholder and you'll buy another, better one in a short time.

Liz

Veteran

Such great input here -- Gaylene's comment makes me want to go clean out my closet. And, like delurked, I've fallen into the "if one is good, eight is better" trap. I buy one new thing I love, and then decide it's so good I want more. I'm learning to simply buy and wear the one thing. And then buy and wear the next thing.

Pat_P

Here's what works for me: when I shop, I consider each item in light of whether or not I would be willing to remove something from my current closet to make room for it. (Because I have enough clothes- i just sometimes want different ones.) So if I don't love the item I'm considering buying enough to get rid of something else, then I know I shouldn't buy it. (It helps that I really do have limited closet space!)

Scarlet

Veteran

I am not that good about being analytical about this kind of things, but a few things I would say are,

1.) Adorable romper! I am rather tempted by it myself.

2.) I think along the lines of what Gaylene was saying, if you really gather everything of one type that you have and see really how much volume it is, it makes it easier to choose the keepers.

3.) I moved to another continent with nothing but two suitcases once, and it was surprisingly easy then to separate my must-haves from everything else. Of course excitement about a new situation helped at the time. I haven't been able to repeat the mental exercise as a fantasy.

4.) I would not get rid of things you actively wear and enjoy! Even if they aren't the new you. I personally enjoy more than one style persona, depending on the moon, or something or other.

5.) Possibly packing away out of season items could help create space for multiple style personas in one wardrobe.

6.) A lot of it depends on how easy it is to replace things if you mistakenly let go and then realize later on that you needed it after all. If in all honesty you can replace things, then purge. Otherwise it really is harder to make decisions.

Pat_P

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Jenni NZ

Veteran

Hi Christina I really sympathise. Still liking my old stuff has been the core of my issue with not culling well. But then wanting new stuff... at the moment the main way I am dealing with it is shopping less. I have got a teeny bit better lately by forcing myself to get rid of some things that are looking worn( vinyl shoes and bags where bits were peeling off etc). And also taking pictures for the forum has helped with a couple of things that I realised really weren't flattering at all- even although my style is not to purposely look for flattering, some still are more than others and while choosing to look authentic I still like to present my best self within that. If I had any better advice for you than those minor points I would be taking it myself!
What has helped me stop shopping as much is tracking my wears and trying to wear the less reached for stuff. Only trouble is, I am wearing it, mostly liking it, then don't want to cull it! So it is all a bit circular!

Tammyb

I also sympathize. Culling is super easy for som items but if it's something I loved but it just is t going to work for me anymore, I worry that I'll change my mind later!

Gaylene- you have given me a lot to think about. I now sit here with several summer casual dresses thinking "why am I still shopping for summer dresses when I have 8!" (I work in the corporate world so these are for weekends. Work appropriat dresses is the same story!).

Christina F.

Veteran

Thanks all. I started today by laying all my tops out on the bed, which is something I've done a lot but not categorizing them for different uses. That help me to call a few of them, they're not as many as I would've liked. The problem is that I do have a few different style personas! But the space issue is not going away for at least five years, when we plan to get a larger place. My husband doesn't worry about the money I spend but he is concerned that I keep shopping though there is no more space.

I am now trying with dresses. This is equally hard because I love summer dresses.

I should add that I do in fact do seasonal storage, because I really have no other choice! We have a storage unit in our building.

Christina F.

Veteran

I have poor light in my bathroom, but this is me in the romper.

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Jenn

(website)

Veteran

I often find myself gravitating to the type of looser, more boho style you describe during the summer months, and then returning to more tailored looks in the cooler season. Could that be the same for you, or do you see this a permanent, year-round shift? That may influence what you decide to keep and get rid of.

As far as culling, would one-in, one-out work for you? That would be a really straightforward way to keep your closet at a reasonable size. When you get a new item, cull something immediately to make room for it. That'll help you gradually ease into a style shift and see if it's working for you. I'd recommend keeping this within the same season, so you don't suddenly discover you've gotten rid of all your sweaters to make room for shorts.

Sal

Veteran

Hi Christina

I think you have had excellent advice so far. I like to mix up my style a fair bit. I find about 20-30 total purchases a year keeps me in maintenance mode without increasing my closet size, but with space for evolution.

In your case maybe look at the pieces that you own that you don't see as quite the style direction you want to take. Are there any that could be tweaked (ie a dress that could be worn with pants), take out the "worst" ones in each category and cull them, and maybe keep the "best" ones. After a while you may be ready to remove them.

I do cull, but sometimes pieces can be almost unworn one year and very popular the next year due to weather, or social occasions.

I am about to remove a couple of pieces from my closet, I hope to sell them because they are in excellent condition but have been a poor fit on me.

Joy

Veteran

Angie once did a blog post on how classic items mix well with any style. You might keep classic items to mix with your new style. You could be sure that you have bottoms and tops in your favorite neutral colors to make a column of color. It is then easy to make new outfits by changing a top or bottom to add color or pattern, adding a topper, adding texture, accessories, etc.
https://youlookfab.com/2012/01.....e-journey/
https://youlookfab.com/2012/01.....obe-items/
https://youlookfab.com/2012/08.....n-forward/
https://youlookfab.com/2013/06.....ern-style/

Style Fan

Veteran

Your romper is very cute. It has taken me years to cull my clothes from work. I still can not part with some of them. I doubt I will wear them but I am attached to them. So I keep them in a box and periodically visit them. I still have room to store them.
It is possible in the next year or so that we will be downsizing again and I will have to let go of clothes that I don't wear. I am mentally preparing myself for that process. Being part of YLF has helped me narrow down what I want my style to be.

Christina F.

Veteran

Scarlet my style in other seasons has changed too. Not quite as much, as skinny pants will always be the best thing to wear with boots during much of the year. I feel more comfortable with how I've mixed styles for the colder season... I'm just a summer clothes addict. I keep telling my husband it's because I need a tropical vacation. Sitting on a beach is not his thing, and we take turns choosing destinations, so I'm stuck till next year

Jenn I don't do a strict one in, one out, but I do cull a lot. The problem is that I've culled all the stuff I'm happy to let go of now and am on to stuff I feel iffy about. I could try doing this but don't see myself sticking to a self-imposed limit for too long. But it may make things better than not?

Joy and Sal it would be easier to choose to keep older things if I didn't keep bringing new things in. But I have to work on the mental and emotional aspects of what shopping does for me.

lazysaturday

Hi, I think the romper looks great on you! I had a similar opinion on rompers and jumpsuits (and same age) but finally caved and got a jumpsuit this summer as well. It's very comfortable but I also wouldn't wear it to work. My biggest suspicion, the weirdness of going to the bathroom, isn't as bad as I'd feared

I don't have much trouble culling and if anything I'm an over-culler. But I do hold on to some things for longer than I probably need to. If your goal is to have a wearable wardrobe while your style is transitioning, I think as long as every piece you keep can be part of an outfit you're fine. I've forced myself to put together outfits and actually wear them to test if I should keep something I've been on the fence about. I've found this is also a good way to figure out that I need to replace a piece with something better (looser, newer, more neutral, more colorful, etc).

Anonymous

I recently saw a two piece "jumpsuit" that looks intriguing. I like the concept because it can be worn together, as separates, and works for different torso lengths. It's @ vacaystyle website. Definitely calls up thoughts of a beach I am wondering if I'm being nostalgic for something similar I had in college. I wore those pieces together and separately like crazy.

Christina F.

Veteran

Here's another problem I have - I will fall in love with certain prints at, say, J Crew, and not rest until I can work that print into my wardrobe. But maybe the best item on me is a funky printed skirt, and I already have enough of those.

I've been making a list of items to wear to make sure all my summer clothes get some love. I've already not liked how one thing looked (culottes I have trouble pairing with a top), so this may help me cull a bit as well.

lazysaturday I almost got a Lou & Grey jumpsuit, but decided the crotch was too low. I keep seeing black jumpsuits on people and kind of coveting them. I took the romper to Coney Island yesterday and it was great - not too clingy in the heat, exposed skin but no thigh chafe as I walked around. I felt good. My mom is still giving the style the side eye, though, so her eye isn't used to it as yet.

delurked I've seen similar separates, and I think it's a good concept. It can give the same look to those of us with different sizes on top and bottom. Though I see on that site you mention that you can only order one size for both. Sigh.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I think I'm most interested in the mental and emotional aspects of what keeps you shopping. What I see as my shopping addiction really started 9 years ago after I left my church because of bullying and severe emotional hurt. And I then moved away slowly from faith which had been an important part of my life. I think the clothing thing for me was a part of trying to work out who was I now? And also actual retail therapy to make me feel better. I actually joked that I had replaced God with shoes, which sounds ridiculous. Those aspects have all faded, I am much happier in myself. But the aspects of creativity and fun are still there, I am not very creative otherwise: no crafts, no cake decorating! And this still takes a toll on storage space x

Christina F.

Veteran

Jenni I started too during a time of hardship, but as a grad student for years after could afford to shop as much as I'd like. I went nuts after finally making a living wage starting 2.5 years ago.

I think part of it is how I hated being limited by my income for years and don't want limits again, even if they're self-imposed (or space-imposed). I resented being that poor, which is why i got out of academia (though I was doing okay once I married someone with a good job, partway through.)

Now I think I need a creative hobby. Looking at clothing websites is what I do when I'm bored, and I shop on my lunch hour to get me out of the office and walking. Now that I have a normal 9-5 job, unlike academia which is 24/7, I have more mental energy that I haven't figured out how to spend yet.

The Cat

Veteran

My best tip if you are really in doubt about certain items: Place them in a holding zone. And if after maximum one year, you haven't used them or missed them, then let them go.

Christina F.

Veteran

The Cat the holding zone is my friend. Takes up more space than I'd like, but since I can be indecisive, it's a godsend idea for me.

Thanks to all your wonderful advice, I have been thinking a lot. I did cull a few things in tops and dresses over the weekend. A couple of tee-shirt tops went into my wear around the house/sleep in capsule. A couple of others were culled. As for dresses, I had a harder time but put two into holding - I expect to rescue one, though.

I'm not buying any more summer clothes. I would like some white pants or jeans - I have a pair of linen pants that are very thin and can only really be worn with tunics. This is kind of a unicorn for me, so unless I find it, I'm done with summer. This would be a one in, one out situation, as I'd pass on the inferior white pants.

I did buy a new purse this week, but I had always planned to during NAS. (Purses are a weakness of mine but I've been very good for months.) The NAS didn't have any I wanted, though, so I went to the Rack instead and found an ice blue Rebecca Minkoff hobo bag. This is an indulgent area that I've allowed myself, and I planned this kind of purchase for months, so I'm okay with this. I'm culling a couple of other bags soon by passing them on to my mom - she's as bag hungry as I am, and likes the price of "free." I think this will be a one in, two out situation.

So I feel better now. Yes, my summer wardrobe as it stands is too big, and most pieces won't see a ton of wear, but it all technically fits in the space I have, so I've decided not to be anxious about it anymore as long as I avoid adding any more to it. I do love many of the things I have, so why should I feel bad? I'll try to wear it all and cull things that don't work. I culled some black linen pants yesterday after wearing them and realizing they are much too large. I may try to have them taken in, but may be better off just replacing with whatever my size is next summer. I don't think they're worth replacing now unless I come across an analog on clearance.

Thanks for reading my ramblings! I also still welcome input.