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The effect of your personality on your style...

Sal

Veteran

I do like David Kibbe's theory and a lot of it makes sense to me, and I enjoy discussions on the different Kibbe types. Dress in a way that enhances the real you, and don't try to dress the same as other people. Essentially - be yourself!!

But of course, our inner self is different to our outer self. A sporty active person may prefer to wear lacy dresses, a quiet shy person may prefer bright and bold clothing.

One of my friends always mountain bikes in red lipstick which I love as it is a rarity. Of course then there is gender related clothing and style for non binary or trans persons who dress as themself, an issue I am interested in and trying to learn more about.

I think it runs pretty deep in some people - some people strongly dislike the uniforms at our local high schools and travel to go to schools where there are no hair or clothing rules. Others may be happy to comply at work and save dressing for their personality off duty.

For me personally, my impatient personality means that I can't/won't fuss with hair and makeup, so I have an easy hairstyle. But am I lazy with my hair because my hair looks best natural, or do I have a natural hair style because I am lazy with my hair?

I will stop rambling on but interested in other people's thoughts on this topic.

Do you feel you can dress to suit your personality?
Are you prepared to compromise on this to meet societal expectations or job dress codes etc?

Thanks in advance.

General

72 replies

Latest reply was from Zaeobi

Gigi

Veteran

You raise such interesting questions. I have wondered about this myself, most recently in terms of hairstyle. I keep my hair short after trying unsuccessfully to grow it much past my shoulders (I have attempted this a few times in my life). But the truth is, I really don't look good with long hair. It creates a heavy energy that seems at odds with my personality and my aesthetic. So, much as I enjoy long hair on others, I really have to let it go both from a practical standpoint (difficult to care for) and from an aesthetic one.

I tend to go without makeup most days, yet I am attracted to makeup. I am trying to figure that one out. I don't mind putting makeup on, but I hate taking it off. I'm not sure whether it's my "personality" to be bare faced or whether it's just the reluctance to deal with the cleanup. Maybe if I had more energy I would be more into makeup; not sure.

I don't have any restrictive job dress codes (job dress code is very casual), so I don't have to worry much about that. I am able to find lots of pieces that portray my personality but also fit the guidelines. I'm very grateful for that.

I feel that in general I can dress to suit my personality, but I often miss the mark a bit simply because I am hard to fit and quite honestly often give up before finding the proper-fitting garment with the exact vibe I want. I will find items that are close enough personality-wise and call it good. So I am definitely prepared to compromise.

rachylou

Veteran

I have no objection to uniforms, but I do have a complete lack of skill in the polished hair and makeup department - I don’t think I could be a flight attendant!

Anyways, I’m quirky and it shows in my combinations, my likes and dislikes. But I could not for the life of me deliberately dress Quirky. I could not say, ‘let’s make an outfit that Says Quirky.’ That perhaps, lol, is the result of being so quirky. It takes a lot of concentration for me to aim for a visual result and hit the mark. On a daily basis, I have to go with what I get.

And now that I think about it, everything that I’ve ever bought at a makers faire for all things quirky - you know what I’m talking about, calico appliqué birds on everything - I have purged for being too cute. My personality has a backwards effect...

Sal

Veteran

You bring up some interesting thoughts Gigi - fit issues being one. For people who struggle to find clothes that fit them, or find clothes that fit but they don't like. That can be mentally exhausting.

And I know what you mean about makeup. I love it too but can be lazy with it. Yet I spend quite a lot of time organising my wardobe, making sure the hangars are straight etc..

And I can understand with the hair too. I really love your mid length curls - they really suit you. Some people really do have a long hair energy about them and others don't.

Sal

Veteran

Rachy - I understand that too. Quirky can be hard to recreate - and forcing it really doesn't work.

It is a bit like trying to dress sexy sometimes isn't sexy.......

And I would struggle to be a Flight Attendant too for the same reason.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

This is something I am always thinking about! Can’t wait to read more responses.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

This is a great question, Sally, and already you and Rachy and Gigi have brought up some interesting points. Gigi, I'm with Sally in liking your mid-length hair and I absolutely understand what you mean about a "heavy energy" with long hair (on you) because I feel that for myself, also -- it drags me down. Literally (my hair is really thick!) but also aesthetically.

Rachy, your quirk always has a huge dose of hip or cool or je ne sais quoi that just isn't on sale at the Makers Faires....

I can and do dress to suit my personality. But I have to compromise in some areas, or rather, favour certain parts of my personality over others. I'm not constrained by a strict corporate dress policy or anything like that -- but my practical side will always win out over my aspirational style side when push comes to shove. However, my aspirational side is stubborn and will put up a good fight! And sometimes win, by showing practical me how both sides can be satisfied. That's where the persistent part of my personality really shows itself...

More seriously --like most of us, probably, I'm full of contradictions. But my style adjectives relate to my personality in a fairly direct way -- I wrote the following earlier this year in response to Angie's blog about beliefs, values, goals:

If you look in my closet, you’ll see a whole lot of blue! Alas, it’s true, I have a melancholic streak…but I like to think I’m also lucid and reflective. Often, I appear calm, but you know what they say — still waters run deep! (Gah…to think this woman calls herself a writer, right? Okay, okay…)

Also…see those flashes of red and berry and magenta and fuchsia? Yep, I have a fiery side, and I’m warm and energetic, too. I need to move, and I need to spend time outdoors….hence, the importance of practical clothing.

There’s a fair amount of white — for clarity. And grey, because I’m the farthest thing from a black-and-white thinker — in fact, my friends and family tease me that one of my favourite phrases is: “It’s complicated.” Ambiguities intrigue me.

Look at all those stripes and tartans and patterns —even on the footwear!— and all that silver and pewter—there’s the spunk and fun coming out. I’ll mix them in, mix them up, and happily wear them every which way. In other words, I don't mind standing out a bit, don't mind drawing attention to myself. Sometimes. And unexpected associations delight me. As does the slight friction of juxtaposition.

Sloper

Veteran

I've always been a square peg, and have always felt that no matter what I wear, there's gonna be someone to remind me of it - either because of what I'm wearing, or some aspect of my body. One day completely confident in what I wear, then within seconds crumbling into self-doubt from a comment. I've realized that's my personality in everything: school, work, relationships. Just one word away from a blubbering mess. Didn't help that mom seemed to always had a comment on what I wore and how I looked. As did the mean girls in school and random strangers on the street. Oh well, apologies for the self-indulgent whine.

As I matured (and it took a long time) I realized that what I feel is "always" happening (the cracks and comments) is not THAT frequent, but I'm extremely attuned to it. It has made it difficult to get through life, sometimes, though.

Being super-polished is not my thing, in either grooming or clothing, but I'm not a child of nature either. Nor am I a girly-girl with ruffles and lace.
Like Gigi, it's often difficult to find proper fitting clothes. I've learned to avoid certain things altogether, and to compromise when necessary.

I've always enjoyed clothes.

I have enjoyed every clothing era I've been privileged to live through. I know I have a strong pessimistic streak, yet have always felt optimistic with clothing - I love seeing what new seasons bring (but don't buy into every trend). I love shopping - I can ALWAYS find something! Maybe I'm living in a massive state of denial though?

Sally

Veteran

I think our clothes reveal more than we intend sometimes. I know when I have been tired and stressed, I put little thought into my clothes and it probably shows. I think often clothes are a reflection of people's stages of life too. My sister who is recently retired and is busy being a grandmother told me she is wearing cotton bohemian clothes now as it suits her new lifestyle.
I think I"m more comfortable in no-frills clothes and it probably suits my personality. I know when people have tried to dress me according to what they think I suit, it is has often gone wrong. My mother used to like me to have a tidy bob and was always advising me to wear structured clothes, but I always felt uncomfortable. I like having relatively long slightly messy hair. Given a choice, I have always worn jeans or trousers, some sort of boot or flat shoe with comfortable heel. I'm never going to be comfortable in corporate clothes. Luckily my job allows me to wear relatively casual clothes but I am thinking of one day trying to work in international schools (I hope my boss doesn't read this) so I'm trying to up my game and find ways to look more polished and professional without forsaking my personal taste, and still being comfortable.

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

Hmm food for thought. I'm not sure why but, when I read 'personality', my mind went straight to MBTI types. I find this article interesting on how the different MBTI types dress:
https://astroligion.com/mbti-t.....n-style/#1
(The website is a bit poorly designed, sorry - scroll past the ad to the purple boxes for INFJ/ INFP etc. Once you click on them, arrows will appear to take you to the other types' descriptions).

I'm INFJ (I think, lol?) but I don't know whether the description matches me (I identify with 'low-effort' & 'appropriate', but I'm not quite sure about 'alluring', lol). I'll open it up to the YLF jury to decide :
"INFJs like to convey something about themselves through their clothing. They may adopt an edgy artistic aesthetic or a buttoned up and professional one. Whatever look they go for, it will likely be alluring and well put together in a subtle and low-effort kind of way. INFJs do not seek to call attention to themselves with their clothing but rather blend in by wearing what seems appropriate for the situation yet doesn’t vitiate their individualism."

On the flip side, there's also this article on dressing *according to* your MBTI type - which ties into what people were saying above about which comes first, personality (e.g. laziness lol) or dressing result (e.g. less makeup - me too!):
https://www.whowhatwear.com/my.....n-shopping

I've even broken out these past few days with some hormonal maskne & haven't bothered to conceal it (even whilst teaching on Zoom, lol)! At first I thought about it (applying a little primer & colour corrector, since I rarely do a full face of makeup) but the thought of having all of that rubbing underneath my mask made me wipe it all off before leaving for work lol

Anyway sorry for the ramble - all of this to say I have no idea which comes first, sorry To throw further confusion into the mix, I was raised with the idea that social appropriacy comes above my own wants in a particular situation (e.g. dressing to a much higher modesty level than I see here - nothing against the forum folk, just that I have more restrictions than most when it comes to recommending ways in which to wear clothing whilst still being covered etc.), so I also wonder how much of my dress sense is nature VS nurture instead?

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

@Sloper you're not whining - I unfortunately identify with your first paragraph too. I think that's also a matter of nature VS nurture as well (lol looks like this thread has awakened my inner psychologist sorry) - I wonder how much less sensitive we both would be to outside criticism about our appearances etc now if we hadn't grown up with so much of it at home? (Sorry, by the way, if you don't feel that way at all & I'm just projecting )

Synne

Veteran

This is interesting. One thing that pops into mind is my relationship with thrifted clothes. It never bothers me to wear thrift or tell where I got my clothes, while I know others who wouldn't be caught dead wearing used clothes. Maybe it is because I choose thrifting buy choice, not out of need. I don't feel any shame connected with it. On the other hand, I would feel mortified if I was forced to wear big labeled clothes, or designer handbags. That would be a horrible case of "who do you think you are??" for me. Maybe it's Impostor Syndrome.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

This has taken me a while to unravel. I consider myself an active, “sporty”, casual person who is not at all “girly”, so assumed that is my style. But the more I think about it and hang out here, the more I realize that I actually like some pretty frilly stuff—skirts, florals and paisleys, long hair (albeit with little “styling”), even my berries and pink. I don’t think the overall impression I make is girly though, because of my personality. (Iow, I embody your first example in the 2nd paragraph). I haven’t dated anyone in ages, but the person I’m most attracted to right now (he was planning to visit before Covid happened) embraces this apparent contradiction—was initially attracted to me because the way I worked out was unusual for women at the time, made his move by spotting me on tricep pull-downs, but seems to prefer lace &c. (Not that this is the full story—there is a lot of societal/intellectual stuff we agree on too).

It’s interesting how things work differently on different people. I have fairly thick hair (was excited to pick up certain big barrettes when we were back in the US, was sad to find out they’re not available, tried a bunch of others (yes, I tried on hair accessories to make sure they fit) and eventually found a couple that can hold all my hair). If it’s long and scraggly, I don’t think my hair has much visual weight. Now that it’s cut in long layers that give it body, I think the movement also makes it look lightweight.

Would I change to meet societal expectations? I sometimes still hear my mother’s voice commenting on what I’m wearing, but am much better at ignoring it than I used to be. I wear cover-up for the allergic circles under my eyes, and in recent years have worn eyeliner more frequently than I used to. I think this is an adjustment to age. I don’t anticipate ever going full-on foundation or whatever. I think I’m unlikely to land in a job that requires suits, because it would require a lot of other changes in me.

ETA after reading Robin’s comment below; I want my swimmers’ shoulders & bubble butt back. I’m working towards reshaping my body that way, but in the meantime have the perhaps unconventional figure flattery aims of emphasizing those, and highlighting what waist I have (though I need to take off a little more)

Bijou

Veteran

Sal, I think dressing to suit my personality and interests is far more useful than dressing for my physical attributes because I want people to get a sense of what sort of person I am from how I present myself. I find some of the more playful or colourful items in my wardrobe make me more approachable, particularly to other women, I enjoy that interaction.

Dressing simply to a formula set based on my physical attributes lacks the emotion and personality in dressing. Whilst I enjoy reading posts about Yin and Yang balance and recognise that my personal style is best when it has a good dose of Yin in the mix, dressing to my type is something I like to be aware of, but not ruled by.

Synne

Veteran

Bijou, you dress so well, and with such energy and charm. I would feel like my mood was lifted if I walked past you in the street, or had the joy to be around you every day! You radiate feminine energy and positivity.

Now, I could never dress like you, because the result would be completely different. I mentioned in another thread that I don't suit overly feminine/yin styles. It's like it SUBTRACTS from my own femininity and makes me feel LESS like a woman. It's like it highlights what isn't there, or what should be there. I would just feel (and look) awful!

RobinF

Veteran

Interesting and thought provoking question. I am introverted and don't like to stand out but I also want to look good (and appreciate when it is noticed - is that weird?). I am also self conscious about my body and my weight and that plays a huge role in how I dress. I'd like to say I dress for myself, and I do, but it is always with flattery in mind. Maybe not conventional flattery but my own version Plus being short, busty and thick-waisted I have fit problems which figure in too.

Not sure where I am going with that except to say for me it all plays a part, along with personality and how I want to portray myself.

Irina

Veteran

I prefer to wear plain clothes.It took me a while to accept this simple fact. I like fashion and aware of rules, guides and so on. I made multiple attempts to “spice it up” with accessories as it’s commonly suggested. But colorful scarves and statement necklaces made me uncomfortable after a few hours of wear. I had to admit that I wear scarves only for warmth and would rather use solid colors. So, my collection of beautiful silk scarves sits underutilized. I don’t beat myself up anymore for being too lazy and not creative with my “outfits “ (I even cringe to call them that).
I’m still very much drawn to architectural styles and happy to buy an odd piece here and where. But small details like unusual cut of seams or pocket placement, subtle sheen of fabric - something that is mostly only visible to me, makes me appreciate a garment more.
I love bold styles on others and admire creativity and fashion forward thinking. For myself at this time, being authentic to my quiet personality is enough. Maybe being enough is my true style goal

Synne

Veteran

Irina, how fascinating that you hesitate to call your own creations even "outfits", when the end result is sooo good! Also intriguing that you feel you dress plain, when again, the result is so chic, luxe, elegant and successful. I acknowledge that your style is minimalistic and understated, but it looks very, very deliberate and thought-out. Very interesting read!

Synne

Veteran

Robin F, I hear you on the wanting to blend in, but acknowledged for looking good! Sorry for hijacking the thread you guys, but this thread was perfect with my afternoon tea.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I definitely dress to reflect and suit my personality, but it is also tempered by a desire to flatter my shape (I cannot embrace less than JFE for myself), as well as some societal norms. There are items and outfits I would love to wear that would reflect my personality, but they don't suit my body as a 55-year-old woman, and of course I compromise to suit my lifestyle. Frankly, if I didn't have two rambunctious 70 lb dogs and lived in a city loft, I'd probably dress a bit more "up", and if I had a different body -- narrower and straighter with great legs rather than great boobs (LOL), I'd dress that body differently even if my goals of showing some of my personality were the same.

My style does reflect many aspects of my personality and my need for balance -- introverted but not a wallflower, a lover of color and pattern and art but not overly bright or loud. I'm friendly, helpful and competent, but not bubbly. I love to be outdoors and dress for the activity at hand, but don't like to dress in all gear when I'm not partaking in that activity. I can joyfully glam it up when the occasion calls for it, and feel comfortable in those occasions, but it's not my everyday vibe. I like structure and I'm very neat and clean in my habits, but I don't embrace the extreme of rigid or overly strict. On the flip side of the coin, I like ease and comfort in my clothing but feel very unfab in full-out unstructured outfits. I like some edge and masculine details (I've always liked hanging with the boys as well as the girls, even though I never identified as a tomboy at all) and can actually take that look pretty far if I choose -- my body type and long hair counteract any possible mannish vibe -- but I typically like to employ just a bit of it.

Like Suz said, it's a balancing act of practical and aspirational!

cat2

Veteran

My goals are consistent with my Myers-Briggs personality type and I dress to fit my corporate environment so I can make the living I want and be truly independent. I don’t view that as a personal sacrifice, everyone wears some kind of uniform to fit in. I also dress to flatter my fruit shape. I find Kibbe unhelpful because he omits my body type.

kellygirl

Veteran

Such an interesting thread! I can totally relate to what Robin said about being an introvert and how that affects how I dress. I don't like to stand out either but I'm do appreciate it when it's noticed. I'm very practical and I think that reflects my fashion choices--clothes that allow me to walk comfortably and quickly, no fussy details, etc. For the most part, I don't think I compromise too much with "dress codes" at work. I have to be somewhat prepared for the unexpected so I lean towards jeans--but I've always worn them. In my head, I think I'd like to wear more dresses and skirts but I have a feeling that I'd end up defaulting back to jeans. Even on weekends or when we used to go out, I'd have an outfit planned in my head and then would decide at the last minute not to get so dressed up because I didn't want to look too fancy. Haha.

Helena

Veteran

Having pondered this for years, my current thought is that it is actually impossible NOT to dress to our personality. I think the 'personal style' movement has been great in that it's promoted dressing for our personalities, but has also made it more restrictive than it should be.

For example, I could say my style personality is more classic, but my lifestyle is more uber-casual, and I also like to dress to flatter somewhat my body type. So my style preference, my desire to dress for my lifestyle, and my desire to flatter my body type, are all elements of my personality, even though they might compete with each other when it comes to execution.

At the end of the day, even if we wear a uniform, how we wear it involves some decisions (how much starch do I use when ironing the shirt? do I follow the rules exactly or try to push the limits a little?) which are filtered through our personalites.

The key, I think, is making space in our personal style to embrace the inherent contradictions that come with having a human personality. This will include style choices that seem to oppose each other, inevitable mistakes, and evolution over time.

Contrast this to something like, say, Dressing Your Truth (an extreme example of a personality dressing system), which results (imho) with strict followers looking more like caricatures than real people.

So all that to say, dressing for my personality is inevitable. My current goal is to embrace it, but lightly, and use it as an affirmation of who am I, mistakes, inconsistencies and all.

No idea if that makes any sense Thanks Sal for boosting my brain into gear this a.m.!

Anonymous

Interesting thread, Sal. My thoughts can be pretty much boiled down to this: I used to dress to impress. Then I dressed for success. Now I dress to destress. Life seems so weird right now that I just dress in things that FEEL good on me. I'm craving comfort and clothes that I don't have to think about once they're on. Maybe this will change a bit once social restrictions are gone, "après Covid," if you will. We'll see! I guess this is my personality responding to a pandemic. Pre-Covid, I really enjoyed dressing up, and I hope that feeling comes back.

Anonymous

Fascinating reading. I love this kind of discussion! I had to laugh, Sal, at your mention of conforming to dress codes. As we all know, I HATE being told what to do, how to do it, and what to wear while doing it. I have been this way my entire life. It almost reads as narcissistic when I type that out, but I'm fairly confident I'm not that (yes, irony intended) . Anyways, I have strong opinions about clothing, the way I want to dress, and about style in general. I think that's reflective of my personality in that I am that way about things I know, understand and am educated in (academically and otherwise) . However, there is that side of me that is reflects my life long lack of self-esteem - a side that can be unduly influenced by what other people are wearing (people whose opinions and looks I value). All of a sudden I think I "should " be wearing something or looking a certain way, and I pursue this idea until it ultimately fails.

Back to dressing to conform: I have developed a reputation at work for for "wearing whatever she wants to" . I am well aware I can't push it too far, and I don't want to be that person who stands out for the wrong reasons, but I hate our uniform so much that I feel lousy every time I wear it. Aren't we all very affected emotionally by what we are wearing? If I look bad, I feel bad! I believe I'm reasonable in conforming to environmental norms - but always with my personality injecting some "fashion" into what I wear.

Sorry to carry on.

suzieq

I’m retired, wear comfortable clothing, but still want to look like I make an effort. I try to be as polished as I can, given the constraints of chronic pain.

LaPed

Veteran

I think it's very difficult for me to dress "against type" and I would be miserable doing the corporate uniform thing, dressing primarily to satisfy others' expectations. But I do also feel that if I lean too far into expressing my personality through clothing, outfits can come off looking like a costume and not quite as effortless as I like. That said, I do enjoy the process of creating costumes, figuring out how to transform my appearance into a character's. But that, to me, is completely distinct from getting dressed.

Zaeobi's Myers-Briggs link is interesting; the INTP description definitely resonates with me. I paid no real attention to fashion norms for the longest time in my youth/teens/twenties and really just wore whatever was available to me that struck my fancy, without any real sense of what I conveyed to others. I hung out adjacent to a lot of subcultures as a teen (punk, goth, skater, etc) but was too resistant to/uninterested in learning all the rules, aesthetic and otherwise, to ever really belong to a particular group. And my college years/20s social milieu was pretty emphatically opposed to buying and owning lots of unnecessary stuff. It wasn't until my late 20s/early 30s that I embraced decoding fashion and style as sort of a personal project or even hobby, and began to realize that since I'll always have to wear clothes anyway, they might as well be the ones that I feel the best in.

smittie

Veteran

Sal, I often wonder whether my hair style is better natural or whether I’m convincing myself it looks better in order to enable my laziness!

But...I do think that I would have a more carefully-tended hairstyle if

A. my hair were thinner and less curly
B. I had a “cuter” face that would work well with short hair
C. I had a Less egg-shaped head that would support a shorter hairstyle

Alas, there are so many issues causing me to require long hair! And if I need long hair, then I can’t style it daily.

Re: “ Do you feel you can dress to suit your personality?”

In the winter, no. I’m a summer gal. (I need to move.) I just don’t like sweaters, boots, and coats. Give me linen, shorts, and sandals. People go on about fall dressing. I’m like, “gosh this sucks”.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I've been reading this thread and thinking a lot about it. It's almost like trying to figure what came first- the chicken or the egg!
I followed that link about how each MBT dresses, but I was surely disappointed by the description of mine.

Anonymous

I think I dress to suit my personality, at least some facets of it I always feel best to add the creative elements, and don't feel right if I look too conformist.

As far as Kibbe though, my best looks don't match my outdoorsy side. I don't think I have any N, so very casual and rugged things feel drab. Choosing skorts has helped to feel and look "normal to me" while still being appropriate for the activities I enjoy so much.

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