I think our personal styles start shining through quite early. That isn't to say that those tendencies cannot be moulded or even quashed by the dominant influence of a parent or other authority figure, but one of my earliest memories is of getting dressed up to go out to eat. I had a special dress and shoes I saved for just such occasions (at the age of about 3). While dancing at my aunt's wedding, I cut it up on the dance floor, lifting my skirt to show everyone the ruffle-bottom tights I was wearing (slightly younger than age 3). From very early on, I wanted to be noticed, and I wanted to dress up.

Likewise, my second son is very interested in how he dresses and how he looks, from hairstyle to shoes, and he always has been. But my oldest son is just like my Dh, and would be happy in jeans and a t-shirt all day, every day. Indeed, my Dh should wear a sign that says, "PLEASE, don't notice me!" Funny how opposites attract.

So without the heavy-handed influence of others, we instinctively know who we are and dress to reflect that. Of course, as life goes on, a person's line of work, other demands in their life, the influence of friends and community, a changing body and more all exert influence on how someone dresses.

For me, personally, I still dress up and to be noticed (like Janet, I tend to go with traditionally figure flattering or JFE). I tend to make a wardrobe out of statement pieces on a canvas of black. Now that my body has changed, I find myself more willing to wear colour again, so the pieces I am choosing are getting "louder". Of course, I dress appropriately for my work and the occasion, as a person can always be themselves within most dress codes, but I most certainly push the limits of overdressed. But that's just me and everyone around me is used to it, so it doesn't even turn heads anymore.

Regarding not knowing how to dress for certain occasions, I think that comes back to it being unavoidable to dress like ourselves. If a person is uncomfortable in certain social situations, nothing they wear will feel right because they don't feel right, if that makes sense. My Dh feels out of place wearing a suit because he feels out of place almost anywhere that requires one. Additionally, he is a rather imposing figure - 6'8" with very broad shoulders - and a suit only emphasizes those things, which garners him more attention, which makes him more uncomfortable - it's a cycle of negative reinforcement for him. So while he academically knows what he has to wear for certain things, he will never be comfortable in them because he will never be comfortable in those situations. The occasion feels wrong, so the clothes feel foreign. Ironically, I feel the same way about jeans and a t-shirt that he does about a suit. But I guess between the two of us, we have every occasion covered so at least ONE of us is at home.

Nicely put, Echo!

My husband is similar to yours.

Haha mine too - we've been watching Queer Eye lately but he still doesn't 'get' the concept that dressing up nicely can help you feel nice. In fact, he defends every single one of the guys receiving a makeover on that show who insist on wearing cargo pants - I'd have to pry them from his cold dead hands if I wanted them gone from his closet

(Dragging him to go get himself measured for his wedding suit was difficult enough already!)

Even in retirement, I find it hard to dress down. I have a relaxed personality & seek comfort due to the chronic pain I live with, but I still like to dress smart, like I have somewhere to go & people to meet, even if I’m just at home—except I skip the makeup when at home.

Zaoebi, I’m with your husband that dressing nicely does not make you feel nice. It can bring you down to have to wear “nice” clothes when you don’t want to. At least some of us, anyway. This is one of the few areas of attire where I think women have it easier than men( simply because of the range we can choose from. Is there anything in UK, Pakistani, or Hong Kong culture he can draw on?

I feel nicer when I dress nicer. I feel more confident & less lazy.

Hah, Echo, Sloper and Zaeobi -- my husband is the same! When he switched jobs about 5 years ago, from a game design studio where he was one of the oldest employees to an engineering firm where he's one of the youngest, figuring out how to dress was a major source of stress. Luckily, I dress kind of like a preppy middle-aged coder ( ), so I was able to help him find some button-downs and chinos and nice sweaters that he didn't hate, and after a while he felt comfortable enough to bring dark rinse jeans back into the mix. But now that his office has been remote for a year, he is back in tees and jeans/hiking pants every day. He hasn't touched his "real clothes" since last March...

@FashIntern that's true too - but I guess what I meant was that my partner still can't wrap his head around the idea that dressing nicely *can* make certain people feel nice (like myself). I know that's not the case for everyone, but he just doesn't get how wearing nice clothes can affect my mood. It was tempting to justify WFH in my loungewear when we first began, but I realised my concentration & mood would slip - I would rather curl up on the couch when not in 'proper' clothes. Is that an aspect of personality affecting clothing, or clothing affecting personality, lol?

Lol well my partner actually ethnically Chinese (from HK) but was raised for the majority of his life in the Deep South (USA) - so his love of baggy cargo shorts, long basketball shorts & sports t-shirts makes sense based on his upbringing, but doesn't tend to align with what men wear here. He finds shalwar kameez very comfy in warm weather but doesn't feel comfortable wearing them in public without me around for 'context' lol, & he refused to wear 'a skirt' for our wedding (his words, in regards to the traditional groom's robe). He instead wore the Zhongshan suit I got custom made for the wedding but feels it's 'too Chinese' to wear elsewhere (like an interview). So I just let him be when it comes to clothing, but will nudge him sometimes when needed (like when he wanted me to get him black cargo shorts instead of khaki to be 'professional enough' for work. Or convincing him that OK he doesn't need to wear a suit or tie for an interview (@sloper he's also in the game & tech industry), but he should at least wear a shirt lol).

PS - That reminds me, I never ended up sharing photos of our HK & PK wedding outfits! Was planning to have a UK version eventually but COVID threw a spanner in all that. Will share them eventually here (to ask for forum help on sartorially bridging the cultural themes but with Western dress) - we wore a Qipao & Zhongshan suit for the Chinese one then a Lehenga & Sherwani for the desi one

First of all, what is my personality? I am not sure. No expert has ever told me, never took a test (even if, well, I do not trust such things very much). I have always thought of myself as introvert and shy but when I say so people laugh in my face ...
So, let's do it the other way round.
I generally like to wear simple, practical, no-fuss clothing.
Merry colours. Juxtapositions - dressy/casual, black/white.
I would say I am simple, easy-going, sometimes lazy-ish. Do not like complications. With a merry side and a certain sense of humour. Sometimes contradictory. Sometimes either all-or-nothing.

Echo, I was very taken with your comments and loved the image of you as a little girl on that dance floor! So interesting to take it back to childhood and think how even as little ones we can express who we are with our choices/ preferences. I would say that was very true of me -- my interest and love of footwear showed immediately -- one of my earliest memories is of a pair of red "tapping" shoes (they were not tap shoes but they made a little noise on our parquet floors) and at age 3 I would dance and dance in them, much like you in your example. I also have distinct memories of the textures of fabrics and colours of my dresses at that age -- some I loved, some I did not. And later in childhood when I was going through a very difficult emotional time, I tended to select a white blouse and grey skirt, day after day after day.

My own child -- who is non-binary but born biologically female -- expressed a hatred for "girly" clothes early on, especially dresses and the colour pink -- although they did warm up to pink in later years, interestingly enough, when their identity was more secure and they saw how well it flatters them! But no dresses.

Zaoebi & LaPed, I know a guy who’s in his 50s and wears cargo shorts to his job as a lead engineer in Hawaii all the time. I would’ve thought hiking pants were the Vt equivalent. But Z, growing up in the South, did he think boots & his good jeans were formalwear? (I’m reading—please don’t cancel me for “anti Southern bias”)

Suz, the image of toddler-Suz tapping her red shoes just made my day.

Cargo shorts are totally fine for his current job (although I did raise my eyebrows when he would wear them to the lab lol) - but his are so huge that even his belt struggles to keep them up lol. He tends to run hot, so jeans aren't really his thing - still can't figure out why he won't just wear hiking pants instead of cargo shorts to work then lol. He grew up in ATL, so footwear was more Timberlands & basketball sneakers than cowboy boots or anything like that lol.

But to bring it back to the thread topic, his clothing choices seem to be driven more by his personal comfort compass than situational appropriacy (like wearing shorts even in the lab). But part of me wonders if that 'personal' side isn't always solely about comfort (e.g. he buys cargo shorts from army surplus stores for durability, but refuses to buy them in camouflage print (despite growing up in GA). A style preference? He also complains about how thick the 'durable' material feels in the summer (but keeps wearing them anyways because of the pockets). This is when practicality no longer means the same as comfort, lol.)