I've been thinking about this since it was first posted by Angie on the blog, then started as a forum topic . I couldn't figure out what it meant, or what the challenge was ...and I instinctively pushed back against the idea of "letting it all hang out". I do not cut myself a break. Ever. Because one can always be better. Letting yourself go is the kiss of death.

But I got to thinking:
First of all, I don't "hate" or cringe at anything about myself that I cannot change. My height, my hair, the physical structure of my body, etc - none of it bothers me . The only thing I fret about are the things I feel I can manipulate through tough discipline and hard work. I like to punish myself psychologically for not being "as good as" someone else - because I really could be, if only I worked harder. It's also a fear of success. What would I do if I achieved it? This permeates through my worklife too. I could have been far far more successful had I been willing to sacrifice a personal life and work , work, work. But, because I didn't , I'll never know, will I? So I can always rely on blaming myself for my career and fitness "failures". Better than going all out and still not achieving success, right?

Second, I wonder if what I really push back against is aging. Period. Maybe I'm not acknowledging that I am the age I am (about to be 55 in a couple of weeks) and that body changes are inevitable for some of us even if we maintain strict dietary habits and challenging workouts. I always thought that that meant "giving up" when you were ok with that - and that it showed that you no longer care what you look like. I care very much, but no one other than me seems bothered by the fact that I don't weigh what I did 5 years ago or that I can't wear a bikini anymore (pic posted from when I could - lol ) . Do these things really matter in the big picture of life? I'm still not there yet in being the "you go girl" kind of woman and letting it all hang out, but I'm willing to acknowledge that I might have the body and weight I was meant to have. I think I have concocted an ideal version of myself I had for about 5 minutes 5 years ago , and keep going back to that as some sort of personal standard. Anyways , ENOUGH of the navel gazing. I will not preface these pictures with anything other than ......

I seem to turn into a Palm Beach/Lily Pulitzer/colour crazed nutcase in summer. I would not be caught dead with coloured nails, coloured stone bracelets and a coloured top in winter, because it doesn't feel sophisticated or chic enough. But come summer, there is NOTHING I love better than khaki green crops and a printed top - usually with turquoise or coral jewellery. It just seems to be my thing . So I'm owning two things here - my body is the way it is, and my summer dressing style just makes me happy, so there. And yes, my face and lips have lines. But I'm 55 dammit, and this is what happens.

kick crops: Gap
blouse: Lord & Taylor
earrings: Nickel & Suede
druzy and faux gem bracelet : random import
sandals: Freebird Quail

jacket and bag: Guess and Coach
lipstick : MAC Creme Cup