Skinny, tall, and straight = the holy grail? - YouLookFab Forum

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Skinny, tall, and straight = the holy grail?

Maya

Veteran

I kind of touched on this in today's blog, but I wanted to extend the conversation to the forum.

Whenever Angie posts about a new or upcoming trend, immediately there is a flood of comments about how that trend only works for skinny, tall rectangles and that everyday women should look away.

I think when people make comments like that, they are tacitly accepting that skinny and tall is always inherently better than anything else. I find it hypocritical, then, to say that fashion is for everyone and all shapes and sizes are beautiful. If you really truly believe that, then set an example.

Fashion, whether anyone else will admit or not, is built on trends and new ideas. If all of those trends and ideas are exclusively for skinny minnie rectangles, then you would have to acknowledge that fashion is not democratic. I think it is, and so do all of you, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

It just frustrates me to consistently see the same reaction to everything Angie posts: I'm not skinny enough, I'm not straight enough, I'm not tall enough. Only for skinnies, only for rectangles, only for tall gals.

Why is it so hard to just keep an open mind? For years Angie has been getting her readers to try new things, frequently that they were convinced could never work (skinnies on pears, for example), and changing minds by the hundreds each day. Isn't it time we learned from this? It isn't my intention to chastise anyone, just trying to understand why there is still such a mental roadblock. It's one thing to just not be used to a trend and need time to let it marinate, but to consistently and authoritatively say it just won't work on anyone but Photoshopped models is just sad to me. Come on, indulge me a little...

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49 replies

Latest reply was from BlondeAmbition

Barbara

Veteran

MEOW! Maya, you might stir up something here. Women are so hard on themselves and who can blame us when we are bombarded with the super thin mannequins that jump at us from the pages of our beloved fashion magazines. I'm tall, slim AND curvy, blessed with great genetics, but I can understand frustration over the lack of perceived perfection. What is perfect? It's feeling good in your OWN skin, a confidence which usually develops with the acquisition of wisdom over time.

Queen Mum

Veteran

gotta run but you're right. The one thing we have to remember is that when we see these styles hit the catalogs and magazines, they are being modeled on the tall thin model, but that doesn't mean that we can't adapt it to work for our own bodies. We have to think beyond how the model or mannequin is wearing the outfit and rework it for our own unique shape.
Come to think of it, when I see a fab outfit posted here on the forum, I often have to rework it for my own body in my mind.

tarzy

Veteran

I don't judge fashion for anyone else, only me. I don't strive for "perfection," whatever that is. I do like to achieve balance in proportions for my body. I have short legs, so I don't prefer anything that makes them look shorter. That's just me - that's what I like. There are plenty of things that "fashion" says is okay, that I don't prefer for me.

If a short woman wants to wear OTK boots, I would never say she couldn't, or shouldn't. I wouldn't wear them, because my legs are short, and on me, OTK boots would be mid-thigh, and that's not a look I enjoy for myself.

If I saw another woman who had short legs wearing OTK boots, and they came up to her mid-thighs, and she was rocking it with style and confidence, and she loved the look on herself, I'd say more power to her. If she was also wearing a white puffy shirt I might think to myself that she looked like a pirate. (But I wouldn't say that to her.)

Make sense?

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

In my heart I know you're right Maya, but when I try on styles (ie: OTK boots, skinnies, etc) I can't help but think that they would look better on my slimmer (less curvy) friends. It is HARD for me to get most boots over my calves period. I'm not a big girl anymore, but these calves and ankles just don't wear a lot of shoes (especially boots) well at all. And it makes me sad and sometimes angry.
I think more than it being an issue of idealizing that body type, I think I'm just not content with my own and how I am supposed to dress it. So it's easier for me to put what I don't have on a pedastal.
And maybe I'm wrong, but I really do think most designer apparel is made for straighter body types...HOW to fix that or accept that, I don't know.

Louise

Veteran

Many of the trends people think will only work on skinny, straight......... just need a bit of thought to make them work. Me and skinnies for instance, I'm much better at trying to make a trend work for me before writing it off x

Maya

Veteran

I don't mean to stir anyone or anything up. I just don't get it. Being part of YLF has more of an impact on my psyche than models and celebrities who have the daylights Photoshopped out of them. I could understand random-girl-on-the-street feeling this way, but why do *we*? When we have a superb mentor like Angie, not to mention each other? Aren't we actively shattering those myths every day?

I'm just trying to get the ladies of YLF to confront their misconceptions so they are freed of that mentality and feel better about themselves. It's kind of depressing to read these comments. Actually, hearing that most people think something I already own and wear would look bad on my curvy self has a much greater impact on me than seeing skinny plastered all over the media. I don't feel bad about it, and certainly not enough to stop wearing anything I love, but these comments do have an impact and we should take some responsibility for perpetuating these myths.

Vix

Veteran

I freely admit that my aesthetic preferences are heavily influenced by the 1970s-onward media (though I like to think non-US media + centuries-old artwork also influences me).

That said, I do find certain clothing styles more appealing on certain body shapes/heights than others. Which is why you won't catch me wearing various trends even if my body double happily wears them.

[And FTR, I think tall, super-thin, straight bodies don't rock every look. But if I tell you which ones I dislike on that shape, then those with T, ST, S bodies might feel slighted!]

Edit to add: While I was typing away, Tarzy said it better! And I agree with much of Sarah's post too.

Louise

Veteran

My best shopping friend is a skinny UK 8 looks annorexic nearly but isn't and we can both try loads on and come out with nothing and she has your stereotypical model body. She complains she can't 'fill' many of the clothes and is actually jealous of my hips!!!!! x

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

But IS is it really a misconception? I mean, sure as long as I feel confident in something I can technically pull it off, but when the mirror is telling me that pants just DO NOT fit my short thigh to hip area, or when I am pushing back tears in the shoe department because yet again another pair of fab boots won't fit past my calves....I don't think THAT is a misconception. It's just reality.
I TRY.
I definitely don't think it's fair to say "curvy girls shouldn't wear OTK boots" because that just isn't true. None of us fit into neat little boxes and that certainly isn't the message preached here at YLF. So maybe these comments are more inward frustrations than outward criticisms?
I think it's healthy to try anything, and despite my annoyances at certain trends etc, I still do make an effort to assume something could work until it doesn't.
But I can't lie and say it's easy.

Maya

Veteran

Oh, we're all posting at once.

Sarah, I really sympathize with you. I am not absolving myself of any responsibility by any means. I do the same thing, though usually about my chest or my waist rather than calves. It's hard but I'm trying to train myself to remember that maybe I am hard to fit, but when I do find things that fit, I can look just as good as a skinny rectangle. The same is true for you. Your calves are shapely and lovely. All of the boots out there just aren't worthy of them! And believe me, speaking as someone with the opposite problem, fit issues don't get any easier on the chicken-legged. Baggy, gappy boots look awful too. Trust me when I say people aren't designing for thin-legged women, because if they were, I'd be in business. They are designing for a VERY narrow and elusive "average" that very few seem to fall into.

I think part of it is just letting our eyes and our heads recalibrate. Do those things REALLY look better on skinny girls, or are we just trained to think that? Do your calves really look that bad? Or are you just putting a mental spotlight on them?

Being on YLF has really helped screw my head on straight. I'm deeply indebted to Angie and Greg for that. I still remember how dysmorphic I was about myself when I first started posting here 2 years ago, and it actually scares me.

As others have said, it's all about adjusting trends to work for you. Some may never work and that's okay, but I think that's also true of the tall/thin/straight types.

Maya

Veteran

BTW this isn't meant to imply that everything can work on everyone. I don't think anyone, models included, look great in everything. I'm just saying that just because something doesn't work, it doesn't mean it would work on someone thinner/taller/straighter. It also doesn't mean that being thinner/taller/straighter means everything works for you. I know how hard it is--believe me, I'm there myself--but we have to realize that it's not a personal defeat when something doesn't work. It happens to everyone! There is no need to constantly have this ideal fairy goddess as our benchmark.

bj1111

Veteran

i know my perception is skewed by what i read and see in ads, tv or any commercial medium. these perceptions are also formed in vacuum. it took a bunch of time to accept that my husband is being sincere when he says i'm not fat, that handful of belly i'm pinching to illustrate my fatness is supposed to be there, and most importantly, i'm normal (in the medical sense of not overweight or obese).

maybe when we say "oh, i can't wear xxx because i'm pear-shaped/short-torso-ed/generous of thigh (all true of me)," posting a photo here wearing the said item and letting other opinions into the vacuum will help recalibrate our own self-image.

Barbara

Veteran

Maya, my youngest sister and I love to shop together. Our bodies are complete opposites: She's 5'5" tall, a big-boned, curvy size 12. I'm 5'8" tall, slim yet curvy size 4 with a tiny frame. But we love to shop together because we KNOW WHAT LOOKS GOOD on our bodies and we ignore the rest. That's the key. Love your body, ignore all the ' I'm not skinny, tall, etc. enough' hype and be yourself, yet strive for subtle improvements here and there. As in your diet, outlook and attitude. This positive approach works for me and my baby sister! My other sister, however, is hopeless. That's another story....

Jonesy

Veteran

I agree with a lot of what your saying, Maya, but looking over the comments on the OTK blog, it looks like most posters' dislike of these boots is about style ("they're not my style"), lifestyle (MOTG or business casual), their connotations (streetwalker/Pretty Woman or pirate), perceived comfort, climate, and so on, rather than body type. Of course, there are a handful of posts about the boots not working with a particular body type (or rather, this perception), but they are certainly not the majority. So, I'm not sure that everyone needs to keep an open mind, or get over our mental roadblocks. Some people may have kept an open mind, checked out the look, mulled it over, then decided they didn't like it for a variety of reasons :).

Barbara

Veteran

Right on, jonesy. I do like the look and style of the OTK boots, they are indeed FIERCE, but they are not appropriate for my lifestyle.

Maya

Veteran

Exactly Barbara. I agree. That's why I don't get all the "this trend is only for this body type" comments. At least try it. The funniest is when the comments come from someone who is tall, thin, and straight themselves!

This isn't about the OTK post specifically. More of a general observation I have made over the years.

taylor

Veteran

hmmm, perhaps the myth lives on that everything looks better on the tall and slim...quite honestly that figure type has it's own set and very large set of fashion issues..and the myth perpetuates intense dislike for slim women .. others feel "they can wear anything" Not so. quite honestly tall slim women have a very difficult time getting dressed just as does a size that is unusually large. Ever try to find a 00 missy and then have to alter...I know, no sympathy for that, and lots of eye rolling:)

I honestly believe that most things look better on curvy-er shapes. When I dress I try to create as many curves as possible.

I also believe that certain trends DO look best on certain body types...I just can't do the hippy, floaty, loose clothing, boho trend...I could wear it...but not my best look, and many others .

Just like certain hair color look best on certain people... not that we couldn't make Maya a platinum blonde...but She would not be the ideal candidate:)

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Maya, I applaud you raising this issue, every body type has it's positives and negatives when it comes to dressing and some trends will be more challenging to one or more of those body types. I also have to be careful when answering this type of post as I know I can be viewed as the tall, slim and rectangle variety.

I do feel it is important women can express their insecurities about wearing a trend in the blog comments as it gives Angie a chance to address them with practical guidelines. As with many things this comes back to semantics, I would much rather read 'how does a petite hourglass wear this trend?' than the blanket and often inaccurate statement of ' x body type should not wear this trend'.

Anonymous

I posted this in the blog comments, but I wanted to also post it here:

"When I said "models" I meant the pictures Angie posted, where you only see the knee on down. I didn't mean to imply only people with model figures could wear them successfully."

Carry on.

Maya

Veteran

Anne, I assure you, I'm not directing this at you or anyone else specifically. I hope it doesn't come across as an attack, more like a wake up call. A good wake up call, not a "you need to get your &*#@ed up life together!" wake up call.

Ana

(website)

Veteran

I'm usually willing to try any trend, unless it just doesn't appeal to me at all, aesthetically. Since coming to YLF and learning about the different body types, when I'm trying on clothing and something just doesn't work on me, I usually think, "This might work better for a pretty pear, or a rectangle, etc." Different things work for different people, and there are just some realities that you have to accept and be okay with. I have to get a huge percentage of my clothing altered. I rarely find skirts or pants that are the correct length (actually, I have found no pants that I didn't need to have shortened). I don't ever get upset about it, I just plan to have the alteration done and figure that into the price. I do have some friends who hold up the tall, skinny rectangle as the ideal. I totally get what you're saying Maya. It's something that is psychological, that many women keep telling themselves. In my friends' cases, it's become so ingrained that they don't realize they are unconsciously undermining themselves and making themselves feel worse. I think it's a great idea to get into the habit of thinking if something doesn't work for us, that's okay, because something else will.

Also, in regards to trends, especially the OTK boot trend, is that the probability that I will find OTK boots that hit me in exactly the right spot on the leg and not make me look like a pirate (to use Tara's phrase, lol) is very low. I'm just not interested in the trend enough to put that much effort into the search. So, I might say something like, "This trend seems like it will work best for gals with long legs." I'm not idealizing the leg length, I'm just making a statement about availability of suitable choices for gals with shorter legs. Having said that though, if there is an item that I really want and is hard to find, I will never give up the search, even if it takes months or years (I'm still looking for a few perfect items, I'm sure I'll find them someday).

Anonymous

No worries, Maya. I just wanted to clarify.

I'm tall (5'10") and a size 6. My biggest issue in the fitting room? INSEAM! Woe is me, right? So I'm very well-practiced in holding my tongue on body image issues because who takes the skinny girl seriously when she tells you to lighten up about it? I learned long ago that it's no use asking people to be at the same place in their level of self-acceptance.

I agree wholeheartedly with what you're saying, but we're all at different places. My philosophy is that those of us with more confidence have a responsibility to help others in their journey by showing them their wrong, not just telling them. That's why I love YLF. You've got women of all shapes and sizes showing each other daily that this or that can look amazing, regardless of body shape.

So, what I'm saying Maya Bo-Baya, is that you need to start posting more pics of your outfits, as you are incandescent with confidence!

marianna

Veteran

I know I am one of those people that says that a lot: I'm not skinny enough, etc... and sometimes I truly believe it. But I've been sitting here racking my brain trying to think of a trend that I *honestly* can't wear, and I can't think of anything.

Ultimately I think it comes down to taste and tastefully wearing a trend. Everyone can wear trendy items, but you need to know the best way to wear them for your particular shape.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

For some people, I think the wish to look taller and straighter comes from a desire to blend in. I know that's certainly the case for me, as a person with pretty strong body-image issues. I am noticeably larger than the majority of the population, and anything that makes me look like the slimmer norm is ok with me. I'm actually proud of my natural curves and wouldn't trade them for a super-rectangular figure, but anything that accentuates the relative fullness of my bust makes me want to hide under a table. The same goes for my legs, which are unequivocally too big. We're not talking about perceptions here -- the facts speak for themselves. I have to do my shopping at plus-size stores, order boots from sites specializing in hard-to-find sizes and deal with the fact that I fall outside the aesthetic norm in pretty much every way. I should be able to dismiss this fact, and in fact I try very hard to do so, but at the end of the day it all comes down to confidence and I will personally never feel as good about things that flout the basic rules of my body type. I've learned to like skinnies and style them in ways that earned rave reviews from you ladies, who I trust implicitly, but I will always feel better in boot cuts because their inherent design is better suited to figures like mine. The same goes for waist-surrendering styles, which I have learned to appreciate for comfort but which will never find their way onto my body when I'm trying to look and feel my best. Keeping an open mind is important and a key factor in the mutual quest to make fashion fun and accessible, but some people are better able to embrace this precept than others and should not necessarily be faulted for their individual approaches.

Barbara

Veteran

Ana, I totally agree with you. I adore fashion and I'll CONSIDER most any trend, but I have to consider not only my body and casual lifestyle but also my AGE. I'm 50-something and even though I am tall and slim, would look absolutely crazy in, for example, a skin-tight mini with the aforementioned over the knee boots. LOL about looking like a pirate! I think I'd look more like a REALLY shady lady, if you get my drift. It really is all about what is appropriate and works for your life and body.

Maya, girl, you really got us going! Which is a good thing.

shana

Veteran

Oh Maya, aren't you the pot calling the kettle black (remembering your many rants about your frustrations with your body type and how you wished you were a tall, thin, rectangle!!!). LOL!

I agree with you - every body type has its challenges. Women are so critical of their own bodies - the grass is just always greener on the other side. I remember being a stick straight 18 year old wishing I had more curves to fill out the pencil skirts and tube dresses that were popular in the late 80's/early 90's. At 24, I was obsessed with getting a six pack on my very flat belly so that I could better show it off in the belly baring shirts that were in style then. For the last few years, I was lamenting my post-pregnancy boobage that felt ginormous in all the sleek knit tops in the stores. Now in my late 30's, I'm finally more accepting and thankful for what I have. My body has changed in many ways over the years and frankly, there are limitations but one thing I've learned from ylf is that there's also ways to adapt many trends depending on how much you want to.

We should all have fun with fashion and try new things but I think Jonesy makes a good point too. With age & experience also comes the knowledge & confidence on what works and doesn't work. Just because someone says that a particular item doesn't work on THEIR body (or lifestyle) doesn't mean that they are necessarily condemning an entire body type.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

Great post, Maya!

And honestly, even if you are a skinny rectangle, it's not always all it's cracked up to be. Having -been- a skinny rectangle (not quite as skinny any more and never tall) there are plenty of things I never felt I could wear and things I was told I shouldn't wear. Plenty of poor body images to go around!

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't wear something unless you TRY it and YOU decide it does or doesn't work.

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Would love to know what percentage of the female population fits the "tall, slim rectangle" body type. Willing to bet it's below 10 percent. I have a friend who fits that bill. She hated that she had a flat chest, to the point that she got breast implants.

Just goes to show you can be unhappy even with the "ideal" body type.

Lena

Maya, I agree. You're awesome for bringing it up.

I remember your discomfort about your body early on the forum and how you worked to a point where you can play and bend the so-called rules instead of feeling chocked by them. I also had some dysmorphia going on, and I started to work on it (both age and YLF influence!). I'm not as advanced as you are, but I'm trying, heh. I learned to say "how to make this work for my body and lifestyle" instead of "I can't wear it because it won't look good on me and it won't fit straight off the rack." I also didn't realize it's ok to alter so many things.

I also wanted to bring up this personal experience (maybe it's a bit of a tangent, though, sorry). I feel better about my body when I don't see pictures of myself. I'm beginning to suspect there's a bit of weird conditioning going on - for example I see my wide hip bones and red flags go up. I'm positive it's because my eye is so used to seeing specific air brushed shapes in mass media. It's crazy and sad.

Sure, it's harder to fit blazers and jackets and dresses I like. I also may feel restricted by my short waist, and there are others on the forum who dislike their long waists. So my goal is to find (and hopefully someday with Angie's professional help) what WILL work for me and look "killer" and totally take advantage of the features I do have.
I realize this latter paragraph is a bit off topic, sorry.

So in conclusion, a huge THANK YOU to Angie for helping us all work through these issues.

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