How awful for you Mary...trying to put your boots on outside on the wet porch

We don't wear shoes in the house , but I have never asked someone to remove their shoes before entering!! I have had people often ask me " would you like me to remove my shoes"? I always tell them "No, your shoes are fine"
Beyond a culture distinction ,that I totally respect, I think it is not inviting to have people strip to their bare feet to walk in my home...and honestly I have a thing about walking on other peoples bare feet...airports give me the heebie jeebies when I have to remove my shoes...same with hotels...I shower with flip flops. PLEASE keep your shoes on:)

I dunno Mary, perhaps you have some kind of superstar hardwood floors, but we didn't, and neither did my French or Swedish hosts.

I'd have to question the validity of my friendships if something so trivial caused such a fuss, or if my friends thought less of me for making that request, or avoided coming to my place because of it. If that's the case, something is wrong with the friendship and not with my house rules.

As I said, I do not personally have a no shoe policy, but the idea that it could be SO objectionable is absolutely foreign to me.

And on the other side of the coin, I'd have to question my friendships if my friends would rather I get my socks wet and my feet cold in the interest of protecting their floors.

As a Canadian, I grew up with taking shoes off when entering a house. Its both culture and keeps the wet and mess outside. Knowing this, people bring their "inside" shoes or slippers or had nice socks when visiting others. No biggie. Its expected and common. It wasn't until I moved to California that I saw that people wore their outside shoes in the house. The first couple times felt so WEIRD to me. I might as well have been wearing ice skates in the house! I did adapt to it since I felt weird in my bare or sock feet when everyone else was in shoes. Now that I'm back up in the pacific northwest, I notice that most people take their shoes off when entering a house. There are a few exceptions but overall, its shoes off in the house around here.

I get more creeped out by outside shoes leaving who knows what all over my floors than I do from bare/sock feet on my floors. Do you know where they have been????

I have an "in general no shoes" policy, but I would NEVER ask guests to take their shoes off outside and we have a covered porch! That's just pure silliness. I'm not going to scold anyone for leaving their shoes on unless they're tracking mud all over (which happens often since it's often wet outside, go Seattle rain), but I do generally like if people take shoes off; even when we have people going inside and out (to grill, smoke, use the hot tub, etc.), our guests usually take shoes off without my asking. I will also provide slippers for anyone who asks for them, though it rarely comes up.

EDIT: I don't ask people to take their shoes off unless they're clearly wet/muddy (our floors are all carpet). But my friends know I rather they not have shoes, so they take them off. I also dress with the assumption that I'll have to take my shoes off when I go to someone's home

This thread takes me back to the many, maaaaany threads on the same topic I've encountered on home reno/home decorating forums. They are really almost word for word...and you all are just as passionate!

IME no one ever changes his/her mind.

And for every person who says "In my neck of the woods we do such-and-such" there's usually another who chimes in with the inverse. Or at least thinks it! [As I've done several times on this thread.... ;)]

It's amazing how divisive this topic can be -- but I always get het up myself, ha.

So I just want to remind people that if they have RL friends on opposite ends of the spectrum, it's always possible to meet places other than someone's abode...that way everyone's shoes stay on in a place where it's expected.

[And if you're on YLF, don't you want to meet in public, where you can show them off, instead of leaving them by the door?]

I also want to add that even though it's pretty normal for people to always take shoes off in each other's homes where I live, it's nearly always in the front entrance (by the coat closet or stairs), NOT outside.

That being said, though I take off my shoes most of the time when I enter homes around here, you're welcome to keep yours on in mine unless they're wet and muddy.

It's so eye-opening to hear other perspectives - I've visited homes where the hosts would be quite offended if guests wore shoes on their nice white carpets, but have never been in a setting where being asked to take shoes off would cause offense. It sounds like this is very much a cultural and geographic thing!

Just out of curiosity, what do most of you wear in your own homes? Slippers? Indoor shoes? Socks? I hate wearing socks, so during the spring and summer I go barefoot, but during the winter I live in ultra-thick soft fleece socks. They always end up torn off and thrown across the room if I try to wear them to bed, though.

for the most part, i have no problem with a general no shoes policy at a friend's home, i just don't like it when it's a more formal gathering. i'm glad ive never had this arise in the summer, i suppose because most summer gatherings are outside even at someone's home. i would have serious issues with bare feet at someone else's home. i really just can't fathom that ever happening though.

When I lived in snowy/rainy North Idaho for 5 years every one of my friends and aquaintances had a no shoes policy. No one ever stood at the door and enforced it but as courtesy to the host we all removed our shoes immediately just inside the door. I started bringing my own pair of slippers to wear.

Kari - I run cold so I usually wear socks or slippers (or both!), and go barefoot in the summer if it's warm enough (rarely is). No socks to bed though

I keep a pair of slippers at my best friend's house.

Kari: Like you, I'm usually barefoot or in socks at home. I actually don't like to wear shoes (although, with my boot obsession one would never guess)!

Okay. I wrote a long comment which disappeared because I accidentally pressed a button which I shouldn't have. Now my head is spinning and my wrists are sore

Darn, I was really curious what you would say, Angie, but sounds like those poor wrists need a break!

Oh, Angie! I hate when that happens!

I don't like the feel of bare feet on wood floors, and I think socks are too slippery/hazardous. So I wear my beloved flip-flops at home!

I'm always barefoot in my own home, but that's just because I have always liked walking around barefoot inside my house. My mom--the neatest, cleanest person I know--always thought it was "gross" that my brother and I chose to walk around barefoot. She always has sneakers or something else on her feet in the home.

However, my home has never been a no-shoe home for guests. I do have some friends who always want shoes off, some who only do sometimes, and others who don't care (hence, me asking before going to a party at someone's home if shoes are worn or not). I have people ask me if they should take their shoes off before entering, and I always tell them they should only take shoes off if they prefer not to wear them.

On the subject of Europe, I have spent a lot of time in Greece, and have never seen anyone take their shoes off before entering the home. So there's an outlier for the general idea that Europeans take off their shoes.

I just have to throw another question in the mix. If you are of the 'remove-your-shoes-inside-no-matter-what' culture/mindset, what in the world do you do when having a casual summer gathering where folks are insideoutisdeinsidesoutside?

I too have read this kind of discussion before, and it is funny how exercised people get about it. I don't ask other people to take off their shoes, but I do have acquaintances who do - I'd prefer not to sit around someone else's house in just my socks or bare feet, it just feels weirdly and inappropriately informal (and you worry about whether your socks have holes or silly things on them, or your toenails need to be trimmed), but I will do it of course if people ask.

I don't think the Canadian tendency to no-shoes is just about the weather; it's cultural too. I grew up in the (American) midwest, and we had plenty of snow and I didn't know anybody who asked guests to take their shoes off. Knock off all the snow in the winter, sure, or remove your snow boots and wear regular shoes, but that's it.

I personally have an issue with not wearing shoes in the house as far as foot health goes - I used to do it all the time, and it's made my feet problems worse. If you're just sitting, it's fine, but if you're cooking or doing real work, the support of shoes is helpful. That's why I wear them in my house, most of the time, even though I love the feel of being barefoot.

I've also seen this discussion many, many times. It ranks right up there with the cash bar at weddings argument (and don't get me started on that one).

But doesn't it come down to different expectations and having some flexibility? It also comes down to being a gracious host and a gracious guest. In my house, the only rule I have is that guests are never, ever made uncomfortable. That's made easier by the fact that most of our friends and family are considerate guests, I suppose.

Amen, Beth! I totally agree. As much as I come from a culture where shoes off is an absolute rule, I would never want to make a guest feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. Likewise, I try my best to be a considerate guest and follow whatever rules my hosts have when I am visiting.

To answer your question Kari, I generally wear socks in my house until I'm going out somewhere. When I get back it just depends on the shoes I'm wearing and what I'm doing whether or not I take them back off. I do make my kids take their shoes off and their friends do as well, but I've never asked my "grown up" friends to remove their shoes. In fact, if we are having company I put shoes on before they arrive... to greet guests barefooted just seems inhospitable to me (like, "I'm glad you're here for dinner, but I couldn't be bothered to get all the way dressed for you") It is funny how different regions of one country can view this one issue so completely differently.

Whoa, cash bar at weddings?!? I've never heard of this tradition before and the idea kind of disgusts me. Off to go google it.

Edited to add: Okay, I understand the idea now, and it's less bothersome than I thought. My company used to have an open bar at holiday parties and decided not to, not only because of cost, but because of some inappropriate behavior that resulted. Now each guest gets two drink tickets, and that seems like a fair and safe way to ensure that costs are balanced.

I was thinking it was literally a basket on the bar at weddings subtly asking for donations to offset the wedding cost. I was thinking, I should just have a cash bucket at my next party titled "Kari needs a brand new bag!"

i almost always take my shoes of when I get home but also always put shoes on if i'm wearing guests too!! i have the same feeling about wanting to greet guests fully dressed.

I've had lots of discussions about this over the years. It always inspires passion because the question is, which is worse: dirtiness or nakedness?

The more conventionally American perspective is that nudity is way worse than dirt. You can see that reflected in the comments here about how cleaning isn't so bad, but not having your shoes on means you're not fully dressed. From this perspective, asking someone to remove her shoes is asking her to be naked, and that is deeply offensive.

The more conventionally Asian perspective is that home or inside is a special, protected place, and part of what maintains that separation is cleanliness. And yes, it's not just at home - when traveling in Taiwan, Korea, and Japan I've removed my shoes in restaurants and offices as well as in homes. The idea of someone seeing your socks isn't such a big deal (nudity in general is less of a big deal), but breaching the symbolic wall between home and the world is basically saying that home isn't important. From this perspective, someone wearing her outside shoes in your house is deeply offensive.

Basically all these fights about etiquette differences in different cultures are really fights about some larger value that is symbolized by the etiquette in different ways.

I agree Medusa. Very interesting perspective.

Neither do I find shoes in the house or bare feet offensive.

What I do find offensive is all the judgments being made. People who have a no shoe policy just shouldn't invite people over? Really? That just strikes me as condescending. It's obvious that there are numerous thoughts and cultural practices regarding this issue, so to say that half the world is just rude and ungracious because they engage in a practice you may not prefer is out of line.

Ultimately all that is needed to keep the peace is effective communication. That is why I said: If I feel uncomfortable communicating about it, it's probably not a close enough friendship for me to consider going to the person's house.

If someone asked me to leave my shoes on the porch, I would ask if I could please leave them in the garage/basement/den/whatever, and I'm sure they would readily accommodate me. Hence, effective communication.

I'm sure no one wishes or intends to make their guests uncomfortable. Odds are they don't know if they are, and will be happy to resolve the problem if there is one. What does one gain by assuming the worst of someone?

I don't think I would ever have a no-shoes policy just because I would feel compelled to make exceptions for people who need to keep their shoes on (primarily for medical reasons, as discussed above) and then, at that point, what's the point? I can't imagine asking my grandmother to take her shoes off--she wears orthotics and it's difficult for her to bend over. Same thing for my grandfather. For me, part of making my guests comfortable is not insisting/asking that they go to this extra, possibly-uncomfortable effort for the sake of my floors.

(Also my dog sheds like crazy, so my floors are always kind of eh. We actually recommend to guests that they wear shoes because he sheds faster than we can vacuum.)

interesting perspective medusa. however, not all people who have no shoes policies share that same cultural perspective. if that was the reason for a policy, i would completely understand but that is not always the case

Medusa's perspective reflects my parent's reasons for asking guests to remove shoes (they're Middle Eastern), and is a large part of the reason I do the same. Ultimately I want guests to feel comfortable in my home, but I also want guests to respect my wishes to keep my home a clean, special place.

I found these two Alaskan businesses (bed and breakfast places) that ask guests to remove shoes, right on their websites:

http://www.alaska-wildflower-i.....culars.htm

http://www.bbonline.com/ak/beavercreek/

Make that three:

http://www.arabbitcreekbandb.com/our.html

And an entire BLOG dedicated to shoe removal! QM, this may raise your blood pressure...

http://shoesoffatthedoorplease.blogspot.com/