This has been a very interesting discussion! As I mentioned before, In the culture in which I grew up, one just did not wear shoes inside. Period. Shoes are part of outside attire. Even in schools and traditional restaurants, people are asked to take their shoes off.

Thinking about it a bit more, I realize the idea of shoes inside is still foreign to me, and I actually find it uncomfortable to wear shoes inside, even when it's ok with the hosts.

cloud9, you do make a good point about kids crawling on the floor. i would perhaps feel different if i had children or were going to homes of people who had children.

I agree with those who said its not hospitable to require a guest to remove their shoes, unless its completely understood beforehand, either by invitation or cultural norm.

I attended a baby shower years ago, and as an ice-breaker the guests were asked to describe an embarrassing moment. A sweet elderly woman (I'm emphasizing "sweet" because she really is) said that removing her shoes at the door and having a hole in her sock was quite embarrassing!

There are many reasons to not ask a guest to go shoeless ... bad socks, long hems, smelly feet, cold feet. Personally, I think bare feet are dirtier than shoes.

It's the norm here to remove shoes inside. As a hostess, I've never had to ask anyone to remove their shoes, everybody just does and I always dress for parties at someone's house assuming that I won't be wearing shoes. I'm not too worried about ruining our floors (well, except for the mass amounts of salty water that would get tracked in during the winter), but we do have kids and they're on the floor constantly. Honestly, thinking about all the stuff that's on the bottom of shoes kind of skeeves me out. I'd prefer bare feet, I think - most people wash their feet daily but when was the last time you washed the bottom of your shoes?

My experiences have been very similar to KTStar's, possibly because we come from the same province of Canada. The shoeless concept was so firmly entrenched during my childhood that my mother had no qualms about installing white carpets throughout our home. They were still pristinely white when we moved away 15 years later, and her rigid "no shoe" policy had much to do with this. The rules were somewhat relaxed during large gatherings, simply to avoid bottlenecks in the front hall or make it easier for people to step outside and avoid the crowd for a moment, but otherwise the rule was absolutely understood by all family members and friends of every generation. I run my household exactly the same way now, even though my apartment has hardwood floors instead of white carpets. I will relax the rules slightly in summer when people may wish to spend some time on my balcony or when I host a larger party, but that's pretty much it. I haven't had to articulate this rule very much, either -- people just seem to do it when they arrive, which I really appreciate (in fact the one couple we know that routinely flouts this convention comes in for a lot of social criticism). When I go to someone else's home, I dress with the expectation that the shoes will be coming off at the door. Like many people here, shoes are outdoorwear exclusively and I can never really see them as anything else.
It's interesting to read other people's responses, though. I had never thought of a shoeless policy as being insulting to anyone...thank you for heightening my sensitivity to other perspectives!

I'm thinking of summertime bare feet, how dirty they look when someone takes off their sandals or flip-flops. I first thought this after going on a tour of newly constructed homes, and we were asked to either put on booties or remove shoes. It was summer, and the feet just seemed so sweaty and dirty!

i understand that there are cultures where one does not wear shoes inside the home. however, i don't understand the notion that shoes are outdoorwear exclusively. You would not remove your shoes at a restaurant, the mall, the office, and indoor wedding reception, would you?
while i have encountered the no shoe policy on occasion, i'm lucky that i haven't encountered it when wearing sandals or any shoe that does involve a sock or hose. i would feel much much more uncomfortable actually being barefoot in another person's home; that would really freak me out. for those of you who are used to these no shoes policies, how does this work in the summer??

I've never thought much about shoes/bare feet in the summer being a problem because where I live, our summers are typically very mild and streets aren't really dirty or dusty. That is a good point! My sister traveled to NYC during summer a few years ago and mentioned that her sandals and feet were absolutely filthy after a day of city walking.

I think "outdoorwear" means something you would wear out in public, but not in a person's home.

I personally do not have a shoes-off policy, but I don't feel the least bit offended or bothered when someone does. I never even gave it this much thought before this discussion. If a person does have a shoes-off policy, I think it's fair to assume they have a pretty clean home, so I don't get squicked out being barefoot.

In NYC, I don't know anyone who has a no shoes policy. This is probably the result of not knowing anyone with an expensive apartment. Most of the apartments my friends live in are grungy and rather dilapidated. Being barefoot would be unsettling in that situation. When I lived there I would always have slippers on, and I would replace them constantly because they got so dirty. Things just get dirtier there in general. But in a $5,000/month apartment with a housecleaner, it might be a different situation.

Really, I don't think it's anything to get so upset or offended about. All these discussions lately about hats and shoes coming on and going off make me dizzy. I can't help but think that no matter what I do, I'm always going to offend someone.

Many of my neighbors do not wear shoes inside their homes and do not expect to wear them in mine when they come to visit. When I visit them, however, they always say it is okay to wear shoes--and of course they can wear them in my home, floors be damned. I clean them frequently.

I have problems with my feet and am not supposed to ever go barefoot or in stocking feet. Most slippers don't make the grade for me either. I think if I had to stand around at a party at someone's house in stocking feet I would politely take my leave ASAP.

From what I have read in this thread, communication and sensitivity seem to be the most important aspects of this issue. Not until I moved to my current area ten years ago was I ever aware of the possibility of needing to remove my shoes indoors. I'd expect to take off my galoshes, yes, and leave them on the front porch. (I don't think people wear galoshes any more.)

The most notable house I was at that had a strict policy about this, they provided two baskets; one had slippers in various sizes for guests and the other was for putting your dirty slippers in when you left!

My husband try to keep to a no-shoes policy ourselves; it just keeps the place more clean. But I was not raised this way, and we do not enforce it for guests.

Good point MsMaven ... my feet also hurt if I go without shoes, which is the primary reason why I wear them at home all the time.

Ooh, I love this discussion, and I am not offended by opposing opinions (even if I did get a special dispensation from Her Majesty!). Shout out to Canada!

To add a couple of other thoughts that occurred to me, In addition to the mess issues of Alaska weather, I also grew up in a household influenced by Indian culture, where (as in many Asian cultures, and in Hawai'i), taking off your shoes at the door is considered simple good manners. I have been to an occasional house here where people tell me not to take off my shoes, but if I'm wearing my giant snow boots, they're not going to go with my cocktail dress anyway, so I bring the change of shoes with me. Not such a struggle.

I would NEVER expect a guest to stand outside the front door and take off their shoes. Most Alaskan homes have something called an "arctic entry", like a mudroom, with a bench and place for coats and shoes to be left neatly. You step inside and kick off (or pry, if Rorys) shoes. Everyone knows this to be the case, so holey socks or other issues should not be a problem. I also have a pair of Born clogs that are my house slippers that I can bring along for indoor footwear. I like the suggestion of those fold-up ballet slippers too.

so, AG and others living in shoe-less cultures. Is the issue shoes in the house, or is the issue wearing the same shoes you wore outdoors? If you were throwing a cocktail party, would guests walk around in their house slippers, or would they bring their pretty shoes to put on when they got into the house.
I never doubted that one would not wear their cocktail shoes out in the cold snow, or their snow boots in the house.

I think I am still with QM on this one. To expand on my opinion, obviously if I were in danger of tracking mud/sand/snow through someone's home, I would bring a change of shoes with me. I don't see why walking through rain is such a big deal though. Leaving expensive shoes on a rainy porch would be a big deal to me though.

If I am just hanging out casually with people I know well, I don't mind taking off my shoes. If I am visiting people for the weekend, I bring house shoes with me, assuming they probably don't wear shoes in their home normally. On the other hand, even though DH and I do not wear shoes in our own home, we do when his parents or my parents visit because that is what they are used to. Besides that, for health reasons now my mother cannot walk without shoes, so it would be the height of rudeness to invite her and then ask her to remove her shoes. I guess she would just have to make her apologies and leave. The very idea makes me angry.

However, I still think for an "event" like a baby shower, a dinner party, a cocktail party, etc. taking off shoes is a really odd thing to do. You have dressed for the occasion. You will meet new people. You are presenting yourself. If your home is so pristine it cannot be tread upon by a shod foot, then maybe it is better not to host these types of gatherings.

People seem to take off their shoes automatically when they enter a house here. So many now have hardwood floors that they want to keep beautiful. It seems to be the norm, especially with younger people.

Growing up in the Indian culture, I was used to the no shoes rule. It never had to be explicitly stated - everyone automatically did it! Even for all of our "fancy" parties (i.e. women swathed in silk, men in suits), everyone removed their shoes. I don't recall any non-Asian households doing this though when I was younger but then again, white/off white carpeting wasn't that popular like it is now!! I was actually surprised the first time I visited my husband's family in Germany - they also had a no shoes rule at home (and nice parquet flooring). In fact, I think nearly every home of my in-laws generation (not so much with some of the younger friends & relatives) we visited had that rule. It wasn't a big deal for me since I was used to the idea.

We have a no (outdoor) shoes rule in our home now but I don't really enforce it for guests and never for parties. Some people will see shoes by the door and remove theirs automatically but I haven't asked anyone to remove theirs since my children were little & crawling around on the rugs. Honestly, my preference is that they do because I get a little skeeved out by the thought of all the dirt & grime they track in but heck, nothing a little cleaning can't take care of especially since it's more of an exception than a rule. We generally always remove our shoes when we go to other people's homes unless it appears that everyone is wearing shoes. What's funny is that my older son is so used to removing his shoes that the for first several months that he attended gym daycare when he was about 2, he would always take his shoes off when he got there!

Oh my, MaryK! Sounds like you handled the situation well.

In Europe, it's common, and expected, to remove your shoes before entering someone's home. This is one of the first things I learned about Germany. Each family member has a pair of house shoes which are typically hard-soled, warm and comfy leather clogs. When arriving at home, street shoes are left in the foyer, house shoes go on the feet!

Now that I'm back in the US, I remove my shoes when visiting friends/family. My family has always done this. With four kids, it was a necessity for Mom!

Unless I am attending a gala, formal event, my shoes are always left at the front door!

I have to laugh at the concern for the hardwood floors. My floors were refinished when I moved into this house 16 years ago and still look great. Not mirror-like shiny, I'll grant you, but lovely with no visible scars, despite people, you know, WALKING on them in shoes for the past 16 years. That's why it's called HARDwood! LOL If a high heel will ruin your floor, then you need to have a serious talk with your floor guy...

Growing up in Seattle, shoes come off as soon as you're in the front door in my family's house, extended family's houses, and almost all of my friends' houses. It keeps the water and dirt confined to the entry area. My parents even have a piece of furniture right by the front door for our shoes to go in (it's about 3 feet tall, 4 feet wide, with shelves and sliding doors). However, I've only taken shoes off outside if they are covered in mud, snow, or paint.

I think that I would only find it rude to be asked to take off shoes if the floor of the house was unfit to walk on in socks or with bare feet.

Also, I see taking off shoes as not only practical for keeping the house clean, but a sign of feeling comfortable in someone else's home. I don't usually wear shoes around my own house, and being shoeless allows me to curl up on a couch or chair, put my feet up, more comfortably hang out on the floor (especially with small kids), etc. When my shoes are on I feel like I'm getting ready to leave at any moment, with shoes off I can really be present and comfy in my surroundings.

Completely OT but funny: My parents' shoe storage unit is some kind of Asian antique, and has little elephant bone handles to slide the doors. When I found out that these were elephant bone (in middle school) I rebelled by calling the shoe storage unit the "elephant killer". Over time my parents stopped protesting when I used that name for it, and now both of my parents and and my siblings call it the elephant killer. It's common for my mom to ask my dad to mail the letter that's sitting on the elephant killer, or my dad to tell my brother to check the elephant killer for his missing shoes! I still get a kick out of the confused look that guests get when my family talks nonchalantly about the elephant killer!

Kim, to answer your question, it's totally normal to bring fancy shoes along for a swanky occasion, at least where I am. In fact I am now faced with the prospect of attending a Christmas Eve party at the home of one of my parents' friends. If I go, I'll wear boots to get there then switch to my patent pumps when I arrive. A lot of people allow footwear in their homes for larger parties, myself included...it's just preferable if the shoes haven't done hard time outside immediatly before being worn in the house.

Michelle- that makes complete sense to me. I feel much better now.. thank you!

Thank you, Michelle - that is exactly how I do things!

What Michelle said, although that doesn't happen often here. Alaska is also a FAR more casual place than say, the east coast. People just don't have formal gatherings at their homes that often, at least in my circle. My fancy shoes are reserved for work and outside-the-home events (like fundraisers). It would be madness to wear anything but boots in the snow, unless you want a broken hip or ruineed shoes!

shana, I'm curious - did you grow up in India or in the US? Even here in the US, where I grew up, all the Indian households did take off shoes routinely. We all had flipflops for around the house!

I started laughing when I read this (the top post), because we NEVER leave are shoes on in the house! No one in this state does! Mostly because for about 4-6 months of the year we have snow everywhere. If you walk in the house the whole house would get wet. It is not fun stepping in a wet puddle with your socks on! This is why I struggle with some looks because you usually look worse without the cute boots over your leggings or jeans. No one here even questions whether or not to take off their shoes. In fact some people would think it is rude if you leave them on, because the house might get dirty.

It depends on the situation.

If it's rainy, or snowy, and it's a casual talk party between friends, or family-then it would be nice of you to take off your shoes, when you enter the house, but if you were invited to a New Eve dancing party on hard floors, or you just popped in for a few minutes, or for making business, then not.

I have particularry seen this in Germany, Roumania, and Italy,by common people(not millionaire), too.

Also, when travelled to Monaco, I have seen the same thing in the seadocks, on the millionaire's jachts, too:-). There were several parties held on beautiful boats and have seen a big corb by each entrance "for your shoes"...I saw lot of wealthy people comming with extra fashionable outfits(+shoes), but once on the jacht they took off their footwear(put it in the corb) and continued barefoots on the boards:-).
I especially loved that looseness..:-)
I figured, it may be also refferring to the mild (extra warm, sand and see) weather conditions and also a question of a special etiquette to the boards of small boats(?).

Great discussion! Loved your comment about the "hardwood floors", MaryK! I've noticed a great difference in durability between relatively new hardwood floors and old ones like we have in our probably 1920's building. Personally, I like them to look a bit weathered...more texture :). New or old, they can definitely take shoes, however. Maybe that's another thread though :).

I think taking shoes off depends so much on the situation. At least here in the U.S., it's a relatively new request. Obviously if you come into someone's home with dripping wet shoes or boots, offering to take them off is polite, or letting them dry before putting them back on would be nice. Places where there is salt or de-icer as well as wet to deal with this becomes even more important and necessitates bringing another pair with you, perhaps. But if none of these conditions are present, I feel like whatever my own or others habits are normally, asking guests to remove their shoes for a big party, particularly if you are dressing up, seems silly. Might be a good idea to include it in the invitation as well if that is what is expected.

Loved that Sex and the City episode!

I grew up in the south and we never removed our shoes in other people's houses. It was considered a very, very casual, familiar thing to do. You just didn't do that unless you were family or very close friends coming for an overnight visit. But, we rarely had snowy weather.
5 years ago, we moved to the Northeast and there is lots of snow here. I had the hardest time getting used to the no shoes in the houses rule. I finally got it one time I went to a book club gathering and tracked wet footprints into the hostess's home. I felt so bad when I turned around and looked at the wet mess I had left behind. The hostess was very sweet and was ready with papertowels to clean up, but I got the idea. I still don't like it though. To me, shoes are part of the outfit and I feel odd at dressy parties to stand around and mingle with people I don't know very well in my stocking feet.

Lyn67, boat shoe etiquette is a whole extra subset of the shoe discussion!

It's common practice to take off your shoes when getting on someone else's boat (or to at least ask). Shoes, especially those that don't have nonmarking soles, leave dark marks on white fiberglass decks or worse, leave scratches on teak decks.

The largest sailboat show in the US is held every fall in Maryland with lots of boats to look at. Kind of like a giant lot of new cars but on the water instead. And on the dock next to each boat, you'll see a pile of shoes:)