Removing shoes indoors (or, the best-laid plans can go astray) - YouLookFab Forum

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Removing shoes indoors (or, the best-laid plans can go astray)

MsMary

Veteran

Last night hubby and I were invited to a casual Christmas party at the home of some friends. It was rainy so I wore my fab new red Rory boots with black skinnies, a sequined black tank, and the cardi from the photo below.

You may recall that everyone, including me, has had trouble getting the Rorys on. Let's just say it's a process. So you can imagine my horror when we got to the party house and there was a pile of shoes on the front porch along with a sign saying "please remove your shoes." Getting them off was no problem, but getting them on at the end of the evening required DH's help and I ended up with my skinnies scrunched up, and the boots scrunched down, and it was a mess. Ugh. Didn't even get a WIW photo! LOL

This was very unusual for So Cal, but I know in other parts of the world it's quite common to remove shoes indoors. Is it the custom where you live? How do you handle it?

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88 replies

Latest reply was from catgirl

Mo

(website)

Veteran

We had people over for Thanksgiving in our Tahoe house several years back and they all removed their shoes. There was no sign or anything - just our shoes on the bottom landing of the stairs. Maybe it was a visual clue. Maybe it's because it snows and people know better than to track that inside . . . I don't know.

I have had men friends come in with their boots on and leaving littel slush puddles all the way up the wood stairs. Don't like it, but dont' tell them to remove their boots, either :/

Maya

Veteran

It's not unusual, especially if the weather was bad. People go through a lot of trouble cleaning up and polishing the floors for guests. The last thing I'd want to do is track in muck all over the place. If I'm going to someone's house I go with the expectation that I'll have to remove my shoes. It isn't always the case but better to err on the side of caution so I don't end up exposing my mismatched socks or anything.

In France it was always required, regardless of the weather. Our host moms went to great lengths to keep the parquet floors looking sterling, and we had to respect that. Sweden too. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if it was the norm across Europe.

I don't really think about it. I don't have trouble getting my boots or shoes on and off, and I'm not sure I'd keep a pair that gave me that much trouble until and unless they eased up with wear. The Miz Mooz oxfords that Kari and Queen Mum have were difficult for me to get on, so I sent them back.

I realize it's too late for you and you probably didn't want to return these, but I guess maybe save them for occasions when you're sure you won't have to remove them.

marianna

Veteran

I've seen it before and I think it may depend on culture -- some cultures don't like to get dirt on the floors. Or if the home has a little baby/child, they don't want the baby crawling around on a dirty floor.

Kari

Veteran

MaryK - I know this probably sounds silly, but when I had to put the Rorys back on after an evening at my parents' house, my mom suggested cutting apart a plastic bag and wrapping it around my leg starting from my ankle - this is how she gets her skinnies into boots. It totally helped and removed a lot of the friction from the soft inner lining of the boots, and I've started doing this at home.
If you are going out to a friends' house where you might have to remove your boots, maybe you can keep a plastic bag tucked in your purse just in case.

Taking shoes off indoors is pretty common in the Pacific Northwest partly because of the rain we encounter (don't want to drip water on wood floors or carpet) and partly because nearly all year long, but especially in winter and fall, our shoes collect pine needles. They can really be a pain to vacuum out of a carpet.

Steph

Veteran

I definitely have friends who require you to remove shoes (regardless of whether the shoes are dirty or there is bad weather) and others who do not. When I'm going to someone's home, if I am considering wearing something where my shoes are an important part of the outfit, I ask the host in advance if shoes will need to come off. If yes, then I don't wear that outfit and I make sure to have cute socks on my feet. If I don't feel comfortable asking the host, I just wear something where I won't be embarrassed if I have to take my shoes off.

rute

Veteran

Never saw here people asking the guests to leave the shoes at the door.. can you imagine.. going to a dinner with no shoes.. the ruins the outfit..eh eh

Sihaya

Veteran

We ask people to remove their shoes. We live in the Pacific Northwest or Northwet and it's a pain to clean up afterwards otherwise. Whenever I have a party, I include that in the party invite so that people are forewarned and can have matching socks

Isabel

Veteran

Wow ! This may be my favorite outfit on you so far ( considering how great they have all been, this is something. )

That is sooooo funny regarding the party !!! I love it that you have such a great sense of humor. Life is very comical sometimes. Here in MA, we take our shoes off all year in people's homes except in the summer. I am careful to wear something that is going to look good when my shoes are off and that the pants aren't so long that I don't trip on the hem and go head first through the French doors, or that my socks don't have holes or smiley faces. I keep some "extra" slippers for the ladies to wear when they visit us, though we don't require it since our house is not carpeted, clean up is easy. I do have friends who won't let you off the front stoop unless you remove your shoes. ( In my culture, Portuguese, it would be an insult to ask people to remove their shoes, your guests set the tone. )

Since this is not customary in your area, there really is no way to prepare for it or even expect it. Though, it the weather is bad, I do like Steph's idea. It is also possible that the only reason people did it was because it was raining and their footwear was waterlogged.....they weren't as prepared as you ! Yet you were the one who suffered ! ( I definitely wouldn't sit around all night in soaking wet shoes at someone's house either...but then everyone else feels obligated to remove their shoes.)

I bring along a pair of flats and switch out at the person's home - on a couple of occasions, when they were close friends, I wiped boots and asked if I could keep them on...this was when it was cold but not muddy or wet or anything.

I am considering buying a pair of these, they are real leather and look nice, just for occasions like this :

http://www.purseflats.com/shop.php

these are not real leather, but do the trick, you can get these at most drugstores ( I am keeping a bunch on hand for Christmas Eve in case people start stripping after too much wine :

http://www.drugstore.com/produ.....=584505273

( doesn't it feel as if there is a whole sub culture of foot strippers that you didn't know about ?????? We also put pasties on our big toes ; )

HAPPY HOLIDAYS ! MaryK.

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

I think this varies from circle to circle. I'm also in MA, and have never been asked to take my shoes off at a party.

Personally, I can't imagine hosting a party and expecting people to take off their shoes. And I grew up in a no-shoes-in-the-house culture which I still practice to this day with my own family (exception being parties). Parties are different. I expect a certain amount of clean-up after a party, and believe me, when people have been wearing shoes in my house, I do a level 10 disinfecting the next morning!

I actually think it's a bit inconsiderate of the hosts (if people weren't warned ahead of time) unless they provided slippers for everyone. I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone having cold feet all evening, or worse, slipping on wood floors in stockinged feet, or tripping in long hemmed pants.

Sorry that happened to you - such a cute outfit!

Scarlet

Veteran

This is one of my big pet peeves. Even though we don't usually wear shoes in our own home, I think throwing a party and telling everyone to take their shoes off is bizarre. At a minimum I think one should make this VERY clear ahead of time so that I, for example, don't have to trip over my wool slacks hemmed for a high heel, or ruin my stockings on the bare floor. When we give a party we clean the floors before and clean the floors after. I think it is part of being a good host to make guests feel comfortable, especially if they have dressed up for the occasion. Meeting people without your shoes is just weird. And often cold.

Queen Mum

Veteran

I'm going to side with the "don't invite me to a party and then ask me to remove part of my outfit" club.

Okay, in fairness, if you warn me in advance then I have no room to complain, but otherwise I would be slightly offended.

Marley

Veteran

Oh Mary K - how awful in a funny, weird kind of way! I must admit that I am chuckling at the image of you and your DH trying to get those boots back on!
I think its rude to ask guests to take off their shoes unless they've been forewarned. Oftentimes, when I go to a friends's house I automatically take my shoes off - just out of habit, because I do it at my own house. But I would NEVER want to do it for a party or dinner!
I have been known at times (when we had to take our shoes off) to hide my shoes way in the back or off to the side - I'm always afraid someone is going to take them! (Remember that Sex in the City episode? So funny when someone took Carries Manalo's!)

Kari

Veteran

How funny that our responses vary so greatly! I guess because I grew up in a part of the country where *not* removing your shoes when you enter someone's home is the exception, most of the time I and other people who visit each other's homes automatically remove our shoes unless we see that the hosts are also wearing shoes.
Being asked to remove my shoes definitely isn't something that would cause offense (although I see the point about having bare feet on a chilly floor - brrr! - or having pants that are too long to wear bare-legged.)
This is a big reason why I didn't abide by perfect pants length for such a long time before YLF. There just didn't seem to be any point in having pants that were perfectly hemmed for heels that I would only wear outside, and then dragging my pants on the floor and looking sloppy once I was indoors.

Maya

Veteran

It's not just about cleanliness (although that is reason enough--do you have any idea what people step in throughout the course of the day? Yuck). For me, and for my French and Swedish hosts, it was about preventing costly damage.

We once had a woman with spike heels and a very stompy, heavy step actually ruin our floors with her shoes when I was a little girl in our old house. My dad was understandably furious. In France my roommate put her wet shoes in a plastic bag in hopes that it would keep the floor safe, but it didn't, and she ended up ruining the floor in her room.

In areas where there is heavy snow, people have snow, ice, and salt on their shoes. That is a disaster on hardwood floors, and a major inconvenience on carpeting.

If it doesn't bother you in your own home, that's fine, but if I'm a guest in another person's home, I don't have a problem respecting their rules. When in Rome...

cciele

Veteran

I grew up in a Chinese household, where it is customary for guests to remove their shoes. We always provided slippers for guests, or some would bring their own indoor shoes. Since this was a common thing in this culture, none of our Chinese guests thought it was odd.

MsMary

Veteran

These responses are so much fun! I totally get that it's a cultural/regional thing -- it's just virtually unknown out here in sunny So Cal! These friends have a party every Christmas season and have never done this before, so I think it was due to the rain.

Marley, I am being a good sport but I have to admit I secretly think it was incredibly rude, especially given that we were expected to remove our shoes on the front porch and by the time the party was over the rug on the porch was SOAKED, so that I ended up putting WET socks into my lovely new boots. Ugh!

Fortunately they are otherwise very lovely people and I am not a grudge-holder!

Oh, and I'm having a party tonight, it's raining, I have hardwood floors, and you are all welcome to leave your shoes on. I like to live on the edge. ;p

catgirl

Veteran

In Alaska it is considered rude to wear your outside shoes in someone's home. We have exta slippers for guests, and if I am going to a house party where shoes are a necessary part of my outfit, I will carry them in a bag and put them on inside. It's because of the weather - snow and slush and mud and salt are deadly here.

And THAT is exactly why I never wear my Rorys if I'm going shoe-shopping or to someone's house - taking them off is okay, but putting them back on is ridiculous!

Beth

Veteran

It's a balance of courtesy between host and guest.

I had never encountered being asked to remove my shoes until I was well into my 30s, certainly not at a party (a cocktail party full of people in stocking feet? Really?). The state of my floors has never been as important to me as the comfort of my guests. Besides, seeing as my wood floors are nearing their 170th birthday, I just call it patina.

That said, it's definitely a cultural/regional thing, and there is that balance of courtesy. Just as I'd never require my guests to take off their shoes, I'd hope they'd be aware of the state of their soles and make an effort not to track serious mud/snow, etc. in the house. I always keep that in mind when I visit others.

Our approach has changed a bit since we moved out of the city onto a farm. Taking shoes off for us has become much more of a daily routine. In the city, my shoes encountered asphalt and brick sidewalks. On the farm, there's grass clippings, hay, barn muck and goat berries. :O But we don't often hold dinner parties where a visit to the barn is included.

The bottom line is I'd never, ever want a guest to feel uncomfortable in my house.

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

I don't think anyone is advocating for guests to show up in mud-covered boots and wreck someone's carpets or wood floors. A responsible guest would wear commuting shoes of some sort and change into clean shoes upon arrival, if they expected to encounter foul weather. A considerate host would provide slippers if the shoe-free request were last minute. I keep a shoe-free house, btw, but I make an exception for parties. Clean up is just part of the hosting game.

ETA - HA, Beth said it better. Get out of my head, Beth!

Beth

Veteran

LOL, MPJ! I'm sneaking into your head, wearing your leather jacket:)

Which BTW, is one of my favorite purchases from the last year. Thank you!

Queen Mum

Veteran

I pondered this quite a bit more while making chili in preparation for guests tonight (who won't be asked to remove their shoes)

I can't help but feel that asking guests to come to your home for a party and put some effort into their attire conflicts with then asking them to remove said attire.

I realize that it might not always be about cleanliness as Maya pointed out, but regardless of the reason, I can't help but feel that I would be telling my guests that my floors are more important than they are. I"m also communicating to them that I don't trust them to have the common sense to wipe their feet on the door mat.

Do these same hosts also require guests to keep all their food and drinks in the kitchen? Because heaven knows a red wine spill would be much more disastrous than a little dirt being tracked into my house.

I know I'm being a little snarky here, but I do find being required to leave my good shoes on a wet front porch a bit insulting. I think I'd be tempted to leave my shoes in the car and walk up to the door barefoot.

Anonymous

If you're having friends over for a casual get together, I see no problem in asking them to remove shoes. But an office Christmas party? That's being a poor host. How potentially embarrassing for people with foot odor, or the lady who wears thick socks in her boots (me!) that don't go with her outfit ...

Emily

Like Marley, I thought of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie is appalled she has to take her shoes off, laments that they are "part of her outfit" and, had she known, she would have worn a hat or something to make up for them.

We don't wear shoes in my house, but if I were hosting a party, I wouldn't expect guests to remove theirs unless they chose to do so. I would just have lots of rugs to wipe their feet on. To have to take off your shoes outside is just rude.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I have to think where you live, and the weather you live in, plays a huge role in how you feel about this. I don't think our floors in CA are more special than our guests, but when everyone is carrying 1/4 cup of water on their shoes in frozen form, it get a bit dangerous by the third flight of stairs, to be quite honest. Our kitchen and living room are on the top floor so it's a reality every time we have folks over in winter. Of course, at our Thanksgiving, it was casual enough that all 6 of us crawled up into the loft and my BF carried all the dishes up one at a time up the wall ladder We like to think we were ahead of the curve when B.E.D. opened in Miami.

KTStarr

This may be an odd thread to post my first comment, but it was at the top of the list when I finally got around to getting an account (I've been reading Angie's blog for awhile now), and I figured why not dive in and offer a different regional perspective.

I live in Ontario, and there is no question about it, I've never been to anyone's house, whether it be for a fancy even or a casual drop-in, where I haven't taken off my shoes. It's an automatic thing in my part of the world. No one os ever offended about being asked to take off their shoes, because no one is ever asked, they just do.

I actually didn't know that there were different thoughts about this until my boyfriend did his Masters degree in the States, and lived with American roommates for two years. They always laughed at us for leaving our shoes at the door, and only then did I realize people wore shoes inside! Looking at movies and TV made in the US now, I should have realized, but I just hadn't given it any thought The only American homes I had visited to that point were ex-pat Canadians, so I hadn't seen it before.

Just throwing it out there so that if any of you are ever asked to take off your shoes, don't be offended.....maybe your hosts are Canadian!

Queen Mum

Veteran

Now that I've offended half of the continent...... I've calmed down and I can concede that in regions where it is the norm that it is probably not poor taste for a hostess to expect her guests to remove shoes... but Southern California is not one of those regions.

I also realize that it may not be the host who is setting the standard, but the earliest arrivers who may remove their shoes and set the expectation for everyone else. I have no problems with an informal gathering, but a party is different.. guests should be free to keep their shoes on if they desire without feeling awkward (Alaska and Canada exceptions to the rule In fact, I'm thinking it isn't always the best taste to assume that it is okay to walk around sans shoes for a party... it could seem a bit familiar... like propping your feet up on the coffee table.

Lisa

Veteran

I have a strict no shoe rule in my house. The only time I have shoes on, is for my WIW photos, then they come off again. All my guests know in advance that they cannot wear shoes in my house. This includes parties. The difference in dirt and muck is amazing! I originally started taking shoes off because I worked in a lab and you never knew what was on your footwear that you could track into your house. The habit stuck and now it's second nature. One thing I do though, for parties, I keep a chair by the door for guests to sit and put shoes on and off. Since I have a small alcove area, this works really well. No point in having someone hop around near my front door while they struggle to put on their footwear.

Mellllls

Veteran

Where I live I have occasionally encountered the take your shoes off when you enter so I am always mindful. Last night I went to a holiday party at a friend's house I had never been to before so when the host answered the door, I noticed that he was wearing his shoes so I was glad to keep mine on. Personally, I don't like to take shoes off at someeone else's house.

I do think inclement weather is the exception. If my shoes were wet, slushy, etc. I would never track that through someone's home. Barring that, I think if you invite guests to your home, you shouldn't mandate they remove their clothing. If your floors are that valuable, either cover them or don't host parties.

cloud9

Veteran

after having my kids crawling on the floors for so long, it's become a habit of mine (and my friends who have kids of similar ages) to wear no shoes indoors. It's become natural to me know to automatically take off shoes into any home, sometimes the hosts would say "oh, you don't have to take off shoes". I've been to homes that they expected people to take off shoes, but they provided slippers.

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