Quandary: how to dress up when your style is not dressy. - YouLookFab Forum

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Quandary: how to dress up when your style is not dressy.

sarah

Veteran

I've had a recent epiphany. I really struggle to "dress up" - I'm not talking about work, as that's no problem. I'm talking about occasions. And the reason I struggle is that my style is by definition "casual", so I don't know how to choose dressier outfits that still feel like "me" - dresses always seem too body con, too short, too sweet, etc, etc. Example: I've got a wedding to attend in May, and I would like to buy a dress, but I can't figure out a style of dress that feels true to my style. Here are some dresses that I kind of like, although most have problems (1 would wash me out, 2 is too short, 3/4 have necklines and sleeves that won't work for me, 5 may be too short). I've included a pic of a dress that *does* feel like me for reference (it's not very "wedding-like", however). This is an Angie-selected Nic + Zoe.

I realize that I'm not asking very specific questions here, but for those of you who know my style, do you have any suggestions for *styles* of dresses that might mesh with my style?

FYI: The wedding is an afternoon wedding (3pm) in Boston.

Thanks!

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Dressing

36 replies

Latest reply was from Deborah

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I definitely can relate Sarah. I recently had the same challenge. I posted my pants and lace top wedding guest outfit, which is my first option, but I also found a dress (finally) that I feel pretty good wearing. The dress is from Peruvian Connection and has a built in slip. It is very soft sort of jersey with a draped neck and 3/4 sleeves. It did not come with a belt but I had a wide black belt to try it on with (shown in pic). It's one of the few dresses that was flattering but didn't feel too body con or revealing - things I realized that bothered me about most dresses. I also really didn't want sleeveless because in summer I tend to be in the sun and I figured I may have some slight sun tan lines on my arms from wearing tees. It comes in black and a "madder" russet red type color. I got black because I thought it would be most flexible. The wedding I'm attending is a night time affair. I didn't think the draped neckline would work for me, but it does work quite well. No bra straps showing, not too low cut and I can dress it up with different necklace/bracelet options (ordered some dressier ones recently to try it with).

Not sure if the dress would work for you but I thought you might get ideas from it or my pants option.

Here is my pants (#1) option:
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....t-in-pants

Here is my dress option (with a different wide belt on order and more dressy jewelry on order as well)
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....n-a-budget

sarah

Veteran

Thanks, Textstyle. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. That dress looks great on you! I also really like that lace top outfit.

AJ

Veteran

I don't think you need to be in a dress in order to be "dressy."

A nice jumpsuit was the first thing that popped into my head. Here are a couple of inspiration ideas:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/di.....h&

http://pinterest.com/pin/548242954608378752/

sarah

Veteran

Wow, AJ, it never would have occurred to me to wear a jumpsuit. That would be pretty far outside of comfort zone - but definitely worth thinking about. Thanks.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Tex and AJ's recommendations.

Our daughter flat-out refuses to wear a dress. No problem. When the occasion is dress, I just request that she wear a dressy pants outfit.

So...a jumpsuit like the ones AJ linked to. A pair of silky pants like the Leiths with a lacy or silky draped top. Dressier looking foot wear would also help a lot. The shoes could be flats, but pointier toed flat. Or a very small wedge. And a clutch. You would be true to your style and comfortable yet also perfectly appropriate.

If you do need a dress, I like the idea of a relaxed silhouette like #2, but you'd have to try it to see whether it flattered or overwhelmed. Don't be put off by the lengths on the models. Check the actual dress lengths. You are a whole lot shorter than the models! Even if you buy petite, it is likely to be longer on you than it looks on the model.

In general, within your particular figure flattery guidelines, I'd be aiming for "relaxed" and "unstructured structure" to help maintain the feeling of a casual outfit while adding the necessary polish. Anything too binding or tight will automatically feel "off" to you, I suspect. It should feel as comfortable as your everyday clothing, except possibly a bit more fragile in terms of fabrication.

sarah

Veteran

Those are interesting ideas, Suz. And yes, I realize that most of those dresses would be much longer on me!

I wonder about some of the River Island pants from ASOS. I've been attracted to them for some time.

http://us.asos.com/River-Islan.....&sort.

http://us.asos.com/River-Islan.....3&.

or the ASOS pants, which I could make narrower and would probably slouch on petite me.

http://us.asos.com/ASOS-Peg-Pa.....gesize=200

kellygirl

Veteran

I love the idea of a dressy pant. I never would have thought of that either. Don't you have a pair of slouchy pants from last year--black, perhaps? Can you dress those up?

I like the ones you linked. I prefer the print in the first picture (which looks more your style) but I like the silhouette of the floral. Did you see Angie's fab frock post?

ETA: Welcome home. I didn't have time to post yesterday but I loved reading about your trip. Loved the BF look

Aziraphale

Veteran

That dress does look fabulous on you. Are you sure it's not dressy enough?

I've got fairly causal style, too, although I do enjoy dressing up once in a while. But one time I wore an arty suit to a wedding, and felt really good in it. I second the motion for dressy pants with an "evening wear" sort of top.

AJ

Veteran

Thinking about the dress route, how about a simple yet polished shirtdress?
http://www.jcrew.com/womens_ca...../42465.jsp

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/ra.....rch&c

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/ad.....ch&co

AJ

Veteran

Maybe start another thread where you show us the dressy pants that you already have?

unfrumped

Veteran

I can really relate! Short answer (for me!) is:

Embrace pants ! --but study up on how to have dressier options. I may post some of my many aha moments on this subject when life settles down a bit in a few weeks. Suz's idea about footwear and accessories is spot on--you don't so much have to have ALGO, but realizing that l details can transform looks to a dressier one even if the underlying clothing is more classic and comfortable. Dressier footwear is key for me but again I have to shop, as it's a challenge for me to find comfy + stylish/dressy. Play in your closet. As you try on some outfits, identify what wardrobe additions could be the dress-code changing ones-- a dressier blouse, a great clutch or necklace, flats with some detail/sparkle.

Dresses--shop frequently but buy infrequently for this category or capsule. I could rant on about the poor selection of dresses for my style and taste--they're not there when I need one, but I've identified some styles and I plan to browse more and pounce. Don't forget separates-- you may find a skirt style that works for you.

Focus on having just a couple of outfit options that really work (winter, summer) for truly dressy occasions and update them from time to time.
Experiment with some less-dressy, but more dressy than your usual style, that you can pull from your essentials and upgrade a bit with accessories as above.

Isis

Veteran

Did you see the silk Eileen Fisher slouch pants that Parsely wore for her trip?

Here they are in petites. I alos like the top and think silk slouch would work well for you:

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/.....-Silk-Geor

ETA: not keen on the sleeves on the top.....

DonnaF

Veteran

I was also going to suggest a shirtdress, maybe in a really heavy silk crepe that is camp style on top and in a wedding worthy color -- not that I've seen that dress anywhere!

In general, I would look for a sporty style or cut but in a luxe fabrication. . . .

Would you consider a flared skirt, or does that style feel to twee for you? I am thinking of Talbot's many flared skirts that come in Petites and aren't overly short. I recall their jackets (or at least one!) fit you, so maybe you could find coordinating pieces.

My concern with regular sized dresses is that the length may be fine but the waist and hips won't hit in the most flattering places so they will look *off*. I am long-waisted, but regular sized dresses tend to make me look even more long-waisted even if they technically hit me in the right place, but YMMV.

Scarlet

Veteran

What about something Ellen Degeneres inspired? Like a really crisp top and swanky trousers and swanky oxfords? I could see you in that better than in a fancy dress, and it can be just as chic and dressed up. Maybe a pinstriped suit with a really crisp white shirt?

rachylou

Veteran

I had the same thought as Aziraphale. For me the only thing to do is switch out accessories. A statement necklace in gold, dress shoes.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Love Scarlet's idea - take some inspiration from Ellen. (Or Angie, for that matter).

How about a tux????

That would be beyond awesome on you with your blond hair. Some patent oxfords or slipper flats, a gorgeous shirt....and we'd all run fainting.

Scarlet

Veteran

Black on black could work too. (Just trying to find a visual)

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sarah

Veteran

Thanks so much everyone for all of your idea!

Scarlet and Suz - I adore Ellen's style. Not sure I could pull that together in the few weeks that I have, but I'll definitely keep that in mind - and look at some more photos of her in dressy situations. I'd like it to be "spring-y", because I'm so sick of winter here, so black might not be an option for me, mentally. But another color might work (I've seen Ellen in white-out suits that look fabulous).

Donna and AJ - love the shirt dress idea, too. I especially love that AP dress. Good idea that I wouldn't have ever come up with.

Kelly, Aziraphale, and unfrumped, I will think about pants!

Kelly - those pants are only good pulled up to a cropped length - I think I'd need long pants...

Isis - I love that look! Maybe I can recreate it using ASOS for less $$.

You've all given me a great deal to think about, and pushed me to think outside of the dress box. I really appreciate it!

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

I am planning to wear a tux to all of my dressy occasions this year -
http://pinterest.com/rita_bers.....-that-tux/

sarah

Veteran

Thanks for the visuals, Rita!

Scarlet

Veteran

Gorgeous silk dress:
http://www.comptoirdescotonnie.....-pacific-o

Maybe they would ship it from the New York store. Could be dressed up for a wedding or down for a hot summer day.

sarah

Veteran

That is lovely, Scarlet and it's my color! I'm afraid those sleeves wouldn't do me any favors, though, sadly.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

There is life after a frock for occasion dressing! I was going to suggest modern trousers, a shell top, jacket, low heels and clutch for the wedding. Warmer too. Keep the fabrics luxurious and Bob's your uncle.

sarah

Veteran

I can picture that in my mind, Angie, and it sounds lovely. Now to put it together...

I've always wanted Bob to be my uncle ; )

Parsley

Veteran

I agree with everybody that dressy pants could work, (and I do recommend trying the Eileen Fisher silk ones) but I also think you shouldn't give up on dresses. You look great in the one in the picture. If you found a similar style in a dressier fabric and added more delicate shoes you'd be all set.

I really like the ones you've shown above. Do you mind telling what #2 and #4 are? I was going to say the same thing as Suz about the length- as petite as you are I doubt that they'll be too short. Something slightly loose and body-skimming will probably feel more like "you".

I would recommend trying several dresses on and I think you could find one that you like.
Good luck!

sarah

Veteran

I agree, Marcy, especially since I may not find what I'm looking for in pants or a dress - it's good to keep all options open. 1-4 are all from Anthro. 5 is from BR.

Parsley

Veteran

A reconnaissance mission to Anthro might be in order!
(I like #5, but I'm old-fashioned about not wearing all white to a wedding)

Lyn D.

Veteran

Just to add I.K.W.Y.M. about not feeling like yourself in dresses!
Even if a dress looks Fab, there is nothing worse than feeling 'off' at a special occasion .
I hope you find something 'just right', and look forward to seeing pics.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I wore dresses to 2 weddings recently & although they looked fine I felt there was something missing (I think it was me). I've since bought a pants suit.

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