Irina, thanks for providing such an interesting topic. The responses have been interesting to read. I believe others might categorize the majority of my clothing as ordinary. I prefer solids, low contrast levels, classic tailoring, and simple pieces. I’m not sure minimal applies because I do enjoy interesting details, and statement accessories. I have grappled with exactly what I like and what I want to portray to the world. Using inspiration from others, including store mannequins, fashion photos, Angie’s suggestions, etc. has led to experimentation with style elements I might not otherwise have tried and helped solidify my personal sense of style. I feel awkward and uncomfortable in clothing that does not also closely reflect my key style adjectives. Even-though my style recipe includes simple and ordinary components, I believe the resulting outfits look and feel elegant (from my perspective) and maybe even unique once I add my glasses frames, hair, jewelry, belts, scarves, shoes, toppers, and bags into the mix. For me, the accessories add the uniqueness. Maybe this leads to the question of whether my accessories are unique or ordinary? I’m fairly positive no one else has the same collection of accessories as me because I have collected mine over a lifetime. So even if I purchased an outfit (entire) from a store mannequin, my accessories would add enough uniqueness to bring me joy. Someone else might avoid mixing pieces together in an outfit if they first saw them on a store mannequin. I am unlikely to imitate a total outfit including accessories, but I will take inspiration and use elements or features to build my own version.


Social norms and context play a role in deciphering if something is ordinary or unique. I tend to be happiest in dressier clothing than that worn by most of the people in my community. For example, I wear blazers to a workplace where everyone else is dressed in sweatpants and tees. It certainly makes my style unique, but it is not particularly unique for professionals to wear blazers.

@Irina, please keep posting your outfits

@everyone else, please do the same.

Can I just say that what I wear everyday is “ordinary” to ME. How others choose to interpret it says more about them than it does about my clothing choices.


At the same time, I’m nodding along to everything Staysfit wrote. My way of wearing my clothes is “unique” because the clothes are on my body and thus become part of my personality and sense of style. Another woman wearing these items could infuse them with a totally different vibe.

I just wanted to add that years ago I had a roommate about my size who had a Brigitte Bardot aura. Bombshell. She was part French. She borrowed my jeans once and I truly didn’t recognize them on her. So a look can all be in the wearer.

These days when/if I go out, I just want to look bada$$ and invulnerable.

This is a really fascinating thread. Thank you Irina for starting it and thank you Jenn for the precise definition of gamer tryhards - gaming is a parallel universe I have never entered, although am aware exists .

I love to try hard (in the non-gamer sense) with my wardrobe. In retrospect I may have made a major wrong turn in life when I went for less creative jobs and I get a lot of fulfillment from hunting pieces and putting together outfits. I have learned so much about colors, proportion and art from my style hobby, gained desperately needed self esteem and so much more.
I never was motivated to fit in. It just never seemed like an option for various reasons both personal and circumstantial and it wasn't a goal. I like to quietly express my POV through my clothes and hope that a few people appreciate it. So if I walk into a room of strangers (which I hate doing) I don't want to noticed except by the one person I would probably want to talk with - and since I will not start the conversation my outfits are the signal to them.
That said, along with Staysfit and others, I think all outfits are unique because they are worn by unique individuals. That is why I relate far less to ensembles on mannequins or faceless photos than actual full body looks on people.
Final thought, I bristle a bit at any suggestion that people, and women in particular, are trying too hard.

Irina - great question and terrific thread. Agree with Staysfit, Gaylene & Shevia that everyone’s outfits will be unique because we would all wear the same pieces different. Are we deliberately or because we simply follow our authentic style, dressing differently than our peers? For me yes. Like Staysfit, I’m very formal and I wear a blazer for work everyday but I also wear them on weekends or going out. That’s what I’m comfortable in. I wear tunics and leggings with long jackets a lot and I’ve never seen anyone dress like me. So I guess I’m unique not because I’m trying to be different, rather I do follow my sartorial POV and don’t care that it’s different. I think that references Janet’s take on trying too hard. Maybe it’s not the “trying” per se, but rather trying to be something that is not authentic to you. And it is experienced like cognitive dissonance. Because, and correct me if you think I’m wrong, but if we are here and discussing outfits we are all “trying”. I was doing community service work once and a woman approached me. She had stunning marmalade hair, very pretty and she was wearing chocolate pants and booties, a tan sweater and a long leopard duster cardigan (before they were fashionable) and she looked smashing. I was in cowboy boots, bootcuts, embellished belt and blazer. Everyone else was in sweats. She came up to me and said “I can see you made an effort”. That started a funny and very nice conversation because it was obvious we were the only ones who “made an effort”. Our styles were completely different but our outfits were appropriate to task. That was a long way to my point, that if we are making an effort to dress authentically than whether the items are simple or maximal, we will be unique. I tend to wear simple, solid, minimal and quiet clothes but my accessories, footwear and bags are quietly unique. And yes I’m trying, obviously, but hopefully it comes off as comfortable, appropriate, elegant, timeless, professional and authentic.

I have been pondering this for a day and working out what to say.....

How important to you if your style is unique? Or you are aiming for a well put together outfit?

The truth is somewhere in the middle. I have a contrary streak where if everyone is wearing black, I want to wear pattern, or if long hair is popular, I want short. I do not want to dress the same as other people and it is something I do try and avoid, especially my sisters (who look fantastic - but I want to look different). That's why my favourite outfits normally have a mix of old and new, a mix of price points etc, and jewelry which is often sentimental. I am the same with my home.

Would you ever want to go to a store and buy a whole outfit on a mannequin or wear your new items as it’s styled on a website?

Maybe..... I rarely think like that though. But occasionally an image or YLF outfit inspires me and I want to homage/copy it. But I do put my own twist on it.

Thanks Irina for the question and for your view!

I’d like to thank everyone for answering my questions and taking the time to express your thoughts. It’s been indeed an interesting read and I enjoyed leaning different POVs. There are a lot of sides to this that I haven’t considered before. But I will now. Thanks!

I've not read all the replies yet, but the most important thing to me in my outfits is visual harmony- with me and within the outfit. That means my DA color scheme, low value contrast, shapes that follow my curves, and being dressier than the norm.

I used to go out of my way to be unique, but I was also a performer. In the last couple years though, I've felt a desire to simplify and be more classic (the classics that harmonize with me). I don't want a wardrobe of flashy things I get tired of before they're worn out. Nor do I want things that feel inauthentic- just because they're trendy.
Summer has been easy, but not sure what a minimal "ordinary" winter style will look like.

I definitely dont exactly copy things from manequins, celebrities, or looks I see online.
Bloggers dont look like me, nor have my combination of climate and life activities. And the whole attention seeking mentality of many (celebrity and "influencer" culture) is a real turnoff.

It’s so great this thread is still going! Thank you so much Irina for starting it and asking such interesting questions. I love what Gryffin has said and her example. I am actually pleased that I do try hard on my outfits. I do that for my own pleasure mainly, and to be appropriate for the situation. To Shevia’s point, I don’t have a creative job, I have a “helping people” sort of job, and I am not crafty and not very good at cooking. But I must have a small amount of creativity in me, and my clothing choices and home furnishing choices are about my only outlets for it. And party planning occasionally!
I love your outfits Irina, I once told you you looked elegant I think and I still think so. Not something I feel about myself- not that I am unhappy about that, it just isn’t my style, mine is too dramatic for that perhaps. So please keep posting them! xx

Wow this is an interesting convo!

For me it’s important that I wear what makes me feel good. I find myself drawn to architectural and irregular design but it’s not about wanting to look unique it’s about how they make me feel and how I feel they reflect elements of me. I suppose I have my own interpretation of ‘ordinary’ when I think of clothes but I wouldn’t like to label someone else’s outfits as ‘ordinary’ based on my preferences.

Having said that I don’t have much interest in trends or dressing like the majority so in that sense I do keep my eye open for interesting (to me) pieces.

And I totally support the idea of wearing what you want when you want, if you are comfortable doing so. If you ask my work colleagues they tell you I think tulle is office wear lol (true)!!

Jenni NZ, I so relate to your point on fashion as an expression of creativity for non-creative types. I tried to find an outlet for my creativity but I failed in painting, not good at crafts and have a moderate success in interior design. So, fashion is all I have

I have to acknowledge that there is still some stigma when it comes to fashion and we discussed this issue here already. Coming from the old country, openly discussing or giving an impression that one puts an effort into clothes used to be frowned upon in certain circles. That would constitute “trying too hard” in a sense that it makes a woman to appear somewhat shallow and superficial. (While constantly judging a woman on her looks!). Although I completely rejected this notion, I have to admit that it mentally sunk deep into me. It explains why I look over my shoulder to check if I’m “trying too hard” and still cringe a little when I call my outfits “outfits”. It is laughable but I had to spell it to myself - clothes put together with an intend is an outfit even if it’s simple and whole process took only a few minutes
Learning what other women think when it comes to style, women from different countries, paths of life is priceless to me.

Yes, while we've discussed it before, I find it sad (and infuriating at the same time) that the arts in general are devalued in society (almost any society, not just the US). Fashion, as a predominantly feminine aspect of the arts, is even less valued and respected.

So having a safe space to delve into fashion and clothing is important. I think we're all concerned about how we look and how we present - that's why we're here - whether we are actively trying to stand out or fit in. They're two sides of the same coin stemming from the same interest and desire to appreciate clothing as a form of art and self-expression.

Strictly as a general observation, it seems ‘effortless’ is admired yet it’s desirable to see that someone ‘made an effort’ yet it’s undesirable to look as if one is ‘trying too hard’ - from both the point of view of the observer and the wearer. All these phrases put together contradict one another on the surface - they need a little unpacking. Together, they seem to come down to ‘hitting a sweet note,’ avoiding struggle and neglect.

And while I’m at it, the opposite of extraordinary isn’t ordinary, not quite. They both can be desirable. Both can express dismay.

What a great, brain-tickling thread, Irina! I only was able to briefly scan the comments, but I find myself nodding along with many of them. Sal, I think, said what I was thinking. There are times I feel rebellous; like I need to go against the grain. For example, in my are lulu yoga pants and overly-branded accessories are the norm. I hate the look on myself and I won't wear it. I won't buy an exact outfit just because I want to blend in. But on the contrary, I don't want to purposely stand-out either...

Looking effortless while not making effort is like walking a highwire! Somewhere in-between there is harmony and balance, but I don't think I've found it.

Irina, I really enjoy looking at your outfits and following your thoughts, thank you for posting.

When I see people who are dressed differently than myself my immediate assumption is that they have a different lifestyle, which is part of the delightful and intriguing mystique of social interaction.

It seems like 'trying too hard' has a different meaning to different people. I was under the impression that this term was used when there are many trends in one outfit. I never understood it literally. I am always learning on YLF. I do like to have unique pieces that stand out. And then lately I am also very drawn to outfits like you wear Irina, that look classic and chic, that are far from ordinary. From my record keeping of WIW this year I have noticed a trend that my patterns and brights are taking a back seat and my most worn colors are grey, black and khaki. But still making stand out outfits within these colors when I go out.

Aren't we all unique individuals? And therefore every outfit we wear is unique?

DiGee, if you and I both go to Banana Republic, buy exactly the same clothes and wear it exactly in the same combination, would our outfits still be unique considering that we are both unique individuals
This is exaggerated example but there are common types of clothing and common ways to assemble them in an outfit especially in the times of mass produced goods. As it was pointed out in the thread, unique accessories might be used to make an outfit represent an individual taste and style. This is why we are talking about an individual point of view.

Irina - I have that same internal worry /self check response to the stigma that fashion and grooming can carry in certain societies, micro or macro. That idea that you're shallow and self-absorbed, and that you're a little too concerned about clothes. I'm not nearly as concerned about it as I was when I was much younger, but I still feel it. I''m not such a rebel that I reject styling ideas from social media and instore displays, because if I appreciate a stylist's expression of fashion opinion , I'm totally happy to copy it. Much the same we do here on YLF. No shame in that for me. I get my best ideas from other people. One other thing I've been thinking about since the start of this discussion - is the old notion of "putting your money where your mouth is ". This was really prevalent in dressing for sports where if you're decked out in all the gear, you better be able to back it up with your ability lest you look like a tourist - if you know what I mean. Now - who cares. I'm thrilled to see women totally kitted out in specific golf and tennis gear even if it's their first game. Totally happy to see young women all decked out head to toe in logo merchandise. It's all eye candy and fun

For me, figuring out fashion can be fun and it matters because I’m at a point in life where age discrimination is real. But that’s just one person’s life, which really isn’t that big a deal. If I begin to put appearances ahead of other values and ahead of other things I could do with my life that could serve a broader purpose, that’s not good. That “broader purpose” could be taking care of my son, or the things that could be done with water not used to produce my jeans, or researching past resistance to racist violence in order to stimulate today’s resistance, or many other things. Having fun with anything—my self-presentation or anything else—is fine, but I wish to keep it in perspective with the rest of my life.

Where we are at this moment in our lives determines our list of priorities. This past year has gave me more free time when I ever had in my entire life. Time to think, time to sort through and time to spend on self care. It is obviously not everyone’s situation. But for me, a middle aged, close to retirement empty-nester with no older relatives or grandchildren to care for, this is the time to spend on some analysis and education.
And because of this analysis and learning from different sources, including this forum, I feel like I’m finally shedding some preconceived notions about my style, self expression and, honesty, some guilt.
I hope I will trust my judgment and instincts more, hope to be inspired but without desperation.

Irina, I can relate. I’ve always been proud of not thinking about my appearance, so spending as much energy on it as I do now is unusual to me; it took a while to admit it to myself. But as long as I I keep it in perspective, I think it’s fine.

lisa p -- I know exactly what you're saying about what it means to have "the right gear" within sports/outdoors communities. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like it's gone both ways; it's become more acceptable for newbies to kit out with the latest and greatest, and it's also more acceptable to just use what you have rather than constantly upgrading. Sorry for the detour, Irina! But it does seem to parallel attitudes in the fashion world.

FI - there is a post and thread in OffTopic written to answer your earlier question to me up thread here .....

Lisa, now my question is “what question?” If you mean the thread about the extreme hot temps in the NW US and SW Canada, we are aware and watching with concern. As much as I commiserated with your comment about hibernating in the AC when it’s hot out, I don’t think those temps leave any question as to priorities.

no - the request you made for me to explain try-hard .....

Ah, thanks! Didn’t Jenn clear that up? She nailed the gamer definition.
But I don’t see the thread in off-topics.

ETA found it! LisaP, When you told me to quit commenting on your threads, I blocked you, so I didn’t see the thread until I went to your profile page and clicked on “posts”.

Oy!
Too. Much. Drama.

Ryce, indeed! I’m done with it.