I like to be a little bit unique, and it seems to come naturally to me as I am much more preppy (or something like that) than my environmental norm.
I like neutral colours, mostly, so the uniqueness comes from clothing types that I don’t see many others wearing.

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Jenava, I expect to be back in the office in about a month for a few days per week. Curious to see if anything changes fashion wise. We moved office out of downtown core at the end of last year. My DH thinks it will be good for me to finally have a place to wear all clothes that I have in abundance in my closets.

Lots of interesting thoughts. I have always been attracted to the unusual or different. At times when I was younger, I have taken that to extremes, but I am past that phase now, and I care most about loving my clothes and dressing appropriately for the occasion.

So, yes, I DO look for something "unique" (I used the term loosely here because I don't do bespoke, meaning that everything I wear has probably been mass-produced at some point), but I don't go out of my way to look drastically different from everyone else. Sometimes I do end up looking drastically different, but it usually wasn't my intent.

I work in lower ed, and most teachers dress very casually. Jeans and sweatshirts and sneakers are common. I don't wear those things, but I do work within the parameters of appropriate, easy to move in, and not strange enough to be distracting to students. But I still stand out, either in the colors I wear, the details, my shoes, etc.

And I am with Lisa regarding the "try hard" label. I DO try to look nice because it makes me happy. I don't try to look unusual or like someone I'm not or like I am 30 years younger, but I do care and I do put thought into what I wear. I don't find that to be a bad thing.

It’s not important to me at all that my style is unique. My style is important to me, I suppose I would have to say when looking at the many many hours I have spent on YLF over the years. But what originally brought me here was wardrobe management rather than style. And now that that is better sorted, I perhaps don’t need to be here as much- I notice I am writing far fewer posts or replies, although I still enjoy reading posts.
I just want to feel good about what I wear, aesthetically. So I suppose that’s looking for a “well put together outfit”. That is to please myself not others. I don’t care if it’s “ordinary” in terms of what others wear. But often it isn’t like what others wear because I don’t like certain things for myself- like I have never owned a denim jacket.
I don’t understand “try-hard” and wonder if someone feeling that way is a reflection of sense of self somehow. I am happy to accept that my sense of style has been shaped by being a WASP from NZ. I am 60 now, it’s not really likely to change. Wearing something not shaped by that I probably won’t feel comfortable or like me in.
I get compliments on a weekly basis IRL for what I wear, which I enjoy, but don’t dress in order to get them.
I would never want to copy a mannequin or website totally, I would likely only buy one of the items and re-mix with other items I already own.
And I don’t copy any celebrities slavishly, they are mainly older ones from decades past, for inspiration only.

Irina, I like this:

I believe that anyone should wear what they please and can nonchalantly wear my “unique” items on a walk around the neighborhood.

And I can relate to your definition of "unique style" as a point of view, an opinion.

I also feel the lack of places to wear things and know that I can easily wander into the territory of an imaginary life. As I don't work anymore, and with COVID restraints, the imaginary life is strong with me now.

I haven't spent much time in my life pondering my style - I'm a doer not a thinker? I am a visual person and enjoy looking at things old and new, at the natural world, and people-watching. And fashion of all kinds - colors, shapes, the shock of the new and the revival (or regurgitation?) of the past. "How people get dressed" is endlessly fascinating.

random thoughts....
While there is a very deep current of low self-esteem in my personality, I am not afraid to wear the things I want. I am probably much less weird than I think I am.

"Unique style" and "put-together outfit" can be the same thing. I think my method (not deliberate, just evolved over time) has been to pick and choose from the mannequin, and add my own take. So that is "mix and match" I guess!

Agreeing with Jonesy about the criticism of saying someone is "trying to hard." It is unkind and exclusionary. But I admit that I have critiqued people in this way. That is, that I would label a person as what we used to call a "poser" - they talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Ugh, hard to explain. Like the movie "Urban Cowboy" - wearing cowboy hats and cowboy boots and cowboy belts and not knowing one end of a cow from another. (Please nobody pile on me for this very simple example).

And FI and Lisa - are you two at daggers drawn or what - seems like whole a lot of deliberate misunderstanding going on.

Somehow the conversation went into “try hard” territory. I used the term more loosely. If I spend X amount of time on finding, probably altering and styling a unique item, does it mean for me, personally, that I’m trying too hard?

It has nothing to do with opinions of others. In other words, if “ordinary “ outfits are very easy for me to compile and unique ones require more work, my authentic style is more ordinary than I care to admit. Or am I preconditioned by my lifestyle to come up with “ordinary “ , more acceptable and safe outfits? (Seems like I’m looking for my inner artist! LOL)

Sloper, I tend to analyze everything to death as you can clearly see from my posts

A better example of clarifying what I would call "trying to hard."
Someone trying so hard to look like member of a subculture that he can't tell himself apart from a stock photo of a typical member of the subculture:

https://www.npr.org/2019/03/10.....-by-mistak

I took myself off of the forum for 6 weeks to regroup as I understand my writing style is problematic to some . I tiptoed back very carefully - and it seems to have backfired again . Please , please believe me when I say I have no desire or intent to engage in argument , or attach anyone with “daggers drawn “ . I don’t know how else to write a polite response asking me to explain something when I simply don’t have the time , mental energy or motivation to engage . Im trying to participate in an intelligent yet easy going way - I really truly am . I clearly am not seeing something that others are and am very honestly sorry about that . I should also not try to participate in 2 minute spurts when I’m at work . I don’t know what else to say

Not long time ago I learned about Lagom, not only a term but more of an attitude. When I look at my fashion style “desires “, I question if it’s too much and my “ordinary “ outfits are exactly Lagom

Well thanks for trying Lisap.
I find it a bit difficult to tell when you’re joking, but generally really enjoy our forum interactions.

Try-hard in gaming slang has a bit of a different connotation. It's someone who misinterprets/ignores social cues as to the level of play in casual settings, so that their competitiveness makes the game less fun for everyone else. It's not shaming someone for legit trying to fit in or do a good job, which is how "trying too hard" (or, as Sloper said, poser) would have been used in previous generations, ie: most of ours. And that's completely different, of course, from Irina's definition of putting in more work than something is really worth.

I'm a little sorry I didn't respond to this post immediately when I saw it earlier today instead of this deep into the discussion, because it kind of went off the rails! What I would have said back then is that the VAST majority of items in my wardrobe are "ordinary" and the vast majority of outfits I make from them are "ordinary," but I have just enough statement pieces in the mix to feel like I can be unique if I want to. I'm really careful about adding statements because I want them to say exactly the thing I mean for them to say and not have them just standing on a street corner screaming incoherently about how unique I am. I was thinking that I like my wardrobe to have a definite point of view...just not a super strong one.

Ah, Irina, thanks for that clarification about how you were using the phrase "trying too hard"--as in actually putting too much effort/resources into trying to make something work from your perspective. That makes sense!

And I'm sorry I misinterpreted your usage and brought up the alternative interpretation of "trying too hard" which probably reflects me seeing this usage somewhere recently online in the form of an overly harsh--from my POV--critique of a celebrity's style ("I think she looks ridiculous. She's trying too hard"). Didn't mean to set off a firestorm or derail your thoughtful thread :). Oh, the perils of online communication!

I have just enough statement pieces in the mix to feel like I can be unique if I want to. I'm really careful about adding statements because I want them to say exactly the thing I mean for them to say and not have them just standing on a street corner screaming incoherently about how unique I am. I was thinking that I like my wardrobe to have a definite point of view...just not a super strong one.

I love this, Jenn!

Jonesy, I’m sure you noticed that English is my second language
I should’ve been more clear in my wording. No apologies needed

This has been an interesting read. I’ve never thought of unique vs. ordinary as polarities or even thought of them at all while getting dressed. I do confess to considering whether an item is *interesting* before I buy it.

IMHO, it is more important to dress authentically within the context of the occasion so it is harmonious vs discordant. Of course that is easy for me to say since I don’t have many external demands.

I don’t run with a crowd that pays much attention to fashion or style (unique or not) so I kinda stand out or so I’ve been told. I guess what I wear provides entertainment. Shrugs. At age 68 I don’t mind and don’t plan to change; I wear what I like.

Jenn, thanks for the clarifications! I see what you mean about Irina saying she tries too hard. When I said wearing the Barbie outfits made me feel like a tryhard, I meant it in the gaming way. Putting on all the prescribed pieces sucked all the fun out. And the third definition/Sloper’s meaning for it makes sense in some contexts too. Thanks for teasing all that out.

LisaP, as I commented on your thread earlier today, I love your writing style. When I ask someone what something they said means, it’s because I didn’t understand and would like to. You and I think very differently, so I often don’t know what you mean.

And I answered to the best of my ability at the moment . I’d be happy to discuss this elsewhere - you can message me here on the site .

"In other words, if “ordinary “ outfits are very easy for me to compile and unique ones require more work, my authentic style is more ordinary than I care to admit. Or am I preconditioned by my lifestyle to come up with “ordinary “ , more acceptable and safe outfits?"

I think the latter is more true than the former. If we always stuck to what was easy, we would never grow or become better than we are. Becoming good at anything, including dressing, takes work and effort sometimes. I believe that our passions lead us to "authentic" endeavors, and sometimes that takes work.

By the same token, if one's authentic life endeavors leave no time or effort for fashion, then so be it. Dressing might be my passion, but it doesn't have to be everyone's. I'm just pointing out that what comes most easily or naturally isn't always what's authentic or what's best.

What came to mind when I read ‘ode to the ordinary’ was jeans and a T-shirt. It doesn’t get more basic than that. But with the right tee and jeans for a person, that person can be a total knock their socks off style maven…!

I think I'm good at noticing the uniqueness in other people' outfits and being able to describe it - however I'm not able to be that interesting in my own outfits. I prefer somewhat harmonious looks that don't stand out much - more "ordinary" than "special".
Never got complete outfit from mannequin or sale person .
It's a very interesting discussion - love reading so many diverse opinions.

I'm late to this very interesting thread, and I missed the first thread, but Jonesy and Janet's comments resonated for me. I tend to think of this as a continuum rather than a strict dichotomy. I know my style is not "unique" in that it is strongly influenced by people I see, my environmental needs, what I see on YLF or elsewhere. And also, I don't sew my own clothing or frequent bespoke designers. I think the originality is in the way I put the items together and "how" I wear them, rather than the "what." It's the combination. And even the most ordinary outfit (skirt, top, sandals) can be authentic to the wearer and hence "special" vs. ordinary.

I find what is considered ordinary to be very interesting and in the eye of the beholder. I love capes and enjoy wearing them. As a child, I had a favourite poncho and capes are similar, so to me a cape is not exotic, but it may be to others. Having worked in a very strict corporate environment where the dress code was highly dictated, it has been freeing to be able to dress to please myself.

I am relaxed about the clothes and the styles I wear. I have some items that are more hard edge or flamboyant than my true style and some that leave people bewildered, such as my Hello Kitty Doc Marten boots. I enjoy a bit of drama and fun and enjoy these diversions from my usual style.

One other thought about this, from getting dressed today:
Even though I don’t dress to stand out and feel “weird” in things out of my norm, and avoid putting so much emotion into my outfits that all the fun is sucked out of them (avoiding a certain gamer term here), I also get bored easily. For that reason, I often see what I’ll call “the standard”—a pendant could hang right in that neckline, a belt or bag could pick up exactly that color, etc. and intentionally choose not to do it. Those kinds of rules feel forced to me, similar to the “Barbie” outfits I mentioned earlier. It’s not that I’m seeking some incredible uniqueness, just that I don’t like the feeling of the sides of the cookie cutter pressing on me. Something I’m learning on YLF (through comments suggesting I could do exactly the “standard” thing I intentionally avoided) is to make my intentional choice more apparent.

Jenava, high five on your comment about ADHD & dressing!

ETA on norms & expectations. I recall very clearly the first time I realized that my sons birth had brought me into a new set of expectations: I went to but something for my computer, maybe a Zip drive or disks. It was a very familiar object that I’d used many times. The salesman talked down to me so much, I wondered if he thought I’d pushed my brains out along with the placenta! As much as I love my son, and as important as he is to me, I have always preferred the identity of/set of expectations that comes with “professor” rather than those of “mother”. I think one reason I like Germany, and a city that experienced such extreme destruction, is the history of the “Trümmerfrauen” who went through rubble of bombed buildings by hand, pulling out usable bricks. They were amazingly strong. That’s a much older generation of course, but whereas I was raised with the white UMC definition of feminine that entails fragility and tears, many women here give the impression that if you mess with them, they’ll kick your ass. That’s exaggerated, of course, but the kind of dramatic presentation of one’s pain at small things does not bring the response here it does in the US—people are just bewildered and might wait for you to calm down before attempting to understand what’s going on. I guess moving to a place where it’s the norm says that I find life easier when I don’t stick out for simple things.
Ps. Looking up a photo of those women, I came across the following article. Apparently only 5% of women helped clear rubble. But that image is still held to dearly as part of the collective identity. https://www.google.com/amp/s/a.....a-18083725

I’m going to try to articulate my feelings about “tryhard.” I get that some have witnessed/experienced that term used to describe someone else’s style, and I would never go there. However, I have used it for myself as a shorthand when I try on some item or combination that makes me feel inauthentic, like I’m trying to be something I’m not.

And even though the verb “try” is technically transitive and intransitive, it implies more than “tryhard” says — trying hard to *what*? Trying to fit in? With whom? Look younger? Look trendier? Look appropriate for a meeting or occasion? Of course it’s a pejorative term, but when it slips into my mind while trying something on, I take a moment to identify what exactly I think is pushing it over the edge of making it look like I’m “trying too hard” and what it is that it looks like I’m trying hard to do. Usually it comes down to an item not meshing with my style and not being lifestyle-appropriate, but sometimes it is just that it rubs up against my biases and deserves a moment of consideration.

Just my hot take on “tryhard.” I think of it akin to “poseur” or “wannabe.” I never use it for anyone else, and seriously doubt people here on YLF are using it that way either. It only comes into my mind rarely when I’m considering something outside my comfort zone. If the term pops into my mind, it’s usually an indication that the look or item is best left behind, but sometimes I challenge it.

Back to unique vs ordinary. It occurs to me that this forum is also one of those audiences/communities we are “dressing for” — any time we post a WIW, we are establishing another little bit of context for participants here. That’s part of why I post everyday outfits and appreciate that others do too, as well as outfits for occasions. It’s also why I would encourage any lurkers who feel like their outfits are too far outside the forum norm to share more so that we can see what all kinds of “ordinary” look like.

Janet, very interesting about posting everyday outfits. Every time I post, I wonder if I should. Mine are not creative or fashion forward outfits. Back to ordinary v unique - would my “ordinary “ outfits be of any interest to others? Would it be taken as a display of “Look what I can do!” May it be helpful to others even in a tiny way? Or it’s just helpful to me to be more out in an open?

As my wardrobe is now fully functional and stocked with all necessary components, I thought the next step should be adding more “interesting” garments. I even have it as one of my 2021 goals. I try to understand if such items would be authentic to my style. I decided to ask our diverse group what is their take on ordinary. It is a process of defining my style and a bit of self discovery through others.

So much to unpack in this thread, but can I just thank Jenn and Donna for these two gems:

Jenn: "

was thinking that I like my wardrobe to have a definite point of view...just not a super strong one". So resonate with this! As for me, I'll say my piece with my clothing, but quietly, so as not to interrupt the general conversation, to stretch the metaphor

Donna: "I wear what I like.". I mean, just, amen to that!!

As to the tryhard/trying to hard conversation, I guess this is why academics can write virtual treatises parsing the meaning of words! I learned a lot for everyone's different pov on this one. xx

Irina, I love seeing your “every day” outfits! I tend towards simplicity in my own dressing (and so far haven’t had the courage to post any WIWs). I find your posts very inspiring and really enjoy them - thank you.

What an interesting thread. Irina, coming from a similar background of dressing for work, I have also had some challenges figuring out what is my style and what is a preppy overlay I bought to fit in. I started by figuring out the color palette I actually like, and have been tentatively over the last few years dipping my toe in to different casual looks. I can now say with confidence after reading a zillion outfit posts and trying a lot of different out the doors that I have a classic style that’s more colorful and feminine than what I wore to work. Living in the area I do, I can stick out a bit with my skirts and dresses, but not so much that I draw much attention, except from some rather rude progressive folk in my social network, who apparently want to use social engagements to bully everyone into dungarees. My suggestion would be to try one instance of an interesting look at a time and see how it actually works, I would love to have only one jeans jacket and a single BoHo blouse and a single modern tunic and a single droopy scarf from my unsuccessful experiments, but instead have several of each.

Thanks to everyone who has made the effort to articulate their thoughts on the theme of this thread. I won’t go so far as to attribute motivations to other posters, but will suggest that followers of YLF and participants on the forum are invested in the enterprise - whether they are revealing a part of their character or hiding in plain sight - using clothing and accessories as tools to communicate.