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Ordinary v Unique style

Irina

Veteran

So, my post on ordinary outfits was in part my internal conversation with myself on style.
When I call my clothes ordinary, I don’t disparage it in any way. I appreciate all positive comments on my outfits. But I do know that this is hardly a unique style. A solid color shirt worn over patterned pants is not uncommon on the streets of my city.
What is a unique style to me? It is a point of view, an opinion. It can be expressed through combination of colors, like Angie’s brights worn together. Or interesting accessories or maximal pattern mixing, unusual garments put together. Since I prefer to wear minimal style and not a lot of color, to me uniqueness should come from interesting shapes. Places, where I can buy such clothes in my price range are limited. And what is also limited for me? Places to wear such clothes. Am I in the territory of an imaginary life? I believe that anyone should where what they pleased and can nonchalantly wear my “unique” items on a walk around the neighborhood. But maybe I’m just trying too hard?
How important to you if your style is unique? Or you are aiming for a well put together outfit? Would you ever want to go to a store and buy a whole outfit on a mannequin or wear your new items as it’s styled on a website?

Dressing

91 replies

Latest reply was from Sloper

Anonymous

I feel like you and I share a lot of similar ideas regarding personal style. And my recent post about my "ordinary" shorts and t-shirt outfit was based on the same thinking - this is perfectly 'OK" , but it's not unique. I am limited by budget - the styles I would love to try are simply not there at my price points - and if they are, they are well hidden. And where to wear them indeed? The amount of work and internet sleuthing it takes to find what you imagine you want is usually the deal breaker for me, and it's when I default to my suburban mom pull-on shorts. Lol. Wearing your unique pieces around the neighborhood is exactly what I imagined I'd do with my new chunky BR cardigan and matching tank. HAHAHAHAHA. As if I'm going to wear a cardigan out for a walk . I'd feel weird. I'm a wannabe athlete at heart and will wear athletic clothes until the day I die.

To your question is : no, I don't necessarily want to look like everyone else around me, and yes, I like a unique look but not kooky, if you know what I mean. Being put together and styled well is what I like and it makes me feel good. And yes, I've been known to buy entire outfits if the merchandising and display really strike me, and yes, I'll try to emulate website styling too. I don't know what I'm doing either. And I think about it far too much for my own good.

cat2

Veteran

I live in a very casual area, where most adults dress like toddlers for work: jeans, a hoodie and trainers. I wear casual pieces that I like rather than this appalling uniform. Occasionally I get comments about being dressed up, but just roll with them because wearing what I like is so much more rewarding. I think as long as you are wearing things appropriate for your day, it’s fine not to blend in.

kellygirl

Veteran

Oh, I understand your POV now. I really only see unique outfits occasionally in social media. I much prefer a well put together "ordinary" outfit probably because that's what I can relate to, I suppose. I don't like to stand out and have a very mainstream style. For me, fashion is putting pieces together to make a cohesive outfit that suits my environment..

Minaminu

Veteran

the clothes may be ordinary but they way you put your outfits together is extraordinary.

LaPed

Veteran

Irina, your thoughts really resonate. I feel like, over the past decade, there's been a shift towards acknowledging that not every outfit or every garment has to try to be unique in some way. Unless a person is sewing their own clothes or paying to have them custom made, what's unique about an outfit is the wearer, not the clothes. The rise of normcore was, to some degree, an articulation of this. I've never used the term to describe myself, but I do find it to be somewhat validating, or an affirmation of my own tastes. I've never been drawn to embellished/ornate/bright pieces, lots of accessories, or feeling fancy, twee, or precious. While I don't dress in a uniform style, or purely in solids and neutrals, I do enjoy feeling like my clothes are "just clothes" and nothing more. I prefer they not announce their specialness too loudly. This doesn't mean I end up dressing according to local norms; I'm more likely to be wearing 501s or baggy chinos than the skinny jeans and Lulu leggings that most women my age around here wear. I just enjoy putting on an outfit and being able to forget that I'm wearing it.

rachylou

Veteran

I liked your ode to the ordinary, Irina! Why not consider and celebrate what is nice within the ‘limited’ maybe even ‘tragically boring’ framework of the run of the mill? I absolutely buy entire looks off the mannequin. I don’t care at all the idea wasn’t mine if the shop offers the idea for sale. Smart is smart.

I suppose my m.o. is really to dress supremely ordinary and then throw something really quirky in. My style isn’t at all classic, but I truly love to wear normal clothes… oddly. Lol!

Unique but not

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Having a unique style is not something I’ve ever considered, any more than I’ve ever striven to be an unusual person. But I’m aware, through comments of others and now my own observations over the past few years, that my son and I both tick a little differently than the average bear. I had some bad years of trying to be “normal” and hope to spare him the same. So being happy with ourselves, at home in our own skin, is likely to mean not dressing exactly like everyone else—even when we aren’t artificially trying to create difference. I’m also a little thick as to what other people are thinking and need to have things explained to me, like why not wear a cardigan for a walk around the neighborhood.

I see that you juxtapose a unique style or looking put together. I don’t. I don’t like to look like I’m trying hard, and also can’t picture myself wearing exactly what I saw on a website or a mannequin, because that is hard and makes me look like a tryhard. I recall in my early 30s getting irritated with my mom sending me complete outfits, often down to socks or accessories. I felt like they were for Barbie dolls, not for me. I do want to look well put together and appropriate for the setting, but like a well put together me, not like the latest display at the Limited, iykwim. It’s just not comfortable to force myself into whatever outfit somebody else came up with in the abstract.

Even when I started following YLF, it took me a while to realize that the point of the Wednesday post was for people to buy those items. My first interpretation was that they were discussions of pieces that work well, so we could compare to what we already had or keep those ideas in mind as we shopped other merchandise. I like this picture of my sisters & me on Easter. No one told us to wear a floral dress, but that’s how we all interpreted the requirements for where we went for dinner. Some of us chose dark backgrounds, some of us chose pearls, they chose heels and I chose a slightly shorter skirt. I don’t think any of us jump out as deviating from the norm, but our outfits were identifiably each of us, individually.

I think you do have a unique style. It is partially the shapes you mention, and how they flow together, but also the emphasis on harmony, minimalism, and very low contrast neutrals or near neutrals. It looks right on you, but would not feel right or “normal” on me. I’d feel conspicuous and fake if I wore a complete Irina outfit, even if I might like to pick up some elements of your style. There is nothing shouty about it, but if, for example, you did an anon packing post (if anon posts were possible), with outfits & a capsule laid out, it would be identifiable as yours. And that’s good

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kkards

Veteran

Grrr, i lost my comment
Anyway, I’ve never aspirated to wear brights, or architectural clothing, or unique shapes, so i guess by your definition i aim for ordinary.
But i feel that not right, and there’s something between uniqueness and ordinary….
For example, when i looked at your “ordinary” post the other day. What i saw was, yes tried and true silhouettes, but with care paid to the colors,fit, proportions and footwear. When i think ordinary i think someone might have paid attention to 1 or 2 of these but caring about and getting all 4 “right” elevates beyond ordinary. Perhaps not “unique”, but not ordinary

Jonesy

Veteran

Such an interesting post and very interesting responses! I was nodding along with Kkards especially. I tend to think of lots of concepts along a continuum, rather than starkly dichotomous, so I would put unique on one end (style that is completely one of a kind, which is almost impossible to achieve, unless you are doing something very exceptional and having some clothes custom made, someone like Iris Apfel, e.g.?) and ordinary on the other end, with lots of space between these two poles to land on in terms of one's style.

The pesky issue of one's environmental norm is really interesting too, so what's ordinary in one context might be unique in another. I remember returning from college the summer after my first year and going to my hometown's 4th of July celebration. I was dressed in a way that was totally "normal" for my anything goes college setting, but I stuck out a lot (to the point where people were staring and mocking me, LOL) in my small rural town.

Then there is one's reference group (the people we compare ourselves to, our reference point, which we tend to do automatically). How much to fit in, how much to reject, how much to compare? As a professor, my reference group tends to be other professors, and with that comparison, my style is typical in some ways, not-so-typical in other ways, which I am comfortable with. But if my reference group were 20 year old college students, or "influencers" on social media who are wearing borrowed clothes and trying to look unique, then my style would seem out of touch.

ETA: I mused so much I didn't even answer your questions :). Here goes: I enjoy expressing myself through my clothes and enjoy tickling my own fancy, but I don't consciously set out to wear something "unique." Nor do I strive to totally blend in and wear something "ordinary." My goals are different than either of these, and somewhat dependent on what the outfit is for. Since a big part of the fun for me is putting different items together in new ways, I wouldn't ever wear a whole outfit straight off of a mannequin.

ETA x2: I totally reject the criticism of "trying too hard" and it's never something I would say to myself or anyone else. To me, it seems like something people say to try to cut down someone else, or mock them, because they don't understand what they are wearing, it's unique or stands out from the environmental norm (and they are policing those norms, so anyone in violation is going to get called out), and/or it makes them uncomfortable.

Okay, I am done with replying now :).

bj1111

Veteran

so many interesting takes on the topic, which reflects the large distance between ordinary and unique...even how to define each is personal.

agree especially with @Jonesy re our reference group. I am delighted that my group is a cross between ylf x my sister. that just about guarantees that i will always be a little bit ahead/out of step with the norm in my physical world, unlike my virtual one.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Jonesy, interesting that you would interpret “trying too hard” as trying to be unique. To me it is chasing exactly the look of the moment, trying to wear exactly the “right” thing, as if there were an answer that was correct for everyone, the slavish donning of exactly those SA-approved outfits my mom sent. I don’t think I’ve ever applied it to anyone else, but the first time I heard the term “tryhard” (from video games, a term people here complain about whenever I use it) I related to it immediately and viscerally, as the feeling I got trying to fit in by wearing what “everyone” knows you’re “supposed” to wear. I know it all too well, as I tried to describe above. But I know you are correct—the harshest form of fashion-shaming is probably the pointing and laughing at someone being close to, but not quite on, whatever the “in” thing is. Just one more way the “mean girls” police their clique. I think the reason I fell in love with Berlin was the feeling that no one gaf what anyone else is wearing (or doing) or what anyone else thinks of what they are wearing (or doing).

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Jonesy's remarks resonate with me. I seek a balance on that continuum. My lifestyle, geographic location, and profession all mean that I see a pretty big variety of styles and approaches. I don't aspire to any extreme of standing out or fitting in. I don't know, I guess I see my style as a little ordinary, and a little unique. A lot depends on what I am dressing for, too.

I don't emulate anyone and am always a little flummoxed when someone asks stuff like "what celebrity's style do you want to copy?" Um, none, really? I mean, I admire many styles from Jennifer Aniston's cool minimal casual to Tilda Swinton's dramatic flair, but I can't say I've ever looked at someone else and said I want to dress exactly like that. I get ideas, sure, but there's always some tweak I want to put on it to make it my own. I have never duplicated a full outfit off of a mannequin, nor have I styled something *exactly* as seen on a website. I like finding the pieces that appeal to me, and figuring out how I want to combine them myself, although I do get ideas from here, from various sources online, and from sales associates, about how to combine items in ways I had not previously tried.

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

Lol the clarification of 'ordinary' reminds me of the earlier discussion around the use of the word 'plain' to describe outfits...

I think that 'unique' is highly subjective, but also culturally dependent. Most people here won't wear multiple colours in one outfit the way I do, especially not whilst being fully covered & with a scarf on top - but back in PK, that's the norm. Most clothing is sold as a 3 piece set (shalwar kameez + dupatta), often with the scarf tying all the colours together. But there, I'm the weird one for wanting to wear long skirts instead of trousers lol - jeans weren't as common on women though, although that's also changing.

I see folk wearing either lots of frilly pastels or head-to-toe black here on the streets of HK - but back in the UK, those frilly pastels are more of a subculture look (think Japanese Lolita style) & I don't think I ever saw folk dressed in absolute black in my neck of the woods unless they were part of a dance crew or something lol. That said, it's more of a norm in the big cities like London - although I do think East Asian street style is in a league of its own when it comes to these head-to-toe black streetwear looks.

Anyway, all of that to say that I unfortunately don't have much of a solution for finding a 'unique' style - except maybe to travel, or get inspiration from more international fashion brands/ blogs/ magazines etc

Helena

Veteran

This is such an interesting question, and thank you for sharing your point of view! I think Kelly pretty much said exactly what I was thinking (but much more articulately!). If I am ever unique in my style (which I'm sure is rare if it happens at all), it is purely incident ... I have no desire to be unique in my style, have mainstream taste, and am pretty happy just mall shopping and living in the 'burbs and being ordinary in general

However, I can understand the impulse to be more unique ... I have people in my life who are creative types, and their style is a real mode of self-expression - they value their originality and thus would probably hate to walk into a room dressed like everyone else; whereas for me, this is more or less the goal!

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Interesting isn’t it ,that tension between wanting to look different but also fit in and dress appropriately for ones life.In my fantasy life l would dress very differently to how l actually dress but it would be so impractical and expensive to do that.In reality l am a middle aged mum with a practical lifestyle that l have to dress for.A lot of my clothing “mistakes “ over the years have come from ignoring my actual lifestyle in favour of the one in my head!But l don’t think my motivation has ever been to look unique,l think it’s been more about satisfying a creative urge.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

So many interesting perspectives! I’ll allow myself to comment on a couple others & then will step away from the site.

Janet, I laughed in self-recognition at “ am always a little flummoxed when someone asks stuff like "what celebrity's style do you want to copy?"”. Still don’t know what to put in that spot on the YLF profile page!

Zaoebi, I’ve never been there, but am absolutely willing to put Berlin up against any city in the world for head-to-toe black!

Helena, I don’t seem to be unique either. I just want to be normal for me.

Jonesy

Veteran

FashIntern, you misunderstood my point. I wasn't describing "trying too hard" from the wearer's POV, but from the observer's POV, and offering speculation about what the critical observer might be motivated by in saying that type of thing or thinking it about someone's style. It's a social judgment by the observer.

This is not to say that a wearer couldn't internalize these critical social judgments by others (and of course many of us do, from family members, SOs, etc.) and so have an internal dialogue along the lines of "Oh, if I wear this, am I 'trying too hard'? People will laugh at me or mock me" "My mother always said I couldn't wear yellow because it's ugly on me, so I musn't wear yellow" etc., but that's not what my point was. Wearers have all sorts of motivations and goals, of course.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I missed your initial thread, but to me it sounds like what you're talking about is similar to how I differentiate between garments that inspire and light me up (give me a hit of dopamine that my ADHD brain needs), versus clothes that are fine, but not special. I do think that you CAN create a wardrobe fill of the former, and the more I've tuned in to that "feeling" the better I've become at editing my closet and my shopping list. I find I CAN find items (usually not cheap ones, though) that give me pleasure that are also not particularly special to the outside eye (e.g. a beautifully cut white linen tee made from organic linen).

In that way, I think of this as really completely an individual thing that can't be defined external to one's own preferences, or judged by someone on the street. And, I think this is not a fantasy lifestyle thing. One thing I saw about myself during lockdown is that wearing these clothes was a pleasure unto itself for me, and that getting dressed and doing my skincare and makeup every day was something I deeply enjoyed and made time for (along with my yoga practice). This has connected my shopping habits with my wearing habits in a way that hadn't happened before; I am more disciplined about shopping because I'm "chasing" that feeling of pleasure at getting dressed each morning.

I also find that I get more pleasure out of dressing for spring and summer than winter and fall, because I rarely leave the house now when the weather is bad. So odd.

ETA, as a person with ADHD, I've become very in tune with my dopamine-producing activities, so I may have a different take on this whole thing than others. (-; What I mean is that, because dressing is an activity that gives me pleasure and motivates me, which is rare, I simply cannot prioritize what other people think about me. It just doesn't even come into my decision making at all.

Also; my environmental norm pre-pandemic was in tech. shorts, flipflops, sweats, NASA tees, etc. So no matter what I did, as a woman who wears clothes, I was going to be unique. So maybe that point is so built in to my thinking I've stopped thinking about it altogether.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Jonesy, yeah, the fashion-shamers I mentioned are totally observers.

Irina

Veteran

Sorry, I asked a question and ran away
Have to do a bit of paid work so I will have funds to express my ordinary/unique style. LOL
I’ll be back to comment.

Ok, I’m back. Well, I’m glad I asked so many insightful and thoughtful replies. I’m not able to answer to an individual ones nor I think you expect me to.

I’m conscious of the fact that I live and work (pre-COVID) in the centre of the large, urban city. Certainly, it can influence my style, it’s enough for me to go 15 minutes outside of house to see fashionably dressed people. This city is also very multi cultural and I might see trendy outfits as well as women from the Middle East, Africa or South Asia wearing their traditional clothes. And no one cares who wears what. So, here is that.

I’ve been working in an office environment for many years and until recently my clothes choices were determined by that dress code or norm. In the last year I’ve asked myself how much my style is actually my style or it’s a product of my work life. I don’t have to follow a dress code anymore, beyond caring about options of strangers and trying to find who I am “in a wild” without constraints, aside from some monetary ones

Joy

Veteran

This is an interesting topic, Irina, about 50 years ago I had no clue how anything would look on me or how things should fit. I did at least once buy an outfit the same as on a mannequin. I prefer most of the time to look well dressed but in a way that fits in, especially at an event. The result is that I don’t feel that I have my own style. On the other hand I do not wear a plain knit tee or athletic things very often, unless it is under a topper, not what I see around me. I also like to be a bit more dressy than the norm. I love seeing unique looks on others. They motive me to do better. Using ROG (random outfit generator) in Finds on this site forces me out of my comfort zone.

Synne

Veteran

Loving all the replies here. Lisa P you made me chuckle!

I think I am more concerned now with dressing with style, than being unique. I was maybe more unique in my style earlier, but not as well dressed. I think. But as I read that I see that that doesn't really makes sense.

Anonymous

Comment removed .

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Lisa, “tryhard” is in the fashion vernacular? Does it have the same meanings as in the gaming community?
Other people may really try to get it right, or not—I’m not about to judge that. But I hate that feeling that I ought to be projecting that I made an effort, or that I should just push myself into whatever someone else says. It’s part of why I like Angie’s Friday formulae—she always keeps them wide open, a general theme with several variations to play around with so we can each come up with our own version, not kill ourselves trying to fit into whatever. You know I’m not a natural, but this all works better for me when I have fun with it.

Anonymous

I have no idea . I wouldn’t know a video game if it landed in my lap .

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

But you apparently know how it’s used in fashion circles. Please share.
This is the meaning I’m familiar with https://www.dictionary.com/browse/tryhard
2 a person who participates in a game or other activity with too much enthusiasm, emotion, effort, or commitment:
These tryhards need to take a moment, take a breath, and chill out.

Anonymous

FI - I’m sorry , maybe another time . I’m at work right now . I would guess you could find the term in an urban dictionary of some sort . Sorry - I thought we were using the word in the same way .

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Lisa, are we? I told you how I’m using it, still don’t know if that’s what you mean. But I’m tired of chasing after you. Seems you prefer to be offended rather than figure it out. Cheers.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Irina, I can relate to feeling a bit unhinged after being in an environment where you had more constraints/directives to work within. I worked for 10 years in offices that ranged from high fashion to at least very very professional business casual, in high-rise downtown buildings. When I moved into more "true" tech, bussing to the 'burbs, I at first tried to conform, the way I was used to doing. But that quickly made me unhappy. (I even bought a NASA tee shirt!) Then I tried wearing the outfits I had worn in my previous environments. But that made me feel...tired? I don't know, maybe "tryhard" is the right term there. LOL.

In a sense, the pandemic has really helped me in this regard. When I go back to the office (if I do...) my new "style in a vacuum" isn't going to change. It will be interesting to see how I feel back in that old male-casual-dominated environment dressing they way I've been dressing lately.

I expect I'll feel really good about it, TBH. The most comfortable I've felt in that office.

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