Newbies: Seeking feedback - YouLookFab Forum

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Newbies: Seeking feedback

Maya

Veteran

Ok, I am getting the sense that a lot of newbies and lurkers feel alienated and feel that YLF is too cliquish--the downside of such a tight knit community, I guess. Since I am sure my strong presence here is at least a part of that, I feel like I should take it upon myself to bring out the newbies and lurkers from the shadows and ask them what, specifically, it is that makes them feel so uncomfortable. What, if anything, can we do to make people feel more welcome? Other active members can chime in too, of course.

I have already made the decision to stop making OT posts, and definitely nothing that is divisive. But considering I how warmly welcomed newbies are here, and how friendly people are in general, I am curious to know what holds people back.

General

62 replies

Latest reply was from Louise

motherofms

I don't know. I'm new here and have felt very warmly welcomed.

Scarlet

Veteran

I don't know if I count, but as I have only been actively participating in the forum for a couple weeks, I am still going to respond.

First of all, I don't think it is fair to call things cliquey around here. Obviously there are people here who have developed some form of long-term relationship with each other and have personal knowledge of each other, which a newbie cannot share in the beginning. Having said that, if you just freaking post something, like I and other newbies did, then people respond in the same kind and thoughtful way that they also respond to each other, albeit with less history and intimate knowledge. It's the opposite of a clique. It's very inclusive. It's practically a modern day miracle that there is an internet forum where people are *without fail* supportive, helpful, and polite to each other.

Maya, honestly, you are one reason why I read the forum. You have a very distinctive voice and quite often a unique perspective. You are entertaining, and I mean that as a compliment. I really enjoy your posts and I also really enjoy your OT posts. One reason I enjoy your OT posts is because it draws in advice from people with more life experience than I have, and quite frankly I learn something.

One thing I am not is a good writer, and I don't feel confident in how well I can express my thoughts, but the nice thing about a dialogue like this forum is that I can keep trying.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I wonder if you will lure anyone out of lurkdom to answer?
I don't know, the same thing has been said about my homeschool group and I don't see it there, either.
This is one of the most inclusive, outgoing, nicest message boards that I have found on the internet. That being said- some people just have a hard time jumping in, and participating. I'm not sure there is much more that we as a community can do about that. I think it's more of a personal issue than a group dynamic. Whenever you enter a situation as the new person and there are already established relationships you will be a little on the outside at first. An internet message board is no different than any other group in that sense. It just takes a little bit of time and effort and you will fit right in.
I hope that we will hear from more people if there really is something that needs to change.

April

Veteran

Maya, was there a post I missed that suggested that newer members were feeling alienated? I don't read everything and wasn't aware of this issue.

I hope people will speak up!

Maya

Veteran

Part of the purpose of this thread is to give people who feel intimidated a stepping stone, so hopefully a few lurkers will chime in.

The other part is to simply acknowledge newbies, less active members, and lurkers who don't have a history here as still being part of the community.

To be honest some of these posts make me a bit self conscious because I know I am very active here, and when people don't feel welcome or happy, I guess I take it personally. I know this forum is NOT by any means all about me, or even a little bit about me. I hope it doesn't come off that way. I just know that I am one of the more active participants (...because I have no life).

Scarlet, thank you for your kind words. I'm tickled And I wouldn't know you were not a good writer from what you just wrote. I like the OT posts, but feel they should be more universal in nature and less personal/intimate. At least for me. I'm very grateful for having been able to elevate a lot of fellow YLF members to good friends, and I can only imagine making more as new awesome people join in. I know I said I'd keep personal baggage off, but it's relevant in this case: Since school ended and I had to move back to this very isolated town, I don't really see my "real" friends much anymore, and in fact I fear some of my friendships have been damaged beyond repair. I probably do depend too much on my YLF friends, which is why I started getting so cozy here. But perhaps stepping back (just a little) would be good for me.

Maya

Veteran

April, it is something that comes up every so often when Angie and Greg are considering a change, and I thought I'd address it once and for all.

Lisa

Veteran

As a new(er) member I've felt very welcomed. I think the key is to just start posting your own and anwering others posts. Then people become familiar with who you are, what your style is, what you do and don't like etc. The best thing you receive in return are the comments/feedback others provide. I'll admit I'm often thrown off with OT posts, many times because I don't feel I can add to those discussions whereas I can almost always find something to add to a post on a clothing question/photo. Plus I'm a visual person and any post with photos is far easier for me to follow. I hope if there are other people out there in a passive role, they will give posting and anwering posts a try!

Edit-I do sometimes wonder if a post is titled to a specific person, such as "ask angie" or "for X" should only that person answer it or is feedback from others still ok? I sometimes answer just in case multiple opinions were ok but maybe I should ignore those posts?

Rosie

Veteran

Well, hopefully people will speak up a bit. I know NO ONE wants anyone to feel left out! I have always felt incredibly welcome here, but I think it is hard to become an active part of any group. It takes a lot of time and energy.

I guess as a new outfit poster, sometimes I sometimes wonder why some people don't say anything about outfits when I'm always commenting on theirs, but that is a different issue. It doesn't make me feel left out, but having more voices, even with differing opinions, is always a good thing!

I don't want to write a lot here because it will be a funny thread if it is mostly just frequent posters writing, but I really wanted to encourage people to speak up!!

Lori

Veteran

Though I've been visiting YFL for several months, I still feel like a newbie. I love seeing all the outfit posts, and add my .02 when I feel I have something meaningful to add to the conversation or if someone looks truly amazing. I don't have the time to take outfit pics, and I'm mostly accessing from work so it's hard for me to convey a clear view of my style. However, I can tell you it has definitely been bumped up a notch or two since finding YFL - I have learned soooo much in the last several months.

I also find this forum to be one of the warmest, most inclusive I've seen. The women here are truly fabulous and so supportive, especially with their constructive critiques.

Lisa

Veteran

I just saw this post by Jamie explaining why a newbie may feel left out. Maybe this would serve as a jumping off point on anything to change?

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ost-174061

Mac

Veteran

I'm no longer a newbie, but I was not so long ago. Here are a few things that stopped me from jumping in sooner, or that stop me from being more involved even today:

1. Not being able to change my password to something that I could more easily remember. I use a lot of different computers, so often I don't have the password saved. Having to search thru my old emails for my password is a pain, and in "the early days," it wasn't worth my time so I just lurked.

2. Members using different names. I know we've touched on this in another thread, but I found it very confusing. For example, it took me literally months to discover that when people were referring to "Jean," it was the member who I only knew as Greenglove.

3. Discussing people, events or topics that weren't introduced in that same thread. For example, when a member asks, "How was your interview?" in a thread that started out on the topic of, say, hats, it can be confusing. Even though I'm certainly no longer a newbie, I don't always read all the threads so if you discuss your daughter's first day at school in one thread that's totally cool but if it's brought up in another thread in a way that assumes we all know about it and that it's just a continuation an already-underway-conversation, many of us are left scratching our heads. This even is true of clothes. When someone writes something like, "My pants look like the ones Henrietta posted in photos a few weeks ago," it might ring a bell for many of us, but can be alienating to others.
4. Unclear thread titles. Newbie or not, sometimes I only have a few minutes a day to stop by YLF. When I think I'm checking out a thread on one topic but it turns out to be about something completely different, it can be frustrating.

Vani

Veteran

Oi, so much discussion going on these days when I have very little time to post I don't have time at all to post these days but I do (almost) obsessively refresh the forum page every few minutes and read almost every post.

Anyways, back on topic. I agree with what everyone has said above. YLF is THE most embracing forum on the internet. Anyone who has lurked here for even a short while will be able to see that for themselves. Why then do people remain in lurkdom?For most people it is a personal and deliberate choice since putting oneself out there on the internet is a big risk AND a leap of faith - and some people (rightly so) are not willing to take that risk. The others, I'm willing to bet, are probably shy and I am hoping we can slowly cajole them out of lurkdom. And lastly, I am absolutely sure there are a few who just don't have the time or inclination to participate in an interactive forum such as this.

When I jumped right in with a yay or nay post more than a year ago, I was not expecting the warm, kind and generous responses from so many of you who did comment. I admit, I was a bit wary of posting my pictures, but after a month of lurking I had very few doubts that any issues that I may have with the posting of these pictures, YLF would be the least likely source. (I apologize for melding two topics in this reply here). I felt immediately comfortable and safe with a warm fuzzy feeling in my chest.

Ok, I guess I AM rambling not really knowing what point I want to make. Maybe all I'm trying to say is it does take a minor investment of faith and time to become an active part of a forum or any group - what Rosie said. I hope newbies and lurkers will find YLF worthy of that investment, as we have come to do.

Rosie - I sincerely hope to be able to get back the time I used to have so I can start commenting on your (and everybody else's) posts and outfits. Until then I hope you will forgive me my selfishness! Thank you for the time you take to comment on threads I start, I really do appreciate it

ETA - Sorry for the novel

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

I'm not new but perhaps at least some lurkers feel as I did. I knew very little about style when I found YLF and browsed the blog posts for ages initially. Then, when I did eventually join the forum and post I didn't really even know what I was asking and was also afraid of getting suggestions 'try wearing this with an X or Y or Z' when I knew I didn't have A, B and C, let alone X, Y and Z! To give you an idea where I was - I couldn't wear a single one of Angie's MOTG formulae (summer or autumn) from items I already owned when I found YLF.

I do not comment very much on other outfit posts - I don't feel I can contribute much to them because I'm only starting to be confident with what I'm doing myself. I read other people's comments and value their comments more than my own half-baked ideas. I am far more forthcoming at giving opinions in areas that I know about and have been on forums where I have been quite happy to give everyone the benefit of my excellent advice at depressing length!

Louise

Veteran

I think like any 'friendship' group some people can feel a bit on the fringe until they get to 'know' people. I'm no longer a newbie but I do remember feeling a sense of inclusion when I joined, and I'd like to think that still happens for newbies now. So come on all you lurkers come and join the fun! x

morethanbeige

Veteran

I consider myself a newbie. I have been lurking for some time, but only recently starting chiming in and have only posted pics twice. I felt a very warm welcome as soon as I started posting. I received supportive and constructive comments on my picture posts.

I also often don't reply with critiques or suggestions as I feel that I am so new to this I don't want my comments to "muddy" up the water, and I also don't always know how I feel about something. Do I like it or not? I hope to figure that out with time.

I want to get more involved and I know that I can do that by putting in more effort -- posting more pictures, replying more often, posting questions, etc. I know that some people know each other well and that there is history here between many. Seeing the "history" between people can sometimes make me feel less included, but I also enjoy the genuine warmth and care that people show for events in people's lives such as surgeries, births, parties, interviews, etc. And I do feel that I can get that too over time. I am just going at my own pace. And I like that this is a place where I can do that.

MNsara

Veteran

FWIW - I'm not really new, but haven't been around that long either. What I think I have learned about YLF from a fairly recent newcomer angle:

1) there will be a correlation between how active you are on the forum (replying to posts AND especially starting your own threads) and how involved you will feel, but it still takes time.

2) there will always be people who have clicked better with each other - just like real life

3) there will probably someone (or two or three) that you feel a kindred spirit with and may feel most comfortable replying to those threads.

4) there are a LOT more people these days (a good thing) and I can't keep track of who is who (a bad thing) - ages, sizes, styles, locations are becoming a blur - so it's more work to reply with wisdom (but that doesn't always keep me from replying anyway

5) if people feel the need to be VERY private there are always PMs, but that's one-to-one.

casey

Oh, no no!

I am an infrequent poster, but I love the OT posts (particularly yours, Maya, you always start interesting discussions) and the sense of community here. I have many threads about resume cover letters, job interviews, and general life advice bookmarked!

Even with my infrequent posting, I have been treated warmly and even remembered from past posts. I wouldn't change a thing! Some people (like myself, I suppose) just prefer not to become as active as the "regulars" here.

Colombine

OK, this lurker is finally coming out of the closet !

The reason why I didn't participate actively before, has mostly to do with my own shyness and lack of confidence. As a busy 48 year old mother of two teenagers, who, for several reasons, hasn't paid much attention to fashion and style in the last 10 years, I didn't feel I had anything useful to contribute. Frankly, I was a bit afraid to make a fool of myself.

I have been reading the YLF blog and forum regularly for almost a year now and one of the most important reasons I kept coming back all that time is that this is one of the most welcoming and supportive communities I have ever encountered on the Internet.

Thanks to the treasure of information I have found here, I find that I am slowly gaining more self-confidence and there has been a positive change in the way I feel about myself. And because of all the marvellous non-judgmental support I have seen you all give each other on YLF, maybe, given time, I will even gather enough courage to post pictures.....?!

So thank you everybody!

taylor

Veteran

Welcome Columbine!!!

What a thoughtful thread Maya:)

I lurked for many months and only started posting photo's recently...it took me over a year, shyness for me I think. True for most as you lurk you become familiar with the regular posters and their style,

something for everyone here I think.

Some post and don't respond much to other threads

Some never post and respond to many threads

Some do both

Their is an immediate comfort that comes after your first post or as you begin responding and you name becomes familiar...but always friendly here, that you can be assured of!!!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I have to throw my two cents in here, and say this is the nicest, most welcoming forum Ive ever seen..naturally some friendships and 'cliques' are going to form, just like any group of people...but Ive yet to read any nasty, cutting comments that occur on the other fashion boards I read....I havent posted any pics because Im *very* computer illiterate and dont have anyone to show me how....a couple kind people on another forum tried, but I need 'hands on' help. Anyway, I havent commented on many outfits, bcause I dont feel I have enough knowledge to be really helpful. But this is the only place I'd feel confident enough of people's kindness to do so...please dont get me wrong, I believe constructive critizism is very helpful (I know I appreciate it) but on some forums you get *blasted* if everything is not PERFECT....

Maya

Veteran

Yay, one lurker down! Welcome Colombine. No one here expects you to be a ready-made fashionista. What I like about YLF as opposed to other fashion blogs is that it is about learning and sharing, not just being self absorbed and snobby. We accept people at all levels of their style evolution. Looking back on the outfits I posted when I first joined, I have improved by leaps and bounds...but only as a result of posting and being fearless. I'm shy too but posting pics has helped me more than I could ever imagine, and I never have to worry about people being mean or rude.

Mac, isn't that true for most new situations, even IRL? I mean, at my job I'm still very much out of the loop. Someone references a person who once worked here or a project they once did, or someone I haven't met yet, and I have to intervene with a lot of who/what/when/where type questions. That's how you get IN the loop, right? At any rate, I'm glad you overcame your lurkdom. If I see a post by you it is almost always the first one I read. You are always articulate and thoughtful and come up with some fascinating, thought provoking topics.

Debbie

Veteran

Welcome Colombine!
I lurked 6-9 months before I joined. I wanted to update my look but in some ways I thought it was hopeless. I saw the fabulous outfits on here and thought I'll never look like that.
Once I did post I was warmly welcomed and as my style evolved and hopefully it is still evolving I became more comfortable with responding to other post.One thing I'm guilty of is reading the forum and thinking I'll sign in later and post and then forgetting. I'm trying to remedy that so you may see me signed in several times a day.

Anonymous

hi everyone - I occasionally de-lurk to comment on posts, but it's been really sporadic over the two years I've been perusing this site. I'm immensely grateful for Angie's wisdom and so inspired by seeing real examples here and from other style-bloggers of how clothes and combinations look on so many different body types, ages, personalities, etc.! During this time I've been able to apply what I've learned to re-vamp my own wardrobe and definitely feel more confident in how I present myself.

In terms of constructive feedback, I will echo what others have mentioned about it taking time to understand who is who (forum name vs. real name), and that to some degree the core members of this community that is very tight-knit and makes "shorthand" references, so that it takes time for a new or occasional reader to get to know these references. But every community has to have a core, and I've noticed that when new people start participating, they receive a very warm and open welcome. (And it makes sense that the more you participate, the more you become part of the community.)

In terms of my own low level of participation on the forums, it's a function of several things - but truly it doesn't have anything to do with the community here! Several times I've thought about becoming more engaged (and that's because it DOES come across as a warm, caring, and supportive community!!), but it's usually a time thing or technology thing, and for a variety of personal reasons my general online default (at all sites) is to lurk. Hope this helps!

Frances

Hmm...I am something of a newbie poster. I have been following the Forum for almost a year now, but only started posting a few months ago. Part of the reason for my hesitancy was that I wanted to size up the Forum for a while and see if people were really as positive, friendly and encouraging as they seemed, and part of it was a lack of time due to my heavy fall/winter schedule. I was amazed to find over time that the Forum really was as good as it seemed and that there wasn't any petty snarkiness like you see in other internet communities. And since I've been posting, I've always felt warmly welcomed by everyone here.

Rosie, I love your outfit posts and take inspiration from them. If I don't happen to comment, it's due to a lack of time or distraction by other posts.

Columbine, welcome!

Maya, I hope you're not stressing over this. I always enjoy hearing your opinions. Even when they differ from my own, I enjoy hearing everyone's perspectives and love hearing new voices in the mix too.

Anonymous

Oops - I didn't edit that second paragraph very well, but I think you understand what I mean?

sijyk

I am a long time lurker. I have posted on a occasion or two. But I enjoy reading posts and advice and have always found it interesting how welcoming this group is.
I do not post much as I do not write well and do not want to take pictures as I am lazy. But I feel that I have a lot in common with lot of you guys and I have learnt a lot and if I found the courage to post a question I will get a honest feed back.
I am really surprised that people do not feel welcome here.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I'm more of a lurker than a poster. I want to echo Mac's post that not being able to change the password is a bit of a pain. I always have to look it up.
I posted style questions exactly twice and each time I got a 50/50 split on the answers.
I've only posted one outfit post. Two reasons, I have to drag the mirror into the living room for better light, and for the most part I feel pretty comfortable in my style. Also I realized that my style is far edgier than most around here. For example I have leather leggings, and leather panel leggings (mostly ponte knit with a wide leather strip running down the outside). I wear scrubs to work so I don't need a work wardrobe. I'm single without kids so I don't need MOTG formulas.
I do read this site every day. Facebook is actively discouraged at work so YLF is a good time kill between patients.

Anna

Rosie

Veteran

Anna, I totally understand the difficulty of taking pictures. I just sort of decided that where my mirror is is fine, even if the pics are a little dark! I, for one, would love to see your outfits and edgy style. I actually really LOVE edgy looks but, frankly, they don't really make a lot of edgy things in my size. I think you might find that people will probably love your outfits more than you think!

Queen Mum

Veteran

I was able to change my password... hmmm...
okay, click on "profile pages" up at the top next to your profile photo. On the profile information tab underneath your picture there is an account settings option. click on that and it should take you directly to an option to change your password.

I'll post this in another thread as well....

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