I am very happy that my current favorite underwear is also comfortable and a little sexy-sheer. They are also available in a variety of fun colors on Amazon.

Count me on Tean Curmudgeon. Did anyone else have to endure the crotchless panty fad.? I hope not. DH would love if I wore a garter belt and will not let me get rid of the one I have. Where would one even find stockings to wear with a garter belt?
LOL, Rachy!

I'm of the opinion that lingerie (as opposed to everyday undies) absolutely should not come out of the wardrobe budget. Do you have a budget set for date nights? That's where I'd allocate any lingerie spending, if it's something you wouldn't be wearing on a daily basis. Then DH has to decide whether the lingerie is as worth it as concert tickets, candlelit dinner, babysitter, etc.

*very big chuckle*

Sooo with you, Jessikams. I must be warm and comfy at all times. You don't need lacey, racey undies to be romantic. Flannel pjs can be romantic!

I wear pretty lacey bra and knickers daily because I love lace undies, and they make my outfit feel nicer from the inside out.

Another (proud) member of Team Curmudgeon here! There are lots of ways to look and feel sexy without a slinky outfit.

LOL! Tell him he is more than welcome to buy it for you- or get you a gift card for some.

To me it is an unnecessary expense so if anyone wants to see me dressed up as a cupcake, they had better put it on their tab

DH is oblivious to a lot of conventional fashion lures, it seems. When we decided we wanted a kid, his idea of 'foreplay' was to take my temperature and note it on a chart taped to the wall! As a biologist type, he wanted to see if you really could predict fertility cycles. He didn't get much data because....well DS#1.

Like Angie, I appreciate pretty lingerie! I may dress 'tomboy' on the outside, but underneath I'm a little frivolous! I shop hard for comfortable underpinnings that are pretty. Black is easy. Nude is harder. I'm currently looking for red that isn't just for entertainment value!

That said, I asked DH to upgrade his u-wear game 2 years ago and trade out his Stanfields for something a little more racy! I suggested the Lululemon 'No Boxer Boxer' the long one, and he's a convert.

Heh, in my opinion, if it can't or won't function as actual underwear or sleepwear, there is no place for impractical lingerie in my closet no matter how pretty/sexy/appealing it is.
My husband has never tried to buy me lingerie and I'm perfectly all right with that! I think honestly if faced with the prospect of having to buy it he'd run away screaming.

Hi Jessikams --

You make excellent points re the surface of the argument. But maybe there's another level to it -- the "dream behind the statement" your husband made.

Maybe back in the day is wrapped up with having more quality time together, more spontaneity, fewer responsibilities...you get the idea. And somehow "lingerie" is the shortcut word for the *feeling* of being appreciated or the object of desire.

When you guys have more time (and caffeine!) I'd recommend figuring out if that's the case. Because if so a rote purchase/wearing of Magical Item X won't solve anything -- but connecting in other ways might.

Maybe it's as simple as *literally* turning up the heat, wearing flimsy clothes, and eating takeout from someplace new as you talk about favorite warm-weather stuff you've done and look forward to doing.

OTOH, as a visual person myself there's also something to be said for novelty. Sometimes I enjoy my favorite cake more when there's a different frosting. You've gotten some great ideas upthread about items that might work for you both. I'll leave it to you to put the vintage visuals into yea or nay!

If there is something cute/sexy to him that you would be comfortable wearing, even if slightly (but not far) out of your comfort zone, I say why not. Many men are very visual. Your choice if it’s an everyday item or saved for special occasions. I think you can buy one, out of a gift or other part of the budget.
Many beautiful items recommended above. Is he looking for those or something more? Maybe something between what you usually wear and his dream outfit.
Also agree it makes sense to see if it’s just the clothing he misses.

Men differ, but many men wouldn’t let how long an item is on affect whether they think it is worth their partner wearing it.

If my husband said something like that I’d have some mixed feelings too! If I were you I would get some inexpensive and completely ridiculous outfit to surprise him with one night, just for fun and laughs. Like red crotchless thing and cutout bra with tassels and feathers or something.

I think guys also need to put in effort to keep the spark alive. I tell my husband if he wants me to feel more amorous he needs to plan dates and open doors like in the beginning of the relationship. I’d rather he do that than wear lingerie. Yikes! (Though boxer briefs can be nice. ).

You’re not a curmudgeon. I never saw the point if all those impractical lingerie items. I had a green silk chemise that I never wore. Up to last week I only wore cotton panties and bras from Target, and mostly nude or black, and never lace. It was fine. My husband is therefore conditioned not to expect more from me.

But I’m doing a reversal. I’ve been reading “A woman’s Guide to a Finding Her Inner French Girl” by Debra Olivier and I found the section on fashion inspiring. The section on lingerie talks about always wearing nice lingerie every day, for yourself and as part of your outfit. So I just revamped my collection and am attempting to wear matching sets for the first time ever. I have lace, colors, mesh, lots of pretty things. If I’m brave enough I’ll leave a hint peaking out or wear black under a white shirt.

I would wear the everyday type (with a bit of lace and whatnot) but not that other stuff. I feel silly in it. It might be worth talking to SO about this if the sexy lingerie makes you uncomfortable.

Maybe a little refresher of some things that YOU like?

Not team curmudgeon I love pretty bras and panties, lacy, gorgeous colors, etc. So for me lingerie is my everyday look for underpinnings. That said, I prefer cute but comfortable pjs, or really gorgeous rich things like Natori designs. However... Those flimsy frilly bits sold for Valentine’s Day aren’t warm or comfortable. (Who wants to sleep with feather ruffles??) So I totally hear ya on that!

My lingerie has always been gorgeous (and yes, expensive) but practical: usually brassiere type slips that can be used with dresses. I still have my lingerie slips and wear them under dresses for date nights. To me they are a great compromise.

I think there’s some really sexy cute sets out there in comfortable cuts and fabrics featuring details like a row of tiny faux buttons, lace edging, or tiny little bows. Or find some new pajamas that would be comfy yet pretty. When you find it, put it on a wish list and email it to him! He can buy what he likes, you get what you like.

Keturah, is a brassiere type slip a full slip with a built-in bra? Where are they available?

FashIntern, pretty much! I would say the bra top is somewhere between the thin, lace bralettes selling these days and a light support soft cup bra? No underwire, but for me it's enough support and I don't feel I need a bra plus the slip, unless I need a lot of Lift. For a fuller bust, it might not be enough. (I'm roughly 36/38 band, C-D cup.)

I have an embroidered stretch mesh braissiere slip from Warner's that was maybe $50. I also have one from Cosabella but it was $100+. My Cosabella is the most supportive of the two. Nicer lingerie shops will have them. Nordies lingerie section might have them too? They may not call them brassiere slips, perhaps just a full slip? Tell them what you want! I can see if I can find and post links here too.

I agree with Keturah's last paragraph. I like to wear cute lounge wear with lace or cut-outs that make them sort of sexy while still being comfortable. I'm careful to point out what I like to DH so he knows what I'll wear if he wants to do some shopping. I'm always cold so whatever I wear has to be warm.

I am also a fan of silky fabrics and fine cotton things with lace. Not underwear: just special clothes that are delicate but not precious. My almost 7 year old likes soft fuzzy clothes, so I have incorporated some into my weekend capsule. I enjoy the sensory and visual experience so I am happy to indulge others. My pet no-no’s are heels although that is mostly because I haven’t found a comfy pair.

I think my flannel PJs with wildlife on them are pretty exciting. I could meet him at the door naked with a glass of wine but with my luck, some stranger lost on the trail would be knocking looking for directions.

This gave me a good laugh. I don't think you are a curmudgeon. As far as I'm concerned this is one of the benefits of marrying someone with less than perfect vision. Once his glasses are off I don't think he knows what I am wearing.

(But I do like "everyday" undies with a bit of lace -- and that's as far as I go.)

Lots of good suggestions! I agree, find something that suits your style, after all you nailed formal dressing

Not remotely curmudgeonly. Wear what feels like you, it’ll be sexier anyway.
I like boy shorts. Lace ones are my idea of lingerie.

Crotchety ‘bout the crotch.
Sorry.
It wasn’t in my brain but then it WAS!
(^｡^)

If you’re a curmudgeon, Jessiekams, then so am I. I do love wearing pretty lingerie, and do so every day. It pleases me. Hubs is indifferent to lingerie. Naked. That’s what he thinks is sexy. Easy to do and zero effect on the budget!

100% curmudgeon on this one.
That said, I love all the ideas here about finding something a little special that fits your style.
If you showed up in something that makes you feel sexy, do you think the penny would drop for him?
I also really like what Vix has to say. An awful lot.

Fasintern, I think irs absolutely true what you said about being well rested. I felt very different went I cut down my hours at work. I just generally had more energy to enjoy things.

I’m a fan of the fancy stuff, as long as it’s not uncomfortable. Kind of fun to know you’ve got something nifty on under the jeans and cashmere. And I never liked stockings till I discovered the thigh highs that (mostly) stay up on their own.