Lingerie: am I being a curmudgeon? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Lingerie: am I being a curmudgeon?

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

Heeeeeere comes Valentine’s Day! This morning, hubs referred wistfully to a distant past when I would wear stockings/lingerie. I totally flew off the handle! (Granted, I hadn’t had my coffee yet and we were already running late.)

Here are my problems with “special/romantic” lingerie (as opposed to the everyday type, which I actually really like):

- shopping for it takes forever because you have to undress completely. And it is horrifying to see oneself in those mirrors! Almost as bad as bathing suit shopping.

- the moment at the cashier also sucks. $$$$$$ The cheap stuff feels itchy and scratchy. The fancy stuff feels lovely but costs SO MUCH. And which part of the budget is this coming out of? Do I have to forgo a useful pair of jeans for a not-useful frilly thing that I can only wear once or twice before hubs declares it “boring” and needs a new one?

- wearing it feels absurd. I’ve never been able to find a moment at home -in the dead of winter, mind you- when I think to myself “gee, I’d love to hang about/ cook dinner/ work on the taxes while wearing only my undies.” Blue with cold. Goose pimpled. Not a good look.

In short, I told him that HE should feel free to wear lingerie whenever he likes. But count me out!

Am I a horrible, unromantic curmudgeon? Why don’t men have to take on the responsibility of “maintaining the spark”? It seems like just another task (like ironing!) that tends to fall on the already-overburdened ladies. Grrrrr.

I think I go off about this every year. Hope my novel-length post can at least give y’all a few laughs!

Dressing

67 replies

Latest reply was from Bennett

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

Thanks to Laura/rhubarbgirl for the post title inspiration!

rachylou

Veteran

Once I went out to go two-stepping, but unfortunately it turned out to be Chippendales night... that is a bad bad Bad look. I’m just sayin’ - in my heart of hearts, I do not believe men should try in this way. No.

No no no. Lol! No.

Anyways, man should be excited that he gets to see ankle. Lol. That’s my puritanical view

Gretchen

Veteran

Well.... the alternative is that you tell him he's responsible for choosing the lingerie (and providing the budget) and he can have the cashier experience.

But then you're stuck with what he chooses, which might not be the best idea?

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

As a confirmed singleton, I think this notion of women doing all the emotional work is bs. I was going to suggest that hubby should get you stuff that makes you feel gorgeous, as a gift to you, but then I read Gretchen's comment. If he wouldn't consider your comfort, then you don't want him buying it! I've been told before that I don't "get it", but not considering your comfort or telling you the thing you have on is "boring" sounds piggish to me. (Otoh, I've heard worse--once knew a wife who spent most of his birthday commenting how she was preparing to give him his annual gift. Prep was about the same as for colonoscopy, and that term pretty much describes the "gift". "Piggish" doesn't begin to describe what I think of that. YMMV)

Anywho, about the clothes...I had quite a bit of it back when swimsuit shopping was not a pain, and got it for myself. Any effect on relations was just a fringe benefit. (lace benefit? Hm). I used a variation on a formula that's going around ylf--it was the sexy version of whatever I was buying. I didn't like pantyhose, so I got garterbelts. Sexy versions are not hard to find. Plenty of sexy & functional bras, panties and camis out there. Can you wear a balconette? How bout a fancy long line bra like cindysmith just got? Get things that fit well in cuts you like & fabrics that feel good, and then wear them on non "special" days, just for you. The whole "you look fab" feeling, where no one else can see.

You have a nice little capsule of sparkly retro dressy things that you can mix and match, right? If you're going to get this kind of thing, why not extend that capsule, instead of buying and discarding entire "outfits"? Don't you have a sparkly shear overlayer? Tell me that wouldn't slay him if you put it on over reasonably attractive bra & panties--the "everyday" stuff you really like. Amazon has sparkly stockings/ otk socks, or there are these https://www.pinterest.com/pin/.....#038;h=380 to vavavoom the opera outfit. Or try a teddy or merry widow that just looks like a fitted cami above the gold pleather skirt's waistline. Get the "velvet, lace, satin" you said the dressy capsule could use. Wear them together when you go out so things can proceed without a break for costume change when you get home (assuming you want that).

How about things that you can & would wear irl, like a lovely dressing gown for after a shower, or wrap around pants for your evening loungewear? But things you feel great in, not stuff that puts your bits on display.

Idk what he wears or how you feel about tighty whities, but I think it'd be entirely reasonable next time he brings this up to suggest he should wear something you like. Or, if you're less inclined to start a fight, just get the dressing robes together.

Sorry to go so long--guess I have a lot of feelings re something that doesn't affect me!

Jane

Veteran

It’s a kind of Working Girl moment thing - when she opens the present and wants a jumper but gets unwearable undies. I get it. Alluring comes in many guises and I’m thinking that DH may be interpreting undies as alluring. But there are other ways! Including ankles!

bj1111

Veteran

Hubs encourages me to get granny pants so I can be comfy. I gave up all that slinky nonsense a while ago.

Signed curmudgeon #2

rachylou

Veteran

I’m sayin’ it... Baaaaaad! Really Bad!

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

RL, reeeeeeeeel bad. Read the jumpsuit caption.
https://www.boredpanda.com/197.....&utm_

This post has 6 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

rachylou

Veteran

Omg. Lololol. How was that caption allowed into print?

And the Two-Piece Onesie for Grown Men... she’ll want to rip it off you, not in a good way... world population problem solved right there...

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

RL, you are funny! Really baaaaaaaaaaaaad.

Sal

Veteran

Your post made me chuckle Jessikams!!

I love special pretty lingerie and I have a friend that designs really lovely bras and lingerie. Naran lingerie - based in Sydney - gorgeous stuff!

I do get that it is expensive.... and I can see why you might prefer to buy other things too. I find it confidence boosting.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

Man lingerie: an underserved niche! With our senses of humor and appreciation for the finer fashions, perhaps we should take it on as a group.

Bijou

Veteran

So funny you made me laugh! I love pretty lingerie, however it needs to be functional and comfortable to wear all day or night.

Toban

Veteran

I’m as pragmatic as you on lingerie and would rather spend elsewhere.

gryffin

Veteran

Hum....I’m not a lingerie girl. I feel my hubby is lucky that I’m “a sure thing.” Also my sweetie thinks mudrise Jeans and turtlenecks are sexy. Pantyhose send him into paroxysms of joy. In the spirit of multitasking and compromise what about a really nice cami. Something that would work under a blazer or peak put under a sweater or vee neck? I give little gift bags to my son and hubby on Hallmark holidays but we don’t celebrate them. So I get off easy. If I had to juririg something like that cute panties my favs for everyday are the calida high leg in black of course w a nice cami and I’m done. But no I’m not into specialty lingerie. I do cute and functional daily the end. I’ll be interested to know what you choose!!

DALIA Lycra Lace Brief Panties (23907)

View Info

Top Pick

2

Arianne Women's Victoria Camisole

View Info

Top Pick

7

Anonymous

I fully support your line of thinking.

Helena

Veteran

Curmudgeon #3 reporting for duty with a giant AMEN and HALLELUJAH to this post. Thank you so much for sharing it!! Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one.

Thank goodness my sweet DH has accepted my prudish ways (not without comment, I should say - like your DH he's a bit wistful at times, as I'm sure your DH is (mostly) sweet, like mine!!!) ... But truly, most "sexy" lingerie is, to me, just downright ridiculous. Let them wear it if they like it so much

I like Griffin's compromise ... As well as her comment that they should appreciate a sure thing

bj1111

Veteran

As a sturdy girl told me what her moves were in the bedroom...

“I take my clothes off. If I feel like it, I might walk across the room. Then we’re off to the races.”

Christina F.

Veteran

I just purged a ton of lingerie because it’s old and no longer fits. But now I’m kinda stuck on what to do about acquiring more as well. No pressure from my guy, though. I may buy one or two things. That said, there’s no way you should feel that you have to do this. It’s one of those one-sided things where as usual, the burden traditionally falls on the woman. It’s not curmudgeonly to want to opt out.

Anyway, there is other stuff you can do if you want the sexy vibe without the awful shopping. Naked under a slinky robe, for instance. Men may say they want lingerie but most respond to no clothes just fine I think it’s okay to decline even to go that far, though!

Anonymous

Curmudgeon #4 here. Pfft. I have a vague recollection of caring more about those things 30 years ago, but not now . I don't see myself as some show piece for a man's entertainment, and this all seems very retro in terms of how modern women really live.

Anonymous

I think most men are deliriously happy if you just show up naked with a six-pack of beer. Problem solved!

RobinF

Veteran

Haha, this makes me crack up! Agree with Christina, I think most men are happy with nothing! I have never been a lingerie person, my daily stuff is plain cotton and TBH I'm not sure my hubby would even notice a difference!

I remember a long time ago, lingerie parties were a thing - you know like Tupperware? - and you know you feel like you have to buy something. I think I got myself a nightie and my hubby a "man lingerie" thing that got tried on and laughed out of the room by both of us, never to be seen again.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I get it totally, and fortunately, my husband no longer cares for the “fancy lingerie” look. Heck, we have been together 21 years! But he is just as likely to say “sexy” and point to a certain set of (very covered) Natori pajamas that he likes, or a tank and shorts set that I sleep in.

I don’t do granny panties (they are not comfortable to me and I always hated how they look on me), and I have found bras and bikini style pants that are cute and flattering and in nice colors. Hubs does not like beige, stiff, lined t-shirt bras, so I’ve mostly gotten those out of my collection (there is one because I have to have something to wear under a thin white tee!). Otherwise, he likes my whole wardrobe, underthings and all, which is fortunate!

KMM

Chiming in with a big *agree*. Lingerie stays on for what- 60 seconds? Not a good value per wear in my opinion. I just keep my undie and bra collection well cultivated (comfortable, pretty, toss out when showing any visible sign of wear) and leave it at that.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

This post has given me a good laugh,which is pretty much the way Ifeel about lingerie these days.My daughters guide leader offered this advice to her charges the other day (asreported by my daughter)”Girls,your underwear should be comfortable first and foremost so that when you put it on in the morning you forget about it and no body should ever be able to see it!Amen to that.

Christina F.

Veteran

Xtabay, for my husband, it's that he wishes I'd greet him naked at the door with a martini in hand. I always point out that I'd have to sit around freezing while I wait... usually if I get home before him it's only enough time to feed the cats... etc etc. But maybe I'll try to make his dream come true someday!

Lesley

Veteran

Ditto! Another lingerie curmudgeon!

elpgal

Veteran

When I was a smaller size, I liked Mimi Holliday for well-made lingerie. My current standard is the 3 pack of Felina lace undies from Costco :). They are surprisingly comfy.

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Jules

Veteran

I’m the same. I won’t wear that stuff throughout the day, so its whole purpose is to be taken off, usually within 10? minutes of putting it on. So I bother once in a blue moon but using stuff I’ve probably had for 10 years.

12 3