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I need help. Style reset ?

LJP

Veteran

Have you ever completely overhauled your wardrobe and pared it back to the bare minimum?

I need a style reset, plain and simple. I'm very frustrated with my summer wardrobe (yes, to those of you who will think that I am always vaguely frustrated with everything, you're not wrong. If you can't deal with it, I understand ). HELP!

1. I have a LOT of clothes and a LOT of shoes , but very few pieces that form a cohesive and stylish capsule.

2. I buy random things I like, some according to a plan or a list, but most of it because I can't find what I want so I settle.

3. I know what I like, but don't know where to fined it or how to pull it together at my price point, and with the finite amount of time I'm willing to devote to this.

4. I can save inspiration photos to my heart's content, but there is a huge dissonance between what I think I want and what I look like wearing it.

5. Most of my clothes do not get worn.

I feel like I have too many clothes to figure out how to start fresh, or at least feeling like I'm starting fresh. I have a mixture of old, new, pre-loved, high-end, low-end and everything in between. It's frankly a big mess. I'd love nothing more than to have 8 things that all looked fabulous and worked together rather than a full closet stuffed with all sorts of random things.

Here are some of the brands that appeal to me - regardless of price point.

1. CO Collections (not affordable but love the look)
2. Massimo Dutti
3. Everlane
4. COS
5. Eileen Fisher
6. Janet's new fave line : ZeroMarioCornejo- it's not in my price range, but the aesthetic is perfect
7. some of Tibi
8. James Perse
9. The Row (hahahahahahaha)

The common factors: minimalist design with an architectural bent, not a lot of layering, few prints, keep colour in check (i.e. not too much of it ) , the appearance of quality , and the best fit I can achieve .

My limitations:
1. lack of retail options in my mid-size city so no opportunity to try on lines before launching into the order/return cycle
2. unwillingness to tie up credit in a order/return binge ; also most of the lines I like are American, and shipping/returns aren't free.
3. lack of time to spend shopping - maybe a few hours once a week if I'm lucky
4. post menopause body that doesn't necessarily suit the looks I love
5. lack of storage that would allow boxing it all up - literally - and starting fresh with those 8-10 pieces that really work. (or do I even HAVE 8-10 pieces that work together? ). I can edit and ruthlessly purge, but after years of this cycle, I'm afraid to keep doing it. I don't seem to get anywhere with editing anyways.

So - where and how do I start? I need to have a small capsule wardrobe that works together and flatters me . Too many pieces and I'm overwhelmed . Where do I find these clothes ?

TIA for any commiseration, advice, suggestions, help etc.

L. .

Dressing

72 replies

Latest reply was from LJP

Roxanna

Veteran

Because I feel like I know you, and we are YLF friends, I think I can say - I feel like you ask some version of this question every season/year (Not to throw shade, please understand - I have gone through my past forum posts and have seen that I myself ask some version of a 'style overhaul' question every year! So I feel you.)

I think the first thing I would ask is: How do you want this time to be different? You are going to get a whole slew of comments that involve doing a lot of analysis and work to determine what you like on your body and why. Are you willing to do this work? or are you more just at the exploration stage at this point?

Again - not throwing shade. I too have very full closets but I know that if I asked this question I wouldn't have the time or inclination to go through every single thing. If you do, more power to you (honestly.)

I will say that I started a similar project like this on a very small level - my first step is to get rid of what doesn't work for me. I sometimes have a hard time getting rid of things I have (I know you don't) so I did a seasonal colour analysis on myself and determined that I am a deep autumn. This means I can get rid of things that clearly do not fall into this colour palette and do not flatter me.

I am not willing to do a large closet rehaul because I like a large closet and i need to keep things at many sizes because I fluctuate so much. But I will be interested in the answers!

Joyce

(website)

Lisa, yes, this question is familiar. I went through many years of random buying, achieving nothing but a full disconnected closet. With "nothing to wear", no cohesive style and many of the same things repeated over and over just because, I was keeping the resale boutique in my area in business.
When I got tired of the cycle last year, I was prepared to take everything out of my closet that didn't work in colour, shape, fabric or comfort. I didn't look at the cost I just had to get to a base line of style comfort. The cost is behind you; like spilt milk it is done!
I also found a muse I could identify with; she is the same age as I am and has validated what I really like giving me confidence to wear it just by how she dresses. This has been a life changing experience, no longer having the overfull closets and feeling confident every time I step out.
Lisa, it is a process worth considering just to stop the overwhelming frustration of not being happy with our choices.

LJP

Veteran

Roxana - you’re dead right in your comments . Yes , I feel like I ask this question every year …..which means I am not getting it right . And , I don’t know why . Lack of discipline maybe ?

I would be willing to pull everything out of my summer closet and pick out the pieces that truly work. But I’m afraid to get rid of the rest - i suppose because it will force me to face the cost of not knowing how to shop properly for myself . Since I retired from sales 3 yrs ago now , I bet I’ve worn a blazer or silk top once . Yet I still have 5 blazers sitting in my closet “ just in case “ .

I also feel my personal style preferences have changed away from boho-influenced summer casual wear to something more minimal and sophisticated .

Analysis isn’t really interesting to me - I’d rather just follow some instructions and get on with it . But I suppose you have to understand yourself in order to make changes .

LJP

Veteran

Wow - Joyce you sound just like me ! You also give me hope that I can turn this ship around . Finding a style muse who is relatable is a good idea - you’re lucky to have found yours . I pick women who look nothing like me and have far more disposable income than I do . Question for you : how do you shop now ? With strict lists ? Online or in store ?

ZoeyGirl

I tend to lurk more than post, so let me quickly recap my journey here on ylf: I started following in 2015 and have learned SO MUCH. By 2020 I thought I had rebuilt my wardrobe and was feeling quite pleased. In 2020 (despite COVID), I purchased a "five piece wardrobe" for each season, which was a much discussed shopping strategy on the forum at the time. In 2021, I did a lot of retail therapy, and in 2022 I bought very minimally. Now that I've said that, I have some thoughts on your topic:

-I really connect to your question for Joyce: how do you shop now? I feel like I have that question too. I would also phrase the question: how do you shop for maintenance? I don't know the answer to this, as I had extreme scenarios in 2021 (too much!) and 2022 (operation wear clothes out as a reaction to overbuying in 2021).
-I wonder if your desire to have a minimalist wardrobe is a way to avoid having to figure out how to shop to maintain. If you bring your wardrobe down to minimalism, then you are in the position to rebuild, not maintain. I don't say this critically, it's what I think I was doing in 2022 and even through Q1 of this year.
-How do you prefer to shop? I have realized I like to buy multiple pieces when I shop- around 5 items or so. I think maintaining a wardrobe is harder because of this shopping preference.

Not sure if there's really any advice in here, but I hope my response makes you feel like you are not alone in feeling like you are missing an important piece in wardrobe maintenance.

Gaylene

Veteran

Ha, Roxanna is right, you are going to get lots of advice but it’s entirely possible that only bits and pieces will be appealing or will fit your needs. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another.

My only advice (which you are, of course, perfectly free to ignore ) is not to buy anything new right now. And maybe wait a bit before locking onto a new “style” moniker or idea—at least until you figure out what you enjoy wearing on your body on a regular basis. Scrounge through your existing closet for items which you might grab if you were forced to quickly pack a suitcase and live only with those clothes for a few months? Take a look at what you’ve chosen—and, maybe even more importantly, take a long hard look at what you’d leave behind. Sometimes knowing what doesn’t work is as important as knowing what does before you hit the BUY button.

Indigoprint

Veteran

I do the same Lisa. I collect images, try to come up with "style" descriptors to no real closure.

I recently went down the Kibbe rabbit hole and think I have made some progress....
Just and idea as it seems you said that you used to sew...would you pick it up again to sew a few minimalist items that you like?
Minimal style clothing items can be easy to sew. Not much shaping, few seams. There are many patterns available. Elizabeth Suzanne offers some of her design patterns on her website.

kinnick

I am new here. I will put more info about myself in once I am better from a horrific accident a month ago. (I will be fine but the healing process is painful and slow.) Your issues sound like some of mine and this response may be long so feel free to skip.

One of the issues I wrestle with is whether I want to dress to fit in with what everyone else is wearing or be myself. I have gone to parties/events and been wearing the same type of outfit as most of the women and thought, “this is great, I have cracked the code.” I can also remember not wanting to put on one more floral dress and instead wearing what I thought were stylish pants and getting negative remarks. There is risk to having your own style and you have to decide how comfortable you are with the risk. When I was much thinner (and younger) I felt more comfortable with my own style.

I used to think I should wear more high end clothes so ended up with a lot of one-offs because they were on sale. I also bought trendy items that went out of style and then I wasn’t comfortable in them.

Weight gain has given me a chance to re-think my wardrobe. Here is what I decided to do:

1). Focus on the clothes I need 90% of the time (excluding gear) which falls into 2 categories - 1) casual comfortable can go for a walk in, and 2) smart casual. These are casual clothes that I don’t want to worry about so I didn’t want to spend in the price range for Tibi.

2). Don’t worry too much about figure flattery.

3). Look at my clothes and be honest about what I reach for and why. I think the why or why not is critical because it never changes. For instance, I almost never reach for white pants bc I am too afraid of getting them dirty. I am never going to wear pants that are even remotely tight. I love casual dresses for the summer. If a dress is too frilly and soft then I feel like I am wearing a nightgown. What am I wearing when I feel like I have a little swagger?

4). What do I wear now that is a workhorse and why. I have some Black pleats please pants that I wear constantly in the spring and fall (too hot for summer). They are great bc they don’t wrinkle and can be casual or dressy. And black is just so easy to match.

5). Figure out a formula. It helped me to think of what I pack to travel. A friend who was a flight attendant told me once that you should pack black and white and one other color so I made that my travel uniform. It works for travel and I have found it to work as a starting point for my newer wardrobe.

BTW, I find James Perse items really stretch out and fade but I am probably not washing carefully enough. Also, I am pleased with some pants I bought from Ruti. I think they are having a sale right now.

I am hoping my strategy will keep me from making as many mistakes as in the past but also to not have to think about clothes as much but it is early days.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

LJP, FWIW, here's my 2 cents

Nodding along with Roxanna's first two paragraphs!

If you were working with me, we would be looking at every item in your closet, doing a large overhaul, and being ruthless about what stays and what goes. Your resetting style tools are much sharper that way. We'd digitally document it so that you have control, and know exactly what you have at the press of a button.

I'm going to put a spanner in the works by suggesting you pull right back on the fashion and style muses and inspirations on IG. I think you could benefit from some style calm and quiet - instead of overwhelming social media noise. It "muddies your waters" and can create a lack of focus, to the point where you feel lost instead of supported. Especially when dressing for your least favourite season. You KNOW what you like and how you want to dress! It's the same every time we chat about it on YLF. That's magically consistant and clearcut! Start there and go after it within your means. Practically that means, start by pulling those items from your closet and setting them aside.

Realistically, wearing a work uniform 5 days a week - I think? - puts a damper on things unfortunately. There are only so many times you can wear what you really want to. So do that! Put together 6 to 8 outfits for high Summer that you love, and repeat them. Leave it at that.

Last but not least, from what I've seen from the outfits that you've posted this year, you dress much closer to your aspirational style than you give yourself credit for! You seem far from the need of a style-reset. Maybe it's that sodding uniform you have to wear most of the week that makes you forget about your off-duty KILLER outfits!!!

unfrumped

Veteran

I’m going to lurk along. Because I feel l like I’ve been throwing pasta at the wall to see what sticks, style- wise.

I do think you LOOK really good, sophisticated and sharp. I do prefer your outfits that skew that way rather than Boho. Except I don’t always know how to recognize boho or boho- lite.
So I would agree, don’t bag everything up ( for discard, anyway) . Sit on your hands a bit. Ok to marinate in some wardrobe dissonance while you give things a bit of a think.

But because we always want to DO something, I think probably one good approach that’s often advocated is to do some re- locating and see if can grab a dozen of so slam- dunk pieces & put them front and center.

For myself, I did stop buying anything new for awhile, maybe not long enough. And did some fairly well- thought out culling, not emotional but, doesn’t fit, color is bad, etc. Which was tougher than it sounds because some of those aspects were there from the start, so, I had not been demanding enough.

I THOUGHT I had pondered & identified some wardrobe holes for certain outfits or occasions— and also wanted a color palette shift— but, apropos the pasta- throwing, I may still not have been disciplined enough— line, got some tops in good colors but hmm, maybe they’re not that great- looking, or, because retail stores here are very limited, everything seems either super- casual or entry level corporate suiting and separates or just, loud.

I am quite hard on my outfit
“ proportions “ and so very often feel like I have the wrong topper or top length or whatever. And can’t wear killer shoes.

Hoping to take my own advice, I’m trying to figure out, is there at least ONE outfit where I feel like “ this is me” and I’ve got it right? And wear that ( hopefully there is more than one), and perhaps I am instead adding pieces that aren’t helping because—it seems fun?—FOMO , such as a delicious color? The new item will fix the outfit I had tried to create? Or, it IS fun/ good in isolation, but Is not cohesive. So instead it didn’t help.

Also remember, summer is a bummer. Despite running cold, as soon as it starts hitting 90 here, I will not wear lots of my wardrobe items that seemed smart just a month ago, and only want the lightest pants & toppers ( for “ out & about/ air con), and I find that on me these tend to look sloppy, or shapeless, or too mix& match. So I’m trying to put more thought into understanding how to have seasonal capsules— not making shoulder-season items totally off limits, but more the discipline of identifying the PURPOSE of an item is to be part of a cohesive wardrobe, and for me now that’s 4 seasons—I’ve learned I am much less “ seasonless “ than I had hoped and I might do better to use any shred of discipline to have 4 smallish capsules.

Interestingly, I do exactly that for gardening /yard work and loungewear. I can easily identify small groups of items for the seasonal weather , and shift from one to the other AND feel very satisfied/ content. But my expectations for fit & style are just different for that. So I don’t do as well for heading out the door.

Well, this was a lot about me, but I feel like I’m not a good expert for advice- mode , so thought I would commiserate!

Indigoprint

Veteran

Angie...love that insight. To me so helpful!

Helena

Veteran

Lisa, sort of repetitive but for what it's worth, I would suggest doing a ruthless edit but **you don't have to give anything away** ... Just get it out of sight, out it in suitcases under the bed or something, just pare down the visual stimulus you're dealing with every time you get dressed. Keep out only the pieces that are really working for you. If you're getting dressed and really keen to pull out a piece, do so ... And see what you end up wearing and what feels good. I agree with Angie too that turning down the noise from outside influences can help. If you feel you need something you don't have, write it down. If you do have it but you packed it away, it's there for you! This might give you a little space to get some clarity on your style (or to Angie's point, to connect to the clarity you already have within!)

Dee

Veteran

Hmm.. lots of good advice offered so far. I can see that you are aspiring to a fairly specific ideal look but I think you just need to be certain that it actually suits who you are, your body type and is realistic for your current lifestyle, otherwise its likely anything else you buy will be left unworn as well.

I also agree with Angie about maybe not following all the various fashion muses out there because I think it just leads to more confusion and fashion envy which isn’t all that helpful in the end.

I do hope you can find a strategy that will help you create a wardrobe that you’ll be happy with and btw, you definitely do have some really nice items in your wardrobe already that I think would work well towards what you’re after.

Irina

Veteran

I don’t have an advice but I’m sure you will get plenty. I’m wishing you luck and hope you will find a solution that works for you. In the situation when the retail that might represent the desired style is limited and one is unable/unwilling to deal with order/return cycles, there are no easy ways to put together a wardrobe.

Lynette

I have no advice because I have never really learned to build a cohesive wardrobe or create a particular style for myself. So I’m in the same boat with you but for different reasons. I am loving this subject and all the comments and will follow it with interest. It sounds like so many of us would just like to have 5 or 6 outfits that make us feel fab! Why is that so hard? I don’t know.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh boy, I feel like I could use a big closet edit right now, because I’ve shopped a bit this year already and am starting to feel a bit overloaded. So I feel ya in some ways.

I have to say, I kind of love Angie’s advice to stop following the fashion icons for a bit. Trust your own instincts, which I think are very strong. I know that personally for me, following a lot of fashion accounts often results more in me wanting to shop the stores than shop my closet, which can be counterproductive.

I know you don’t have a ton of patience for outfit creation sessions, but I wonder if maybe one session, starting with one really favorite piece might be a good exercise. I’m thinking that if you choose a piece you love and build out from there with items you own, perhaps that you haven’t tried with that favorite piece before, it might give you some fresh ideas that help you see your wardrobe in a new way.

I think that might give you an idea of how minimalist you can go, in a way — explore how many looks you can get out of that one super fab item! See how you feel about the item as you try the different options — are you more excited about it? Are there more possibilities than you expected, or do you feel like it’s an item that only has a few options? And are those options enough for you to feel satisfied with that item? It’s just an idea. I know that I’m more excited about a piece in my closet if I take a little time to really work out how useful and versatile it is.

I’m also thinking about clearing out a significant part of my closet and putting it in a downstairs closet for a short while, just to give the current season some breathing room and allow me to see better what I really have. I’d put away all the out-of-season stuff and anything I’m not currently excited to wear, and then revisit it at the end of the summer. I have no idea whether that will be useful for me, but I’m a little curious to try.

Again, I think you have excellent style and really good instincts. Trust yourself. I think you’re further along than you think you are!

LJP

Veteran

Thank you all for your thoughts - there’s some great stuff to unpack here . Least of all , or most of all (?) is a social media vacation . Intellectually I understand it to be true that too much muddies the waters , and lord knows mine are muddy enough right now . I’m such a consumer of images and ideas though - always have been - poring over books and magazines since I was old enough to find and buy them on my own . But I have wondered what it would be like to live in a vacuum where outside influence is minimized . What would I choose and what would I come up with ?

Angie’s comments about my uniform requirements for my work are important . I’ve undergone such a major change in lifestyle in the last 3 years and no longer need 80% of what I have . I have made peace with my uniform requirements and have a lot of variety there , and also know I can put some of those pieces to use in my personal life when the occasion arises ( Vince trousers , silky tops , fitted tanks , cropped flared black jeans and a huge variety of footwear too ) . I spent just a few minutes making a list of the “ideal “ base wardrobe for my non- work occasions ( not including around the house stuff which isn’t that important ) and wasn’t very surprised to see how short it was . It might be a positive challenge to see what my closet looks like if I whittled it down according to my list . I don’t have the room to actually store or put away extra clothes while I try this experiment ( we live in a small condo with limited storage ) but I might be able to stick them in one section of my closet and work from one rail . Would anyone like 2 Smythe size 8 blazers in mint condition ?

kellygirl

Veteran

Ooh, I'm excited for you and will be following along. So much great advice. I love the idea of stowing away the distractions and working with some well curated basics! I'd like to do this at some point--when I have more bandwidth!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What Roxanna and Angie said.

And also --- remember when you had that rolling rack with the clothes you were actually going to wear for the week (or weeks) and used that? You found that clarifying, I think?

I do think, also, it can help to remember that style does evolve and that's ok. There will be years when we will edit more vigorously...and years when we purchase a bit more, and years when we simply maintain, buying replacement essentials and a few statement or trendier items. I relate to what Zoeygirl said here in the sense that when I joined YLF, I had -- essentially -- no wardrobe. I spent 2 or 3 years in an active (maybe overactive!) wardrobe building phase. Then, about 8 years in what I'd call a maintenance phase. And then this year, I've really had to do a major edit again, start a process of rebuilding on somewhat new foundations. Anyway, I guess what I'm really trying to say is that there's no reason to feel guilty or ashamed about feeling the need for a style re-set -- we all need it at different times of our lives. The confusion is real and the shopping frustration understandable -- but you know, as Angie said, you are so much closer to your aspirational ideal than you imagine!

slim cat

Veteran

I feel almost the same way about my off work clothes and need to do some edit. Lots of great advice and thoughtful comments - glad I'm not alone in my struggles .
I'll be following along everyone's progress ( hopefully my own too - lol ).

anchie

Veteran

Do you have enough essentials? I usually feel like this when my essentials are not in order. I don’t like shopping for them, it is not much fun and it takes some discipline and patience but it is so worth it. And do you know what are this 8 items that you would like to own? Do you have them already?

Star

Veteran

I so relate, although I am making progress. I have a way too big wardrobe. I made a list of all the items I own grouped together. Then I identified how I want to dress (you seem to know this already), taking into account my own post menopausal body shape. 90's Levies do not look cool on me any more. They did in the 90's. When I purchase one new item in line with my new style aspirations I let go of two items that really don't work for me any more (I am still doing this two years on). Every season, 4 times a year I move front and foremost all the clothes I think I want to wear; what fits the style/look I am going for currently, what actually fits me (have weight fluctuations). All the other stuff goes to the highest shelf in the closet and in the spare room closet. I am getting there, I finally have some pieces that I really like and feel good in, and reviewing the list helps to see which pieces can work together at a glance. Angie's documenting of pieces is the same, just more visual, so even better. I believe I am on the right track and will eventually have a small wardrobe of items I love. I do realise it is not going to happen quickly but that is okay as I still feel in control. Hopes this helps you in some way.

Anonymous

Agreeing that it's important to take a break from the outside influences and focus on what you need for your current life. Sorry to say- you really should do the analysis work!

That said, I analyze the (expletive deleted) out of my wardrobe, and still make plenty of mistakes. Having the right wardrobe is a moving target!

Yes to doing the rolling rack again if you still have it.

Brooklyn

Veteran

I have no wisdom to add, but I agree with Angie completely.

If you like a minimalist aesthetic, you should be able to conquer Summer. Minimalism rules in Summer. So don’t give up!

April

Veteran

LJP, we are deep into a Swedish Death Cleaning here and I am also trying to follow Stacy London's advice regarding her closet: "If it's not a 'Hell, yes' [for the body/life she has right now] it's a no."

That might be one way to start Angie's process: set aside the "Hell, yes" items, then see if there's any way in which to combine them. Love Suz's idea of using a rolling rack as well.

I have also found it helpful to identify younger/similarly sized nieces or friends who can adopt things I feel bad about spending $$ on but that I cannot or do not wear anymore. Someone else benefits - they're often items that would be well above the starter budgets - and I feel less terrible about having made the mistakes.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I like the “hell, yes” approach. I have so many things I hang onto because they’re “ok.” And I’ve had them for years and have gotten the wear out of them. I put them on and wear them around the house and it’s…ok. Why not wear more “hell yes” even if it’s just around the house??

Chris987

Veteran

I have been going through something similar and don't have much to offer, but want to thank you so much for doing posts like this LJP. The dialog that ensues is always fabulous, at least for me it is. I hope you get some good ideas from this one.

kkards

Veteran

Well, I’m having a hard time with what to write here…I think in many ways our approach to fashion and style are similar. We both have a keen desire to look a certain way, and a need (yes need) to understand what’s current. I think we both have a tendency to want perfection. And I think both of us tend to use shopping as a way to relieve stress, or maybe it’s just me, I’m reading between the lines of what you’ve said on other posts. With that being said, I’d personally take a step back. I’d follow, and I am personally following, the advice I was given a couple of weeks ago. Come up with some FFBO that you like and feel good in, lay them out in advance each night and then stop thinking about it. See where you are in a couple of weeks.

(Feel free to ignore if I missed read the situation )

Helena

Veteran

Lisa,to your point about visual inspiration ... Why not just cut out the digital clutter for a bit but allow yourself some analog inspo? I think the issue with social media is less one of content, and more one of volume and speed. We simply can't process that much, that quickly and so it's very overwhelming. Grabbing a Vogue and flipping through the pages at a coffee shop or something, would be a completely different experience than scrolling Insta (at least to me - I've been consuming news in a more analog fashion lately and it really helps me separate the wheat from the chaff).

Just a thought!

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