There’s no quick fix, and no matter what strategy you take,, it will take time and discipline. If you’re not prepared to do the work (including some degree of self analysis) you are bound to repeat this cycle.

I’m following this thread closely and very interested to see how things progress and what ends up working for you. Wishing you much good luck!

Laying in bed last night with ideas swimming around I came up with a plan: I’ve made a starter list of my basic everyday needs . It doesn’t take into account exercise or around the house stuff because I’m good there . The list covers what I would wear out to run errands , meet a friend for lunch or drinks , or go to a casual evening get - together with friends . It’s blessedly minimal ! The rolling rack method worked SO WELL for me back at our old home where I had the room to have one out . I did capsules strictly by colour only and pulled everything out dressy or not and worked them all together for 6 weeks or so . That made sense with the bigger lifestyle I had then - which covered work , social occasions and casual wear .
I no longer have the rack and would likely end up divorced if I had a rack out in our bedroom anyways .

I’ll post my beginner list soon - and I think I may start the “ hell yes” project on Monday when I have the house to myself .

Kkards - yes we do approach things the same way and you’re right : much of it is stress related shopping . Or even creating an issue where there is none .

I know all too well why I have trouble managing a wardrobe : allowing too much outside influence , never feeling good enough ( goes way back to a traumatic childhood ) , and a sense of not getting it quite right . If only I had xyz then things would be perfect , etc .

Anyways - TMI , I know . But just keeping it real here ;).

Love the rolling rack method (whether actual rolling rack or not.). And not TMI at all; I suspect a lot of us have style issues tied up with a lot of other things in our personality. I think you have a very clear aesthetic and sense of how you want to look; so now that you have a plan in place it should come easier.

Ha, I’m another one who lies awake at night pondering my wardrobe problems… and enjoys reading these threads… glad you have a plan! Good luck!

The bigger question still remains : how to end up with the pieces I really love rather than settling because of a lack of access . Surely I’m not the only one who doesn’t live in a major metropolitan city with lots of retail options ? And surely I’m not the only one who works full time , manages a family and home and has little free time to spend shopping ?

Lisa extreme summer heat is the hardest season in which to feel stylish. I love the advice you have received from Angie and others. I like to remind myself when I feel like this that perfection is the thief of joy.

Lack of access is real. It’s what drives me to sew. I know it’s not for everyone. There’s a lot to learn before you can reliably make pieces you love.

Lisa, you mentioned on Anchie's thread that it has taken maybe 3 years for you to come to terms with this lifestyle change. I just want to say -- that makes so much sense to me. You had a lot of shifts -- a move, a change of jobs -- and then COVID, which messed with us all, really, and most of us are still feeling the reverberations from that time. Plus, a significant birthday during that period. It is a lot.

And it does take time to come to process changes like these. I'm still dealing with my own moves and various job shifts. (Not to mention age). That is why I needed a re-set myself this year. It turned out, I wasn't as far from my aspirations as I thought, but I definitely needed an update.

So...I think the shopping will be easier if you identify a few favourite formula outfits for your identified activities. For these activities you will need -- fill in the blank. Maybe jeans, current footwear, 3 fantastic tops, one great summer topper. Or maybe linen pants or dress or whatever. (That's just guessing. What I'm really trying to say is that you don't actually need many items -- and you probably already have some of them. Once you figure out what you have, what are the holes?)

It will also be easier if you can identify a few retailers that consistently work for you. I know that is hard. Fit models change, our bodies change, styles change, it can take our eyes time to adjust and shift proportions, etc. Nevertheless...

You don't like the order and return cycle, and I understand that. Having said that, you might have to accept it -- or accept the alternative. It's pretty much a part of life -- like my need to hem trousers or turn up sleeves -- it's part of the cost of clothing, and saves me time in the long run. When I live in a big city, I shop in person. In a smaller city, not so much -- though I do in person returns here to The Bay, which keeps it free.

You've identified a few retailers whose clothes meet the aesthetic you desire. Some are out of your price range. Some are not. So order from the ones that are in your price range and see how the fits work for you. Yes, you might have to pay a bit to return some of the stuff -- but you will also learn so much and have fall back retailers for future reference. I'd try Everlane and Massimo Dutti and maybe one or two others from your list.

I’ve always lived in a place with limited access to B&M shopping (Walmart, Winners, Marks Work Warehouse, Sears and Zellers (back in the day) - you get the picture. My solution was a biannual trip to the Big City just for shopping. I shopped with a list and pictures I cut out of magazines taped into a journal. If a SA volunteered to help me, I could point at the photo and say: “do you have this?” It was 2-3 days of straight shopping

I used to do this, too, Carla -- and to some extent, still do -- with the caveat that I have to lower my expectations for these trips. In other words, I try to view them as reconnaissance missions more than purchase opportunities. This is because it is rare to find items available in my size and/ or colour preferences in stock. So I use a combined online/ in person approach.

Sometimes I get wildly lucky, as I did this spring, and find a whole lot of things that just work well right off the bat -- and then supplement those with online purchases of items that are easier for me to fit. But sometimes I have to accept that I might not go home with anything except information.

I typically try to shop in person for:

• harder to fit items (even if they don't have my size, at least I can guesstimate what size might work -- or learn that their sizing doesn't work for me at all.)

• new shapes/ silhouettes I want to try. (wide leg full length jeans this year).

• items from retailers I have never tried before.

• in store sales I wouldn't otherwise know about.

It can be expensive to make such trips, of course. It's one thing to go from Port Hope to TO or even from northern Ontario to TO or Montreal, or from Kingston to TO, or from Victoria to Vancouver or Seattle. It's another thing to get to anywhere, basically, from Winnipeg! I mean -- it's over 1000 K to Chicago. Even further to other major cities!

Much easier when a person is travelling for work. But then you are working while away, which limits shopping time. So it is complicated, for sure.

Lightbulb moment about my own wardrobe after reading the comment about Stacy London’s “Hell yes” clothing items. I have many hell yes items that have nothing to go with them. No support act at all. And for some reason, I never seem to find those pieces so my beautiful items just decorate my closet. Lisa, I’m suspecting this is a problem for you too because I know you have a closet full of beautiful items.

Well, I live in a big, urban center and with an exception of COS, I order most of my things online, like from Massimo Dutti. I went to pick up my order from MD yesterday and the store was so full and crammed with clothes on sale. It’s very off putting to me, so I left.

Is it important you do this yourself? Because if not, why not just hire a personal shopper. Angie knows the brands, styles, trends, how things work on real bodies (clients) and she knows you. So you get a built-in
extra cost but you get results.

I think you have developed a plan and I look forward to hearing how it works for you! I have a few tiny thoughts:

• "Getting it right". I don't think we ever do, we keep pursuing happiness in our wardrobe because it is important to us. Like a chef that keeps tweaking recipes. So its OK that you ask this question every year! (I am such a Pollyanna.)
• Related; summer is the worst time for me to contemplate my wardrobe. Thank you Bijou! My "uniform" is shorts and a top, with a little excitement in picking out sneakers or sandals. Once a month I get to wear something that requires a little thought. Maybe the season ties into your frustration.
• Can you rope in a friend to help with weeding or storage? I can think of several people with closet or floor space that would be glad to be my holding zone. They understand the love of clothes, for one thing. Maybe they have a rolling rack!

"Hell yes", love that!

When I used to have limited space for clothes, I discovered that putting hooks on the back wall of the closet, if it's deep enough, was a life saver. Depending on how deep the space, they can be single hooks or the older fashioned double ones, with the top longer. Clothes can be in garment bags hung flat against the wall. Hopefully not clear ones because it's nice to have the garments completely out of the line of sight. Also accessories like scarves or belts not needed can be hung this way. Again, just going for some out of sight kind of storage temporarily, for a season. Nowadays I use a big bag on the floor, tucked into a corner. Or some people do those under the bed storage containers. Probably you already have considered this, but just offering it up.

It sounds like you are very visual so any improvements of making your closet look like those high end stores that you feel you don't have access to may help your spirits enormously. It's like when we have great art, but then hang it in a gallery wall, it can get lost amid all the visual noise. Bringing out your best clothes...even if your mind can think they aren't the "ultimate"...to hang on the main closet rack and making those 6 to 8 outfits that Angie suggested, may reset your fashion button to experience them anew. A fashion refresh. The visual satisfaction to see beauty every day, not just on the internet, always slightly out of reach, but right in your very own closet.

I love the idea of a social media break. Attempting to keep up with trends and novelty can be a hamster wheel that the harder we try, the less we get any where and the more exhausted we can become. And what will you do with your free time?? Maybe meditation! My son uses the headspace app and the thing about meditating, it's not another thing for your to do list. I find it's transformative qualities aren't even the time spent sitting...whether it's five or ten or twenty minutes...it's what it does to all the rest of the moments in our day. Just my two cents !

Vildy, I love your solution! When things are hard, is it the signal that help is needed?

I had a dear sister in law who was very unsatisfied with her clothing. She had many, many items in her closet. Some were actually very nice quality hand me downs from a more wealthy sister, and fit her beautifully. We would have a lovely afternoon, me sorting through her closet (which I love to do) and encouraging her to try this with that, how about this scarf, oh look what happens if you belt it, that kind of thing, you know how we just play dress up. We made outfits and hung them together even. We also purged old and too used things that didn't suit any more. She felt quite inspired and happy in the moment. However, she found it wasn't something she could actually do on her own in my absence. She tended to reach for the easiest clean thing in her pile on the chair, so her dissatisfaction continued. Was more structure needed for her...? She was someone who didn't really like structure, and tended to operate more on a chaos basis, so I don't know.

Mind blowingly interesting thread Lisa, and we all evolve and change and it is pretty normal to have these things come back at us over again.
Anyway, I will throw something out there in case it resonates. Maybe you can throw your shopping energy into focusing on the one perfect piece that you imagine would make your existing "Hell Yes" (love that) pieces, dare I say, elevate. Even if it is way out of your of your budget. (Dare I suggest you consign your Smythe blazers, etc.?) The goal is not to buy it so much as imagine what you would wear day to day with its addition. I sometimes I get fixated on one thing and imagine how it would level up the rest. Anyhow the mental exercise does distract me from wanting a lot of other things for some time and sort of give me an idea of where I want to go. Anyway, there is tons of thought provoking ideas on this thread and I plan on feasting on them .

Lisa - I had this problem when I first came to ylf. I had outfits but not a cohesive closet. It was really helpful to limit my color palette to black, gray, charcoal and denim. I also picked only a single silhouette for work tunic/leggings/long jacket/booties. Jeans on the weekend. I found a lot of inspiration in EF capsule wardrobes that helped me coordinate. (Small capsules and recording favorite outfits was invaluable. Nothing like FFBO.)I think she’s a great brand to really look at for cohesion as a template. I do think Allison Bornstein has some great ideas on how to use and style what you already own. I had no idea “the wrong shoe” was a thing because I’ve kinda been doing that forever. But I like her closet organization and styling suggestions. I also second thinking about a consultation with Angie. Not only is she incredible, but she knows your style really well and has seen a lot of pieces that you have and how you style them. Honestly, sometimes money spent on fixing what you have is better value than tossing and replacing. I’m not sure how you feel about this but when I’m upset and frustrated I remind myself that “it’s important to learn how to be comfortable, being uncomfortable”. IOW, instead of trying to make myself feel better in some way (purging closets, buying, distraction of any kind) I try and figure out what’s really bothering me. And yeah it can absolutely be wearing winters clothes in summer is miserable, but sometimes, at least for me, it’s actually not the thing I’m focused on, I’m just projecting. OTOH a well functioning wardrobe definitely brings peace and clarity. Sending hugs to you.

Honestly, we have radically different styles but a lot in common—including ‘hahaTheRow’! Random thoughts:

If you paired down, you’d have more money to spend per item.

I also am thinking about a mass purge, saving only suits.

I also despise tying up credit.

Saving up time for a big shopping trip… that’s what I have to do since I only have Ross now nearby…

Lisa, I wonder if the side of you that tends toward the 'vaguely dissatisfied' is blocking your view of what you DO have that is already nicely aligned with the minimalist, low key aesthetic you describe?

You recently showed us a couple of summer dresses you said you felt great in, and I seem to recall a beautiful POMP linen dress from a couple of summers ago, too, which brings you to possibly three fabulous summer dresses -- at least one of which can also be worn as a topper over pants.

The brown Mango set is simple, modern, architectural and fab. I still think you could break it up, but even if you only wear it together, I think you could casualize it by adding those chunky Sorel sandals and maybe (MAYBE) one strong accessory -- thinking slightly masculine to balance the flowiness. Fauxhawk. Minimal makeup to keep things cool. Throw a raffia/straw bag wtih it and voila!

Then there's the new blazer. Not for the 30-plus degree days, but a fab topper for evening. You showed it with a nice neutral POMP linen tee, and I could see adding a pair of neutral wide-leg linen pants -- once again with the Sorel sandals, which will be balanced by the volume of the pant. And the volume and casualness of the pant will be tempered by the blazer. That same raffia bag.

I don't know what else you have for summery tops and bottoms, but maybe a bit of playing will help get you there. (I know you don't like it, but I don't know how else you're really going to do the evaluation...)

To avoid throwing out the proverbial baby with the bathwater, I'd suggest you look again at the pieces you know you feel good in. Cuts and fits you know you feel work for your shape. Try looking at them in a different light to see if there is untapped potential... I keep hearing Amy S's voice -- PLAY with your clothes. Will a bit of manipulation or some different styling make a difference?

Maybe you are closer to your goal than you think and only need to add one or two pieces to make it all start to work?

Carol , et al - good advice, and I'm always amazed and thankful that there are so many women willing to take the time to help each other!

To be clear, I don't lack clothing. I have too many pieces that don't really fit my desired aesthetic and that I no longer wear due to this infamous career change. For example, blazers: while I love the structure and sense of formality /authority a blazer gives to an outfit, I have so little desire to wear them now. I whittled my former collection down to maybe 6 for spring/summer, but I have not worn a single one in a few years now. I even added a new one this summer and have only had it on twice I think . As I've been formulating my plan over the weekend (and now I KNOW I've been down this path before - I do love to formulate plans ) I'm going to part with all of them save the new stone coloured linen. As soon as DH leaves for work tomorrow, I'm getting to work in my closet and then taking it all straight to the Salvation Army Thrift store.

I don't need anything new - right now . I'm going to do the most major edit ever tomorrow - and I thought I had already done that earlier this spring but I obviously didn't get rid of nearly enough. It's like having a messy desk : I can't think when there is too much visual noise .

The main takeaway for me is that I hadn't yet come to terms with my lifestyle change and resulting needs. I was still operating as if I had a busy career with travel and the need for professional , modern clothing . I was also still operating as if I had a busy social life - which I don't anymore. A result of the pandemic I think, and my introverted self hasn't done the work to get that part of my life back to where it was. I'm not going to suddenly become CEO of a major company and need blazers, blouses, bags and dressy shoes .

Good luck with it all. So much advice - all really good - already.

I also have seen some really chic outfits on you that work for your desired style!

Have fun with it too!

This has been a really interesting thread.l hope you manage to find some clarity and wardrobe peace from it Lisa.

Woo- hoo Lisa sounds like a good plan for tomorrow! I have the house to myself Thursday this week and am planning on working on my closet as well! Funny, I can count the number of times I have been alone in my home.....it's a single digit number.

Sounds like bold and decisive action, Lisa! I hope it brings clarity and the breathing room you seek!

Is it the clothes that need to match your current life or is your current life missing something that your clothes represent?

Both

Ha, bj1111 made a good comment! I have both also.

A tiny bit of imaginary lifestyle, from ALWAYS , like, evening gowns.

But more, the pandemic- retirement reduction in face to face conversations, stimulating talks, plays, and of course, meaningful work.

Which used to require, or rather , allow for, some at least sorta stylish, interesting, nicely - made clothing, even though might be optional, given the casualization of all dress codes.

So that’s interesting because in the last few months I’ve really started working on my, “ now what?” list of people /places/activities. And at same time, pondering where my fun with fashion will go with it.

Good for you making a strong decision. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to purge most of 250 piece wardrobe. I would be left with about 150 pieces. I know this because I have asked the "would I buy it now?" on all pieces and this was the result. Problem is I would probably have WW3 on my hands from my DH, hence doing it slowly, so not that noticeable in our shared closet LOL. Good luck, I think you are going to feel good after. Let us know.