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Style Epiphany: How do you want to FEEL in your clothes?

catgirl

Veteran

I had a major style epiphany this morning, thanks to the leather pants. Basically, I realized that so much of how I dress is for my overactive imagination... I love these leather pants because although they are not conventionally flattering and are pretty out there, they make me FEEL the way I want to feel in my clothes. So as I was driving in to work, I made a list in my head of what that really means. Interestingly, it''s a somewhat different set of adjectives than when I think about how things look.

I want my clothes to make me feel:

Fearless
Invincible
Tough
Fierce
Strong
Unconstrained

Basically, I want to feel the way Aragorn looks. And this is why I'm good with androgynous or even butch looks at times. Clothing that makes me feel these things are BF jeans, leather, RATE, slouch, rugged, hardware, stompy footwear, oxfords, strong colors, yadda yadda - all the UWP/tomboy items.

I do not want to feel:

Girly
Delicate
Sweet
Precious
Cute
Constrained

Things that make me feel this way are delicate fabrics, pastels, ruffles and frills, feminine cuts, pumps and skinny heels, cleavage, and so on. And because I am petite, my main line of defense against these qualities (aside from my raspy voice and actual personality) is my hair and clothes.

This isn't a judgment on the descriptors I'm trying to avoid - I see lots of girly, pretty looks here that others pull off beautifully. But they are not ME, and they are not how I want to feel.

Anyone want to expound or join me in this experiment? What do you want to feel like in your clothes, and what makes you feel that way?

Dressing

60 replies

Latest reply was from

deb

Veteran

Hmmmm, interesting. I need to think about this and get back to the post.

bj1111

Veteran

so funny...i feel the most fearless and powerful, capable of doing, saying, thinking anything when i am in very structured clothing and super high heels. so structured pant suits with pointy toes stilettos, skinny jeans with platform booties and leather jacket.

i like the "tough chick" look. sndrogeny is ok, but for me, true sartorial power comes from combining the feminine with the masculine, not blurring the fem with the masc like androgenous looks do. asymmetry is always always welcome...architectural=sculptural=structural.

i feel really uncomfortable when the trends move toward too femmy clothing.

Nicole D

Veteran

I want to feel:
sophisticated
noticed (being honest) in a good way
tall
confident
put together

Pieces that make me feel so are: my nicer handbags, tall boots, white wool trench coat, blazers, silk blouses, gold hoop earrings.

Interesting exercise. Thanks for posting.

catgirl

Veteran

bj1111, thanks! To clarify, I don't mean to equate feminine with weak - on the contrary, feminine and womanly looks can be very powerful.

Nicole, I should have had TALL on my list too!

cciele

Veteran

That makes a lot of sense Una! How one feels in their clothing is so important to the image you are projecting--in particular, self-confidence. Many of my adjectives are similar to yours:
Fierce
Powerful
Bad ass

But I also like to add a bit of the yin to the yang. I have curves, I'm a woman. So adjectives there would be:
Free spirit
Sexual (NOT so much sexy, but acknowledging the womanly side)

So my clothes are often RATE, stompy, rugged, asymmetrical, monochromatic neutral, slouchy but can also be bright (like neon), low cut, and tight/short. What I like to do the most is contrast the yin and the yang (to bj's point). For example, wearing BF jeans, muscle tee, leather jacket and boots but having feminine makeup (pink glossy lips, winged eyeliner).

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I know what you mean about how you want to FEEL in clothing. I also like to feel strong. And for me that does rule out some more feminine things. I've tried ruffles and I find I don't reach for them in my closet. Same goes for most florals. Or pastels. Or dresses and skirts. I will do some lace (usually in dark tones) and the occassional eyelet in a button down blouse. I also sometimes feel that fresh, boho, nature girl vibe but don't seem to feel comfortable in long flowy anything for whatever reason. Maybe because I have a lot of wavy hair. When I feel the need for boho I reach for a long white or pale chambray button down and wear it untucked, sleeves rolled and scrunched with faded denim, sandals and a "boho" necklace. I know, what a reach, right? I guess I'm sort of "simple is better" when it comes to fashion. I want my clothing to just hint at who I am a little bit, not too much.

Diana

Veteran

I want to feel like my clothes are MINE, and not somebody else's. That's the big thing. I also want to feel confident and unconstrained and comfortable.

As for how I want people to perceive me in my clothes, I want to people to think I am interesting. My biggest fear in life is to be boring and forgettable.

kellygirl

Veteran

Interesting, Una! I have never really thought about this consciously but I think I strive toward competent, approachable and smart. Although I am drawn to UWP, I don't think of myself as "tough" although I don't mind getting my hands dirty if need be. Must think about this a bit more.

Anonymous

How I want to feel depends on what I'm doing:

Work with clients: polished, poised, not OTT, approachable, professional, indistinguishable from surroundings, inconspicuous (the focus should be on me and what I am saying etc, not on what I'm wearing).

Work at HQ: Fun, approachable, fashionable, polished, relaxed, casual.

Home and weekends: Dressed for the occasion, activity and at same level of formality of those around me.

I also place a huge value on being dressed for the weather, that includes matching colors to gloominess level. I don't like to be all bright in a cloudy day and all gloomy in a sunny day. I know, it is weird.

dicey

I really like this post. I love your words and yet they would not be my words at all. Off the top of my head I would say mine are:
Elegant
Poised
Refined
Graceful

Thanks for starting this!

catgirl

Veteran

Ooh, Dicey - I love your words too. They are what I consider feminine qualities that I greatly admire.

Zap, weather - what an great insight! I guess I could add "Prepared" to my list. Also "WARM". Weather definiitely affects my dressing mood and style.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Ah, YES. I love this, and I think it's a perfect illustration of the power of clothes and the intrinsic link between costumes and regalia and everyday clothes. I feel awful if I don't feel that I'm dressed as my "ideal self." I want to feel like a Joss Whedon Heroine.

I would say I want to feel:

Ready for anything
Fit
Rugged
Mysterious
Relaxed/Calm/Aware
Almost eccentric
"Get on with it" (as Angie might say)

I do not want to feel:

Twee
Silly
Delicate
Bohemian
Aggressive
Constrained - good one, Una!
Manly
Prim
High-maintenance

Feel-good pieces are:

Boots
Fitted jackets
Belts
Jersey tops/dresses/skirts
Long coats

MsMary

Veteran

I am all about "powerful," although my "powerful" and anybody else's "powerful" are probably only slightly similar.

catgirl

Veteran

MaryK, you know what I'm going to say... Define it!

Rae, I like Mysterious. And Ready For Anything. I almost put Prepared, but it sounded too much like Boy Scouts.

milehighstyle (Linda)

Veteran

I want to feel polished, confident, smart, feminine and bold. The elements of style that make me feel that way are sleek hair, structured clothing, hard combined with soft, the occasional ruffle, bright colors, stripes and animal prints, non-clunky shoes and unique jewelry.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Above all, I want to feel HAPPY in my outfits. I wear my heart on my sleeve and cannot hide when I am unhappy.

Part of feeling happy in my outfit has got to do with feeling:

No-nonsense and get on with it

Modern

Elegant

Ladylike

Disciplined

Polished

Uncluttered

Did I mention no nonsense??? That's very important to me.

When I feel these things in my outfit, I'm happy. And feeling happy makes me feel powerful and invincible.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Interesting.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Comfortable/relaxed (your unconstrained)
Androgynous but in a womanly way
Modern - Angie has made me realise how important this is to me
A touch of urban
A pinch of architectural

I don't want
frilly
restrained (looking at you high heels)
fluffy/cute

This is great Una you've really set me thinking.
I'm trying to think of female characters I relate to on a physical/clothing level & I don't come up with anyone. The closest I get is to a James Bond type character; he's looking relaxed wearing formal clothes - a tux - but he's ready for anything or anyone. He deals with the baddies & then with a tug on his shirt cuff orders a martini.

Talk about fantasy life (I don't really want to kill anyone) I'm just talking about the feeling the right clothes can give me:)

Sara L.

Veteran

Hmm, this is an interesting exercise. Mine are very similar to milehighstyle - polished, confident, smart, feminine, non-fussy. Being prepared for the weather is very important to me. On the weekends, I also like to feel fun and playful in my clothes.

Raisin

Veteran

Interesting Una because I identify with some of the feeling words you used, but I also like some of the fabrics you don't for those exact things. For example, I like "unconstrained" and fabrics like silk feel unconstrained to me because my skin breathes (less sweat) and they flow.

Above all I usually go for feeling comfortable because nothing pisses me off quite like uncomfortable, restrictive clothing. But I do want my comfy clothes to feel:

Modern
Edgy
Well fitted (which can include oversized, just the right does)
Minimal
Androgynous

Fun thread! This got me thinking a lot!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oooh. I love this thread.

I am with Angie that HAPPY is #1 on my list!

What makes me happy? Hmmm.....

When my clothes make me feel:

Modern
Crisp
Elegant (and yes...crisp and elegant can work against one another in a way, OR they can complement one another - the ideal outfit has elements of crisp structure and elegant drape)
Urbane
Free, unfussy (akin to your unconstrained, Angie's no-nonsense, Caro's comfortable).

How I DON'T want to feel:

Fussy
Restrained or constrained (i.e. nothing I can't STRIDE in)
Cute
Ditsy
Frumpy (well, I guess that one goes without saying, or none of us would be here!)

Anonymous

This is a fun read. I could borrow many of Angie's words. I want to feel:
elegant
modern
ladylike
feminine but not girly
interesting
appropriate (for the occasion, weather, activity, etc.)

Tina.b

Veteran

Such an interesting question, and also makes me think of the distinction between how I want to feel and how I want to be perceived.

I want to feel:

Modern
Chic and/or luxe
Like I don't agonize over how I look or what I wear, but that I put in some effort
Comfortable, but not too comfortable (if that makes sense)
Confident and intelligent
Uncomplicated
Unique
Thin

I may be asking too much out of my clothes. But I definitely feel the difference when I'm wearing clothes that make me feel this way. I think I fear feeling ordinary.

amiable

Veteran

Ooh - terrific thread - I love your train of thought!

In my clothes I want to feel (mostly borrowed from you all in this thread so far - except that once I got going and noticed they all started with "C"....)

competent - able to take on anything
confident
calm (relaxed, confident in my competence)
constraint - free (I will run in my clothes, guaranteed.)
clutter-free (not ALGO)
covered (I won't be comfortable in something that feels immodest to me)
ETA: effortless - after reading Tina's above. YES, I very much want to feel like this look was easy for me - and to portray that too. Great distinction between them Tina!

I do NOT want to feel:

precious/fussy
childish/twee/cutesy
fancy/Over-the-top
ditsy
masculine (I'm fine with androgynous, but sometime think I take it too far - I've been mistaken for my kids' dad, for example....)
aggressive
frumpy

Things that help me feel good, and so contribute to the top list even though they're not quite on there, either because they don't start with "C", or because they could go too far and veer on to the other list.

rugged
tough
elegant
comfortable
powerful
No-Nonsense

DonnaF

Veteran

AG: *Be prepared* is also a Girl Scout slogan! [And Girl Scouts to my knowledge has never been homophobic and accepts as volunteers, members, and employees people across the LGBTQIQ rainbow.]

First priority: Comfy! (vs. fiddly/fussy/scratchy)

For work (as an immigration attorney: Competent, meaning the cut/style is fairly structured, conservative, and classic even if the color(s) and color combo is not

For errands such as banking, store returns, and all those other things: Polished

Otherwise: Androgynous/boyish (vs. masculine), meaning a bit tough but with quirky and fun thrown in! I'm a bit too short to pull off a masculine look, and not nearly serious enough.

And never ever: Elegant.

Amy

(website)

Veteran

I want to feel:

Neat
Smart
Confident
Prepared
Quirky
Comfortable

I don't want to feel:

Slatternly
Restricted
Childish

unfrumped

Veteran

Elegantly active--ready & able to move quickly and effortlessly
Effortless and relaxed
Well-fitted but not tight or fussy
Powerful via polished, conservative (work) but modern look
Luxury within limits
High-low--approachable

NOT
Precious, prim, girlish
Prancy or mincy( I'm lookin' at you high heels, too, Caro!)
Contrived or trying hard
Sloppy
Brand-name/duhsigner or overly expensive-looking

catgirl

Veteran

OMG, so much fun to read these! Love the responses - I think how we feel brings up a different thought process than when we discuss in terms of how things look.

SLATTERNLY! Best adjective EVAR!

deb

Veteran

OK, I am back. Work got in the way but In between my list cam together.

Protected
accessible/approachable
together
strong
fun

As I put this list in writing it appears conflicted. I do not feel conflicted but wonder if I come across as conflicted/

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