Haven't read all of the responses, but your thread is a good reminder for us to ask each other for advice! Not just support.

Hah! I guess I am one of those veterans who from time to time will post a few outfits for praise! To be honest, I've been here a very long time and over the years many many different forum participants have told me how much they learned from my outfit posts - tying a scarf a completely different way, combining some unexpected colors, whatever... So I do know that posting my outfits has a self-congratulatory side to it, but I would also like to think that it is at the same time a service to this community. But perhaps I am mistaken.

Personally, when I am posting an outfit picture, I try to word the epilogue carefully. Sometimes, (as at the beginning of the pregnancy), I will mention the difficulty I am having with putting together trendy outfits. This usually invites more comments and ideas, and that's exactly what I am looking for. In my experience the ladies here are wonderful at reading what the poster is asking for and responding to it.

When it comes to commenting, I will admit that I am one of those participants who tend to distribute more praise, unless specifically asked otherwise. I am all for carrots! I am also not quick to help newcomers, until I understand their style and what they want exactly. When I start to see a pattern, they I try to contribute by pointing out the positive things they've been doing.

Like some others have pointed out, I also tend to keep quite if there is something I completely don't get and the poster is not specifically asking whether it is working or not, but just posting WIW. I respect their style and happiness factor. But don't take it personally if I don't comment on your thread, there are so many I miss because of sheer lack of time and the fact that the forum moves so fast.- which is a good thing.

I was nodding at every word Angie wrote (great comments from Suz, Aida, Deborah, Janet and other Fabbers too).
I will add that "silence" on my part only means that I didn't have the time to comment, nothing more, nothing less. The forum moves along at a very fast pace these days, and while I do read most threads (I monitor the forum closely), there are unfortunately not enough hours in a day to comment on every single one (as much as I would love to).
I will also not say anything that I don't mean, and try to voice my opinion in a kind and respectful way.

Great point IK, and some of us know it is not a new question on YLF.

I am always honest with my praise or compliments. I am a visual person, and if I see something beautiful, why not SAYing it OUT LOUD and proud:-)).

When I cannot relate to something in a positive way, I will not comment as I know my aesthetics it's only my very own. I will also mention, that I simply don't have the time to comment an all threads- so vice-versa of the statement here is not true! (English is not my first language, so I also make some effort to formulate and write down my oppinions in the right way-and this takes up more of my time). BUT it happens on a regular basic to have grown up to accept and see the beauty in other's very different looks to mines-and this is one reason I love to be part of YLF

When I don't like something will try to put out there in a constructive way and with the generally valid statement, that is only my very own and personal opinion, so it should be taken accordingly. (Then, I am always surprised when somebody takes comments too deep and to their heart, as- am I right?- I assume, nobody wants to hurt anybody here!)

I don't want to offend anybody, but it's completely nonsense to compliment each others here just for the sake of it... YLF is such a great place, I trully think we have to trust each other's eyes here and to say our opinions in a polite and constructive way if asked for and having the time for doing it.

YLF is a safe creative place for like minded people to play, so long as someone is having fun I will 100% encourage them and when advice is sought I will offer my tuppence worth. I try to tread the line between being truthful and respectful with care but admit that I have at times been careless with my words and caused offence.

With so many members creating so many threads it is impossible to know the motives and expectations of each poster.

There is a certain amount of decorum here that I love.

One thing I've noticed over the years is the number of times, months or years later, I'll see someone mention an off putting review they received. Realizing that "I don't like your outfit" can ring in someone's head for a year or more definitely reminds me that sometimes the costs outweigh the benefits if I don't have something constructive to add.

I think this is also part of the reason we have so much diversity here. Many of us are only willing to throw ourselves out there because we know the landing will be soft. I know for certain that if I had a 50/50 chance of being told I looked like crap whenever I posted a pic, I'd never in a million years throw a pic out there. My self worth just isn't high enough to toss myself up into the air on the unfiltered internet! I think my outfits would look worlds better if I lost 20 lbs, but I can't tell you how grateful I am that no one here ever says that to me.

I also get where you're coming from with this question. It is a question that gets posed here periodically, so others share your feelings. I think this is a great spot for leading by example. Show others the type of feedback or feedback requests you'd like to see. As others have mentioned, it can be a delicate dance. Watching others navigate a tactful response can help us all learn to help each other.

For me, I post K/R when I am unsure about an item and want feedback. Usually my WIW are more for reference points so that when I post a K/R people know what my set point is. I'm not very good with the style monikers, so I feel like it's important for people to know how I like to look and what I feel good in.

I do feel bad when I see someone looking to understand why something doesn't work, and all they get is responses telling them it looks just fine.

Traci, that's a really good point you're making. I've sometimes felt the same discomfort watching a new poster struggle.

What I've found is that usually she'll keep coming back with more and more direct questions and/or compare and contrast outfits if she is really trying to understand. And then she will start to get the more constructive feedback.

BTW, to those reading, it can be so instructive to do this. Last year I posted two outfits for comparison, asking which one did readers like best and/or see as most representative of my style.

I got a real range of responses. Most people voted for the outfit I personally felt best in. But Angie voted for the other outfit. In analyzing it later, I realized that this was partly because the other outfit included more current pieces, and Angie really loves outfits that are current (and knows that I like current outfits, too.) Meanwhile, I'd been thinking more in terms of overall silhouette and level of contrast in the outfit, vs. individual items.

This was such a helpful process for me because it helped me look at my outfit from another perspective. And also taught me how specific we need to be in seeking actual advice vs. cheers.

I try to be honest without hurting feelings. If I feel like I "know" the person a little better from their past posts I can be more direct with my responses. But I'm not really the fashion pro so I guess it's just more of a judgement call based on my own idea of style. I do hold my tongue on certain things. I try not to call attention to something that wasn't put out there for critique like makeup or hair or even the general style someone prefers. Sometimes I will say "X is not my cuppa" or whatever. To me that seems the easiest way to move on to things I feel more objective about.

I really prefer it when the person posting makes it clear that feedback is welcome or especially when they ask for specific feedback. Sometimes I do go beyond what they ask if I think they are really trying to hone in on their style, fit, color, etc. I've never felt someone take offense but I don't know because I doubt they'd say so.

I've gone back through this thread a number of times and have read all the responses and wasn't sure if I was going to respond or not.

I'm one of the people who posts a WIW thread almost every day. I end every post with the line "all comments/suggestions welcome" and I mean it. Even if I don't ask a specific question, if something's off or not working, please let me know. That having been said, seeing how it causes some confusion on the forum, I will now be specific if there are particular details I am questioning.

I do think we build relationships with certain other forum members based on similarities, lifestyles, etc. the same way we do IRL. I am much more likely to provide constructive analysis for those whose style I understand. This doesn't mean it has to be the same style as me, but a style I understand for the wearer/poster. For example, if Miss X has a boho style which I've come to know and understand for her, I can provide reasonable comments even though that isn't my style.

It is not in my personal nature to be critical and so I find this difficult. I would much rather point out the positives and tell individuals when they look fabulous. Whenever I post that I love an outfit it is because I honestly do. And if I don't post on a WIW thread, it does not mean I do not like it. It's because I can't possibly get to every post in a day - there are not enough hours. With the number of individuals on the forum now, I just can't get to them all if I want to have a life.

Maybe it all boils down to why each of us are here...I'm here to have fun, learn a little through my own WIW posts and the feedback that comes with them and from looking at other WIW posts (visuals are so instructive), and hopefully to provide a useful comment here and there for others. And sorry, but what's wrong with a little cheer leading anyway?

I suppose some people might construe "honest feedback" as "not bothering to be tactful," but certainly that's never what I advocate.

It's not really about not being tactful. As we've seen, even in this thread, a comment as simple as someone saying they don't care for an outfit can stay with someone for a very long time. Even those who welcome feedback don't really seem to want to hear it if the feedback is simply that you don't like the look or get their style.

I don't really think saying you don't care for an outfit or get someone's style is lacking tact, but you can see that those types of feedback are not what people are looking for here. I certainly would rather keep my mouth shut than hear someone echoing back my critique a year later. I hate to think my comment is nagging at someone all that time later.

A quick word in defence of new posters who make awkward comments: it takes a while to figure out the etiquette of online posting, and specifically the etiquette of this site. I say this because YLF is the first place I EVER posted a comment online. (It's still the only place I post regularly). I'm naturally cautious and cynical so I had never been moved to join a community online, and didn't know how written comment exchange is supposed to go. When I first joined, I accidentally made some errors, like making a rambly comment below one of Angie's daily blog posts rather than starting a forum thread. It took a while to figure out the vibe of the this forum, where almost everybody is very, very polite and we take care to use supportive, cheerleading language. (This is not a bad thing. It's one of the reasons I still participate). Also, jokes don't always translate well in writing. Someone who says "uh no I don't think so" about your outfit might intend the comment to be joke-y and lighthearted, not harshly critical.

As to your original question, Dana, I agree with many of the points others have made. I don't ask for much feedback myself -- I almost never post pics -- which means I don't click on a lot of WIW posts. (Also there is only so much time I can be on the forum. I've been away a lot this year because I've been so busy). When I do click on a WIW, I generally give positive feedback if I like the outfit, constructive criticism only if the poster asked for it, and no feedback if I don't like the outfit and it looks like the poster simply wants positive comments. After all, chances are I don't like the outfit because of my own personal likes/dislikes, which do not necessarily mean the outfit is bad.

Traci, I disagree that it isn't about tact. Simply saying you don't care for an outfit is not tactful. However, saying WHY you don't care for it can be done in a very tactful, kind way. Always worrying that what you say may be taken the wrong way is a good way to kill discourse.

I think this forum can be supportive and still be honest about opinions, which are of course at the foundation of fashion.

I had another thought about this. Earlier in this thread I said people seem to avoid saying negative things to me on WIWs by not posting anything at all. The other day I posted several potential outfits and asked which I should wear and I got a lot responses. They were all very constructive and very nice. So maybe that's what I need to post in order to improve my general look. I really meant it when I said I want honest opinions! But I understand people being reluctant to say something critical.

Well, I suppose it depends on what is taken for *honest feedback.* I mean, *That outfits sucks the big one* is taken for honest feedback in some corners. As are comments like *You could really use some makeup, honey* in others. I don't know, if you ask me, comments like that are neither honest nor feedback. I think they're nasty emotional dumps launched with a catapult. You know, what can I say. I wouldn't like it and wouldn't move over to make room for it.

On the other hand, I have totally been thinking lately, IK, I've been a little slack in the analysis department. I've done a lot of "Wow, love!" without saying why, which means I'm not learning anything and probably not helping anybody either. Happy emotional dumps are uplifting, but also lacking -- in the educational department.

So point taken. I'll try to shake myself awake a bit

I guess one could always include yay/nay feature for each look and judge by how many of each they get what the majority thinks anonymously. Sure, you won't get details of why, but you'll get more honesty that way, I'll bet.

Rachylou, I am betting YLF will self-regulate nastiness. They've done it before.

Hehe, IK; hehe

Mo, I feel like yay/nay votes without corresponding explanations or details are limited in their helpfulness. If I am going to get feedback that something is not working, I want to know *why.*

But shouldn't it be okay to say you don't like something, and why, and not have to filter it because your opinion is" your style" and the person has her own style and so you're not allowed to mess with her style. I can't see how that's any different from saying everything is all fab, all the time.
I always assume that My outfits evoke different reactions from different style viewpoints, and that's okay. So I may hear from someone very fashion forward that my shoes are marginally frumpy while the fellow bunion- sufferer who slso tried 20 other pairs of shoes says, those look good. So then I may have a sense that I'm here or there on the trend spectrum and think if thats whereI want to be on it.

Certainly it's okay to say "I don't like pencil skirts so I don't like your outfit which includes a pencil skirt." But really, what does that add to the conversation? What does it give the poster to work with? Even "I don't like pencil skirts because they always seem a little uptight to me, and this one is no exception" gives the wearer something to think about and consider, you know?

Hmmm...can't "poison eye" comments sometimes be helpful, though? For instance, if you post an outfit (say, Birks with a skirt), and you get ten responses mentioning a poison eye for that look, doesn't that help you gauge the "acceptableness" of the outfit in the real world?

What do people think of comments such as, "I have a poison eye for pencil skirts, so I can't comment on that portion of your outfit, but I really like the colors you've put together here"? I leave comments like that sometimes, when I want to comment on a WIW but can't get past a particular item due to my own stylistic preferences.

I like MsMary's note particularly. Saying WHY you like or don't like something (so long as it's constructive) can be really helpful. So, "I don't like this because it's ugly" is so NOT helpful. "I don't like this because I think it's cutting off your fab legs at the wrong spot" is another matter.

Typically when I say positive things it's because I really mean it. I honestly don't feel that I know enough about fashion to offer constructive criticism, so my participation tends to be when I see things that I really, really like.

Having said that, I always love to get constructive feedback. Lately I haven't really shared many of my own outfits. But in the past I've very much appreciated everyone's ideas and options. As I said, I don't consider myself to be much of an expert in this area. So it's great to get others' opinions.

Oh, I want to add onto something Mary said above. There are certain trends or clothing items that I do not like, and when I see them I generally just steer clear of commenting. Because I understand that although I may not like a certain look, that other person certainly does. And who am I to judge, really.

I don't say I like something I don't, however I don't always say that I don't. There are a few poison eye things I'll never like on anyone ever. It's pointless to comment on those. Also, if I say I like the color of your shirt, it doesn't mean that I don't like your shoes. The shirt just jumped out at me.

It can be hard to comment constructively when we don't really know the person's fashion priorities. The persona and descriptor posts were immensely helpful to me personally to help me develop my own style. It might be time to revisit those to help us get to know the new members and remind us of the styles of some of the vets. Some want to stand out, and some want to blend in while not looking frumpy. For all of us in middle America, there is locally looks got a good and YLF looks good. Those roads do not intersect. The Helmut pants I wore got good reception on YLF, but a lot of WTF looks in real life. Cleveland is not ready for the Helmut pants. Some of what I wear gets lukewarm reception on the forum but tons of compliments IRL. The common denominator is that I liked it and felt good wearing it. It can be a long tightrope to walk.

I don't look for anything specific on my WIWs, I just think it helps to make my participation on the forum better by helping us get to know each other. Somebody actually called me clueless on my very first WIW. If this sounds like you, it wasn't nice. There, now that I typed it, I can let it go. Thank you everyone else for indulging me a bit.

I don't find it difficult finding something positive to say about just about every WIW. Does that make me insincere? I don't think so. I am much more comfortable finding that positive thing I can say, than making a value judgement about someone else's fashion decisions. I just don't consider myself an expert and I'm not going to enter into that territory. If someone asks and I have a clear preference, I will answer (yes or no to the belt, for example) but if they don't, I typically will not be critical of choices they have made, no matter what my personal opinion is.

Part of this is a lack of confidence about my ability to do things like assess proportion, and part of it is my very strong belief that there is room for all sorts of fashion decisions and choices. Who I am I make the call about what someone else wears?

This doesn't mean you can't believe me. But it does mean you can pretty much count on me to say something positive.

Gigi, I think the kind of comment you mention is just great -- I do that all the time: "I will never be on board with sneakers at the office, but I sure do love the outfit from the ankles up!"

Talking In Bed

I just don't think it's that difficult, honestly. I'm reading a lot of fear, either of hurting feelings, or of being wrong. I say go for it! if you're out of line, the forum will let you know.

I still remember being called Mutton dressed as Lamb.