Honest feedback - YouLookFab Forum

lyn*

Is it bad if I say it depends on the person? Some people I know are more open to suggestions and honest feedback than others ... It's just like in real life

11 years ago

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

We go around about this occasionally and I agree with you that sometimes I hesitate to give a dissenting opinion when I'm not sure how it will be received. I used to write something like "all feedback including constructive criticism welcomed" on my WIWs but I'm afraid that too often recently I've forgotten.

I think that YLF is a lot better than a lot of other female-majority online spaces about not falling into the "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" trap but there's always room for improvement. I think it depends a lot on what the original poster is looking for - sometimes people just want to share and don't necessarily want critical feedback.

11 years ago

Aida

Veteran

Can't speak for others, but I'm always open to honest feedback. I tailor my responses per person, generally giving feedback on what they're asking for and keeping in mind their style and where they are in their journey. Most of us are here to learn, so I'd say there's place for both helpful feedback and for boosting compliments.

11 years ago

Deborah

Veteran

IK, I try to discern who wants constructive feedback, and who just likes to show us their outfits:). BTW, i think either approach is fine. On that basis, I choose how I respond. For those I know genuinely want constructive feedback, I will be honest, but kind, and always mindful of their style and what I understand they are aiming for. For those that that don't want feedback, I tend to focus on a positive and compliment accordingly. In the event that I really don't "get" the persons style or outfit, or what they are going for, I might choose not to comment.

For the record, I very much appreciate constructive comments and suggestions that are communicated kindly and thoughtfully and with an understanding that I prefer a specific aesthetic and have no desire to dress "on trend" :).

I think when we comment, it is really important to not comment from the place of our own preferences but from a place of understanding the individual style of the person and her preferences.

11 years ago

ironkurtin

Veteran

Deb, why wouldn't you say you don't get what they're going for?

Honestly it's getting to the point where I feel like I can't trust the positive notes I get because everyone loves EVERYTHING.

11 years ago

N-Marie

Veteran

If I was only looking for praise, I wouldn't bother posting. My reason for posting WIWs is to take my style to the next level, and for that to happen, I need constructive feedback.
That said, it's often hard for me to give feedback, because as a newbie I have a hard time trusting my own judgement - I often have a "poison eye" for new trends and it takes me a long time to get used to seeing them (and sometimes I never lose that poison eye!).

11 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I think when we comment, it is really important to not comment from the place of our own preferences but from a place of understanding the individual style of the person and her preferences.

Could not have said it better than Deborah, or Lyn. I try to talior the comments to the person, who she is, where she is, what she needs, and the situation. There are times when even the most confident among us needs a nod of affirmation. And other times when even the most insecure is ready to hear something a bit tough.

If we can temper the toughness with a clear-eyed perception of the individual's personal style, that really helps. That's why those who post photos relatively often along with specific questions or style musings tend to get better advice -- even if they also get more unthinking admiration (or "nicey-nicey" comments.)

11 years ago

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Ah, such a tricky line to walk. I know I want the good, bad and ugly, but I know a lot of others don't. I do get some feedback against something I may like, but I take the source into account and many more conservative dressers don't feel as I do about maybe a bold color or a short hemline. And I also know if I just don't like what someone is wearing, that is not helpful at all to them, so I keep my fat trap shut. Constructive is the key.

11 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

IK, there are a few reasons for that, I think.

Some of our regular posters are veterans. They have honed their style pretty well. It might not to be to your taste, mine, or Ms. New Member's, but it is working well for them.

Meanwhile, some of our other regular posters are newbies. They are trying to develop their style. They know they have a ways to go and they are working on it.

Honest and tactful critique can help both kinds of poster. For the first set, you might want to suggest ways they could diversify, move forward, or focus even further.

I'm not sure the second set benefits so much from "critique" as from comments about what they are doing well and what WORKS.

I know that has helped me the most in other areas of my life. When someone points out what I am doing right, I go back and analyze the rest as well, and compare. And learn.

When someone tells me what I am doing "wrong" I freeze up inside until and unless I already have a strong foundation of confidence in that area.

11 years ago

columbine(erin)

Veteran

I appreciate the wise comments above.

Yes there is room for honest opinions and feedback!

Personally, and perhaps I'm not the only one with this dilemma, I am not fashion forward and don't get it sometimes. Usually I can find something nice to say though. I figure learning and participating here will educate my eye and I'll learn to be more discerning over time and how to give more constructive feedback.

11 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Agreed with Deborah and Suz.

I usually try to add something like "suggestions welcome" on my WIWs, but if I have a specific concern or question about an item or outfit, I'll ask directly for specific feedback. But I'm always open to hearing dissenting opinions. However, I don't *think* my style is all that hard to "get." I try to land in the middle of the spectrum between whackadoodle and boring.

When I'm giving feedback, I take all the things into account that others have mentioned. I'm more likely to give constructive criticism ("have you tried this with different shoes/without a belt/etc.") if someone asks for it, or it's a forum participant I feel comfortable suggesting something to.

Honestly, if someone is really happy in an outfit and I don't love it, I probably won't say anything. Their happiness is the most important thing!

Of course, whenever these questions come up, I always have a brief moment of wondering who is holding back on criticizing my outfits! And then I remember its not all about me.

11 years ago

JAileen

Veteran

I like people to be honest, but I think when they don't like an outfit they simply don't comment at all.

11 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Nodding along with Janet -- people who ask directly for specific feedback (as in K/R posts, or posts where someone asks "This shoe/ that shoe, or another," or posts where someone says: this silhouette for me or that and why?) are much more likely to get specific, direct, and open feedback.

People who post about what they MIGHT wear vs. what they did wear also get more constructive comments.

So if that is what people are looking for, it's a good way to start.

11 years ago

Meredith

Veteran

Another thing we new members struggle with is the lack of a trained eye to offer constructive feedback. I'm still clueless about what really works, yet I want to participate. Sometimes, ylf is the best comment I can muster. For the record, I want nitpicky feedback which is why most of my photo posts will be in the form of k/r or wiw with specific questions about what to improve. I think that type of post invites real feedback.

11 years ago

Meredith

Veteran

Cross posted with you Suz. Yes, I think the way one presents a post does suggest the type of feedback they're after.

11 years ago

Aida

Veteran

Hmm I try not to put much stock into people NOT posting comments. I don't take it as an issue of them not having anything nice to say (even if that's the case), as much as the forum moves FAST and it's hard to look at and respond to everything.

11 years ago

ironkurtin

Veteran

Do you always really like what you are praising, or are you often simply being polite?

11 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Aida, yes! I remember that silence does not necessarily mean disapproval. The forum does move fast, and I can't possibly respond to everything, so I wouldn't expect anyone else to be able to either.

11 years ago

Aida

Veteran

I stand behind everything I say 100%, no false praise from me. But again, members are all at different points in their style and that all factors in.

11 years ago

LACeleste

Veteran

I only praise what I like. Sincerity is important. If my opinion is the outlier, I do not comment. If the member is asking for constructive criticism, I will give it with kindness and diplomacy.

11 years ago

Alana in Canada

(website)

Veteran

This is a great discussion. I tried to type out a response but I am tired and afraid to committ too many words to the screen at the moment. But this: you are all fabulous at giving excellent and encouraging feedback whenever I ask for it. Some day I hope to be in a position to do the same.

11 years ago

Meredith

Veteran

Agree with LACeleste

11 years ago

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I for one, do not give false praise here or in real life. But I have not been looking at WIW's for a while now, so if I don't comment, I'm simply not seeing it most likely. I'm not into copycatting looks and odd as this may seem, I don't really come here for outfit inspiration, per se. Usually it's only when I switch to the Wall view that an outfit will jump out at me and I will say so.

11 years ago

kerry

Veteran

What a great thread. I'm so interested in reading people's responses. As a new member without much style savvy, I refrain from posting too much on WIWs or K/Rs because I don't feel qualified. Sometimes, when I think I've learned something here, I'll comment more specifically (but always positively). I'm not comfortable yet giving constructive feedback because of my own lack of experience and because I don't know everyone too well yet.

11 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

First, I echo Debs, Suz and Janet.

Second, there are plenty of orphan threads that I pick up because people have not commented for reason x, y and z. That's perfectly fine. I'm happy do that - after all - this is my forum. My feedback is always honest. I am happily the tactful spanner when I think something is off. And forum members know this.

Third, there is no point in finding fault with an outfit that makes the wearer really happy. She is wearing it - not you. Find something positive to say about the outfit.

Fourth, personally, I have chosen to provide negative feedback when it is requested.

Fifth, there are posters who merely post to get praise for their outfits. They are not looking for us to critique their look. That's great too. Lets give them deserving praise.

11 years ago

E

Veteran

I don't praise just to be polite! In offline life, I'm known as the brutally honest one, but that's amongst family & close friends, with whom I have a very close relationship and who know what they're getting into when they ask my opinion. But online, I think it's important to be more tactful/oblique, because there's no body language or tone, just the bare words. And there's not the years of relationship between me and anyone on the forum either. But I never give dishonest praise, I think that's pretty pointless. If they ask for specific criticism/comparisons/etc., I'll offer my opinion, with the caveat that it's just my opinion of course.

But honestly, the forum members here have great style! So I happen to love a lot of WIW posts, and of course I'm going to say that too. ;D

I always mention on my WIW posts that criticism is welcome: I have thick skin & a healthy amount of self confidence, so I'm not easily hurt, plus a lot of the time no one else in my offline life has seen my outfits anyway, so if something's off, I'd rather know for next time. Often the suggestions I get are regarding footwear, which is really tricky for me, but at least now I know it's where I should be focusing my shopping energy/money on. But I also get fit suggestions, which are super helpful, because in the past I've not been terribly concerned about how something fits, so I'm still developing my eye for that. Perhaps I'll try phrasing my posts differently to draw more feedback, instead of saying when I loved wearing an outfit, since I can see how that could lead to people being more hesitant in critique.

The other thing is, I think picture quality becomes more of an issue when you want specific suggestions/criticisms: depending on how in focus/dark a photo is, or where the camera/mirror is held, it can be difficult to judge fit or flattering colours.

ETA: the WIW posts are one of my very favourite parts of the forum (obviously, since I came out of lurking status last year so I could continue to see them), so I'm thrilled by all of the women who take the time & effort share their outfits, whether they're looking for specific criticism or 'just praise' (really, I think they're looking for a connection over style, not just praise). I think both motivations are equally valid, and I'm perfectly happy celebrating someone's style along with them! It's like virtual people watching & I try to provide as much feedback as I have time/energy for to encourage posters to keep doing it!

11 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I always like what I praise specifically.

I might not be crazy about the silhouette, but I think the colour's great. I say the colour is great. And I either say nothing about the silhouette or talk about that -- depending on my sense of what the poster really wants.

Some posters who have honed their style don't really want me to say: I am bored of that silhouette or that colour palette or that general type of outfit. They are NOT bored. They like it and it works for them.

Meanwhile, some newer members are not ready to hear what I don't like.

If I sense that someone has reached that point -- or has a specific question that demands a direct answer, no matter where she is on her style journey, I will say what I think as tactfully as I can.

So for example when you posted your floral moto. I thought it was a really cool extension/ expansion of your style (given your love of Liberty prints). I thought it would allow you to blend the more avant garde aspects of your style with the more feminine influence in a very practical way. So that's what I said. But I had enough information about you, your preferences, and what I think looks really good on you to offer that opinion.

11 years ago

Diana

Veteran

So I think it's easier to offer criticism when the person asks specific questions, like "what do you think of the proportions here?" Otherwise I see WIWs more like seeing your friends at a party or something, you know? You'd tell your friend if you like her outfit but you'd probably keep your mouth shut if you didn't. Unless she has tucked her skirt into her underwear or something, in which case a good friend would gently tell her.

Of course things like K/Rs are different since there's a question inherent in the posting.

That said, I do appreciate any and all feedback on my WIWs! Although I admit sometimes I get a "You have a great body and you should show it off by wearing more body con things" type of comment that I tend to ignore. (This is true IRL too.). It tends to come from people I don't know well and who don't know my style.

11 years ago

Echo

Veteran

My goal would be to be as diplomatic as Angie is. She is able to give constructive advice and not equivocate, which no one else seems to be able do. In practice, however, I am not nearly as tactful despite how hard I try. So if I dislike an outfit or a component of it, I will often simply not comment at all.

Additionally, I am not 100% sure of my own style, which puts me in a delicate position if I critique someone else's outfit. If I cannot figure myself out, how can I be qualified to figure someone else out?

My praise, however, is always genuine. I usually don't comment at all if I don't like something, but when I DO like something I comment. Positive reinforcement!

11 years ago

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