I don't give praise unless I mean it. I have a lot of experience in my professional life in giving constructive criticism that is tactful and intended in all kindness, but I don't say things I don't mean, and I really doubt many people here on YLF give insincere praise.

If I'm not a 100% yay on an outfit, but I do love some element or aspect of it, I'll compliment that. But just because I call out some detail of an outfit for praise does *not* mean I don't like it otherwise!

I think constructive feedback is important - I would like to know if I look like a total arse in what I post - thankfully that has never happened (whew!). But, yes, I probably only post outfits I think look pretty good, or to share something that I found that I think is special, so I am not liable to get too much negativity. Being human, I enjoy compliments. However, I feel like there is a lot of constructive feedback given and it's usually given in a very kind way. There is almost always something positive to say about every piece. The spirit of the forum is very welcoming and warm and I wouldn't want that to change, although I remember when I first started looking at the forum, a few times I thought: "Really?" But after a while I realized that everyone has their own taste, style, and lifestyle needs which allowed me to actually appreciate things about outfits that I would have previously thought were boring or unflattering.

Oh this is a tricky topic. Sometimes I will look at a WIW and have some critique that could be negative and then when I read the other comments...which are all positive....and then think that the problem is ME and I have no idea what I am talking about. So I don't post anything.

You should, Marlene. It might bring out a few more voices and then we can get a debate going.

Marlene, I just feel like well, why harsh the buzz. Even though I don't see why it works, or if I don't feel it does work particularly well.

Janet, like you, I have to give constructive criticism often. Which is why the forum somewhat baffles me, because I feel like there isn't enough of it here.

I understand the need to be tactful and respect joy, naturally! And obviously different people want different things when they post. This is my call for more thoughtful praise as well, since praise is a huge part of critique.

Marlene, I don't think you should feel like you can't post if you're the lone dissenting voice! I am that sometimes, and I'll point out that I'm in the minority in many of those cases, and have never felt singled out for doing so.

I love to hear a dissenting voice. Love it!

It helps if I know the dissenting poster's own style. That allows me to weigh her opinion in light of what I understand of her own aesthetic.

And if I dissent I try to say so tactfully. Sometimes others' comment will make me question my own opinions. (This happened even more when I was new here.) That is good.

I would often wait to post then. I'd go back and reconsider. Sometimes my own feelings remained the same (and I would try to say so.) Sometimes my feelings would have changed, and I'll try to say that as well, because I think that's equally useful information.

I admit there are times when I do like something but don't have time or energy to give an exhaustive explanation about why. Or I feel like a newer poster who needs specific help is the one I should lavish some time on, vs. the person who is already doing great. But I want to cheer on the veteran because she took the time and trouble to post, and yeah, she looks fab!! Nothing wrong with saying it or hearing it, IMO.

And then there are other times when I am not sure about something or don't love it but don't really have energy to explain precisely why I don't think it works. So I either refrain from saying anything or wait until I do have some time to explain.

But, as others have said, not saying anything is not a sign I hated it (I might not have seen it or might have seen it and had nothing to add.)

Bring it on. I can take it. Having said that I think it depends on the person. I also realize that, personally, I need to add the phrase "constructive feedback appreciated." I often forget that just because I'm so happy to be organized enough to just get a photo up there. I don't post a lot of negative, just because I can usually find something positive to comment on - and I never make it up. Plus, I don't yet feel confident enough to point out something that just doesn't seem right to my eye. I'm getting there, though. I think this is a great place for learning and growing, and have really appreciated any comments for change or improvement. People here are mature enough to phrase things in a constructive positive, non-hurtful way. But hey, if you have something constructive to add or a suggestion for improvement, please bring it on

I should also add that I am far more likely to give an honest opinion when a person asks about what they should wear or a K/R or something like that. If it is a WIW post, then really what good does criticism do? The outfit was already worn, so making someone feel bad about it serves no real purpose unless they open the door and say that they doubted a certain element or want to change it for the future.

Along with fashion advice, I do think the forum is a form of confidence building and support for a lot of the women here including me. Thus, I do give YLF type feedback to outfits that might not be my taste but look great on that person given their style or style goals.
I do avoid constructive criticism when I am not sure it is welcome or I do not "know" the poster well enough.
I do try to mention something positive when I do make suggestions.
And I do appreciate simple "boost" comments on my posts, although I do absolutely love more detailed comments, suggestions, and criticism.

I actually would love a no hold bars dissection of some outfits but I do think the poster would have to make it very clear that is what they want. Not everyone does.

Exactly what Suz & shevia wrote Sometimes if there are a lot of new posts & I'm strapped for time I'll just do a YLF - I always mean it. It doesn't mean I would wear the outfit, it's always in the context of the particular persons aesthetic.
I've asked for the no-holes-barred comments in the past - some people respond some don't. I also work on the assumption that how someone feels in an outfit is more import than my thoughts on the subject.

I'm generally all for honest feedback. I will admit, though, that occasionally I've raised my eyebrow when for example, a new poster whom I don't even know has posted something on one of my WIW's like "I hate pencil skirts so I don't like this outfit at all." Uh... okay. And that's helpful to me for what reason?

Ha Mary. I once got "no I don't think so" as a comment on a WIW from a new poster. Um, ok?

Lol, Mary and Diane. I always consider the source. I may have gotten a few "pair it with a cardigan or chambray shirt" or "wear a scarf" and thought to myself, um, no thank you.

I had a long reply typed out, lost it, and had to leave! So now I think that most things have been said, but I'm glad you asked because I have actually been wondering about it too.

To answer something you said, I never say I like something when I don't. I'm never going to do that. If I say I like something on someone's post, they can trust that. But....there may be many reasons I don't answer when I don't like something.

1) It could be a poison eye item...like leggings or jumpsuits. As MsMary just said, I don't think it does anyone any good to hear that I don't like what they are wearing just because I don't like it. I don't say I do like it, I just don't respond.
2) When I don't like something and everyone else does, yes, it does make me doubt my fashion sense, which I constantly doubt anyway. Then I don't have the confidence to be the lone dissenter. I just wonder what I'm missing.
3) If someone is posting something they say they feel happy in and it just doesn't tickle my fancy, then no, I'm not going to say so. That would seem to be pointless and mean, and I'm glad to see Angie agree with that.

The main time I would feel it was a good idea to speak up is on the K/R posts. I think all opinions would be important if someone is deciding whether to spend money and are asking for help.

I do want to stress that for me, not answering doesn't have to mean I don't like something! If someone already has two pages of raves, I don't always add one more. Or if I'm feeling lazy! Or if I just missed it. It only sometimes means I don't like something. And so what if I don't...I'm hardly the authority!

What Caro said.

Also, Angie sets the tone here. It is different than other parts of the internet, of which I am a long veteran, I have thick skin and can handle any online community. I admit I didn't quite get Angie and what she's doing at first, but quickly came to appreciate her wisdom, tact and diplomacy -- which has been unfaltering the entire time I've been here. That is truly amazing to me. And, practicing via her role modeling was great experience that applied outside of YLF and fashion and to everything IRL as well. (Thank you Angie).

Last thought: I totally have thick skin and don't mind constructive criticism, or even outright criticism, about any of my outfits, or anything in general -- the way I think, my typos and grammatical errors, my life view, my personality -- go for it, I got thick skin because I'm more and more sure of who I am, inside.

But that said I also know I have been purposely wording my WIW posts in a certain way lately. Because I've piled on weight since January and feel all squishy and given how busy I am lately (little time to shop) it's just difficult to find clothes that fit much less are pushing the edge of fashion. Sometimes I do just want to hear a "yes, YLF" confirmation. It's like a nice dopamine boost without the chocolate.

Well, as a new member , and maybe one who is guilty (of ) posting pictures that didn't ask for specific information and feedback, I've been sifting through all of these comments trying to figure out what to say.

That's one issue.

With regards to just giving a quick positive reply back on another's WIW , I'm not really diving in with a ton of opinion as I don't feel like I know anyone well enough yet to do so. To me it would be like barging into a stranger's house and rearranging their furniture or something.

So -in thinking about this, I realize that my level of participation is really based on one response to both issues: I'm testing the waters, getting to see who has what kind of style and who I might relate to best, and just putting myself out there a bit so you all will get to know me better.

Once the familiarity and comfort level is there, I would expect to feel more comfortable posting outfits I am really worried about and would like to fix , and in return will be able to offer more constructive feedback and know it will be welcomed.

As a newbie, getting and receiving small comments and compliments is the best way to start a relationship. Does that provide some insight into the minds of maybe a few of us who are new and maybe too enthusiastic? I don't want to overstep my boundaries here nor make it seem like I'm just out to get a pat on the back.

Thanks for the opportunity to participate in this thread.

IK, this is a great thread. I have found that posting a months worth of WIW's folks told me their favorites. I was able to analyze the group response and dissect the difference in the unfavored outfits. I found this out last October when I did this for the first time. I got more responses then if I posted individually and found it much more helpful in the long run.

I like it best when someone says, this or that. Or neither. And of course it's my opinion, who else's could it be? Then yes it's possible to say, this outfit is not my favorite, but I am seeing it all over the magazines so it may be trendy.
It gets back to flattering vs trendy vs. JFE.
I tend to be rather negative and not as open to unusual looks, and thinkers conventionally about fit and proportion. So I know I'm not going to be the fashion oracle you should use to guide you into the next new thing. Sometimes I do think it's good to know how a non- expert might react- that gets back to whether someone is trying to be on the cutting edge or fringe or more " stylish mainstream" ..

I do feel foolish when I pronounce something too this or that and then the fashion wizards say its divine. Sometimes I'm able to go back and see it in a new light, but other times I wonder why bother. If I'd have said it was great, then I would have felt like a yes- man/ suck up, so then the alternative is skip the post, so then we get back to the high % of yay comments.
I do try to make a lot of positive comments to balance out!
Then I get bogged down by inconsistencies that I read. If a top is too tight on person x then how does person y ( with same build) show the same fit but gets an A+. Perhaps the persons are on a different level of readiness or need.
I feel really worried about criticisms if there is a chance the person has very few options. Sometimes that's rea lly obvious(" quick, I'm leaving in 5 minutes, is this good?") but other times I'll just be quiet because I can't tell whether I will be helpful to someone who really wants to buy or wear something in a different direction or will make a huge blunder when resources( of all sorts) are very limited.

For myself I think I should get better at asking whether something achieves a specific sort of look I want, or is something too this or too that-- which I get shy or vague in describing, or can't decide, sometimes ( still haven't got the style moniker or adjectives perfected!).

When I post I really want feed back. If there is something off to your eye tell me because that is how I learn. I love the dress on my interview post but it is not interview material and that is what I needed to hear.

This is a tricky question.
No, I don't believe in being dishonest. I don't think it's good to say you like something if you really don't.
However, there's almost always something nice to be said about a person's outfit, and I think it's often better to mention the positive than the negative unless the person specifically asks.
And another thing is that there's not just one right way to dress, so there's room for a lot of leeway in different ways to express yourself through fashion. I do have an opinion, but it's only that, and not the final word on what looks good.
So, the bottom line is that I try to be honest but tactful, and to mention the positive and not comment on the negative, and to realize that not everybody shares my opinion about what looks good.

When it comes to my own WIWs, I do welcome constructive criticism. I want to hear if you think the fit or proportions are off on something I'm wearing. Hopefully this will be expressed in a kind way, but I'd like to hear it.

Interesting thread.

I agree with most of what I'm reading here: whenever I say something positive, I do mean it. But I too try to tailor my response to the person. I look for cues like "Honest feedback welcomed," "I have a thick skin," "All comments and suggestions welcome," etc. Those cues help me know that it's OK to give a negative comment if I don't like the outfit. But even in this case, I will mention something positive along with the negative comment to balance things out. There's always something good that the poster did with the outfit, so that should be noted to build confidence.

However, when I see a post where the author says, "Wow, I felt so good in this outfit today, which I threw together in five minutes! I was flying high all day!", then I'm not going to give any negative feedback because to me, that poster is just looking to share something that made her feel happy.

I also understand the commenters who say that sometimes they don't "get" an outfit. There are some styles that I really have a hard time interpreting (I tend to be a pretty classic dresser), so I oftentimes will not comment on those or else will just point out something I like. If I truly can't get my mind around a particular style of dressing, I need to admit that and not burden the poster with my comments, which may be way off base but which also may cause her to doubt herself. I leave those posts to people who have a similar style.

As for those who feel afraid to post a negative comment when everyone else's comments have been positive, I say go ahead and do it, very politely. I love to start off a la Angie: "I guess I'm going to be the spanner here, but..." I have noticed that more often than not, once I have done that, other negative comments follow. So oftentimes people are thinking the same thing as you but are waiting for someone else to post first.

I don't praise in order to be polite; I mean it. Thanks for this thread. It's a good reminder to be thoughtful about what I say.

I am with you Lisa as a relatively new member. I love the respectful tone here on this forum and the positive vibes, but I guess we lose the constructive aspect if we become just cheerleaders.

I have only posted one WIW as an introduction (and keep meaning to do more).

I am still gauging how to provide feedback to others - trying to be honest, positive, respectful and constructive given that I don't know any of you well or what space you are in.

Interesting thread, thanks.

This thread was really interesting to read.

I do post constructive criticism sometimes, but am more likely to post unqualified praise. And there's a bunch of reasons for that, a lot of which other people have mentioned.

A big one for me is that I have only so much time to spend here. So, when time's short, posting a few quick compliments on whatever catches my eye first is the fastest way to keep myself in the habit of participating, not just lurking. And I'm pretty non-confrontational, so figuring out how to couch criticism constructively and thoughtfully enough that I feel okay giving it can feel like too much work if I'm not in the right mood.

Also, I'm a fairly new poster whose style isn't super-adventurous or super-refined, so I sometimes think critical comments I make may come across as clueless, especially if I don't have time or energy to explain my thinking in detail.

I'm more likely to say something constructive if it's a K/R or a specific question, as other people have mentioned. I'm also more likely if something jumps out at me as a fairly easy improvement or seems slightly off in a way that's fun to figure out, and less likely if something's just not my taste or I don't get it.

For my own posts, I sometimes forget to mention directly, but I definitely appreciate constructive feedback. I've certainly learned from comments I've gotten. Although, like others have said, I do sometimes add my own filters for comments that seem less relevant to me. Which may or may not include phrases like "crisp white shirt" or "just tuck and belt with jeans."

When I first joined the YLF forum I just assumed that anyone who posted a WIW wanted honest feedback or constructive criticism. Hahaha! I learned very quickly that that was not the case - and now I am very careful to pay attention to what the poster is wanting when they post a WIW.

At times, I feel that the forum skews heavily towards cheerleading rather than helpful feedback - although I recognize that for some, cheerleading is helpful feedback. But, it does make me question whether or not I can trust the feedback that I get from people. Are they all just being polite???

I was just talking to another YLF member a month or so ago, and asked her the same question that you have posed - are people really giving honest feedback? Just today someone posed the question if what they were wearing was too young looking - and I thought that it was - and said so, since that is what she asked. Later, I went back and read other people's responses to the question and not only did they think that it was not too young looking - but they thought it looked great on her! - and I just scratched my head, because I really cannot believe that I was the only person who thought it was too young.
It's times like that, that I wonder if people are being honest. (Or, perhaps I really don't know what I'm doing and have no idea what "too young" means.)

Since I have limited time to spend on the forum, I am much more likely to respond to an actual question that someone has posed about their WIW - rather than respond to someone who is simply showing us her WIW.
Also, I appreciate the vulnerability that people are risking when they post a WIW - and try to always be respectful and kind - even if I'm not liking the outfit.

And finally, YES, I give honest feedback - if asked.

I prefer not to comment on an outfit I don't 'get', unless answering a specific question.
Given the usual time-constraints I usually look at 'the wall' and comment on the WIWs that appeal to me.
For myself I love the constructive comments and appreciate other's POV.
They are a great honing-my-style tool

IK, if I give praise, I always mean it:). Re not saying that I don't get what someone is trying to achieve, I would if I felt I knew them well enough, but I also recognise that we are all on a journey. YLF has actually taught me tolerance, understanding and acceptance of others' style. Pre YLF I had awful internal conversations with regard to other women's style. I was very critical and only saw style from my perspective. So for example, if someone prefers mumsy, suburban, non fashion forward outfits (forgive the stereo types) who am I to suggest they should do otherwise, unless of course they ask. In that instance I might comment on how the proportions, lengths, or mechanics of the outfit could be improved. I see this site as being as much about empowering and encouraging women as it is about fashion. I do appreciate this thread IK, I think it's good to discuss these things and it's threads like this that provide the opportunity to get to know one another better and, as a result, potentially create more meaningful input on one another's posts.

I think that constructive criticism is warranted and acceptable , even expected from this forum... I would note that if it's just your poison eye or if someone else has a style that is vastly different than yours, then it isn't constructive...
For example I love color and more maximal dressing and would never be comfortable with a minimal style... I do appreciate when someone points out that perhaps I went over the top because it is something to ponder. Any and all comments are food for thought , some help and others just reaffirm my own confidence in my personal style... Since no one here seems to be toxically motivated, I feel this is a very safe place.

OK, I'm going to be a spanner because I don't think "being honest" about my negative reaction to someone's WIW is a good idea, even if the person asks specifically for feedback. Answering a specific question like "Should I tuck this shirt in or leave it out?" might be OK, but saying publicly that I don't like what someone is wearing is a minefield I don't want to enter.

Calling it "constructive" criticism doesn't take away the sting if I accidentally hit a nerve and my fumbling explanations might just make matters worse. I'll offer my critical evaluation in areas where I can claim to have some knowledge, but my lack of expertise in the fashion realm means that I could only offer a highly subjective, and therefore mostly worthless, evaluation about another person's style choices. Best to leave the thumbs down comment to the real expert here, Angie.