Funeral attire - is this okay? - YouLookFab Forum

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Funeral attire - is this okay?

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

I'm attending my Grandpa's funeral this coming week and I would really like to wear a classic, simple dress.
I have this dress (photo 1) but I feel like it's a summer fabric, so not appropriate for a fall funeral in the Bay Area. Am I being too literal?
I also have this dress (photo 2), but I do not think it's appropriate.
Lastly, I have this dress (photos 3-6). It's perfect. Except it does odd things to my chest. Even my husband thought so and he usually only says "I like it" when I show him potential outfits. The dress is a size too big, but because of the fit, I don't think that shows except in the chest area.
I have time to swing by the Rack tomorrow to search for a dress, but I want a "fall back" in case I don't find something. I don't want to run all over town and stress right before I travel, and especially considering the circumstances.
I would probably want to find a simple black pump or a darker camel colored one. Would nude fishnets be okay?
This last dress is Taylor, so it's a great ponte knit. I'm hoping I find another one because they travel so well.
Oh, another option is photo 7. Since it is a Christian funeral, all-black is not necessarily expected. I personally would feel better in a simple dress, but if dress 3-6 is too big and I don't find something at the Rack, COULD #7 work (with simple black pumps)?
Thank you in advance.

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Dressing

35 replies

Latest reply was from Laura

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

If you're cold, you will be miserable- forget #1. I don't see the issues with the chest in #3, but you and your hubs do. If you're self conscious you won't be comfortable- forget #3
#7 is absolutely appropriate and looks gorgeous on you.

Jonesy

Veteran

I think because the fabric is black, I can't really tell what's going on with 3-6...Is it sort of poofy, like you can't quite fill it out, since it's a size too big? If it were me, I would probably just wear it, since it seems understated and funeral-appropriate, rather than searching for a new dress at the last minute, but if you feel somehow uncomfortable in it, then maybe a dark skirt and top, or dark pants and top? Just my two cents.

tarzy

Veteran

My two cents - I wouldn't wear #7. You look great, and it's a nice outfit, but I think you might feel underdressed, seeing this is your grandfather's funeral. Even if others are not in black, I think you might feel more respectful somehow in black. I could be totally wrong though. I know many people do not wear black at funerals these days.

Could you wear #1 or #2 with a jacket?

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

You can layer a black top under #2 for warmth and then add a jacket on top - or just top it with a jacket if it is not too cold.

Kyle

Veteran

I agree with Tara about number 7, and I am not able to see a problem with 3-6, which does look spot on in terms of style, etc. I have a great black faux wrap dress that I wore to a relative's funeral, and now I reject that dress every time I grab it to wear for something else. I identify it as the funeral dress. I'd hate for you to stress about finding something new, Sarah, and I am sorry for your loss.

anne

Veteran

I think outfit 7 is okay, but my opinion is not worth much because I am in a different country. (I wore grey/black to my grandmother's, flowery black to my grandfather's and a black top and muted purple to my father's- all Christian funerals)
I like 3-6 too but we really can't see the chest problem in the photos.

So sorry about your grandfather Sarah.

Steph

Veteran

Sarah, I'm so sorry about your grandfather.

I think that either dress 1 or 2 with a cardigan or a jacket would be fine. What did you think was inappropriate about 2? I didn't see any cleavage.

Alternatively, do you own a dark suit? That's usually my funeral fallback.

If it were me, I would forgo the nude fishnets and either wear nude hose or sheer black hose. It just seems less trendy and more respectful to me.

Maya

Veteran

Sarah, I'm so sorry for your loss.

When it comes to funerals, I think simple and conservative is the way to go. I'd go for plain sheer hose--nude or black, but probably black just because I think they'd get more use. You want to look nice to show respect, but going to trendy or "wow" makes it seem like you put more thought into the outfit than the circumstances at hand--which is not necessarily true at all, but that's what it conveys. Even in muted colors and with simple pumps, I feel like 7 is too fashion-y and casual.

Can you throw a coverup, like a jacket or cardigan over #2? Cami?

Christie

I'm sorry for your loss.

I do like the third dress. I also like the skirt outfit too. I'd wear a darker hose, rather than nude, and dark shoes too.

Debbie

Veteran

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I like dress #3.

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Sarah, I hope you and your family find comfort in each other at the funeral. Like many, I can't see the fit issue with the Taylor dress, but agree with others that a cami and jacket, or even a cardigan - maybe a belted boyfriend cardigan? - could work with dress #2. Have a safe trip, we'll be thinking of you.

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

If you all think the Taylor dress (#3) looks okay, then I'll just take that (if I don't find something today). Like some of you have said, I doubt I'll be concerned much with my dress the day of to even notice how my top half looks. I just don't want to look strange. Are bare legs a no no? Any advice for bare nude hose? I'm not a fan of sheer black hose.
I can try the dress #2 with a cover up, but it's very form fitting. Plus, I like the idea of just packing one dress and not multiple pieces to make it work (which is why I wasn't excited about #7, and I do understand why it isn't nice enough I think).

Laura

(website)

Veteran

I do think #7 is nice enough, and I like the colors. They are soft and muted and would be very suited to a funeral, in my opinion. But I bet you will find something today, and if not, you know you don't need to panic because you have #3.

Fran

Listen, #2 dress looks like you're going to a cocktail party, BUT put a blazer over it and you're good. I think nude fishnets are appropriate anywhere, but I'm weird that way, and some people might think fishnets are inappropriate for a funeral.

I like outfit #7, but it's too casual-ish for a funeral.

#3-6--- nice collar, but the dress makes you look heavy. There I said it.

#1 is OK.

So I vote for #2 with a blazer.

Kristine

Veteran

I'm sorry for your loss Sarah.

I agree with the overall consensus. #2 has potential if you can cover your arms, have you tried the cardigan in #7 over it? I think #7 on its own is a bit too casual, but not too far off. With the right accessories (dressy formal like pearls) it could work. Have you tried another color shell (black, grey or navy) under the cardigan?

I think funerals are one of those formal occasions where you should wear stockings, especially with a knee length skirt. Nude fishnet should be fine especially if your outfit is conservative.

Queen Mum

Veteran

I'd go with #3 or 7. The first two are really too form fitting to be unquestionably appropriate.

Steph

Veteran

Sarah, I actually do think that bare legs are okay (and I didn't think fishnets would be appropriate, so take that for what it's worth), but if you want to purchase nude hose I would recommend Calvin Klein, which I find hold up really well. If you would like some extra support, Spanx puts out a great nude hose. Donna Karan's the Nudes line are very sheer and I know a lot of people who are big fans, and I find that Ann Taylor's nude hose have great colors for matching skin tone (although I tend to get runs in them after a few wears, but I can be kind of hard on my hose). Obviously, I have a lot of experience here--as an attorney who would go into court, I have had to become very familiar with the world of nude hose.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sarah, is it cold in the Bay Area? You'll need a coat or trench to wear over the dress I think. Nothing flashy. Plain simple hose and classic pumps. You could also wear a black skirt and black top.

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

It will be 60 degrees, so yes, I'd need a trench. I spent about 6 hours today shopping for another dress and came away empty. So I'll put together a few things with what I have and go from there.
I WILL need to purchase some simple black pumps as I do not own any.
I do have a black trench after all, but it is covered in cat hair and needs a few buttons sewn back on. I"ll try to clean it up and sew on the buttons for your approval before I go.
I do not have a simple black top. I DO have an ink blue silk top (pictured below) that I could wear with a black pencil skirt and cardigan.

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Sarah

(website)

Veteran

Or I can just wear the slightly too big dress and get some black pumps and call it good. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm sick of shopping.

Traci

Veteran

I honestly think that perfection is not necessary under the circumstances. I would clean up the trench coat, sew on the buttons, wear the slightly big dress and the nude pumps you show in the pictures above. You will look perfectly appropriate.

Steph

Veteran

Sarah, I agree with everything Traci said. The key here is looking appropriate and respectful, and all of these choices work well (and you look good in all of them--really!). I also agree that the nude pumps are a good option and you can definitely wear those.

Anonymous

Sarah, I'm sorry about your grandfather. About wearing the dress that's a bit too big, could you pad your bra? Silly, I know, but may do the trick. The nude pumps you show look like they would be fine.

MsMary

Veteran

Team Traci. I'm sorry for your loss, Sarah. Hugs to you and your family.

Jen

Member

I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

The Taylor dress (#3) will work - from the pictures, I can't even tell the top is too big! The dress I wore to my Grandpa's funeral last year hasn't been touched since then..

I love outfit in photo #7! (Just not for the funeral.)

bj1111

Veteran

sarah,

i'm so sorry for your loss. i'm sure poppy was a great grandfather and you had a wonderful relationship with him.

shopping for a funeral is not something anyone relishes...it's ok. reach into your closet, pick something reasonably appropriate and concentrate on celebrating your poppy. alternatively, you can wear something that you think he would have liked to see you wear as a way to honor him.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Sarah, I can imagine that shopping for this funeral is not something that's fun. I'm so sorry for you loss.

If you feel fine in #3 and it won't add any discomfort I'd got with that dress. I also think the ink blue blouse with a black skirt and blazer or cardi would be totally appropriate as well, so if that would be more comfy on a fit level I'd go with that. Good luck. Hugs!

Debora

Veteran

Sarah, I can't add anything to what's already been said. The ladies have given you excellent advice as to what to wear. I did want to send my support and to let you know that I will be thinking about you at this very difficult time. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sounds perfect, Sarah. You'll look fab no matter what. It's done.

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