Fabulous Old Ladies - YouLookFab Forum

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Fabulous Old Ladies

Peri

Veteran

I read somewhere that old age begins at 10 years older than your own age. Funny but true, it's all relative. When I turned 50 it was such a shock I couldn't even say the words. Even in my own mind I would cringe away from them. I'm 54 now and I don't remember when I turned the corner, but now I don't mind saying it. As if somehow 54 is not as bad as 50. Basically, I want to own it. This is what 54 looks like.

I'm wondering who else is 50-plus. Angie has said she loves us! Who are we?

And I'm also wondering if we can all please stop describing something as looking old lady. Said like that's a bad thing. Even if an official old lady says it, it still sounds like a put down. Like if I, at 54, said I won't wear something because it looks old lady, it sounds like I am insulting my own peers or saying I'm better than those other old ladies. Old lady used as a synonym for out of style, fashionless, unflattering, tacky. Oh, I'm not one of them...they are 10 years older than me. We don't insult other groups of people this way, but somehow old lady gets tossed around a lot.

I am a proud old lady. I have gotten rid of clothes that I will call dated, out of style, fashionless, unflattering. But I won't call them old lady. The two are not the same.

General

105 replies

Latest reply was from E

Liz

Veteran

Age perception is a funny thing. I don't consider 54 remotely "old lady"! When I think of "old lady," I think of a woman who is elderly, which in my mind is 80s-90s.
That said, someone called me "young lady" the other day and I nearly snapped at him. I am not, by any accounts, a young lady. I'm in my 40s; I'm middle-aged, I'm fine with that.

Aleta

Peri, I am happy to say that at 53 I am a member of the over 50's club. However, I don't consider myself or my peers as old ladies, nor someone ten or even twenty years older. I think it is all to do with your outlook, and attitude at any age, and how you choose to present yourself.

When we use the term "old lady"
to describe something as unfashionable or frumpy I think it refers back to the time when fashion was considered the preserve of the young. Nowadays our lives have changed and we are more aware of fashion and style whatever our age.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

When my mom passed away, she was 80, and I still didn't think of her as an old lady.

I rarely even think of myself as middle-aged, even though 50 is not far away for me. Maybe I'm just in denial. That's ok, I'll take it.

Age is all relative. I'm sure a teenager could look at me and think "old lady" and someone who is 80 could see "young lady." I just can't bother to be offended either way.

jen

We really do have to become more aware of what we say in throw away coments (especially in our culture where youth is valued and old age is not) example:

- having a senior moment
- it's because I'm getting old

and not to mention all the lovely names cosmetic companies like to call them
- crows feet
- vampire lines

Its a shame we don't value our elders for their wisdom like a lot of the Asian and European countries. We just seem to obsess over not looking like them.

Isis

Veteran

I agree with you , Peri.

Own it.

I am 57 and this is what (some) old ladies look like.

When they think of Santana. In a locker room.

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Gaylene

Veteran

Well, seeing as 65 will be my number in a couple of months, I definitely fit the 50 plus category on this forum. I've never made a secret of my age because I've never wanted to be younger.

But thank you for starting this thread, Peri, because I've always been bemused by people who think the highest compliment that they can give me when they learn my age is "But you look so much younger.." Hmm, no, I don't resemble what I looked like in my 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s at all (some really bad hair and clothing styles in those pictures!), so exactly who, or what, stereotype are you using as a benchmark when you tell me I don't look like a woman in her mid- sixties? When I look at my friends who are my age, most of us look pretty much alike. We go to the gym regularly so we are reasonably fit, we take the time to look presentable when we leave the house, and, as much as possible, we live our lives just like we did a decade, or two, or three, ago. I can still ski a black diamond run, just not as recklessly as I did a couple of decades ago.

I'd like to think the group of women on this forum are too smart to stereotype each other or use careless comments like "old lady styles" or "that's something my mother would wear", or "grey hair doesn't look good", or "you need to wear heels with those pants". If I'm 65, my style isn't going to be the same as someone who is in her 30s or 40s--and, while I'm at it, yes, I'm probably the same age as your mother so it might be appropriate for us to dress alike. My grey(ing) hair looks good (at least that what my 20-something stylist keeps telling me--even though I resemble Helen Mirren the way most 30-year-olds resemble Kate Moss), and yes, I sometimes have to wear flat shoes with those pants because I can't walk in heels the way I used to a couple of decades ago.

Becoming an older woman is interesting, but not always fun. Even though I'm lucky to be reasonably fit and healthy, I'm starting to deal with some of the natural processes that happen to our bodies as we age. But, inside, I think I'm pretty much the same person.

Pame

Ladies, if this is 'old lady', bring it on! Keep on rockin'it it! We ARE the Beat Generation! Forever Young - Dylan and Baez. Sing it now!

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MRL

Veteran

Hi ladies! I'm 57 and don't consider myself an old lady at all! I do think that some people sort of give up as they age, but I feel as if I have grown into my own style. I like to keep up, but no longer feel as if I need to wear every trend out there. Learning to "just say not for me" was huge.

Pame

http://www.dailymotion.com/vid.....oung_music

Pame

And.....because we can.....one more time!

http://www.dailymotion.com/vid.....oung_music

Nebraskim

Veteran

58. was told recently I look 48. Not sure if that's good or bad.

Peri

Veteran

My point is really more as Jen and Gaylene have commented. It's just that out of the fabulously kind and friendly people on this board, I still read something described as old lady almost daily. Women who would never dream of insulting someone still feel like it is okay to use old lady as a code for bad fashion.

Like any other stereotype, sometimes it fits and sometimes it doesn't. But we would never dream of calling up one of those other stereotypes, so why are we using this one? Just say dated or unflattering or that it isn't to your taste.

I agree with Gaylene, that "looking so much younger" just reflects our culture's negative feelings about 50-plus women. What does everyone think we should look like? Why is there this surprise? This is what 54 looks like!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Just for anyone who hasn't seen this - it's long 40 mins ++ but so worth watching imo. These women are some of my old lady role models:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4znrNtLKDE4

DonnaF

Veteran

I'm 60 and I'm learning and working hard to embrace my age. In June 2012 I stopped coloring my hair. When people say that I don't look my age, instead of thanking them I will say, "No, this is what X age looks like." My hands are claw like due to the chronic disease I developed about 14 or 15 years ago; they will never go back to normal. As part of self-acceptance I started to wear nail polish for the first time in my life a couple of years ago after reading hints on YLF.

I will admit that one of the galling things about growing older is that I can't wear the footwear I like, and that part makes me long for my 20s -- but not the stupidity! Got another call/text from my 20 year old who fell down another flight of stairs due to wearing heels combined with inattention. At least this time she's not in crutches (to my knowledge).

I will say that I find certain cuts, prints, and fabrications instantly aging so I won't wear them. Pre-YLF, I probably wouldn't have noticed, and if I were a decade or two younger I doubt those same items would have aged me as much. That being said, my mom who is nearly 89 and now around 5' tall has a hard time finding appropriate dresses and the like, not that she really goes anywhere calling for such attire.

Pame

R E S P E C T, just a little......

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anne

Veteran

Thanks for the wake up Peri - I don't know if I was among those using those words but I'll avoid them in the future!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Proud to be counted - I'm in the 50 plus crowd.

Also guilty as charged. I was the one who associated elastic waist velour trousers with elderly women.

It wasn't meant to be a put down of elderly women -- though I could see how someone might read it that way.

For the record I don't consider 55, 65, or 70 to be "elderly." Elderly isn't really an age at all, in my mind. Perhaps it is more about the way of being in the world (including fashion choices) than it is about the number.

So when I say, those look like something an elderly woman might choose, I'm not thinking about how many years she has been on the planet. It is more about someone who sees herself as old in a particular way and dresses and acts accordingly. There's nothing wrong with being old and owning it! On the contrary. But some clothing seems almost designed to let the person hide. Yesterday I used the word "abdicate." That's sort of what I am talking about.

So maybe that is what I should say in future...that style feels like a no-style to me. A sign of abdication. And forget the reference to the elderly. After all, I abdicated myself pretty thoroughly in my 30s and 40s, when no one would remotely have called me old. It's not a function of age. Thank you for that reminder.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I love these threads. Thinking of the fabulous women here has saved me from many a down thought (50 minus 2.5 years).

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I love what Suz said. Sums it up well for me.

carter

Veteran

Well, I turned 50 today, so I'm in the group!

Anonymous

dressing old, dressing young. It's very interesting that dressing has an age. I'm an old lady (50 soon 51) and sometimes I don't get dressed at all, but only if I don't leave the house.

Runcarla

Veteran

53 and loving every year that got me here! Below my favourite picture of the year...what 53 (and 24) looks like!

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Gaylene

Veteran

I don't think anyone in this group needs to even think of apologizing--if there is a more tactful, caring fashion group on the Internet I'd like to see it!

But I do get a bit worried at how sometimes we might inadvertently cause people distress because their fashion choices aren't as flexible as we might imagine. One of the joys of this site is we truly believe that a woman of any size, shape, age, and physical condition ought to be able to feel fabulous in her clothes.

In my mother's case, her desire to look fashionable didn't decline in her late sixties and early seventies but the ravages of Parkinson's made it difficult for her to manage dressing on her own if the garments had buttons or zippers. Having to resort to elastic-waisted pants was a huge blow for her self-esteem. And, in my mid-sixties, I'm starting to learn that I can't follow "rules" as easily as I once did. Those floor-skimming pants might make my leg line look longer, but the cost might be a very real risk of tripping over my pants when I walk--not a pleasant prospect given my age.

And while I adore the "you go, girl" emphasis on looking fierce at fifty, smoking at sixty, and scintillating at seventy, I'm also enough of a pragmatist to realize that most of us won't look anything like the pictures of celebrities that are held up as examples of fabulous aging women. Maybe if I had a personal trainer, a talented hairdresser, a brilliant photographer, and a good PhotoShop editor, I'd stand a chance, but no such luck. Most people would think it rather insensitive to hold up a picture of Kate Moss' bikini body as something every 40-year-old mother ought to strive towards, but there seems to be no such restraint when a picture of a bikini-clad Helen Mirren is shown to an older woman as emblematic of how she could look in her 60s.

I've been extremely lucky so far, but the future has a way of holding all kinds of surprises. I'm kind of of counting on this group to help me navigate the next few years especially if I have to learn to handle some of the not-so-fun aspects of growing older. No pictures of Helen Mirren, please, but lots of hand holding as I'm trying to figure out how to keep my fashion vibe going as long as possible.

Susie

Veteran

I am 51 and I don't mind saying 'this is what 51 looks like.'

I like and agree with what Suz said.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Gaylene, that is excellent point. And really...when I mentioned my poor mother and her pants, I was doing her a disservice. She's not really abdicating. There are health issues that make it difficult for her to wear any other sort of trouser. I think she could do a bit better than the ones she's chosen...and I do try to nudge her in those directions. But she's resistant and she has her reasons. Which I need to respect.

Most of us here have fit or other issues that can prevent us from wearing specific combinations or some types of items. To take a relatively trivial example, no matter how often somebody suggests to me that I should try an outfit with a low vamp flat shoe -- it's just not going to happen. 1. I can't keep them on my feet, and 2. Even if I could I really only have a few months a year to wear such shoes so they seem impractical and 3. They are uncomfortable for me. That's not such a big deal -- but you're right that as we age, we accumulate more and more of these small challenges. I already have a few myself -- for example, necklines.

And some of us have health problems that add an additional set of obstacles. These can limit our choices. But we still can try to look our best within those limitations and occasionally we might find that the constraints can be spurs to greater creativity. To the development of a genuinely personal style as opposed to a slavish copying of fashion?

Lyn D.

Veteran

52 years young here and I agree with Suz re old being a way of behaving/dressing rather than a number.
My closest friend started referring to falling over as 'having a fall' and suddenly I feel as though she has become 'old' in her fifties!
Until my Mum began talking about the down side of 'growing old' I didn't consider her to be old either.

Catnip

Veteran

I'm probably the oldest person here. I'm 70 and proud of it! I'm interested in fashion but have absolutely no desire to look young. I simply want to look the best I can given my limitations.

To me, there is nothing that looks more ridiculous than an "older woman" trying to look much younger.

My goals are to maintain a healthy weight, exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep and have a cheerful disposition. I gave up smoking in 1976 and drink in moderation. Fashion is the frosting on the cake.

Anonymous

I'm an over 65 and whole heartedly agree with everything that Gaylene and Suz said.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

"I am a proud old lady. I have gotten rid of clothes that I will call
dated, out of style, fashionless, unflattering. But I won't call them
old lady. The two are not the same."
Hear, hear! Well put, Peri, and I agree wholeheartedly. I'm 55. Somehow I was fine being 54, but when I turned 55 last summer I just didn't really want to face it. Oooh, numbers can be daunting and can sure catch me off guard!

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