Oh I didn’t want you to keep your musings to yourself! I love the long threads! It was my musings really about whether reading back on your own previous thoughts might help you. Re-reading my own threads helps me. Maybe I am more self-absorbed than you doing that!

Learning opportunities?

I absolutely understand that quarterly (ha - didn't think it was *quite* that often , but..) meltdowns are tiresome.

What makes me laugh though is how the intent of this post got so far off track. I was interested in who else felt that she didn't have access to the kinds of clothes they really wanted, and thus ended up with a collection of not-quite-as-great items. That was it. Somewhere along the line - it derailed, I know it and apologize for it. When I apologize or note that I need to keep my thoughts to myself, that's all I mean. I'm not being a 10 year old threatening to go home because she's not having fun but secretly wants to be urged back. Writing disguises tone. Or at least for amateur writers like me

Thread ended .

I did not read every single comment, but it seems to me that when the Forum offered you very constructive and well-meaning comments, you did not take it in the vein in which it was offered. I don't think either JenniNZ or Delurked were offering criticism, they were genuinely pointing out some problems that might have helped you resolve some of your issues. You reacted defensively when that posture was not warranted.

I understand the concept of musing. But if you only respond to positive feedback, can you learn and grow or are you doomed to keep repeating the cycle because you refuse to entertain new ideas?

I see you ended this thread.

However, like RunCarla, I too did the work that was needed to help me evolve my style and focus my wardrobe.

#1. I sat down with pencil and paper and mapped out my real (not imaginary) lifestyle. It wasn't eye opening. On some level, I already knew what my real lifestyle was, I just hadn't admitted it to myself. Example, I do not spend lots of time in winter ski chalets, yet I insisted on buying clothing for that exact lifestyle. Slaps forehead.

#2. I did not identify my style descriptors or fashion persona. This step was exceptionally difficult for me. No words or pictures defined me.

#3. I did not identify or honour my shadow personas. I don't even know what this means. I must have missed some very important Forum posts.

#4. Figure out a realistic budget and stick to it. I did this. I had no choice though. Just a fact of life for me.

#5 Be prepared for change (and an opportunity for growth) when life throws you an unexpected curve. I was lucky. All the work I did previous to 2020 put me in a really good position for the rest of the year (unless I start to gain weight). At this moment, I have no needs. My current wardrobe covers every possible situation. Ok. Maybe I do want more cotton tee shirts. But I can live without them.

It's a shame threads tend to end when we get to the core of the really interesting, thought provoking and sensitive topics. Just a sigh from the other side of the screen! Not sure I would have liked a discussion to derail too much to make a greater point on my own expense though....

Synne -- I don't understand your last sentence. I don't think anyone was disrespectful or derailing the thread at Lisa's expense. The subject might have strayed a bit from her original intention. I jumped in on page 4, not having read all the previous comments. I thought the comments I did read were all trying to be helpful.

Did I come across as being disrespectful? I promise you that was never my intent. I can't imagine for a minute that comments from JenniNZ, Delurked, or RunCarla were meant as anything other than constructive and honest.

I'll stop commenting now because perhaps I did miss the point. If so, I am sorry for any miscommunications.

No, Sterling! I especially loved your contributions here! Awkwardly trying to express my self in a second language here... I mean, I can relate to LisaP wanting to shut the thread down when it feels too personal, when that maybe wasnt the intent of the thread... This is why I try to shy away from "deep" discussions here, I LOVE reading them but fail miserably when I try to jump in! You didn't sound disrespectful at all. Quite the contrary.

Thank you for reassuring me, Synne. I was concerned that I somehow derailed the conversation. Best wishes to you and your Loved Ones.

Hi I took absolutely NO offense to anything said! By anyone! Touche means - point taken, or "good one". Jenni and Carla are both absolutely right, and I don't mind being caught out on my own BS. Both of them are straight talkers, and know they can communicate with me in that vein because I'm one too. It didn't bother me in the slightest. The only reason I ended the thread is because it got embarrassingly off track . But hey - carry on - I don't mind at all!

Well heck, just when I was finally getting around to thinking about this! Yeah, I’m a day late and a dollar short.

Back to the original questions:

Do you own the clothes you really like and want? Can you find them easily at retail? Are you projecting the image you want?

Well, yes and no.
Mostly yes.

I do own clothes I like and want. But I see things online that I like and want that do not suit my body, lifestyle, or budget, so I don’t have *all* the stuff I want. Despite my love for shopping and fashion, I am hugely practical at heart, so I never go far down the path of choosing things that don’t suit my life or my style. I do fall into the trap of wishful buying sometimes, but I’m getting better. That occasionally ends up manifesting itself in the form of either clothes that don’t really look good on my body, or are just a bit too precious or fussy for my messy life.

It has been harder to find things at retail in the last couple of years. For one thing, I’m getting pickier. And then there is the fact that b&m stores are not what they once were (before Covid 19 — they’ll be even less after this). I’m not as fond of internet shopping but we do what we must.

Am I projecting the image I want? Hmm. I’d say usually I am. I’m getting better at styling what I do have to make it work for me, and at letting go of things that appeal to me on some level (“but it looks so good on so-and-so!”) but just don’t work for me, despite my best efforts.

My biggest issue with not being content with my style is actually how clothes that I like but that don’t like me back fit my body. I try on something that looks cool and easy on someone else (for instance, any of the trendy jeans that Angie or kkards wear so well, or the cute shift dresses that look adorable on so many other women), and they look matronly or tortured and ridiculous on my body. But it just means that I have mostly decided to keep working with what I know works on me, flattery-wise, because feeling good in my clothes is more important than being trendy. I don’t want to be in a rut, but for the most part, I think I know what works on me in terms of color and silhouette,
and I don’t feel the need to mess with it too much. If I can put together an outfit that has a little bit of edge or a touch of masculinity even, a hint of sportiness or nonchalance, and some structure, I’m usually content.

There is definitely a seasonal component to all this for me too. I feel much more like I can dress how I really want in the cooler weather. Jackets, jeans, boots...all much more friendly to my body and style than dresses, shorts, and hot-weather items. I wilt in the heat, and I feel like I struggle with style more then. I’m not fond of baring my arms and legs either, but I suck it up and live with how I look in the summer. Again, practicality wins out!

Lisa, I always like how you are real with these threads — we all struggle with this stuff from time to time. Your sharing this thread made me think more about my own level of contentment with my style, and how true I stay to it. Thank you.

Janet - I love your comment about how feeling good in your clothes is more important than being trendy. That is SO true and such an important thing to keep in mind.

To me, you do a very good job with staying true to your style while adding in the odd new item. You're not all over the place, and that is commendable. And I know what you mean about feeling envious of those who can wear the trendy looks with ease - but I guess there will always be someone who can wear something better , regardless.

FWIW, Lisa, if not quarterly, I have at least semi-annual meltdowns, so you're not alone.