Peri (warning, now I'm going to go into the lengthy spiel I was trying to avoid!), the occasion on the previous Saturday was a milonga (social dance) that the two host. They do make a point to dance with many of the people who come. The thing is, I'm one of these people who I think they don't feel any urgency toward, precisely because I'm friends and also give them so much help and I'm more an inner-circle person who understands their struggles (with the gallery, with getting more students in their dance classes and more attendees at their milongas). It's ironic, but that's it, I'm sure. Sometimes I end up dancing a lot with other people, sometimes I dance early on with Paul, this past time I hardly danced and he did not approach me the whole night. I had volunteered to work the door (collecting admission) later on and around 11:30 the female dance instructor came over and wanted to dance with me, but by then I was feeling upset, actually crying a bit, and I decided to go home (dance shuts down at one am, so leaving early is highly noticeable in a small space, with only about thirty people). I had to walk across the room to get my bag and leave just as the song stopped. I'm sure they were talking about it later. But I have had issues around social anxiety and being overlooked in general that I've been very open with them about for months and months.
Then a week later, this past Sunday, I went to practica (a big practice dance session), which was not hosted by my friends. He was there, I actually danced with a fair number of people and steeled myself to stay there until five (it runs till six). I wanted to not let my negative feelings rule me, and I was somewhat successful. I made it till five and then went over to a friend to say goodbye. She was talking to Paul, and they both looked at me like they figured something was wrong. He asked, "Did you dance?" I said I did. Now it is clear that he knows what triggers me. Yet he didn't ask me. Sometimes he asks, often times he doesn't. I have been very clear in the past that sometimes my feelings over an event are positive or negative hinging on whether or not he or his partner dance with me. It is that meaningful and especially now that I've been helping them out (research, writing contracts, taking a bunch of photos they use for their online PR, all sorts of things I won't list), I am feeling that if it's that obvious and I can't dependably have my needs met, this is not equitable.
My friend AL, his partner, is out of the country now so I will have a talk with her about this sometime after she returns. She is a lot more sensitive, and she does get it.
They're not the only game in town, but I like the way they teach and I will have to see how I can work this out.
Mary, I have been thinking about your comments and advice all afternoon. It's truly like the light switched on. Paul is a good person but he's also extrarodinarily flawed. I'm sure that plays a lot of part in many of his current problems. He relies on feeding off of women (like his partner, who's always "lending" him money). He's a taker in a way. She, to a much lesser degree and with a lot of giving so that it balances out a lot more. But sometimes her timing is just off.
