I agree with Gaylene. I can decide not to bare as much skin as I did at 20, but that's because it fits who I am now.

Sometimes I think some of the 'guidelines' for older dressing assume a certain kind of individual living a certain kind of life (usually a financially secure one). What if you are an artist? Female artists in their 60's on up wear whatever they want - from chic and polished to all menswear, to sequins and glitter, to ripped overalls and old sneakers. What if you work with animals? Or are a park ranger stationed in a cabin? I mean these are extreme examples, but I always thought who someone is and what they do with their life is far more important than their gender or age or family, and it makes sense that the style they chose should abide by their tastes and preferences, not anyone else's.

Is "dignified" the particular look you are shooting for? Or do you just feel that once we reach a certain age we should be? Because I'm with the group who says wear whatever makes you happy.

I was just thinking about the word 'dignified' Sharon

I mean you can chose to be dignified, or you can chose not to. Kids can be dignified, cats can be dignified. My mother in her 70's is not dignified and I don't think she ever has been.

This actually reminds me, I've been a fan of certain pop acts, and there can be some negative criticism of their older female fans who go to shows and dress theatrically and party in the front rows. It's a criticism not levelled in the same way at younger fans or older male fans I've noticed. Usually it's the 'act dignified, you are a grandmother for gosh sakes!' argument. The women, as you can imagine, just let it roll off their backs. They are there to have fun.

Yes, rabbit, I think those women are great.
There is an element of the word "dignified" that to me implies separating yourself from the messiness (and the fun) of life. Of being reserved and not fully engaged. Maybe it plays into the idea of women becoming invisible as they age?

I think there are days when I really do want to look and feel "dignified" -- for me, that means really pulled together, wise, sophisticated, with a sense of total integrity from the inside out. And that usually means the best quality items and a more dressed up, elegant look. I love to dream about that woman but she rarely makes an appearance.

Because of where I live and how I live, that's not my every day look. Most days I am going for comfortable, fun, and expressive of my personality. And that means casual, often with a masculine edge, and usually something DDs would like but of a better caliber than they can afford or than I would buy them.

Occasionally I do question my everyday style given my age -- my very casual, BF style given the fact that I am 50. It usually happens because of an instance like this: When I was in Madewell last weekend, I asked the SA to grab me a pair of skinnies in another size, and when she brought them to the dressing room, she said, "Are these the pants you wanted, m'am?" Yup. That can cause one to wonder.

I think it's fine to ask these questions. But unless I find myself routinely heading to PacSun and Hollister, I think I'm okay doing a grown-up version of modern casual. And to my eye, you are too.

I agree 100% with Marlene.

So much of this is very individual and context-driven. Personally, I am always conscious of the balance in this style issue because my life is very casual but I also strive for an element of sophistication, even on many of my most casual days. I don't need to worry about a professional appearance most days, but honestly, looking professional has never been a challenge for me. I learned office dressing at the age of 17 for my first part-time job (in a real estate office) and have always been one to err on the side of being "more dressed up" than my peers.

I *feel* like I pull off the ultra casual thing because of the details:

- graphic tee: usually a band that I truly love (Wilco, Old 97s, National, etc) so I think it avoids looking too cutesy or "ironic"
- jeans: try to keep them current and good fit, roll the hems, etc.
- hoodie in cashmere or a great-fitting denim or leather jacket with current styling (mixed media, great color, scrunch the sleeves, etc).
- casual shoes in a current or modern classic style - Cons, boots, etc. looking forward to the new slip-on sneakers as a fun option.
- details like a great, high quality belt, a current bag or clutch, and a signature piece of jewelry, which for me is usually a statement ring.

I don't think I'm delusional that I'm an almost-50-year-old wearing an ultra casual outfit like this. Part of why I share details of my life here is so you all understand the context of my style. I trust you all to let me know if I misstep.

But I digress -- back to you, Dana! I think you have your style nailed, and if you feel like something needs adjusting, I think you only need tweak some details. Honestly, I think sometimes we all get a little bored with our usual uniforms, and a little shake-up in the form of a new item or new remix can spark our creativity.

Does the hoodie have PINK across the back? No? Then I think you're good.

Hey, I sort of agree with the line of thought that says, why can't you wear those styles with dignity? If you are doing that, then you are neither lamb nor mutton nor any kind of sheep-based product

But I also echo the sentiment that there should be no words written on your bum. But really, that's not a good look in general imho!

Pfffft. A 75-year-old could wear what you're wearing without looking mutton. What you describe sounds like what I wear most days to school (swap sandals for Converse), and I'll be 42 this year. So if you're dressing too young, then I am too.

Honestly, you're only straying into "dressing too young" territory if you're showing too much skin. Or wearing a Catwoman bodysuit. And anyway it's all context. You work in a very casual environment and you feel comfortable in very casual clothes. I've met a lot of people much older than you who dress very casually (a lot of them are artists) and it doesn't look weird or too young at all.

Carry on.

I'm 44 and wear boyfriend jeans and don't feel frumpy. It just depends what you're wearing the the jeans. A good polished look is wearing BF jeans with a white t and a black blazer. I always feel good and put together.

What I don't wear at my age are:

-no tight clothing
-no low cut tops
-no short shorts
-no dresses or skirts above the knee
-no hoodies
-no sports shoes, only for exercise

I agree with the statement that it's the context.
Age is not the only determining factor, take two 20-year olds and put them in the same skimpy, low cut mini-dress and if one of them is an athletic rectangle and the other one is built along the lines of Sophia Vergara you get two very different impressions.
I think what matters most is the whole picture. Does the whole look appropriate for the setting. Some outfits are not appropriate for certain situations no matter the age of the wearer.
How does it feel to the wearer? If it feels good and right, wear it

I'm coming back to say I think I'm gonna have to take "tight" off my don't-wear list. I had a coming-home party for my Marine and wore my pretty-darned-tight and pretty-short-now-that-you-mention-it Bailey 44 dress with leopard pumps. To a party full of twentysomethings. And I'm 55. Gah. But you know what? I felt great and DS tells me several of his friends made a point of telling him his mom is "awesome."

Maybe the secret is feeling completely comfortable in whatever it is you choose to wear.

OK, just be ornery here, I've got a few more questions.

Why do we think old flabby skin ought to be kept out of sight, but no one bats an eye at all the young flabby skin that is constantly on display all around us? And why, exactly, do we find it so discomforting to see an woman with wrinkles in a short, tight, sexy outfit? As older women, do we have a duty to look asexual to avoid upsetting our children? Is looking dignified and elegant really my style choice or am I capitulating to a look that the younger generation wants to impose on its elders?

ETA: MaryK, I'm sure you looked smashing in that Bailey dress, and kudos to your son for recognizing that you are one hot lady!

Thank you for that point, Gaylene. This is why the ornery part of me *wants* to wear shorts and tell the world to bugger off if they don't like the cellulite on my thighs.

OMG, I love the term "Rack of Lamb." That is my new age-bracket!

Anyways, I have to say it... I think a hoodie with BF jeans are Lamb. Cute, hoppy lamb. For work that is. I was thinking again about this yesterday, why I haven't gone for the BF jeans trend. My conclusion is that I still don't feel it's right for my office work, that it's too relaxed, and thus would get too little wear from me. Although... was it DC Girl who said it, I do think a tailored blazer would make a world of difference.

I don't think it does to relax too much at work. My crew at the bakery has gotten too comfy, and I had to make frowny face at everyone last week. Don't know. Easier to run a tight ship than make course corrections.

Well, I wear tight, too. Some of my skinnies. A couple of body con dresses. My Vince Camuto tube skirts. These are all as tight as anything I ever wore in my life. And I don't plan to stop wearing them as long as I look and feel okay in them.

Admittedly, I'll typically add a more fluid piece or a jacket with these items. Or hose. But even so.

I am with Elisabeth (Aziriphale) that it's okay to dress casually as an older person. If you're an artist, it's really the only way of dressing that consistently works. And so...

Loving this thread...hot topic! Personally, I admire women who are more mature and dress in a casual, trendy way. It makes getting older look more appealing, frankly, and less intimidating.

Rachylou, I agree that it's good to dress up for work, at least for office work. As you know, I dress what I like to think of as "business semi-formal" for work. I actually think it's easier in a lot of ways to dress up than to try to figure out how casual is too casual, you know?

Work dressing I complete understand, and the socially accepted guidelines are fairly transparent there, not too much mystery like MaryK says. If in doubt, peek over the cubicles around you and steal what looks good.

But I think the other guidelines are really self imposed, and can look great on an older woman, it all depends how you feel in it, what you project, how it works aesthetically with the whole outfit.

I'm 41 and of citygirl's list, the only thing I veer away from is shorter shorts, which have never worked on me. I hope Mo keeps wearing shorts for a long time though

-no tight clothing - can strategically and with the right outfit/print look proportionally smashing.

-no low cut tops - my loose flowy button or v-neck tops can occasionally be a bit this way, I wear them with a camisole shopping, but out on a date night, sometimes there is a bit of cleavage.

-no short shorts - I agree for me

-no dresses or skirts above the knee - I wear them all the time with opaque tights and leggings, and will probably wear the longer ones in the summer bare-legged or with nude hose.

-no hoodies - wear them and love them. Of course I'm in super casual mode at the time.

-no sports shoes, only for exercise - depends. I wear city/street/fashion sneakers all the time.

Back when I worked in corporate America (environmental consulting firm), the office dress code was somewhere between casual and business casual. My boss (and the highest-ranked woman at our branch) wore jeans almost every day. Her reasoning was that that's what our clients wore, and if the CEO wanted her to dress corporate, he needed to give her a $10K raise to pay for said clothes and their cleaning. The men at the office typically wore the dockers + polo uniform.

The men looked more put together than the women.

One day over lunch, one of my co-workers and I were gossiping/talking about who we'd send up for What Not to Wear, and we came up with "style monikers" for people in the office. She told me that my style was "overgrown grad student". I knew then and there that I needed to change figure out what my style was and go get me some.

So, to answer the original question, the line, for me is "overgrown grad student". I see myself as a grown-ass woman who cares about herself, has consideration for the world around her (and as such, presents herself well), would like to find a partner, and has a full-time job. That job just happens to be grad school.

Froggie, I had to laugh. It's a good term, tho, as is your "replacement" style. I don't worry about being old, but I do worry about being grown.

Thanks, Rachy.
The thing that has surprised me the most in this journey is how long it's taken/taking. That comment was made about 4 years ago. Actually, I had two problems, looking like an overgrown grad student, and dressing too "old" for my age, because I felt like I couldn't/shouldn't be trying to pull off trendy things (to be fair, I didn't like them much). Recently, some of the women in my department commented that I look younger now than I did 3-4 years ago, and even as recently as last year. (we were passing around old photos/passports/etc. for a laugh)

I stopped myself from commenting that I probably wear most of what Citygirl DC doesn't lol! I figured my doubting pumps in snow was enough kerfluffle for one day . . . I am back in quiet observing mode (upon returning from walking to the store in my 5" inseam shorts ;)) And thanks, Rabbit, I will wear them as long as they feel and look okay on me. Goes to show how individual each of our limits are, and probably should be, depending on our stations in life.

Lol Mo I was thinking it will be a shame when you finally decide to deprive the world of your legs.

This has been an interesting read. There is something to wearing what you love while you can. It seems that sooner or later one's body starts dictating wardrobe dos and don'ts. Friends and I have had to wear compression stockings daily; because of needing shoulder replacement, cannot zip up dresses or put on certain garments; arthritic fingers can't do buttons; and all kinds of things are decided by fussy feet. Then there are rashes and worse that appear due to fabrics or latex. The list goes on.
At 67 I no longer wear shorts unless knee length, short skirts, most cotton tee shirts (even plain ones) except as layering pieces, flip-flops, or bare any more skin than is required for comfort in heat, like midriff. I never did wear low cut necklines as there is nothing to show.
I think one needs to take a realistic look at their style every few years. Some things I felt ok wearing at 50 or even 60 no longer feel appropriate..like full skirts. On the other hand, I do wear slim boyfriends, at times a cashmere hoody and a few carefully chosen graphic tees under a blazer. I also wear Cons casually, one thing my son feels I'm too old to wear. Mine are neutral colors, not bright or prints, so I feel that they are ok.

*My line is when my 22 year old daughter asks to borrow a particular item. At that point I just give it to her.*

LOL Ah, sweet offspring... For better or worse, I don't
have such fashion chains. Technically, I could very well have a daughter your
daughter's age. In reality, just the thought of having such a mirror around is
a bit unsettling...

I am coming back to this thread to read all the new posts. There are the individual 'will not wear' lists but what I feel is missing is the why. Why are we making these lists? Is it a perceived notion that our environment has pushed on us or have we actually been told these items, whatever they are, are not appropriate. I remember being told as a teenager by my parents that certain clothing items I was walking out of the house in were not appropriate. I was even told at work once, my skirt was too short. (early 70's) Do all these words hang in our memory banks and come back out when we get older? When we walk out after getting dressed and our teenager, spouse, whoever, makes a face at our attire, do we hold on to the feelings these looks create? IK, what feeling prompted you to question your attire? All, interesting questions.

Deb, what prompted me to question my attire was realizing that although I own more than few gorgeous blazers, I never wear them. And maybe I should, because I'm old enough?

I know for sure I dressed well as a grad student, but I was in NYC and the bar was high. And I was in my 30s. I think I may be stuck there

I wonder how much of this is your disatisfaction with being in Austin.

Are you a blazer person Dana? Wondering why you feel it's time to wear them.

I have the same issue. I keep looking for blazers and I'm not sure why! I think I'm going to stop searching for blazers, and white button-up shirts for that matter. I wonder if I feel compelled to seek out these items because they're an indicator of maturity and elegant style -- which isn't me, regardless of my age (48).

Deb, I do think that "what I won't wear" lists are definitely related to what's considered appropriate. I'm all for people expressing their style -- and at my age, wear things on a lot of "nono" lists. But I do have lists of things that I don't want my daughters wearing when they're still living with me.