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Are American Women really so different?

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I left this picture on a site frequented from a lot of foreign women and one woman constantly has such a negative response to my style and while her style is not my cup of tea, I am a compassionate, loving giving person and that means only saying what can help and offering compliments. Why do I let one naysayer bother me? I am normally such a confident, happy and sassy woman?
What she replied today was
"Sorry honey, this is not my taste. So many people, so many tastes."

I replied " Your style is not to my personal taste a lot, but I can still appreciate it for you. Can't imagine what motivates someone to leave that reply, why not just say nothing? I think this may be a difference in our cultures."

Not so bad, but it is constant and feels passive aggressive. I honestly believe she is resentful that I don't look my age and weight as her compliments center around that a lot... and she thought I was lying when I reported myself as and over 40 blogger...

I know I can count on YLF community to help me get this out of my system !

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34 replies

Latest reply was from transition

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

Just hit me that I am probably feeling sensitive today as my husband's great deal cancelled, which means no trip to The Cayman Islands and no money for bills!!! He has written close to $100,000 in sales this month but all but $3000 cancelled... not enough for even groceries off that commission... Please pray this turns around quickly as it can!

Amy

(website)

Veteran

Sorry to hear about that turn of events. I'll keep my fingers crossed that things turn around for you quickly.

Don't let that woman's comments get to you. First of all, you look great.

Your interaction with that commenter doesn't sound to me like a difference of cultures. Some of my friends in other countries have trouble understanding my jokes and vice versa and some cultures do treat egos/emotions/a whole bunch of other stuff very differently. Still, this comment doesn't come across to me as that sort of issue.

There are plenty of people in the US who are insensitive and passive aggressive.

I have good friends who occasionally say things like that to me. I don't believe they mean to be hurtful, but sometimes, they're not clued in about how things can be construed in a hurtful manner.

Compounding this, of course, is the often inadequate medium of online forums. Nuances provided by expression and tone of voice are absent, so we can often misunderstand one another.

My advice would be to let it roll off your back like water rolls off a duck.

Day Vies

Veteran

Do you! This looks wonderful, I love the pattern on the skirt.

And no, I don't think cultures are all that different -- A teacher once told me, if it feels like a kick in the gut, it probably was.

Jjsloane

Veteran

So sorry about the commission situation and hope it turns around for you.

I would wear this outfit so I think it looks great. Great skirt and I love the pattern mixing in neutrals. It is hard to accept criticism but take it in the context it was given and if you liked what you wore then no worries. Some people only feel good making others feel bad. And as Amy says it's difficult sometimes to translate intent of a comment online (or email).

rachylou

Veteran

My fingers crossed for you guys. I'm self-employed, and not by choice. I know all about being on the front line and having to chase the money. Roller coaster.

Are you American, Tracey? Your style strikes me as rather British. Or was that woman American? Definitely Americans (ie. US peeps) don't "pussy foot" much and others find that really crass, offensive, and abrasive. It's too forward. I know I've been guilty of that from time to time, just running out of patience while people (family) talk about everything but the reason they're all there for.

But even beyond that, I don't see the point of comments like that one either. What is the goal there? On the other hand, it's Advanced Spirituality to be able to appreciate others from within their framework and context. Or to be actually helpful.

Reminds me of this time when me and my friend were walking our dogs. A lady's dog got loose and she was having a hard time getting him to comeback. Our dogs were getting all riled (the loose dog had a lot of puppy in him still and he was baiting them) and our hands were full.

Well this other woman comes by and she says to the poor frazzled lady, "You need to get your dog under control."

Yeah. Gee. Thanks for that tip.

You know what else, the nasty one was pretty experienced handling dogs. I found that out because she ticked me off with that comment. I told her to shut her mouth and move on if she wasn't going to do anything. And then she did. She caught the puppy...

The fact of the matter is, we human beings are hella slow in the brain. Sheesh!

Anonymous

Holy smokes, jeez, I think we are just spoiled here at YLF. Most forums are quite rude. 'I'm sorry.

Nicole D

Veteran

Haters gonna hate! (or negaters gonna be negative - hate is such a strong word). SHe probably feels powerless in her world and needs to vent. Shake it off! You are lovely and your blog is cool, you are to be commended for sharing so much of your style with enthusiasm and verve! I think the Caymans are overrated anyway.

DonnaF

Veteran

Wow! The anonymity of the 'net can sure bring out the worst in some people. Wonder if she is like that face to face? I love YLF because it's not snarky.

And your DH must also feel like he was kicked in the stomach or worse. How disappointing after the elation and expectation. I have faith that he can turn it around.

I love seeing your WIWs and your obvious enjoyment and energy.

moira

Veteran

It's the internet. On another site that I spend time on I was attacked like I could not believe when I said my cat had died the night before.
The response was "good, cats are disgusting and you are too for bringing that here". There was a huge hoopla between people who supported s(him) and those that supported me,
I was never so surprised or caught off guard in my life.
I still go there, but I am very cautious about what I divulge, and I have gotten a much thicker skin.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Well, I'm a Canuck and I think your outfit is smashing. Don't worry about that other woman, probably has a bee (bees?) in her bonnet.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I don't think passive-aggressive behaviour is unique to non-Americans, but do ignore that woman. Evidently she did not listen to her mother when she was told, "If you don't have anything nice to say, just say nothing at all". I mean, I'm all for constructive criticism (honestly, I'd rather that than insincere positive reviews), but random "Well THAT'S not my taste" comments are unproductive at best.

You look very nice today, by the way. Try rolling up the sleeves to your elbows -- I bet you'll like it even more.

Mia

Veteran

Well it is surely about her not you but still stings. I admire you for being out there in the blogosphere. I am still timid due to fear of encountering this kind of thing.

You look lovely and I absolutely adore that skirt.

Hope all the hard work your DH is putting in pays off soon and that someone will tell that person that "if they have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all".

Mona

Veteran

Tracey, i am so sorry to hear about the commission situation with your husband. I hope he can make more sales soon. As for your outfit, it looks great and I always enjoy your WIW's especially your week of red jeans outfits was great. Don't let one negative comment bring you down. Keep marching and keep posting your beautiful WIW's.

Aida

Veteran

Another vote to try and ignore that woman's comment. There will always be differences in style tastes, and some people have wider style acceptance filters than others. Unfortunately, putting yourself out there means that these types of comments sometimes comes up. I think you look cute today Also agree with Elisabeth, push those sleeves up to echo the exposed leg and you'll really have a great little outfit here!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Well, I do think there are cultural differences. For example an Israeli will not usually think if there is nothing nice to say say nothing at all. I prefer to say nothing if I have nothing nice to say as an American by birth and culture, but I have gotten used to being with people to whom this would never occur. British people can be quite cutting, French people can be quite blunt, but, for every rule there are exceptions. And I think it has been documented that people are particularly nasty on the internet. I agree you should try to let it roll off your back as best as possible.

Echo

Veteran

Day Vies is absolutely right. There sometimes ARE cultural differences, both in attitudes, styles and communication styles. The comment you posted strikes me as none of those things. If it feels like a kick in the gut, it probably is. Your outfit is beautiful, and as other have said, the problem lies with her and not with you.

pil

Veteran

Your head knows to ignore her comments but that is probably easier said than done. Especially when you make the effort to be supportive of her. Sorry this is a disappointment for you, maybe it's time to take a break from that site?

MNsara

Veteran

I'm so sorry for you guys about the commission What a disappointment it must be. I hope the next months are much better. AND hats off to anyone in who makes their living in sales/commissions. I would be such a terrible salesperson and I'd never make it. . .

I hope you've soaked up all the excellent wisdom above about your nasty gal situation. I've read from more than one blogger about having to develop that thick skin, because those nasty folk are everywhere on the internet.

Come to think of it, I'd be a terrible blogger too, and I'd never make it . . .

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

thank you this helped me tremendously, just needed some compassion!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ah, Tracy, I'm so sorry about your husband's commissions. That must be a huge worry and disappointment, and no wonder you are feeling sensitive. We'll all be rooting for things to turn around.

Meanwhile, that woman's comment was unkind and unhelpful. And you looked great in your outfit. No worries there.

I'm not sure it's a cultural difference so much as -- well, who knows. Just a matter of individuals not "clicking." That can happen anywhere, I guess, but it's more common on the internet for people to allow themselves liberties (and nastiness) that they would not allow themselves IRL. It's unfortunate.

Just hang out here more often. We're nice.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I'm not sure what to say about the weird comment you got on some other forum/site, but I wanted to say that I think you look just gorgeous in this outfit, and that you have nothing to worry about. You look beautiful!

Meanwhile, I'm not sure it's a question of a particular culture or country, but that perhaps some sites are just not as polite as others?

This is one of the reasons I like YLF so much - you're just not going to get mean or weird comments here.

Never mind them...just move on. No reason to participate at some site or forum where people don't have manners.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Tracey. I am so sorry to hear about hubs and his commission losses. I hope with all my heart that things turn around fast for your family.

As far as negative responses to outfits go, I feel sad that you are upset. It's unpleasant when people are rude and most people lack diplomacy and tact - especially when they type away on a keyboard. ((HUGS))). But I'm also going to be a little harder about this because I have lots of experience in this area (YLF is almost 7 years old).

- If you put yourself out there in the blogosphere - you WILL also get negative comments. And you must develop a thicker skin for those less than kind judgements and associations. It's par for the course and comes with the territory.

- NEVER fuel the fire by responding back to those comments. Self restraint is worth more than you can possibly imagine. Always take the high road. You will always come out on top that way - even when you feel like you're being trodden on.

- And lastly, you look great! I love your happy and positive outlook on life. You enrich this forum and we are lucky to have you as a regular participant

xoxo

rae

(website)

Veteran

What a fun pattern-mixed outfit!

It is a shame that many women have been trained by society to be catty and negative toward one another. It's also a shame that no one seems to have come to your defense... I feel like that would not fly here... someone is bound to point out that she's already made it clear your styles don't match many times.

Angie is right, though. It is a risk to put yourself out there. It is one of the reasons I choose not to put myself out THERE, on other forums. :T You are brave to do it!

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

As an Aussie reading through the comments that the lady said to you, I would have thought that was rude as well - I agree with the sentiment that if your instinct was that it was a passive aggressive comment, it more than likely was. It is always hard when the head and the heart go into battle (ie. you know logically that you should ignore it, but emotionally, it still hurts).

If your experience in this instance is the lone negative sentiment of one tactless individual and the forum is otherwise great, I'd continue posting there and just avoid all posts by that particular individual. However, if there is a negative energy that seems to pervade that particular forum (as it can sometimes develop over time), I'd consider why you keep posting there. I feel like there is more to life than being made to feel bad by strangers who make negative comments whilst hiding safely behind the security of a computer screen!

I, like the others, think your outfit was lovely and I really hope you feel better soon. x

rute

Veteran

oh.. I'm so sorry! Hope everything is solved quickly!
I'm European, American women love color, we are more for neutrals, black, white, cream, grey, but I've learned a lot from you.
It has nothing to do with the country, she, as a blogger, should learn how to appreciate every style.
Forget!

Mander

(website)

Veteran

Some people are just nasty, regardless of what culture they come from.

Ingunn

(website)

Veteran

I think there are differences in the way we express outselves across different cultures, of course there are. But this woman probably meant to be somewhat rude, and like Angie says, this IS bound to happen to you when you put yourself ot there. Let it jump by like the ugly toad it is, don't chase it, and it is soon gone. Your outfit is great, and you are a sweet and lovely person, I'm sure!

I'm so sorry to hear about your family's financial situation. I hope it turns around very quickly. Best of luck!

Anonymous

Tracey, I love your style and would like to echo what the others said. We are so lucky on this wonderful forum and we all appreciate each and everyone's complexity of tastes. Ignore those spiteful comments and move on. You are better than that.
So sorry to hear about your cancelled trip. I sincerely hope it all gets resolved for you. x

Anonymous

Good Morning Tracy!

I was actually intrigued by the fact that there seems to be another forum, where members are posting outfit pics, so I went perusing and I found it. I do investigate for a living, so it is my nature, it can be good or bad, I guess.

I did see the comment and yes, it was really off putting, I'm sorry. I also saw that she also left you good commentary in the past, though. (Tracking who is saying what was easy to do, considering it is the same 5-6 women posting).

I am tempted to think she was just having an off day? Nevertheless, I don't think that excuses it, AT ALL. I just wanted to come back and give you my "outsider perspective". I find that "neutral viewpoint" of value sometimes, in my own situations. I tend to "fly off the handle", (not that you are doing that) and I appreciate when someone gives me both sides of the proverbial coin, if you know what I mean!

Don't take it to heart. We are dressing primarily for ourselves. Too bad she did not like the outfit because you clearly do and so do we!

I just wanted to add that I am really sorry about the monetary issue. I hope things pick up soon. January seems to be a very slow month, for many industries. Things will improve, you will see.

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