A challenge for 2020: Please join me - YouLookFab Forum

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A challenge for 2020: Please join me

Kari

Veteran

I’d like to extend a challenge and invite you to join me in it.

When you list style inspirations, finds, bloggers, brands, etc., or follow folks on Instagram or other sites, ask yourself: do I have anything or anyone represented here that’s bigger than US XL or 16-18?

If you care to go farther, because clothing availability is unfortunately WAY more limited - what about over a 2X/3X or US 22/24? Can you push yourself to find at least one? And if you can’t - challenge yourself to think of why. It’s not because folks don’t exist in those sizes and it’s not because they aren’t buying clothes.

Is anyone in your inspiration images a person of color? Openly LGBTQ, non-binary or genderqueer? Disabled?

(Full disclosure: there were times when I stepped away from YLF and felt unwelcome due to very little availability and representation of bodies like mine, or larger - or where there were entire inspiration threads without a single item that I could try or wear, or ditto for joining folks in brick and mortar stores that carry nothing in my size. I’m changing tactics lately and trying to add representation knowing that I’m one of few fat folks here.)

Shopping

73 replies

Latest reply was from Kari

Molly Mac

Veteran

One of my favorite fashion blogs is The Mom Edit. They have a diverse group of bloggers both in size and ethnicity. They also feature sustainable brands. While they definitely receive $ for linked items and the brands they feature are frequently mall stores, they are still one of the few fashion sites that I am aware of that are really trying to be inclusive of most women.
ETA:https://themomedit.com/just-ad.....fit-inspo/

Kari

Veteran

Thank you! I haven’t heard of this one but I’ll give them a look. Yay for more inclusivity!

Synne

Veteran

I recently came across Blair Eadie (I guess I have been living under a rock). I did actually ponder; is her style really THAT amazing, or am I just blinded by her conventional pretty appearance? Could anyone have worn her outfits, and look equally fab, or is she a case of "could look amazing even in a potato sack". I try to steer away from influencers that belong to the latter group. They offer no real wisdom or inspiration to me.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Synne, I feel that way about a lot of fashion bloggers — they’re just pretty women in pretty or expensive clothing, and don’t particularly inspire me. I enjoy seeing how people put outfits together for their own individual style. I want to see how women larger than a size 4 look great. Let alone plus size ladies — I feel like it’s hard to find style icons in the upper end of straight sizes. So I hear your frustration, Kari.

These days I’m more into forging my own path than following more bloggers, but I will keep your challenge in mind.

Helena

Veteran

Great idea Kari ... One of my goals this year is to expand the number of voices and stories I listen to ... I was going to do this through reading diverse books as a focal point but style is another great way to do this!

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Check out “Not dressed as lamb” Catherine has done a few blog posts on which bloggers to follow of various different types and sizes .She is a UK blogger but has been featured on YLF.l am sure that you will find it interesting as I have.And can I just say Kari that I do not think of you as a larger lady.When I think of your posts it’s your colourful hair,glasses and general overall style that come to mind,
. you have mentioned your size before and I honestly had to go to one of your posts and study you closely to see what on earth you were talking about and even then I wouldn’t have felt it was anything more than a variation in body shape.l know that this may seem patronising and it’s alright for her ,she’s slim ,but I think that maybe you are more concerned with your size than others are.l totally understand your frustration at not being able to get things to fit.Having stood in many a changing room with a generously proportioned teenage daughter believe me l ve seen the tears and the stress ,but outside in the street she is a lovely young woman who looks great in clothes that suit her just as you are.We are all different shapes and sizes all of which carry their own challenges regarding clothes,image and looks.l think that because fashion favours the slight and the slender it is assumed that to be other than this is somehow to be lesser .This is not the case so take heart and continue to show us your beautiful face and figure and the way you so expertly dress so that slender or not we can continue to learn things about style from you.

Kari

Veteran

Just to push back on that as nicely as I can: I know I’m a larger/fat (and I say fat as a description like “tall”) person because the world tells me I am. Because I’ll look at threads here and there is nothing close to my size. Because I’m told that “some of these brands or styles are available in plus size” and I have to hunt and peck to see what is and isn’t. Because of doctors since 50+ pounds ago telling me that I’m obese. Because I have to listen to much smaller friends complaining about how much they hate their fat bodies when I’m very obviously the largest person in the room, or listen to folks nearby me making jokes about hat people who are actually much smaller.

So with all due respect, please check your privilege here, and realize that I’m surrounded by it ALL THE TIME both digitally and in real life. I’m not obsessed with it, but it IS my actual size and shape, regardless of how I may look in photos. In a way, it kind of sounds like “I don’t think of you as [your race]”, because our culture and our world really, really marginalizes fat folks and it’s still considered okay to use fat bodies as punch lines.

And realize that other folks my size or larger may read the forum, regardless of whether or not they post. I am not only speaking about myself. I’ve been here since I was in a MUCH smaller body, so I’ve done a lot of privilege-checking as well.

rachylou

Veteran

This is a person: Boni Boyer. She sung backup for Prince back in the day and one week our manager at Shop O’Punks asked her to come in and fill-in as cashier. Still can’t believe he asked a Queen to do such a thing! Lol. Boni was full wattage fabulous. Anyways, just want to put in a plug for a Boni as an icon (sadly she’s passed away). Ok.

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Karin L H

Veteran

Great challenge! I'm Swedish and follow some accounts on Instagram that address these issues too, both regarding size and skin colour (actually one of them, Lovette Jallow, writes in English too and has written a book on makeup for dark skin, her Instagram profile is action4humanity_se). One of the influencers collaborate with some online retailers to extend their size range. She also shows awareness of the negatives with encouraging consumption, but say that bigger people have always struggled to find nice clothes that suit them, so she still wants to change that, which I think is a fair point.

Thanks for raising this issue, I definitely agree that these are important points to reflect on.

Julie

Thanks for posting this. I thought I had a few plus-size models on my Pinterest inspiration board, just randomly, but now that I look back, they are probably my size, about 10.
I like Anthropologie, and they now have photos of many of their clothes on plus size models. I like seeing the items on a variety of people as it gives me a better idea of how they will work for me. I don't post much but I will think about your challenge when I do.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

I’m sorry if I have offended you Kari it was not my intention ,l thought long and hard about writing what I did before I did it as I suspected that it may not go down well but I stand by what I said.l think that you are an asset to YLF regardless of your size .

Synne

Veteran

The average woman in the UK wears a size 16 or more. This has also been the year where businesses like Victorias Secret has struggled and had to close shop becouse of outdated beauty standards. I do not find the world of fashion as bleak as some cuts it out to be. I see a plethora of different sizes and shapes avaliable both at retail and in fashion bloggers. But I may have a privilige blind spot.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/livin.....l-size-16/

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annagybe

(website)

Veteran

@glitterandlazers came to mind first

kkards

Veteran

Kari..I kind of feel like we have a circular reference here. You step away from the forum because you don’t see yourself represented, that means some newcomers won’t see themselves represented and potentially won’t participate and the circle continues.

On other matter..I’ve become hugely enthusiastic about QVC, maybe not high fashion but trend right. All their fashion is offered up to 3x, (And All sizes are the same price) and they have been starting to offer some larger sizes as well. They have a lot of footwear in larger sizes and often offer wides in some brands that don’t do wides for B&M accounts. In addition they have a variety of models of different shapes, sizes, ages and colors.

JillG

Corporette.com frequently includes a plus-size option, with links, in its Daily Workwear Report.

Lynn

Veteran

Kari- I can totally sympathize being size 18-20 and pear shaped now. Buying clothes is very difficult. So I am returning to making most of my own clothes. Much less frustrating. There is a huge community of plus size makers. If you are interested I can list lots of social media. The Curvy Sewing Collective and Cashmerette are good places to start if only to see flattering styles.

kellygirl

Veteran

Thanks for posting this, Kari. Honestly, I get most of my fashion inspiration here. I follow a few fashion related feeds on IG but have unfollowed a bunch because their content was so bland and predictable--even some of the 50+ ones because I felt like they were trying too hard to look 20 (ducking--please don't hate me.--I know to each their own) Included in the handful that I still follow is Susanne Ackstaller "texterella" because I love her style full stop. Interestingly, I find some of the fitness related feeds are more inclusive than ever--Doughnuts and Deadlifts, Fleo, Nike come to mind.

notsaf

Veteran

Thanks for this post, Kari. It's on all of us to make this happen.

BlueJay

Veteran

Yes, I bought this skirt because of Hayley's post

http://www.curvesandcurl.co.uk.....-with.html
Now I follow her on Facebook and Instagram. But you're right, there isn't enough diversity in marketing.

To echo Cardiff girl, Catherine Summers of Not Dressed as Lamb also questions that too, but all of us should question why, and change it.

MidwestrnChic

I follow mynameisjessamyn on Instagram. She is real and puts it all out there. I find her very inspiring.

Echo

Veteran

I think it is up to each of us to post what we find inspiring to us, not to try to find representations of all women. Yes, I think equal representation in retail and advertising and media is important, but no matter how great the fashion might be in a certain brand, I won't seek it out or post it if it won't fit me. I wouldn't expect a smaller or taller woman to post clothing that would fit me because... why would they? They spend enough time looking at and for things that will work for their bodies, and it isn't their responsibility to look at and for things that will fit mine.

While I agree that we should all seek out the stories of others, oftentimes when it comes to fashion blogs, we're looking for ourselves to be represented. Therefore, someone who is tall and thin will obviously seek inspiration from similar people, and someone who is shorter and a larger size (like myself) will seek out someone similarly proportioned. In other words, why would I - a shorter, largish woman - seek out style blogs from women who are 6' tall and a size 6? Despite there being people like that in the world, that's not inspirational to me.

I think it is each of our responsibilities to be ourselves and to post our opinions and inspirations, but no one has the time to actively seek out something to represent every woman. Like kkards said, if each of us posts things that represent ourselves, in whatever shape we're in, then the community becomes more inclusive.

The Cat

Veteran

Sad to hear that you have felt kind of excluded because of your size.

However, has it ever occurred to you that some of us might sometimes feel a bit excluded when you and others write as if all readers are living in the U.S. or at least in North America? I suppose most of us need to widen our horizons.

Kathie

Veteran

I’m in, at least for how I use the forum. Which means mostly finds, since I don’t follow fashion bloggers, and I get my style inspiration from everyone here on YLF. I can make the time to see if an item comes in sizes larger than 16/18, and make the find. I was just perusing the COS site, and they do not fare well. A few styles appear to only go up to a L, and personally, I find that a lot of their cuts are narrow.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Sorry I can’t join you due to location. YLF is the only fashion blog I read, and I started reading it for wardrobe management purposes rather than clothes-sourcing purposes, since brands displayed here are almost all from North America or occasionally UK ( like Boden) so I would have to import the clothing here.
There is a much lesser range of large sizes in my country too though, so I understand that there is difficulty for larger women.
I have also felt left out of fashion for decades by dint of being 5 foot 1-2 tall, and fashion shots being shown on very tall models. As the decades go by the feeling left out gets worse as now most of the models are not only tall and slim but 30 years younger than me. I do understand that those issues are different from yours.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Many good points are made here. Echo, you are right — I love the idea of inclusivity, and I give special props to any designer or retailer or stylist who celebrates diversity in a meaningful way, but someone who designs for either very small or very large women won’t get a lot of attention from me, as I am quite average, other than my applause and sharing when appropriate. But I think what Kari is challenging is worth our thought and attention. Good discussion!

On a personal note, I realized a while back that I wasn’t finding style bloggers that really encapsulated me — over 50, not stick thin, not dressing for corporate or a typical workplace, with some edge but not *too* edgy or wackadoodle. That was when I decided I had to find it in myself and not follow anyone else’s lead. I look at a few style blogs from time to time and follow even fewer on IG (I follow more visual artists than anything else there). I’ve been getting my style fix mainly from here and poking around the retail environment (but that’s a danger zone as I am prone to shop for recreation).

In the coming year I am challenging myself to rethink how I use what I have and keep my style evolving but still *me*, all without continuing to buy more than I need. So I will probably avoid much that tempts me to shop, but I’ll surely share resources that resonate with these ideas when I do find them.

Synne

Veteran

Jenni, I am almost a foot taller than you (and slightly younger), but I find your contributions to the forum both inspiring, educational and a pure joy! I am still fairly new to the forum, but my experience is that we are a motley crew with the shared interest of fashion and sharing our everyday style. As far as I can tell, we have everything from beauty queen-contestants, moms on the go, pentioners, crossdressers, tall, petite, slim, fuller figured, sporty, gothic, classic, dramatic and stylish people from all over the world on here.
Again, pardon my awkward wording (non- native English speaker). A very interesting and thought provicing topic, Kari!

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Thank you Synne!
Your English is excellent, those of us with English as our native language are not nearly as good at any other language usually. I enjoy all the Scandinavian forum member’s contributions.
However I agree with The Cat that there is often an assumption we are all from North America. I know not from Angie, and I know the majority are. And the clothes need to be available there as the majority rules.

Sal

Veteran

I like Karen Britchick and Leslie Sidora.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Kari - I can start to understand how you feel. Your running post was truly inspiring to me as I struggle along - it was one I have returned to a couple of times.

Kari

Veteran

To push back on that, too: the majority of YLF forum members are white, straight sized women. If each person is ONLY posting brands that fit them, only posting other white straight sized female folks as inspiration - that is what makes me feel unwelcome when I don’t fit the mold. It also makes me realize when we have folks who are outside the US or who are not white or LGBTQ or not cisgender, there can be a similar part of “othering” and a significant amount of emotional labor.

“ no one has the time to actively seek out something to represent every woman. Like kkards said, if each of us posts things that represent ourselves, in whatever shape we're in, then the community becomes more inclusive.”

Who is it inclusive TO, then? Who is still being excluded? If, for example, there’s only one person who posts things available in petite sizes, only one person who posts things available in plus sizes, etc. - that’s quite a bit of an echo chamber. I would highly recommend thinking twice about that bias for why someone who looks or is shaped differently from you wouldn’t be inspiring. Realize that fat folks who often (especially in the past) saw no positive representations of folks who looked like them in the media had only models who looked very different than themselves for inspiration and learning. Often with very fatphobic messaging telling them that they should also aspire to shrink their bodies.

I will be very honest that opening myself up in this way is very vulnerable. If being inclusive doesn’t matter to you, I won’t change your mind or argue, but I will ask that you post on your own thread and not on mine. Thanks!

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