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Your Why (when it comes to dressing and style)

Synne

Veteran

Being forum members here, I think we can all agree that we care about clothes and style, at various intensity, and for various reasons.

Now about those various reasons... What are yours? Have you ever articulated them into thought? I am curious as to what your "why's" are. Why do you put energy into it? What do you get out of it, personally?

I am starting to understand that the fact that my mind goes blank when I try to answer, is a big reason why I feel how I feel about my own style. Or shall we say "style". You know, that which I am sadly lacking.

For me, whenever in life my social life dwindles, I become more preoccupied with appearances and style. Quite the oxymoron, if dressing and style is about communication and social cues.

I haven't really thought about WHY, just the end result (that I want to look and be fabulous of course). I think doing some digging here would be helpful for me...

Dressing

55 replies

Latest reply was from Zaeobi

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Why? Hmm, I’ve always been interested in clothing and style. My mom and her mother before her were also very put-together and into style. My grandmother worked in the industry (a glove buyer for a department store back in the days when gloves were an everyday thing!). My mom dreamed of going to school for fashion design (but not feasible for a young woman of limited means during WWII), and later studied art and interior design. My interest in all things visual art started at a young age, and what more personal way to explore visual expression than how one presents themselves? Even my sister, who is also an artist, was a hairstylist for decades before taking up art as her full-time pursuit.

So for me, it just feels like a natural way to express myself. I don’t tend to overthink it, and have usually gone by instinct and impulse, but I’ve learned to also apply a bit of analysis to keep myself from going into territory where I don’t feel authentic.

What do I get out of it? I feel like my better version of myself when I’m well-groomed and wearing an outfit that makes me feel and look good. If I’m dressed in a way that doesn’t fit the occasion or venue, I feel very out of sorts, in particular if I’m underdressed. I don’t mind so much being more dressed up than the norm.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

“ whenever in life my social life dwindles, I become more preoccupied with appearances and style” makes total sense to me—might be because you are looking for distraction, or maybe you want to remind the world that of your loveliness, sitting right there, ready to engage, communicating by calling out "hellooooooooo".

My why at first was wanting to understand how people read my appearance. In the last couple years it’s come to be much more about having fun and enjoying myself.

I’m looking forward to this thread, expect the responses will be much more varied than some might expect.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

I suspect for me it’s a artistic outlet but also a form of escapism.

slim cat

Veteran

Certain things to be mentioned - I'm from former Soviet Union where women's clothes were limited in style, size and diversity. I had trouble finding things that fit me and very excited to discover that GAP had my sizes and styles in mid 90s when we came to US.
The other info that needs mentioning - the ugly school uniform that I was wearing for all 10 years. It makes you unsure what to wear every day when you do have a choice and makes brown the least appealing color that you never want to see/wear again.
So here you have it - you want to wear something fun and unique but struggle with details and certain expectations ( work and after ), you notice what people wear and how they style it but not quite able to bring your own style to the high level.
So still dressing best for work and still looking for the best way to dress after it .

Dee

Veteran

Fashion and style for me is a creative outlet, and an expression of who I am. I love the myriad of textures, colours, and styles you can play with to create outfits. Even as a young girl, me and my girlfriend would put on fashion shows with her mother’s wardrobe. It was so much fun playing dress up.
I have always been interested in the creative arts, and enjoy drawing, painting and home decor, so fashion is just another facet of this. I think how you present yourself is important, so I try to create the best version of myself that I can, plus I find it a whole lot of fun too.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Dee, I loved playing dress-up. It was the BEST! Also the beginning to many dramatic stories I "wrote" (in my head), collaboratively produced, (with my friends), cast (again, with my friends and various animal companions or stuffed animals or dolls), directed, and "starred" in. (At least in my own mind, ha!)

When I worked for a fitness company we had a little test called the Five Whys. If you keep asking yourself why, you supposedly get to the core reason you are doing something.

I haven't tried that yet and have to run, now, but my immediate response is that it is FUN! It's a kind of serious play -- the best kind.

Joyce

(website)

For me it has become a way to feel better about myself. When the outfit is truly authentic I don't feel out of place or self conscious, this was always the big one.
I never felt good about myself and it has taken following this blog to understand what was wrong and how to use the tools to make it right.
Fewer better clothes purchased for my real life have made it easier to dress and be myself. It also helped to find a mews my own age who visually inspired who I am and made it ok to follow my instinct.
Unpacked the baggage and enjoy getting dressed every day.

Anonymous

I enjoy the creativity of dressing and styling. An in-law asked me many years ago; who are we today? That was the first time someone acknowledged my creative process. Most people would like a garment but not notice the energy I put into the endeavor. I think of it as part of my personality that is important to me. But not everybody can see it

Anonymous

It must be in my DNA. I’ve been obsessed with clothes for as long as I can remember. I think it’s basically a creative urge that manifests in my apparel. I don’t paint or draw or pursue other outlets, so dressing myself fills that urge to create something. That, and gardening!

Sal

Veteran

Very interesting question and responses.

I have always been interested in clothes and how I dressed - I had a family-famous argument with my Mum when I wanted red patent leather shoes and she wanted to buy me brown leather shoes. I said that she could buy the brown ones but I would not wear them. Needless to say I ended up with the red patent (I was five - dream shoes).

I continue to have strong opinions about what I like, and what I don't for me. I have become better at knowing why I love culottes and shorter shorts, but bermuda's leave me cold, or why ballet shoes look wrong on me but so right on other people.

I like to have a wardrobe that is easy for me to find the right thing for every occasion - and to be able to go along feeling like me, looking good and able to enjoy the experience. Style and clothing is fun for me, it's a place I relax and don't take it too seriously.

cat2

Veteran

I feel more like myself if I have corralled my hair, put on makeup, and dressed appropriately for my day.

Helena

Veteran

This is a great question! Like some others, I seem to have always liked clothes - I remember putting a lot of thought into it once I started making my own choices, and like Sal, I can remember being quite insistent on certain items when I was little! And have always had a pretty strong sense of what I like and don't like for myself.

I think I have a few reasons why I put in an effort, but they can all be encapsulated under the heading "because it makes me feel good"!

- I was raised with the belief that there's an element of respect for self and others when we put our best foot forward appearance-wise
- I like to feel appropriate and blend in to my environment to a fairly bit extent, so making a study of what that might look like is a tool I use often
- certain externals (certain colours etc) give me a sense of psychological comfort which is helpful to me because I'm quite sensitive and can feel a bit overwhelmed by the world at times
- because I like to try to be perceived as looking nice and attractive (if I'm quite honest)
- because as Suz says, I find it fun and interesting!

Synne, I can relate to what you said a lot ... I have gone through "what's the point" phases sometimes, and then I go through hyper-focus phases of "all dressed up with nowhere to go" - especially when my kids were younger. For me, when I'm not being as social and out-and-about, I start doubting my style intuition, as I'm missing a piece of my personal style puzzle, which is what the broader world is doing. So then I double-down on my "personal style" which can be good or bad. Not sure if any of that resonates, but in any case, I feel for your frustration (but I think you're fabulous regardless) xx

nuancedream

Veteran

Style is a tool that allows me to present my ideas when I am interacting with the outer world. As an introvert, style does a lot of the heavy lifting of interpersonal communication when I don't necessarily feel like talking. I am much more a listener and observer as opposed to a talker. As long as my outfit is appropriate for the occasion, I can relax and focus on things that are more impoartant to me.

Style and fashion are just plain old fun for me too. I like finding unique items and wearing in them in a way that nobody else might do. My eye for the unique can also be my downfall when too much "uniqueness" does not play well with what is already in my wardobe.

Irina

Veteran

I always loved fashion - history of it, new designers, fabrics and crafts. I love it more than I can express it in my own outfits. I don’t consider them done in a terribly creative way. I appreciate fashion as art and love to watch shows, photos and documentaries.

When I think about my style and clothes, it’s like a constant challenge to me - find clothes that looks great (to me) and in my budget, consider my own body and how to dress it at any given point in life, adapt to new trends and incorporate some of them. Continue education is another aspect I enjoy - how clothes is done, fabrics and definition of styles, tips and explanations, a constant wonder.

I would guess that a changing nature of fashion is appealing to me. I’m easily bored

rachylou

Veteran

An interesting question. My family is very interested in their classical education and thus aesthetics. So that’s reason #1. Then the high school cliques really fascinated me with their sartorial distinctions and boundaries. Then I had the unfortunate circumstance of having to replace my entire wardrobe basically at once. And finally, ten years ago I was on a really boring contract… I had a lot of time to surf… I started spending a lot of time on fashion.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I think it must have been my mother’s influence originally. Her mother (my grandmother) was a dressmaker who owned a clothes store in a provincial town and made clothing for my mother and aunt until they were about 40. I still own one of those beautiful dresses with a toning slip underneath. And the dressmaker’s sister was married to a man who owned a shoe store in another provincial town. That uncle and aunt of my mother said their contribution to my mother’s teacher training- as my mother’s family was quite poor, her father had severe eczema and rheumatoid arthritis and was unable to work, so the dressmaker’s shop supported the family- was that they would provide all her shoes.
I think between clothes and shoes Mum loved both and passed that onto me as a child. I remember a very special Easter shopping trip every year for the winter season ahead, Mum budgeted very carefully for that. And I was given a budget of my own from age 15.
So since childhood I have loved trying to dress nicely within a budget, it just makes me feel good and like myself to feel I am stylishly dressed. Also I was brought up, like Helena, that it is respectful to dress appropriately for the occasion, which I still follow.
Over the decades it has certainly had its ups and downs. When from age 29 I then had 3 children within 5 years I lost track of fashion and style which did cause a bit of misery when we were at our poorest after the third baby. To the point of wearing some ripped items, not by choice. We finished up increasing the mortgage to get through that time, and I appreciate that we were not really poor at all since we did have a home, but it was difficult at the time. My husband had bought his business and been somewhat cheated by the vendor, there were quite a lot fewer clients than promised. I am happy to say 26 years later the business is very successful!
I think if I am low in mood, which I am not usually, but occasionally, then I don’t feel as interested and that means I am not feeling at my best in myself. Adjusting to signs of ageing is not easy but I mostly cope, just occasionally wonder who that old woman is in the mirror, and why that woman is bothering to try to look nice?!

ChristelJ

Veteran

My interest goes back as far as I can remember. When I was little, I drew clothes all the time and wanted to be a fashion designer. I loved textiles and colors and made clothes for my troll dolls and later for myself. I became an artist and crafter as an adult and see style as another form of creativity, self expression and joy. It's funny because my own outfits lately are quite staid, but I get a lot of joy out of seeing other people's styles.
Synne, I think of you as having a very lovely and unique style. Elegant, unfussy, breezy, with some of the most gorgeous monochrome outfits ever.

DonnaF

Veteran

Dressing/style is a creative outlet for me, especially now that I am semi-retired and an empty nester. In years past, I felt like I had to dress to meet expectations or not stick out among the other moms. Now I dress mostly to please myself.

LJP

Veteran

Like many others here , fashion and everything adjacent to it has been in my life since I was a little girl . I’m no artist but I am moved by colour , textiles and skilled design. I have done everything from a-z in the fashion and textiles world both professionally and personally . I admit that beautiful clothing makes me feel good , makes me feel powerful and makes me feel confident . Being underdressed makes me feel awful . I’m not a creative “wear things in unique ways and haul things out of a vintage store and restyle them “ type , and my imagination is only as broad as what I see and read . And , like Irina , I am limited by budget and my body type / shape and what’s available to me at retail , so how I dress isn’t necessarily indicative of how I WANT to dress , but I’m getting off track . I feel like fashion and interiors are in my dna and I like that !

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

What a fantastic question and fascinating responses! Although my enjoyment of fashion and style really did not take off until my early 40s, there were strands I can see looking back. My maternal grandmother was an extremely particular and meticulous dresser - her two daughters, my mother and aunt, were not. I do think that grandmother made me aware of presenting myself, being judged, and also, perhaps, the power one can derive from a certain appearance.
Fast forward to college where I discovered the joys of thrifting at the fill your bag shop. I had a very small wardrobe in those days but can still remember a specific vintage coat and top I wore on repeat. Thrifting was then and continues now to be a particularly enjoyable hobby for me - I get in a true state of flow and the rest of the world, including my own ego, fades away as I hunt and consider.
After engaging with fashion as a way to find myself in my early 40s having gone from 0 to 3 kids in less than three years in my late 30s and finally starting to get regular sleep, overdetermined causes kept me engaged and going. I rediscovered my love of thrifting, there was so much fascinating content on the internet at my finger tips, I could channel my creative impulses, like nuancedream mentions above I could let my style do a lot of the heavy lifting for me out in the world, and more. This is already way too long, but I have to mention that joining this forum is also a big part of it, and served as a bit of trauma repair from some self imposed limitations on allowing myself to be seen and heard.

Wow, thanks for asking Synne, that was very therapeutic, albeit entirely too long!

rachylou

Veteran

Back to say… your social life and my job slow-downs and renewed interest in fashion… I don’t suppose fashion is a way to brainstorm the next move a little bit, esp when one has time…

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Jaime I don’t think your response was as long as mine! I’m interested that having 3 children sort of lost me my sense of style while 3 even closer together sort of gained you yours…
And to Rachylou’s latest point, while I get restless and dissatisfied often with my “side” jobs every 6 years or so, I’m not sure if that makes me restless with my style at the same time… maybe not?

jussie

Veteran

I’ve always been very interested in it, even when I was a child.
I feel like when I am wearing a “killer” outfit that I have a magical shield on.
Also it’s a fantastic conversation starter…. I must admit I enjoy that part too.
It’s fun seeing how an item, like say a grey top, can look so different depending on what you wear it with.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

I just love the feeling of being dressed correctly for the weather, surroundings and occasion. It feels soooo good when all of those are working!

Anonymous

TBH, my first reaction to this was "d****d if I know" - yes I know that's awful!

I decided my why's are threefold. The first, which is far less important than it used to be, is creative expression. I had a creative profession for 15+ years, so it was normal and expected to look creative.

The second is that I don't want to stand out for looking bad- whether sloppily dressed or the fact I'm just not genetically blessed. I've always had to work extra hard to feel "acceptable."

The last, and main thing, is that I need clothes to support all my needs. I am involved in so many creative and athletic things, as well as 2 jobs, social/family activities, and wide variations of weather. I'm constantly trying to figure out how to keep all my "stuff" (including clothes) to a minimum, while living my life to the fullest!

Olive Green

Veteran

Chiming in on Jessikams three important points. Weather, surroundings, and occasion are the touchstones of great style, for me. Moving around a lot while growing up really pushed the learning curve on that, as different countries and continents have (had?) very different weather and expectations. Then there was keeping up with life style changes, changes to womens dress codes, professional codes, sport, travel….and of course, income and outgo considerations.
Since your appearance does dictate how you are treated, to quite a large extent, style has been an important factor in adjusting to a ridiculous number of environmental norms.
Some of it is just pleasure, texture and colour and flow. For me, those are usually secondary considerations.
Hence the utilitarian nomad part of the descriptors.

kkards

Veteran

Such a good read….love the insights into how we all came to and continue to interact with fashion & style.
As so many others have expressed I can’t remember not being interested in fashion & style. My mother tells a story of me at age 2 wanting to dress myself telling her very plainly “I do myself mommy”, and it’s continued from there. I love the arts, and during jr high & high school tried drawing and painting and I was ok, but clearly not really talented. But dressing allows me some creativity, although I nodded along with Lisa, I’m not a creative let’s throw together this vintage stuff and make it look unique and artistic kind of dresser.
I also nodded along with Jenni NZ, in that when I feel myself less interested in fashion & style that generally means I’m not really feeling myself. For me it’s kind of a chicken egg thing. If if not feeling like making an effort then I withdraw and get to self focused, but if I have nothing to do then I sometimes wonder why I’m making an effort. Anyway, it’s part of why I made sure to continue to get dressed everyday during the I think if I am low in mood, which I am not usually, but occasionally, then I don’t feel as interested and that means I am not feeling at my best in myself. It’s part of the reason why I made sure to get dressed, in “real clothes” each day during the 1.5 years we were WFH exclusively. Hope that made sense

Bijou

Veteran

For me a love of nice things has always been there and was influenced by my maternal Grandmother and Mother who even if they did not have a lot of money to spend would always be well dressed and groomed.

When I was establishing my career, I was required to dress according to a very strict corporate dress code and never felt like myself. As I became more senior and could get away with pushing the boundaries and as those rules actually fell away (allowing me to wear bright colours, fun bags and shoes) I liked injecting personality into my clothing and accessory choices. For me that is important as what I wear impacts my mood and often when I am feeling a bit down just the simple act of wearing something lovely or fun can lift my spirits.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I popped the answer to your question in a blog post a few times. Here's the most recent post:

https://youlookfab.com/2019/02.....out-style/

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