I grew up in a developing country where there was no access to new clothes on a regular basis — we did all our shopping on annual trips to the US, or, later, in Hong Kong. As a teenager I did have access to Seventeen magazine. (All of the magazines in Saudi Arabia were hand-censored by old men with black markers, to prevent anyone from getting off on seeing too much bare skin.) But, oh, I loved Seventeen; not only for the fashion and outfit combining ideas, but also for its presentation of a sort of American teenage dream life.

Since moving to the US as a teenager, I’ve gone through various strictures of academic or professional dress codes, financial restrictions, being absorbed by full time work and mothering, feeling unattractive – oh all kinds of things that often prevented me from following my interests and tastes.

In the past ten years I’ve had more time and flexibility to really explore my interests — not only in fashion, but in creative writing, fitness, travel, new friends, volunteering, &c. And it makes me happy to present myself to the world as I want to be seen.

I had no one teaching me about fashion or to model when I was small. All I remember is I did not have enough clothes. 4 outfits for 5 days of school. Got teased a lot. But my mother did have interior design training and she created a beautiful tranquil decor with meticulous placement. I knew I knew nothing about clothes but I was able to use my early exposure to design and decorate my home. My interest in fashion emerged in my 40’s when I felt my wardrobe did not provide the physically version of my elegant, tranquil, classic but unique decor. I wanted to be able to take that feeling of balance, authenticity, harmony, peace but interesting and unique that I had at home with me out on my journeys and at home to enhance my enjoyment. So I set about trying to bring my clothing into alignment. I enjoy picking my outfits but once they are on I forget them because they are authentic, comfortable, respectful and empowering I can now enjoy them as simply part of me.

So, wow, this has been a bit enlightening for me. I didn't even understand the question! I read all the answers and I've started to understand more, and also see how much my "why" is maybe an outlier on this board...it's a less happy answer and does a lot to explain why I go in cycles of struggling and then quit caring. The insight isn't as joyful as it seems to most of you and I feel a bit sad about that! But here goes...

My why is based on trying to not be wrong. As a child/teenager I tried to find the "right" things to wear to fit in with the other girls. My closet was a lot of hand-me-downs and out of style things and new things that were just trying to get it right and often missing. Well, my HS was in the 70s and for real, who looked good in those clothes? I tried to be like the girls I thought looked better in them. Or really, the ones who had the confidence to act like they thought they looked great in them.

And I guess that has continued, the quest to crack the code. That's why I joined this board actually...trying to figure out what was dated and what I should wear instead. Stunning insight...that's why I get mad when the answer keeps changing! When I find a style I like and then in no time at all, fashion moves on and what I like is wrong again. See the purple puffer coat post of a few weeks ago...I'm guessing that's why the joyful fashion people can laugh off outside criticism of what they like and I just get irritated and frustrated. Because I finally found the answer I liked and was told once again, nope, wrong! Then I get mad and give up again.

So Synne, thanks for the therapy session! Something to work on.

My mother dressed me VERY well until I was 13 or so, at which point I demanded to dress myself and was completely at a loss. I loved clothes - my mother showed me the pleasure of good fabrics and colors - but I had no instinct for it myself. I learned how to sew about the same age and plunged into that, with mixed success.

I still remember the pure satisfaction of finding just the right outfit for the first day of 8th grade, a dark floral peasant top and wine-colored velvet jeans. But that was a rare alignment of the fashion stars. In college, it was all about band t-shirts, faded jeans, and dance clothes (theater major). My best friend was a goth before I ever heard the word, and she said, "The person who finds the way I look interesting is the person I want to get to know."

When I moved to Chicago I was surrounded by women and men who dressed very well, and it became my goal to look that good (without a trust fund). A friend also sewed and we worked together, as she had the eye for color and pattern I did not. I love all the details of garment construction, and what makes a "good" piece of clothing.

I studied my stylish friends, watched WNTW, read every book and magazine I could find, and developed a reputation for originality and style at work. It's a library, the bar isn't very high, but still. Now I feel confident in my closet, and know that whatever I put on will be appealing in some way. And here I am in YLF, still learning!

TL;DR
As a librarian, it is very clear to me that for good or ill, we judge the book by its cover. Clothes interest me for what they say about a person, and what I want to say about myself. We all wear clothes, after all. What we wear is our voice before we say a word.

Truly because it's fun! Seems like a common thread among this group is having that idea of the fun and creativity of clothing instilled from children. My mother has always been *super* put together and though we have never shared an aesthetic, it's interesting that I feel I got that from her anyway.

For the moms on here, talking about style coming and going throughout life, when I transitioned from working in an office in NYC, the city where I was born and grew up, to working from home in a small city where everyone is very casual, right at the same time that I had my first kid, I went through a little style soul-searching. I started out wearing really relaxed clothing and not putting on a lick of makeup on a regular basis, but on those days that I suddenly ran into someone or my day went in a direction different (and more interesting) than I had anticipated in the morning, I found myself often wishing that I had put more effort into my look for the day. I decided it was just as easy to just pull together a fun look in the morning every day and be ready for anything, and quite frankly, not depress myself when I passed a mirror! (I'm no proponent of "everyone should wear makeup" or anything but I do truly have some dark circles and shiny skin when I am makeup-free, and I can look a little, um, sickly...). In any case, it's even more true in the COVID era, as I went for a decade having meetings on the phone, and now it's much more expected that you'll hop on a zoom meeting at a moment's notice!

Peri, I relate a lot to what you said ... I am slowly learning to role with the changing mores of fashion, but it's no small irritation to me when I finally feel "right" and then find out I'm "wrong" ... I'm finally getting to the point where I don't take it so hard, more as a useful data point, and even have a sense of humour about it ... I also have to remind myself that many of these proclamations about what's in and what's out are deemed wrong in the moment by other people trying to make the same proclamations! There truly IS no "right" which sometimes make it all more complicated and harder to put to rest .. anyways that's a bit rambly but just to say I really felt your comments xx

Yes Peri, as I’m reading the answers, I too am seeing different camps of thought emerging.
There are those who see fashion as a fun and creative pursuit and enjoy the ever changing fashion options. Then there are others who just simply want to feel more comfortable about their fashion choices and not be overwhelmed by all the fashion churn.
Such an interesting read and thanks Synne for the discussion because I think these are all great reasons to be interested in style and fashion.

Dee, I bridge those two camps and see a different divide. Most of my life, my mom chose my clothes for me, sometimes with my sister’s help because I was deemed incompetent at knowing what to wear. It wasn’t until a few years in Berlin in my early 30s that I bought my own clothes for the first time. My own tastes came through more as I started buying, but I still felt there were very set rules one needed to follow. It’s only been the last few years that I’ve felt free to (or wanted to) play around with my appearance, often with those very same first purchases, have fun with what I wear, and think about how it is read by others.

In this thread, I see others like me who have developed a sense of fun after feeling put upon for the longest time. Then there are those who say they loved style and fashion from childhood, which I see as a different group.

ETA: I love this, and feel much the same way. “The person who finds the way I look interesting is the person I want to get to know." I’m telling my son, as he considers his college major and eventual career, to consider his day-to-day life, including how he’d be expected to present, physically.

SF, always fascinating hearing about other people’s style journeys, and its great that you now see fashion as a fun pursuit. Style and fashion may be a bit frivolous at times but it certainly can impact people’s lives in many different ways.

Fascinating discussion! Thank you Synne for raising the question. I don't have an answer for myself yet as I doubt I have really thought about the 'why'. So many of the comments resonated with me and have given me something to think about. The outlet for creativity is certainly a primary 'why' as my career has been in graphic design. Yet I have to push myself out of my casual, comfort zone. YLF has certainly moved me towards striving for a more intentional attitude about style. This is a really important foundational question for me to consider further. Thanks to all for the thoughtful comments.

Such a great question! It's fun to read the whole spectrum of responses. I grew up helping my grandmother sort and price clothing for a local thrift store, so I developed an appreciation for the magic of secondhand early on. I can't remember a time when I didn't enjoy pawing through the racks for overlooked gems. It felt so great to fall in love with and "adopt" an unwanted piece of clothing.

One of the beauties of little charity shops is that there it's rare to see curated displays telling you what's trendy or what you're supposed to want, so the process of figuring out what you like is driven more by your own eye and less by someone else's marketing goals. Having a predominantly secondhand wardrobe also made the process of choosing one or two brand-new items a year from the mall or department store feel very, very special. When my family shopped new it was usually for footwear and outerwear, sometimes jeans too. I remember getting to choose sneakers as an exciting opportunity to have something current and popular. I remember the year when Adidas Sambas were very big, then Vans Old Skools, then Chuck Taylors...

I guess I see clothes as a bridge between self and other, a way of mediating inner life and surrounding culture. Our appearance says volumes about us, whether or not we're aware of it, and I'd much rather be aware of how I'm presenting myself! Once you're aware, then you can move on to having fun with it, tweaking things and adding nuance.

The newest layer, and the thing that keeps it interesting for me these days, is developing a more mindful relationship with the "stuff" in my life. Some degree of material stuff is unavoidable, so making sure that the objects in my life are satisfying/meaningful/functional is important to me and (I hope) reduces the amount of waste I contribute to the world. I've been trying to move away from buying as the solution to wardrobe holes and putting more energy into trading and mending and making do. All of which probably stems from those afternoons in the thrift store with my grandmother!

Well, it's a fun, intuitive, creative outlet. It's not my only one, but the process is much the same for all. So I suppose my "why" is enjoyment! That, and I need to wear clothes everyday. Kind of like my why to make good food is that I get hungry :).

Synne, I'm shocked to see you say you feel you're lacking in style, because I've always considered your style sense quite interesting and advanced based on what you've shown us here! I'm so glad you started this conversation, though, because the responses are so insightful and thought-provoking.

Similar to LJP, it's not just clothing that I love, but textiles, in general. I adore rugs, throw pillows, upholstered furniture, bedding, and even things like woven baskets and table runners as much as I do clothing. These are things that are presented to the world, sure, but I love them for myself, and I don't think a lot about how they'll be received when I choose them. I choose clothing and home textiles for the tactile and visual stimulation, picking what makes me happy, whether that's black silk or turquoise velvet, or richly-embroidered cotton.

I sat down with Suz's "5 Whys" to try to figure out the root of all that, and I think it comes down to refuge and comfort. I didn't have a super-easy childhood, but I remember feeling so mentally safe in blanket forts, closet nests, and undercover tents of my own making. I can still feel the chenille and satin textures of my favorite blankets between my fingers. Having clothing that visually and texturally delights, that hangs just right on my body, that swirls or drapes or falls architecturally--all of that evokes the same feelings of safety and control for me.

And, as an adult, it's also a joy. I love sitting down on weekend afternoons to browse through websites and catalogs, post on YLF, play with new combinations in my closet, and update my spreadsheets with what I've recently worn. It's my time to sink into a feeling of playful warmth and possibility.

What a great thread, Synne. Thank you.

As a kid and later teenager and young woman, I loved paper, fabric and clothes, roughly in that order. As a kid, the only dolls I played with were paper dolls, and the ones I wanted were glamorous paper dolls with beautiful clothes. It was also possible to make other clothes for my paper dolls with creative use of the Sears catalog.

As a teenager, I learned to sew, not well, but passably, but what I really loved was fabric. I still love fabric, and linings and trimmings....Outside of the stable, a fabric store was my favorite place to be. With the right fabric and pattern, I could make anything, be anyone.

My imagination far outstripped my sewing talent, so as a teenager, my eye turned to buying clothes. Wow, the 70s, loved those clothes. I was earning $ for the first time, so I could indulge myself and did. Also, as a teenager earning my own money, my mother lost her ability to curb my taste—though she continued to express her opinions! And as it turned out much later in life, I did learn to appreciate her considerable style chops, and she appreciated mine. We loved shopping together.

For me, fashion has always been about fun, creativity, and desire. Desire to be more, to be different, to stand out. I have often used clothing to introduce myself, so to speak, and I gravitate to people whose clothing speaks to me.

My two creative outlets are fashion and gardening. Happily, both of them have been the subjects of wonderful writing, which has also enriched my life beyond measure. It's probably no coincidence that in my 40s, when fashion took a total backseat in my life, gardening consumed it. I have often used clothing to explain to other beginning gardeners who are unsure about their ability to plan a garden that if they can get dressed in the morning, they already know the rudiments of proportion, color and line, the elements they need to do so.

Through the decades my interest in fashion has waxed and waned with constraints of time, budget and desire to engage, but the whys have remained the same. I still love fashion, and this forum has helped to stoke my interest in it.

Like many others here, style and how I wear my clothes is a creative outlet and relaxing. Most of my life I wore things handed down from an older cousin and then an aunt and I was made fun of for how y clothes looked. Everything was too big. In college some dear friends raided the drama closet for something for me to wear. My roommate would. It be seen with me unless I wore her clothes. I could hardly wait until I got out and had a bit money to buy what I wanted. I knew I needed color. Profs called me a little brown mouse and that I blended into the black board ( in the days there were such a thing. The first thing I bought was a red plaid wool skirt and red sweater. In those days everything at retail started at a size 10, so still too big. I had no idea what size to even look at. Now planning for a season or what to pack for a trip puts me in control. I nodded along with all Angie said except that fashion is not my job, although t gives confidence. I learned quickly to not wear the same thing as a preteen girl although we both shopped the same department.. I wore my long hair up to look older and heels to look taller.

For me, it is a lot to do with identity and I have rituals around clothing, a bit like some people cut their hair. Like some people have said, when they are down they don't care as much. Its a bit like that for me, but often when I want to make changes in my life or embody some aspect of someone I admire, I start changing my style. That can be a radical sweeping change before I change my job etc or a temporary change for example if I need confidence one day, I will dress slickly or if I am happy I will dress with colour. A bit like who am I going to be today.
I have had some fun friends who were like me in the past. Three of us were housesitting for my sister when I was about 22 and managed to dye our hair blue black and go thrift shopping for a new look. Another friend and I tore pictures from a magazine and designed a style file for each other over glasses of wine. It was a photo album of clothes we thought the other should wear.
The main ritual I have is with wardrobe putting seasons away but also at the end of the year because I have 6 weeks' holiday, I pack all my teaching clothes and most of my dress-up clothes away and pull out my shorts and t-shirts, yoga clothes, swimwear, and sundresses so I can close down my professional life. I am doing this a bit early this year as I"m going on camp then coming back to a sports day. I hope I explained it well and don't sound too weird.

Of course I could explain my clothing interests in darker terms… like it’s overcompensating for something I feel is lacking in myself….. or that it’s a coping mechanism to help disconnect from more worrying matters…… but I won’t :). Because it’s nice to have a hobby and there are much worse vices!

Good discussion. My mother was very into fashion and clothing, and was very much into conforming with the current styles. She made most of her clothes and put a lot of effort into it. I was aware of this as I grew up in the 1950's, the age of conformity. We'd get a couple of outfits for back-to-school, but she always wanted us to wait to get more until we were able to see what the other girls were wearing.

I was tall and skinny, so didn't fit in with the cute cheerleader girls who always looked so cute. Mom sent me to a modeling class at the YWCA when I was 14. Ah, thereafter I went to the library and checked out all the books they had on dressing, modeling, how to be elegant. So dressing well has always been important to me. I started reading Seventeen, Glamour, Mademoiselle, and was hooked.

I graduated from law school in the Dress For Success era, and the topic of appropriate dress was a common topic when a group of young women lawyers got together. Some of the younger girls had worn tee shirts and jeans during their school years. Suddenly, we were faced with the dilemma of figuring out what to wear to job interviews and to court.

Each age and fashion era brings new challenges. My body has changed, my lifestyle has changed, so right now I'm in the middle of a lot of why's. (I just gave my two expensive and once favorite leather jackets to my niece. She looks so great in them and is so happy to have them. They don't fit right on my newly--can't think of right word--"readjusted" body.) YLF has been such a good resource over the last few years. So many thanks to Angie.

Hmm, as I think about myself, it becomes a chicken and egg question about whether it was initially my own interest or the way I was raised. My mum grew up poor and was always acutely aware of it and the signals that wearing certain things sent. I didn't grow up wealthy by any stretch, but my mum went out of her way to outfit me in the best way she could. I was almost her dress-up doll, as she got such a kick out of me trying on clothes.

I learned early on the cache that good looks and dressing well carried as far as how others viewed a person. My mum never, ever blatantly said that looks and style determined the worth of a person (just as she never said that education determined intelligence), but looking back, it was heavily implied. I've spent a better part of my life UNlearning those lessons, but still dutifully doing my best to maintain my mum's standards of looks and style.

So ultimately, I love fashion and style, but I have a lot of baggage regarding it, too. It is as much about facade as it is self-expression, if I'm being honest. Indeed, I once went to an appointment with a doctor regarding my depression (which I had suffered with for years and it had taken months for me to build up the courage to even consider seeing someone about it), and he told me that I didn't LOOK like a depressed person. What on earth does a depressed person LOOK LIKE? Again, it was the fact that I couldn't go out in public unless I was well groomed and well-dressed, nevermind that prior to that I hadn't left the house for weeks and barely got out of bed, let alone showered. Situation like that only reinforce the social implications of grooming, which drives home what my mother believed. So I can never be sure of how much of how I dress has to do with what I want as opposed to what I want others to believe about me.

Like some of you all, I was born to it. My beloved maternal grandmother was an immigrant ILGW lady, an incredibly skilled sewist, both professionally and personally. Because her work was producing what was going to be in the high end department stores next season, she always knew what was super on-trend. Even though they were dirt poor, when my mom was a teenager/young woman, she always had the best wardrobe because my grandmother would just copy for her whatever she was sewing in work. So by the time I came along and spent my young childhood being dragged around to fabric stores by the two of them and made to amuse myself by looking at pattern books, it was instilled in me that fashion was both enjoyable and important.

So, I've always been interested in clothes. I'm 60 years old now and I can remember specific clothing items I wore in high school 45 years ago and complete outfits I wore in college. It always surprises me momentarily when other people *don't* have fond memories of a pair of boots they had in 1982. Then I remember that I, in fact, am the one who's the weirdo.

What a rich thread! Thank you, Synne, and thanks to all who have contributed. I've smiled and even shed a few tears, reading these responses.

(Also, Synne, re your style: what Jenn said!)

Andrea H. like you I am past 60 now and I still remember clothing and footwear items from childhood. Sal, I swear, we had the same red shoes, and for the same reason—I insisted! Also, it really was true love. I wore those red shoes into the ground, just like every other beloved pair of shoes I've owned since. My mother saved them...somewhere they are in a storage box, the soles almost worn through, even though it could not have been a full year before I grew out of them!

Colour, fabric, textures -- costume -- all of these have always been sources of joy for me. (Like others, I've always loved decorating an interior space, as well) I, too, lived for those rare trips to purchase "outfits" for a new school year when I had grown out of my other clothes, and how I loved it when I got a clothing allowance and started earning my own money, as a teen, so I could make my own purchases! Also, my mother -- with whom I had a difficult relationship in some ways -- was the best mom when it came to teenage shopping. She took me and my two best girlfriends to the big city and set us loose in Fairweather's, where we could revel in teen fashion to our hearts' content!

And yet, Peri, and others who have expressed style confusion or a sense of inadequacy -- I share those feelings, too. I got to have fun shopping and spending my own money, but it's not as if I felt like I actually was fooling anybody into thinking I looked cool. At the time, I'd go back to school and still feel kind of out of it. And still get teased for wearing glasses or having the wrong hair, or whatever.

So Stagliare Fash, when you say: "In this thread, I see others like me who have developed a sense of fun after feeling put upon for the longest time. Then there are those who say they loved style and fashion from childhood, which I see as a different group," I have to respectfully disagree about the dichotomy.

For me, it was a both/ and situation. What I loved in childhood, I lost (to an extent) in adolescence and adulthood. Like Jenni, in the busy child raising years and during periods when my income was severely restricted and I simply could not afford new clothing beyond basics, I lost my connection to fashion. There was a 10 to 12 year period in my life before I joined YLF when I did not have a functional wardrobe at all (just jeans and a few sweaters and maybe a skirt from Old Navy or Gap) and my yearly purchases consisted of whatever undies and boots I needed. Full stop.

Some might say I am making up for lost time, and maybe so...but so be it. It is a way of reconnecting with childhood joy and the most positive aspects of my relationship to my mother. So there it is.

I credit Angie and this forum for making space for me to figure all of this out and grow into my own style. SO GRATEFUL.

Suz I wholeheartedly agree! The combination of our commonalities, our differences, and our ability as a community to talk about them in a supportive way as led by Angie is what makes YLF a truly special place!! Thanks Synne for this thoughtful and rich topic xx

I'm late to this thread, and haven't read all the responses, but what I have read is SO interesting!

It's a bit surprising in some ways that I have any interest in fashion at all. My father was and still is a devoted outdoorsman, and my earliest years were spent living mostly in northern Indigenous communities far from urban anything. When we moved from the north, it was to a small prairie farming community.

My mother has never been into fashion been a particularly confident or creative dresser. When I think of her dressier items, though, she always went for very simple pieces and good quality. 

Like others of you, my interest in fashion manifested early -- maybe it was a way to live a life that was more glamorous and interesting than my surroundings provided.

I spent hours upon hours dressing my paper dolls and designing clothes for them -- including shoes and even sunglasses...

Even today I play dress up -- bringing home things I know I don't need and won't keep, just to play around with them. Literally 'trying on' different looks and styles. 

In a nutshell my why is complex -- to stand out, to fit in, to serve as a creative outlet, to project an attitude or message. 

I lost my fashion mojo after gaining quite a bit of weight, and for a while dressed mostly to hide. I've lost some of the weight and regained the enjoyment and am starting to plan for a post-full-time work life in the next couple of years.

I am so accustomed to buying clothes that will mostly be worn indoors, with what I would call indoor shoes (not the same shoes I would wear for walking any distance) -- it is going to take me a while to get the mix right. But it's a new creative challenge, and a new reason to play, so bring it on!

ETA some of my paper doll fashions. I was a bit surprised by the white Mary Jane shoe. I like it!

Fab fashions, Carol! Those are great!

Carol: yes playing “dress up” and trying on different styles, is still fabulous fun, even as a grown up.

Without *too much* navel gazing, I'll just say that I suspect my 'Why' comes *partially* from an innate need to create & colour (I've loved to draw & write since childhood) but *mostly* because my circumstances pushed me towards it (the aforementioned hobbies were *very strongly* discouraged).

I was never allowed to paint my room (let alone hang any posters on the walls), so clothing was my only permissible creative outlet (albeit heavily censored). Verily, with all the moving & travelling I've done so far, it's the only *consistent* creative outlet I've had (I didn't bring my graphics tablet with me to Brazil, but I sure had to keep myself dressed each day to avoid indecent exposure lol!)

TL;DR: Maybe once I'm able to settle down in a *bought* place of my own (not rented), I'll prefer to focus all my creative energy on decor instead of clothes? Only time will tell