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WWYD: wedding invitation for a second string friend

JAileen

Veteran

My neighbor brought over an invitation to their daughter's wedding yesterday. The wedding is more than a month off. Our neighbors were away several weeks ago and we picked up their mail. It was hard not to notice the RSVPs in their mail. (The RSVP card has a send by date of 3 days ago.) So we're their "second string" friends. That is, we were invited after some first string declined. After I realized we weren't invited I was kind of hurt of course, but then I thought well, I'll save a lot of time and money (don't need to figure out an outfit!). Plus it's an outdoor wedding and promises to be in the 90s. My husband doesn't care one way or the other.

I should add, I love my neighbor. She has been wonderful these 20 years, in more ways than I could list here.

If we do go, figuring out an outfit would be a nightmare: it will be very very hot, and there will be no pavement, just dirt. Also, we probably won't know anyone except some other neighbors who are also second string, and who may or may not go.

What would you do?

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46 replies

Latest reply was from JAileen

Diana

Veteran

The thing with wedding invite lists is that there are so many factors at play - family politics, negotiations with the in laws, cost considerations, etc - that you can never invite everyone you want to. So I wouldn't be insulted.

I'd go, and I'd shop my closet for it.

And for the record I have been the VERY last minute invited guest at a wedding. Like, less than two weeks notice last minute. And you know what? I went, I had fun, and I did not feel awkward about it at all.

Anonymous

For a wonderful neighbor of 20 years, I'd go. I doubt they expect people to dress to the nines if it's out in the heat and dust. Just a nice, cool, simple dress would do the trick, I'm sure. I hope you'll go and have a very nice time!

JAileen

Veteran

Diana, Xtabay, you're both very mature. Thank you.

rachylou

Veteran

I love a good wedding. Maybe she wanted always to walk it over and stuff got in the way (like wedding planning fatigue). I think you should go. Marriage is community.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

For a neighbor who has been good for so many years, I'd go too. Dont take this personally; I'm sure they don't mean any disrespect by not inviting you earlier. But Diana & Xtabay have mentioned all the reasons that could've contributed here. And to be honest..it doesn't quite matter...you're invited now

As for what to wear, your situation reminded me of a post I read last summer, but I hunted it out for you so you'd get ideas

http://www.notdressedaslamb.co.....s.html?m=1

JAileen

Veteran

Rachy, you're right. And I don't want to hurt my neighbor AT ALL.

Maneera, the link has some good ideas. Thank you.

Long range forecast:

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MsMary

Veteran

I am in the midst of making a wedding guest list and I am here to tell you it is ridiculously hard. I bet you anything she is thinking something like "Oh, boy! My annoying aunt declined and now I will have room for my lovely neighbor JAileen!"

I'd go and shop my closet, as Diana suggests.

catgirl

Veteran

Go! If they didn't want to invite you at all, you wouldn't have gotten the invitation. Totally agree with the others here. If it were a destination wedding it would be a little different financially....

JAileen

Veteran

Mary, thank you for your lovely comment.

Una, you're right. Thank you.

Anonymous

And see, I'm the outlier who would send a gift and not go. An outdoor wedding in 95 F heat sounds like , well, you know what , to me. I'm actually surprised you weren't invited - if you lived next door to them for 20 years, and obviously knew the daughter, it seems odd to me. Oh whatever, I'm not a fan of those occasions where you have to sit through dinner, speeches, etcetc and don't know a soul. I figure being invited after the fact gives you an easy way out of going if you're not feeling it.

JAileen

Veteran

Lisa, your plan is very tempting. 95 is very unappealing.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

There are a myriad of reasons for the late invitation. I've learned that it's best not to assume when you don't know the facts. You love your neighbour - go to the wedding! Shop your closet and you will be fine.

JAileen

Veteran

Angie, thanks for the kind words. I just got home from buying a wedding present.

Elle

Veteran

I would go to the wedding. My daughter got married last year and we had to leave long time friends off the list because we had to invite all the family - even though some of them are awful. So it truly isn't personal. You like your neighbors and I'm sure they'd appreciate your support.

Once the wedding is over and you've said your congratulations and eaten cake, nothing says you have to stay that long....

JAileen

Veteran

Elle, thank you for sharing your experience. I think that's exactly the situation here.

MsMary

Veteran

Coming back to say that Lovely Fiance and I have a list of ten Rules for Life, and number 7 is "presume good intentions." I think you are doing the right thing!

JAileen

Veteran

Mary, thanks. What are your other rules?

rachylou

Veteran

Um, that's soooo much nicer, Mary, than my 'Never assume maliciousness for what stupidity can explain' Lol. You're good people.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

EXCELLENT, JAileen. Now we can cheer you on in your outfit.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Glad you are sorted, and going and now let's get to work on your outfit.

And I also want to hear the rest of Mary's rules.

JAileen

Veteran

Angie, Suz, thank you.

Mary, yoo hoo, we need your rules, please.

Anonymous

I'd go. It could be that you are more friends with the mom of bride, and not the bride herself? If that's the case, mom may not have had as much sway on guest list. That's just one possible interpretation, but it ultimately doesn't matter. Keeping your good neighbor friend should be your objective here. Just maybe don't stay long in the heat.

Style Fan

Veteran

I try to not make assumptions. Similar to Ms Mary and her LF. My stepson #1 recently got married and agonized over his guest list. Stepson #2 is getting married this summer. More agony. I remember getting married and the guest list. The people you have to invite. They are on the first round.
Who cares what round you are on?
She is a good neighbour. She probably wants you there and is happy she can invite you.

My brother and 2 sisters eloped. Smart. No guest list.

JAileen

Veteran

Delurked, I am friends with the MoB. You may be right about the list.

Style Fan, I guess list agony is common. I've mentioned eloping to my own son several times as a good solution to wedding folderol.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

It's the darned "what Ifs" speaking to you. You just tell them to be quite because you are going to support your friend.

Anonymous

I agree with everyone who tells you not to make assumptions. Go to support your friend. You might end up enjoying yourself.

JAileen

Veteran

Ledonna, BC, thank you. You're both absolutely right.

AviaMariah

Veteran

I was just going to say basically what everyone else did. But now I also want to hear the rest of Mary's rules as I love #7!

JAileen

Veteran

AviaMariah, thank you. I know, I want to hear the rest, too!

Mary, yoo hoo, what are other rules?

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