WIW...for a day on the road - YouLookFab Forum

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WIW...for a day on the road

Carla

Veteran

After a 10 day visit, I returned my mother to whence she came. She was glad to have a break from her apartment in a Big City (Ottawa). Unfortunately we do not have the best mother/daughter relationship. She is critical of my appearance and fashion choices - wants me to colour my hair, and volunteered that I’m letting myself go. *sigh* She also asked when I was going to hem my (frayed edge) bottoms. LOL!

Train travel is risky, so I drove to Ottawa and got her safely back to her apartment, then turned around to come home. Long day in the car. I liked this outfit quite a bit, and the jacket was good for air con. The white shorts are going to be summer MVP’s, and the new RM bag is a pet!

Thanks for looking!

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38 replies

Latest reply was from Mainelady

Anonymous

I like your outfit a lot too - in fact it’s quite fantastic . My late mother once offered me money to buy new jeans because the ones I was wearing had so many holes in them . I was in my 50’s.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I like your outfit from head to toe including your bag. I think my mom has finally stopped saying I should dye my hair.

slim cat

Veteran

You look wonderful and I want your outfit for myself!
My mom would always comment that some of my pants fit too tight - LOL! I was size 0 and baggy/loose fitting pants made me look even more slim ( and gave me flat butt ). Once she asked me - why did I bring old jeans for the home visit ( Moscow, Russia ) - the jeans were new with some shading/sanding effect .

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ach. What a kind daughter you are. Not to mention stylish! I love everything about this outfit. And increasingly I am coming to believe that some people find their satisfaction in carping at others. Why it should be so i do not know

.

AJ

Veteran

You look FAB! I've really been liking olive lately so your outfit is a hit with me!

My mom doesn't care for my curly hair either and prefers it when I have it braided. <Sigh>

Thank you for respecting and caring for her even when her opinions don't encourage such loving treatment. Hugs!

Anonymous

Interesting! And yet to me you seem so stylish and pulled together and your hair is the perfect finishing touch! Oh well. what can you do, it's a mystery.

I hope she has some sweet qualities to offset the less delightful, you seem like such a kind and generous person, always with interesting skills and solutions.

JAileen

Veteran

WRT mothers: join the club, Carla. I think you look great! I love all the olive.

Sal

Veteran

You look fantastic - and it would have been good for your Mum to have a change of scene.

I think some people just don't understand the distressed look at all, and think women should keep their hair coloured forever. She won't change and a big deep breath (and a glass of wine) are sometimes needed to keep things sane.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

On the hair colour thing -- it seems to be one of those issues that women become sharply divided about -- similar to whether you work outside the home or not when you have children (assuming you have the immense privilege to choose -- something almost none of us has today!)

My own mother never dyed her hair but n her social class and generation this choice was extremely unconventional, and all my aunts and all her friends and neighbours were always after her to colour. I admit, as a child, I used to wish she would because she looked so *different* from the other mothers!! (Of course, the fact that she was at least a decade older than most of those mothers meant nothing to me at the time...sigh...)

Anyway. I was fortunate that she never pressured me to dye my hair. Her comments about my hair involved its length. She hated if I let it get long. I must admit, she was right. Short does suit me better. But I hadn't asked her opinion. And that is the point. Why do some people feel it is perfectly okay to offer their views when those views have not been solicited?

unfrumped

Veteran

I love this outfit and may need to copy it!

Hoping some of mum’s sayings are somewhat rote- sometimes people just can’t get a new line going. I am sure her vacay with you was a great break for her , so do not let yourself be discouraged.

Anonymous

Carla, you look fabulous. Parents are living in a different world, some think if their kids have grey hair it makes them (the parent) seem old. Y parents wanted to see me in a dress always. Because that’s what females wore most of their lives. How they could live in a small Iowa town where everyone wore jeans, I will never understand. Do not let your mother’s critical comments get to you.

bridgie

Veteran

Runcarla, I am older than your Mom, and I want to say that I think you are always neatly dressed and appropriate for any occasion. And your hair is very pretty.

I just deleted two paragraphs of rambling on and on.

I am truly sorry your feelings were hurt. You did not deserve that. Hugs

Jenni NZ

Veteran

It’s hard to have a critical mother, Carla. Mine was critical always, and despite her having died in 1999 I still suffer from it. It also has made me quite a critical person myself despite all my efforts ( including counselling) not to be. I do hope and feel that I have not been as critical to my own 3 children but sometimes I am sure I have. My relationship with Mum did improve for the last 9 years of her life, after I had the children, and I did love her and still miss her sometimes!
Having said that, you have been wonderfully kind to yours with this trip and I think you look gorgeous in your outfit, such perfectly matching greens!
And you have lovely hair.
The “letting oneself go” concept is quite snobbish when you think about it. Surely it is a matter of one’s own choice how polished or “done up” one decides to be.

Brooklyn

Veteran

You look fabulous RC! Love the olive and white, and the pattern mix.

My mum is constantly telling me she is able to mend my frayed hems. She says they look “cheap, cheap, cheap”. She also likes me to wear my hair curly but to dye it very blonde. I was naturally very blonde until I was 12, so that’s why she likes it dyed. Child forever. I don’t quite understand the preference for curls however because my hair didn’t go curly until adulthood. The mysteries of maternal preferences. But, like all mums, she is never shy about making her preferences known.

DYOT with pride. You always look fab.

Adela

This is a great outfit, I love the olive- white combination, subtle pattern and shoes, of course.

nemosmom

Veteran

You are so generous to have treated your mom to a change of scenery - and even escorted her home! You look radiant, and the pattern mix is brilliant! My late mom rarely had anything nice to say (about anyone or anything); it can be such a challenge to let that criticism go.

I hope you didn't let your mom get into your head - you are amazing, inside and out.

lyn67

Veteran

"Why do some people feel it is perfectly okay to offer their views when those views have not been solicited?" -sobbing...:-(
I really love your outfit and hair, Carla-you always look put together and stylish no matter what!

But ack, I sometimes do the same mistake, and make an unsolicited comment to my DD(23) but always thought the mother-daughter relationship is one which easily survives the trauma...(?)
I don't want to persecute my DD -it is only a gentle way to remind her to care more about her looks. She is young and naturally beautiful so she seldom really needs to be adviced- but some of her pals are so high maintenance- I sometimes have to wonder...
Surely, I think my comments are really comming from my own personal insecurieties and fears ref. how we, women of all ages and bodies, are percieved by our (sometimes really harsh) environment, so when I make that comment I always want/wish my DD's the best- though will have to rethink, I guess.

Minaminu

Veteran

you look great! I like the colour combination, it looks fresh and you seem to be very relaxed.

I too have a tricky relationship with my mum, it's a generational and cultural gap that I had to embrace - no point in arguing with her as somehow she seems win!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

KILLER look, Carla. You wear curly hair with the best of them! White jeans have become signature, and I LOVE the pattern and texture mix here. You are looking sooooooo good!

Nice that you got your Mama out. You are a wonderful daughter.

Relationships with Mums can be very tricky. Even though I had a wonderful one with mine, my Mum was very candid about my outfits. She praised what she loved, and was fast to tell me what she thought looked awful, and not very tactfully!

(((HUGS))). DYOT and know that you look FABULOUS. Much love. xo

Murph11

Veteran

You’re a saint, RC... and a stylish one at that! DYOT (or be like Taylor and “Shake it off”).

Laurie

Veteran

I looked at the photo before I read your entry, and thought, "wow - what an amazing outfit from top to bottom, she looks so great!" And, then I read. I feel for you. I have a mother who cares mostly about appearances over anything else about a person - hers, mine, and everyone else's. It's gotten more pronounced the older she gets and is absolutely annoying on the best of days, and very hurtful on others. I did have to laugh about the frayed hem...

This is one of my favorite outfits of yours! The bag is quite the icing on the cake! I love the ties at the wrist of the jacket, and the white and green is excellent.

YOU ARE A GOOD DAUGHTER.

madeline

Veteran

What Laurie said-you are a GOOD daughter-more than good-patient and kind.
You look fab in olive - stay true to your style. You rock.

Windchime

Veteran

You look wonderful in this outfit, Carla! It’s sad that your Mom isn’t able to see and enjoy that. Her saying that you are letting yourself go is kind of out of touch with reality. I wonder if Moms being critical of daughters’ physical appearance is generational.

NancyW

Veteran

As always a well thought out active retirement outfit. The energy you put into planning your wardrobe really pays off time and again. I keep meaning to learn from your example My mother was very critical until I married. It took me a few years to notice that she had stopped commenting on my appearance once I was a grown-up-married-woman. Of course I did have
my grandmother to keep up the commentary! You are a good daughter.

celia

Veteran

You are very kind, Carla. Mothers can get on our last nerves in a very special way, I am sure I will also drive DD crazy eventually.
I wonder why we have such strong feelings/opinions about hair color and length.
I personally think you look wonderful and that outfit is perfect.

nuancedream

Veteran

Carla, I can certainly understand how our mothers can push all of our buttons, especially when it comes to our personal appearance. Sometimes, my mother could be effusive with her praise if she liked something I was wearing or she could offer withering and unwarranted criticism. You are a wonderful daughter and never forget that fact. I think you look terrific, as always, in olive and white. I am stealing all the components of that outfit for my upcoming vacation.

whidbeygirl

Dying hair was never a thought that occurred to me. My mother was an older mom (as am I) and she had beautiful white hair as early as I can remember. She often would get the comment especially when I was young that I must be her granddaughter. My hair never turned as white as hers but it's more of a 'rose gray'. That is the term we would use when we raised alpacas for the ones that had a beautiful mix of brown and white fibers. A lovely color. So I've taken to that description for my natural hair color. During the current era of zoom I've been chatting and seeing online a group of college buddies..and I will admit that some of them do look younger with the hair color of our college days. Nevertheless, I wear my 'rose gray' with pride.

catherine

Veteran

Carla, you always look just right and put together.
Honestly, I can’t even imagine telling my 35 year old daughter how to dress or wear her hair. She’s a grown woman!

Carla

Veteran

Thank you for your kind words in response to this post. Though feeling a bit beat down ATM, I will bounce back! I’m not questioning my style decisions, but feel badly about mom’s behaviour. She is alienating people even as she needs them more.

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