Why is "twee" such a horrible thing? :( - YouLookFab Forum

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Why is "twee" such a horrible thing? :(

Twinkling

(website)

So, as I try to figure out more about my style I'm getting a better understanding of the things I like-soft fabrics (chiffon, tulle, etc.), A-line and circle skirts, peter pan collars (HATE pointy collars), adorable prints, bows, dainty florals and ruffles, etc and Zooey Deschanel is basically my style icon. However, often I find that the things I like are associated with the word "twee". I'm still trying to wrap my head around this word, but from what I understand it is definitely not a good thing.

I don't understand how something can be "precious" or TOO sweet. I do know when things look to childish and I'm trying very hard not to look like a little girl, but why is liking traditionally feminine things such a bad thing? I feel like attempting to follow this type of style, I am setting myself up for failure or that I simply have a bad taste in fashion. I know I'm not a child, and yes, I do want to look my age.

Can people please enlighten me? I had thought in a fashion friendly forum perhaps it would be more open to all styles, but when I attempted a search I was once again reminded that twee is something people do NOT want to be associated with. Should I shy away from the elements I adore? Should I mix it with things I don't like but are deemed are more mature and grown-up to avoid being labeled in this way? I readily admit I don't have a strong sense of self image, so it's very difficult for me to just shake off the negativity and wear what I love anyway. If someone could please explain why twee has such a bad reputation, maybe I could understand better why it's not something I would want to emulate.

General

44 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

Alassë

Veteran

Those of us who enjoy traditional/old-fashioned feminine detailing are in a tiny minority, I think. Take at look at E's WIWs; she often incorporates bows, Peter pan collars, full skirts, lace/pintucks, etc.

Traci

Veteran

As someone who likes a bit of twee, I think it gets a bad rap. Yes, there are childish or teeny bopper looking clothes that are inappropriate on a grown woman, but I see totally age appropriate items labeled as too twee, and I don't agree. I remember a Peter pan collar blouse from Boden a couple of years ago that I adored. It looked vintage secretary to me, not little girl.

We had a similar discussion a while back about "trendy".

columbine(erin)

Veteran

I agree with Alasse. Also, many women need to command respect in their settings and wearing items that skew twee do not help. Personally, I'm a petite with a young face and so I avoid a few things that get me mistaken for a child. But you need to wear what you love and what works in your setting!

Anonymous

I love feminine things! I love full skirts, lace, pin tucks, purses, shoes, nail polish, makeup. I celebrate my femininity every chance I get.

I get what you are saying about some women being off put by femininity. I truly do not know what to make of them. It is almost as though they are ashamed of being feminine.

This is a fashion forum. And if you love feminine clothes, by all means, wear them and relish them. I know I do.

Aziraphale

Veteran

This is all about personal taste, and about language. There is almost always more than one way to express an idea, and some ways are pejorative. For example, determined and stubborn basically mean the same thing, but while the former is a compliment, the latter generally isn't. When someone uses the term twee, they are betraying their (negative) opinion of a certain aesthetic that might just as well -- and more kindly -- described as delicately feminine or girlishly pretty.

ETA I think the reason so many people shy away from "twee" is twofold: one, no one wants to look like she's desperately trying to look younger than she is, and a certain kind of feminine outfit can skew pretty young; and two, delicately, girlishly feminine is not "cool" in our current popular culture. Doesn't mean that this kind of look can't look great on the right person. If you feel right in it, and you get the details right, then it's the right look for you.

Meredith

Veteran

You are right that a lot of people on the forum don't want to look sweet, cute, or girly. But don't mistake opinions about ones own style preferences for blanket statements about what's stylish. Alasse, E, and *lyn come to mind when I think of softer more feminine styles. There is room for all around here. Style is going to be shaped by preferences, life stage, environment, etc. what feels right for you might indeed be very wrong for a 60 year old corporate executive or for someone that identifies with tomboy style. It is unfortunate, though, that we have this word "twee" that has such negative connotations. Normally for other styles we don't care for we would just say I have a poison eye for that style, or its not my cup of tea.

Diana

Veteran

I don't think it's a bad thing! I think many women wear the elements you're talking about in a very sophisticated and lovely manner. Eva (E) on this forum comes to mind.

For me, personally, I have to be a little careful with going overboard with those types of elements (although I do like them!) because I am short and I look young and I work in an environment where the lines between undergrad, grad student, postdoc, and professor are not at all well-delineated as is. I get mistaken for a student all.the.time and it annoys me.

I will say I don't like the term "twee" just because it's gotten a lot of negative connotations. I prefer feminine, or delicate, or even just pretty.

Astrid

Veteran

I hope this was not because I said those Pinterest pictures were too twee in my thread? Honestly, it was not that I think twee is a bad thing, just that it isn't right for me personally. We were talking about Kibbe types and I guess I had an inner resistance about considering SG as a possibility with those Pinterest pictures in mind because personally twee doesn't do much for me. I do love a femine vibe, but in small doses I guess. That said, if you're loving it, go for it! I think everybody should dress however they want, be it twee, urban cool, modern classic, retro or whatever.

Gaylene

Veteran

I think "twee" is one of those words like "frumpy" which people use to label a look they don't find attractive. Using either of those terms in a search, isn't likely to give you positive sounding comments because of the way the terms are commonly used.

If you want to find more positive examples, use the terms "soft", "romantic", and "feminine". As Alasse mentions, the style you are describing is probably not well represented on the forum, but Angie does post items that fit into this look quite frequently.

Beth Ann

Veteran

A forum search for a term, such as "twee," pulls up at lot of threads without placing them in their context. The word "twee" has mildly negative connections, but "feminine," "romantic," "delicate," do not. Searching those words might get some good results. I always pay attention to a poster's style goals. If someone is in a style shift, and wants to look bolder, saying they don't want to be "twee," I'll gladly give feedback to help them meet their goals. If you posted, saying you love feminine details, I would support you to excel in your style aesthetic, too!

I second Alasse --- check out E's contribution, or Alasse's WIW posts. Also, Diana and Ingunn. Survey the bloggers that Inge highlights every week - these women often have a lot of classic femininity in their style. And remember that we all have "poison eye" for certain things! There was a time, in the late 90's and early 00's, when empire waists with ties in the back, pouf sleeves and ruffles were everywhere! Some of us were glad to leave them behind when trends shifted --- others wear these elements proudly and beautifully as part of their personal style. I, for one, am making the most of the current love of vibrant jewel tones, because I know that mainstream fashion will shift. When the rest of the world wears neutrals, I'll be proudly sporting my shocking hues!

Peri

Veteran

I never even knew what it meant or where that word came from! At 55 I really have to avoid going too young and cute, but I do love pretty.

I think it's the same as the word frumpy, which I personally have been on useless campaigns to have us quit using. There is a big board fear of looking frumpy, but one person's frump is another's easy going casual. Even Angie said, something is frumpy until it isn't. No one can even say exactly what it is.

So like frumpy, twee is in the eye of the beholder. Someone with an edgy style will behold it pretty quickly, while someone whose style is more feminine might have a higher bar before feeling overdone.

As there are very few teenagers on the forum, it makes sense that our twin fears are looking too young and looking too old. The balancing point for all adult women I think.

Anonymous

Like any look or style, that twee/uber feminine look can veer into costume territory if worn from head to toe, complete with accessories, makeup and hair. So can steampunk, punk, architectural, athletic, vintage, etc etc etc. So I don't think it's the feminine look in general that is seen as bad, it's those who take it one step too far into costume territory that give it the bad rap. Zooey Deschanel also plays it up with her big round eyes and bangs and lipstick - but she's a media figure, which gives her a pass

Anonymous

You should be able to dress the way you want. However, as much as I love the romantic and feminine clothing you describe, it simply doesn't suit my physical characteristics or my lifestyle. I do feel great in what I can wear successfully (the things I can convincingly pull off, so to speak), so I'm happy. Don't let people put you down for your likes/dislikes--particularly when it comes to clothing.

Twinkling

(website)

This wasn't directed at anyone specifically, I apologize if it seemed that way. It was mostly a result of typing in the word 'twee' in the search engine (as I had thought that would be the word to use to best describe the style I like) and realizing that even here it's not really something that's held in high regard. I realize now that perhaps using some other descriptors might work better for me to find some more positive reinforcement in the style I like and to see more examples of how others ladies dress themselves.

You guys are explaining the concept to me MUCH better than I've seen anywhere else (I've often been told that it simply looks "precious" which I don't understand as being a bad word-since when was precious a bad word?), so I really appreciate it. Also, I didn't know what the term "poison eye" meant either, so thank you for also explaining that to me!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

It's a personal preference. Some like a twee look. Good for them. Others abhor it.

We have forum members who wear twee looks too perfection, and they wouldn't have it any other way. We DO celebrate all sartorial preferences, but of course - fashion is very subjective - and you will find twee-haters amongst the ones who love the look.

shedev

Veteran

I think of Zoey Deshanel as more retro than twee.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

YLF tends to be modern classic on the average, from Angie's own influence and the fact that many other fashion forums skew very young and/or trend driven. I think we do a decent job of being open to all kinds of styles but obviously there's a level of group think that happens in any community.

Once the forum 'knows' you a little better it's easier too. I wouldn't think of suggesting to E that she start wearing sheath dresses and heels, or that Deborah should stop wearing black. Presumably no one would tell me I should give up all my jeans, either!

Speaking on a larger scale, I do think traditionally feminine looks can feel problematic to some women, myself included. We don't yet live in a post-misogynistic world, and a lot of people dismiss feminine traits as weak or lesser than masculine traits. When you're struggling to be taken seriously, in a job or a community, it's logical to use every weapon at your disposal, including dressing in a more masculine or androgynous style, or avoiding girly touches that might strike others the wrong way. It sucks, and hopefully we'll soon be able to let everyone express themselves in their wardrobe without having to worry about traditional gender roles, but we're not there yet. If you're interested in that sort of thing, annagybe's recent thread about shoes would be a good read, if you haven't seen it yet.

Twinkling

(website)

That makes sense about the demographic of this website generally leaning toward a different style. I've had a somewhat difficult time navigating my way through other fashion forums as I agree, they tend to be geared to a younger audience and I feel like I'm at a very different stage in my life than high schoolers and young college women. But still, even if I differ from most people here, I can genuinely say this has been the nicest forum I've found and I'm glad I'm still welcome

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

OF COURSE, you are welcome Twinkling. I look forward to seeing your style.

Actually, I think this forum has a wide variety of styles and it's GLOBAL. People that work in a corporate environment. SAHMs. Retirees. Scientists. Academics. IT Specialists. Writers. Artists. Doctors. Teachers. Lawyers. At one point, it was heavily Urban Warrior Princess.

Iron Ethel Flint

I can relate to your post since I also find myself attracted to an unpopular style among my own social circle.

I dread "hippie-dippie", "'60s throwback", and "stoner" just as you dread "twee". I posted some concrete examples of what I would love to wear if i knew nobody would see me and laugh and a poster who describes herself as living in "hipsterville" informed me that they would be considered cutting edge trendy among her own circle.

This has been a very friendly and accepting place in my limited experience, so i would like to encourage you to explore your own taste, what attracts your eye, what you love, and reframe it in positive language such as delicate or feminine.

You may not be able to wear Peter Pan collars at work any more than i can wear denim jumpers to a PTA meeting, but hopefully you will find the same kind of help I did.

Now I know the right search terms to type into eBay to look for a chambray shirtdress that is comfortable enough for housework but fine to wear to the grocery store and library.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What a great discussion. Thank you for raising the question.

I agree with what others have said and would only be repeating it. But I think if you look for "romantic" or "feminine" or even "gamine," those words won't turn up the same negative connotations.

Twee is a pejorative, like frumpy, as Peri says, and is somewhat in the eye of the beholder. I'm not sure it's always about overly feminine or youthful details, either. Sometimes I think we apply it to looks that have a sort of "fussiness" to them that we stereotypically (and perhaps wrongly) associate with "ladies who lunch." Or to a sort of costumed effect, as Lisa said.

Still, what's twee for me might be "squee" for you.

I love to see people dress in ways that complement their features and their lives, that make them feel their best selves. Whatever that means!

Bring on the style variety.

Marilyn

Veteran

I had never heard the term twee until reading this thread. Learned something new today. Feminine styles are not my thing but I'm all for people wearing whatever styles make them happy. Variety is the spice of life, right.

The thing that attracted me to this particular group is the women here sport a variety of styles...some I like, some I don't.....and it's like one happy family. It's a supportive group. I've encountered women in other groups who could get quite hostile if you dared not like something they did.

Thistle

Veteran

It is because the word is designed to be horrible, but the styles associated with it aren't. The person using the word twee just doesn;t like them.

Twee is the word for soft, feminine, etc. when you don't like that look.

Kind of like corporate when you don't like a more classic look.

KikiG

Veteran

I think you say "charming" or "pretty" when the style aligns with the age of the wearer, and the look overall works, and you say "twee" when it misses. Think: Deloris Umbridge, and her gamboling kittens-on-plates, in Harry Potter, and her cutsie tweed suits. Twee on steroids, ick. I saw a What Not to Wear, years ago, and the petite, mid-30s subject had, and wore in public and to work, three sets of fairy wings. Twee, and ick. I'm sorry, but I have a very strong reaction to fairy wings on anyone over 6 on a day other than October 31.

I am middle aged, but I like pretty, feminine clothes. I am careful with detail (too much, I think, looks Jr. department, not age appropriate) and I'm careful to mix, say, something with a little lace with things that are clean lined. If everything I had on was detailed and "fancy" it would be Too Much.

Staysfit

Veteran

I have learned something new here. I thought twee was twin sister of gamine. Now I know it's the evil step mother.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Agreed with Diana and others. If a style speaks to you and is appropriate to your life, rock it! I am decidedly non-twee, but I'm also almost 50 years old and have never been particularly fond of ruffles, bows, or anything cutesy (or is that another pejorative term? ;-). I for one welcome more diversity in style in the forum, so please don't feel like you can't represent here!

Dee

Veteran

This was a fascinating thread to me. I don't see twee and delicate/feminine/pretty as the same thing AT ALL. To me, twee implies a childishness that can be a part of those other descriptors but isn't inherent to them. I can see a lot of items having feminine details (lace, collars, skirts) without seeming twee.

I also think your personality and attitude play a large part in how people perceive you and the clothes you wear, so unless there is a complete disconnect like some of the What Not to Wear examples, you should be able to incorporate the things you like into your style.

E

Veteran

Twinkling, I was just reading a book about how American women got dressed in various decades of the 20th century, and two things jumped out at me: before the feminist revolution (and thank goodness for it), women wore all kinds of collars and fuller skirts (vs pencil) as serious workwear. It saddens me that nowadays the only really serious option is a menswear style collar (and men used to have so many more neckwear options too! cravats!) and that pencil skirts, which are the most difficult to move in, are viewed as more serious/grown up than other skirt silhouettes. I too prefer round collars and wish they weren't so associated with little girls nowadays, as that hasn't always been the case! I think full skirts are starting to come back into the mainstream fashion, so hopefully that means in future they won't have such a strong juvenile association.

Anyway, as a couple posters mentioned, I often tend towards the more feminine/girly/delicate side of dressing, including an unabashed use of bows, ruffles, and ditsy florals, lol, and the forum has been very welcoming to me. So don't worry about posting your outfits, even if they differ from the norm! I'm 29 now, and while I do want to grow more elegant/sophisticated/etc. as I move through my 30s, I have no intention of giving up the fit and flare silhouette or round collars. Or the little details that some would describe as 'fussy,' but I describe as 'lovely.' In my case, I enjoy combining those feminine elements with a certain groundedness/sturdiness/practicality that just works best for my lifestyle, but I don't think that's a requirement at all. The only thing I think you have to embrace when dressing in this way is that people are going to call you cute; luckily that doesn't bother me. hehe Anyway, I look forward to seeing posts from you!

...and now it's time for me to get back into sewing a full, pintucked skirt that I hope to share with the forum soon...

chadya

Veteran

Twee and Frumpy
hard to define but we definitely know it when we see it

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