What to wear to a funeral :( - YouLookFab Forum

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What to wear to a funeral :(

mumtojessandluke

Oh bother. I haven't been round the forum for a little while.
Lots of stuff happening at the moment.
I got run into by an old friend...literally. She hit my car while I was waiting for traffic at a give way sign :(. Not too keen about the whole thing, she jumped out and was wearing stilettos (GRRR) and split Coke on herself! Car is damaged most likely beyond repair. Two weeks of dealing with insurance agency. Kids in the car with me (Thank goodness for child restraints), I went to hospital. Neck brace is not a great fashion accessory!!! 4.5hours waiting for x-ray. Nurse who didn't give me a buzzer at all :(. In pain for two weeks. Then DD's (Jessica) teacher suggested for her to be pulled out of Kindergarten and start again next year. Big decisions. Then my DH's Nan (beautiful lady she was), broke her hip and was on morphine. A few hours later we were called again and told that she had passed away. On top of all of that, I'm trying to do paperwork to finish up this financial year for the buisness. And yep, we tried to get finance and 'computer said no' to a car loan for the buisness, since the GFC hit lenders have been really strict with lending money. Rats, that was my plan to get a reliable car for DH's buisness and drop our income down a peg to avoid higher tax brackets.
My MIL has lent me her car (small blessings :)) So we can make it to Nan's funeral, 3 hours away.

So, I need something quick and easy to wear that I can breastfeed in, and can wake up half asleep in the morning put on and go. Because we will need to leave by around 7:30am. And, I haven't met all the family so this will mean 1st impressions.

Funny thing is with all the other stuff going on, I've put weight on. So I'm having difficultly choosing something to wear.

La, la, la. Sometimes I just want life to slow a little.

I might see if I can post a couple of pics, choose what you think is most appropriate.

General

18 replies

Latest reply was from anne

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Hello sweety

Oh no, you poor, poor thing!

I'm so sorry to read you have most certainly been absolutely put through the absolute ringer lately. No wonder you are feeling stressed and distressed.

I must say upfront that I'm very sorry for your family's loss, that is very sad news. I'm also sad to hear about your car issues - however I'm glad that the kidlets were ok and that you are now hopefully on the mend.

In terms of what to wear, I think that really you need to look for a simple, comfortable travel outfit, almost like what you would wear on a plane. I had to go to a couple of funerals when my youngest was a wee baby, so sadly, I have a bit of experience with this scenario.

As such, I've thought about it and have come up with this suggestion, on the basis given that you are travelling, you have to breastfeed and you are feeling a little uncomfortable with your weight gain.

I'm thinking of a simple, neautral/dark coloured tunic over a slim fitted dark pant (*not* jeans for a funeral), with either a low heel, or short black boot that will be comfortable to wear. Importantly, I would also wear a scarf over the tunic. (Over a necklace, rationale is below - trust me on this!)

My rationale is that you can either pull the neckline of the top down to feed, or you can lift the top up (or maybe even unbotton). I know you are up north, but it is still winter and depending on where the funeral is held it can be a little cold.

As such, you can use the scarf to keep you warmer, however, importantly it can also act as an extra blanket and also act as a privacy shield for feeding. (It also helps to keep babies on task - there is nothing quite like when they get curious and want to have a look around for cringe worthy moment!). The scarf will also add just enough interest to your outfit to give you that "stylish" look that you are after.

I'm suggesting pants because when you travel in a car, it is practical and less likely to ride up like a skirt would. The shoes need to be sturdy as you are likely to be holding the baby.

I do have some reservations about a dress from a breastfeeding perspective I must admit. A blouse tucked into a skirt can also be uncomfortable with breastfeeding and travelling. It can be done, but really, it is going to be a long day, you have two little children, a distraught husband - you need to be comfy!

So, how does this sound? Do you own any of these items? When is the funeral? Can I send something up to you?

Sally

Veteran

What an awful situation....I hope things get better soon. I think Katiepea had great suggestions. All I can say is that as long as it is not jeans or very casual, I think anything really comfy would be suitable and comfort should be a prority as you have got a lot on your plate. the most important thing to consider would be a top that is convenient for breastfeeding. The scarf idea is good.

suzanne

I am so-so sorry for you and your family. I'm clueless as to what to wear when breastfeeding, let alone clothes that need to look smart and be practical (?) breast wise? I can only advise to colours to choose - it doesn't have to be black, but choose something in the dark, sedate colour area. Charcoal,grey, dark purple, maroon, chocolate brown and navy. Best of luck - I really hope that things take a turn for the better!

mumtojessandluke

Thanks Katiepea and Sally
Katiepea- you sure can send something 'up' to me... I think you have already, you have made me feel like wearing something comfy to the funeral will be ok. Your thoughts, and help are always welcome. Thank you.

I popped into the op shop. Amazingly, there were some breastfeeding tops there in my size. Great for privacy. Stripy, black/Grey and long enough to keep my kidneys warm. Sort of thinking of doing the 'Chanel' type look? Might not be able to pull it off though. I love scarfs, and totally agree with all you have said. I also picked up some black slacks, that fit me really well. They are more boot leg, but fit well. All that was wrong with them is that the hem on one leg was loose. I fixed it up with magic hemming tape, problem solved and nice pants for $7. I don't think I'll be this size long term, so I didn't want to spend a packet. But knowing me, I never do anyhow..LOL.
I was thinking of keeping warm with my purple long line, funnel neck jacket.

It's been a really challenging couple of weeks. At this point, I really am unsure of everything, and dropped the ball in terms of keeping house completely. It will all get better with time. I'm just glad that Nan at least had morphine for her hip, at her time of passing, she lived a good life. Nan got to 91years, got through a colostomy bag being fitted when she was in her 30's then had her last baby! She always said it was great 'There was more room for the baby'! Two strokes, many a fall she soldiers through. She was a blast to be around and no topic was ever out of bounds. She was an awesome lady for sure. Loved muted pink and pastel colors, we were alike in that way. I might wear something of that shade to remind me of her.

I am so lucky no one was seriously hurt in the car crash, and I have a lot to be grateful for. Including having people here to support me, with frivolous things like what to wear when obviously there are a lot of more important things to worry about.
Thank you so much.

mumtojessandluke

I should add, that I'm not breastfeeding a baby as such. Sorry if I gave that impression. I'm breastfeeding my DS a toddler of 2years and 3mths old. So being discrete is a necessity, and it will take me outside my comfort zone to breastfeed in front of family members that in the past have yelled at me while breastfeeding that I shouldn't be doing that :(. Hopefully, that won't happen again. But not everyone is used to seeing breasts being offered to a toddler.
With the kids now asleep, it is time for me to try on an outfit or two
I don't want to be picking what I'm wearing at 6am the morning of the funeral... disaster.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I'm so sorry for your loss. And that you've had such a rough time lately -- I hope things smooth out soon!

I had to attend a funeral last week too, and I went with a simple black dress with small blue polka dots, a black knit bolero cardigan in case the church was chilly, and black wedges. I think as longs you keep the color muted and stay away from anything too casual, you will be fine. Go for something comfortable, as it will probably feel like a long day.

HeleenH

Veteran

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Nan had a busy worthwile life and you will be missing her. I don't think you need to keep to black and dark colours, if Nan loved colour herself. I like the idea of wearing a colour she loved to wear.
It can be very awkward to nurse a toddler in company that doesn't approve of nursing (beyond 6 months of age). But you know it is perfectly fine and I suppose your husband agrees. Maybe you can discuss your feelings with him and ask him to protect you and especially DS from offensive remarks?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I am a new member and don't know you from before, but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss and the awful stress you've been under, and I think KP gave some superb advice for what to wear. Good courage to you!

Anonymous

I'm so sorry about your loss and the whole horrible stress cluster. Big hugs and sympathetic thoughts.

rosee

Veteran

(I tried typing this last night but the site wasn't working for some reason. Cut and paste always works).

Blessings to your family during this challenging time. Sorry for your loss. I hope everyone is healthy despite the accident. What a lot to deal with, you have my sympathy.

With regards as to what to wear to the funeral, Angie had this blog post a while back:
http://youlookfab.com/2010/02/.....a-funeral/

I think the key is wearing something in a muted color, dressy and modest.

Diana

Veteran

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and about all your other troubles. Hope you are holding up OK.

For the funeral/car trip, I would ordinarily go for something like a knee-length black jersey dress but I don't think that would be too practical for breast feeding. With that in mind, the black slacks are probably a good idea. Even more casual black pants as long as they are not jeans would be OK - I think people tend to see black pants and automatically think you are dressed nicely. Maybe a shirtdress type of dress might work too? Definitely bring a big wrap/shawl, the bigger the better - it will keep you warm in the church/viewing and provide privacy for breastfeeding.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh no. I'm so sorry. What an awful few weeks. My condolences.

I can't top the wisdom that has been shared here, but I just wanted to chime in and wish you luck. Hope that you feel better soon. (((HUGS))).

Freckles

Veteran

Sounds like you picked up a perfect outfit at the op shop.

I'm so sorry you lost Nan amongst a crazy week. May warm thoughts and happy memories replace the grief soon.

mumtojessandluke

Update! Although sad, it was nice to say our final farewell to Nan. Thanks for all the tips. I felt I dressed appropriately. I haven't been to many funerals (lucky I guess) so these tips were really relevant.

I wore;
-Stripy long sleeve grey/black breastfeeding stretchy t-shirt
- Black slacks
- Grey jacket/blazer
- Pearl necklace
- Boots.

To be honest in hindsight, long boots were a great idea. Even though I wore my pants over them, when we got to the cemetery I was able to tuck my pants into my boots so I didn't get mud on the bottom. There were quite a few people in very pretty shoes, one that had swede booties that were just gorgeous but I felt for her trying not to get them muddy. In the end, I found it was a lot more casual than I first thought. My DH's 3 brothers were all in jeans, where he wore a suit.

It was an absolutely beautiful service, full of celebration of her life and a gorgeous eulogy she wrote herself for the occasion.

Reading through some of the hints on here. I totally agree that a funeral outfit is a must for everyone's wardrobe, just in case the situation arises. But to me, it also needs to be flexible for daily wear as well.

Thanks once again XX

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

mumtojessandlu, I'm glad you feel you were dressed appropriately.

Thanks for chiming in and rounding up the thread with "lessons learnt", there's a lot of useful info here.

Anonymous

I'm so glad the service was beautiful and meaningful. Big hugs to you.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

I am so very glad to hear that on such a sad day, that it went well for you. I have been thinking of you and wondering how it went.

I truly hope that things have and are on the improve for you from now on for you and your lovely family. x

anne

Veteran

Glad you found a good outfit to wear on a very sad day, and sorry to hear of the problems you've been having.

Just wanted to say that you are not alone here on breastfeeding a toddler! When my youngest was 2.3 (last year) she was still on 6 feeds a day. Now at 3.5 she still has one in the night and one in the early morming.