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What is the hardest part of figuring out your style?

Alexandra

(website)

Veteran

Back a month or two ago, we had a couple of great discussions going on style descriptors and style statements. Many people had wonderful responses but there were also quite a few who said they didn't quite know. It stayed in the back of my mind and now I'm wondering where the difficulties lay.

My style descriptors were easy for me as the question came shortly after my consultation with John Kitchener but when I tried working through the Style Statement book a few years ago, I couldn't condense my style into just two words.

So for all of you, what was (or is) the hardest part of figuring out your style descriptors and/or style statement and why? Do you think it helped you or hindered you in your style journey?

Dressing

37 replies

Latest reply was from JAileen

Karie

(website)

Veteran

The hardest part of figuring out my style descriptors has been pinning it down. I don't really like to be pinned down, or tied to one thing. I'm a "go with the flow" kind of person IRL. I like to change things up now and then. Some days I feel classic, some days I feel like adding some RATE elements, etc. So I stopped trying to pin it down, as I felt I was trying to hard to fit into one category. What I started to do was to look for the common thread. And that common thread is.......well, I'm still trying to figure that one out!

Joyce B

Veteran

I'm still working on it, although one's personal style evolves with time. Eventually you figure out how to make it cohesive, functional and fun, I hope.
I have more work to go on this...
Your topic is great.

viva

Veteran

The hardest part for me is when I am attracted to something that feels outside the range of my descriptors. Like Karie, I don't want to be too pinned down; on the other hand, I do want a cohesive style. So how much can I stray? That's the challenge for me.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I worked my way through the style statement book, too, Alexandra -- but for some reason, its categories didn't speak to me. So I ended up without a two-word style statement.

I found the "what is your style NOT" (Angie's five adjectives that descrbe what you don't want) the easiest of these exercises, and a great place to begin.

It was slightly harder to come up with five adjectives that described my own style -- and five that described my aspirational style. The words felt slippery, the meanings so mutable. Take a word like "elegant" for example. There are so many ways to interpret that word. What would it mean on me, for me? That was harder to say? But the exercise definitely showed me where my REAL style and my ASPIRATIONAL style were utterly at odds, and gave me a direction to move in.

I also tried a "rubric" -- which is the way Shannon and Rae conceived it. This is, I think, an adaptation of Angie's "five adjectives" exercise -- where you pick five adjectives to describe your style. They suggested instead to pick five qualities that must be present in each outfit for it to feel like "you." So, an example for some imaginary person might be: retro, classic, feminine, colourful, comfortable.

I also tried Aida's "elements of love" exercise -- she laid out lots of questions (including Angie's but also with many of her own) that helped her hone her style.

ETA: And in addition, I tried Mrs. Eccentric's (Steph's) great idea of picking one or two favourite outfits and analyzing those. She even let me be her case study!

Even with all this internal work, I found it difficult to describe what I was after. I think, ultimately, I needed to continue to shop, try things on, try things out. I simply hadn't been connected to fashion for long enough to come at a descriptor that felt right.

When I finally did, it was through a style "persona" or character vs. a list of attributes. A persona is like a character. A good character is fully rounded and continually evolving, not static.

I think this is why the concept has so much appeal to me and magically makes it easier to decide on items when I am in the store. To be completely honest, I don't really ask myself any more "is this what an urban prince might wear?" -- although I did do that for about a year. Now I just ask myself, is this what I would wear and feel great in? And then I have my answer. I guess that means my style is finally quite established.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I realize that I didn't answer your question. I think the hardest parts for me were:

Developing some objective sense of what actually looks good on me.
Accepting modern classic roots (I feared that too much classic would make me look frumpy and "boring." Angie is a great inspiration here, of course, since she never looks boring.)
Reconciling "wants" with real life activities/ climate and finding a way to achieve style aspirations within my constraints.
Learning the difference between "I like this item," and "I like this item for ME."

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I love how many people here have found descriptors and personas to be so helpful. Like Viva, I am challenged by frequently being attracted to pieces that don't necessarily fit my descriptors. Sometimes those pieces are things I need to simply admire and move past, but sometimes they can be fun wild cards that can shake up my style a little bit with an unexpected element.

I never really found a "persona" that clicked for me, but I've never been very good at role-playing anyway. The descriptors that have stayed constant for me over the last few years -- sophisticated combined with rock'n'roll -- give me enough leeway to interpret broadly (introducing a little boho, for example) or emphasize one or the other depending on the occasion and my mood.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I think that a lot of us don't fit into a box and I speak for myself when I say that I am more eclectic in other parts of my life, so why not with fashion? For example music I am drawn to varies dramatically from inspirational, to country, to Neil Diamond, to classic rock, to Jimmy Buffet... I like movies and books in all genres... Even my tv habits show a large range... I know people who get stuck on one type and watch all that exists and to me I would rather shoot myself in the head...

When I first came on this site I thought something was wrong with me that I didn't have it all figured out. I thought there was no way I could nail down my style in just a few words.. I was rebelling , 'saying I am complex'

I think I chose style descriptors that allow for all those different parts of me to shine : colorful, casual,feminine, maximalist and bohemian. and as for a style statement, I can't imagine something formal, but something quite simple like "If it makes me feel, feminine, flirty and sassy then it makes my outsides match my insides"

I think style is such a form of artistic expression and is fluid and always changing, so sitting down and analyzing it too much takes the fun out of it. Make sure that if you do need to nail it down better that it is broad enough to allow for things to change.

harmonica

Veteran

I'm still working on it and still find it very hard to pinpoint my style. It's difficult to narrow down and find a few characteristics that covers it well.

I really like how Suz describes her journey and I think I'm combining several "methods" of categorizing my style.

And as other say, I need to be aware of what looks good on me and does it fit my lifestyle. There are so many beautiful pieces and styles out there and it can be hard to let limit oneself to the pieces that will work really well for you.

NDMom

Great read! Still working on it....and I can't even pinpoint why it's taking so long! But, I do know what doesn't work for me & what I don't like....so it's a step, I guess!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I had two big stumbling blocks. The first was identifying the similarities in my dressing for two opposing climates. What was the common thread between the shorts and sandals looks and the boots with sweaters.
The second, was figuring out how my "in my head" style and my "out in the real world" wear was going to mesh. I would argue that one can't have a slick, urban style if mucking around on a farm most days. Or punk style if you're a banker. Or a sexpot look if a pastor's wife, etc, etc.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Not sure I've pinpointed it exactly either but I have learned so many things about my own fashion interests and why/how many things speak to me. Some of the things that have led me to make better choices are "exercises" in how I feel when I put something on.

Like sometimes I am drawn to a style so I order it, try it on, and wonder how in the world it can feel so wrong on me. Recent case in point. I ordered 3 pair of casual sneakers/slip ons. One tan/white Teva lace up (so comfortable) that ended up having a lining of hot pink that could be seen on the ege and a hot pink sole that just felt too young or something and troubled me as it seemed that it might clash with certain colors. No go.

Next pair was a classic pair of Navy/White Van lace ups with leather laces (loved the idea of leather laces and I LOVE navy). But as soon as I put one on I knew it wasn't "me". These were too "boyish" for my taste.

The third and final pair a slip on "striped" Ugg I saw jackiec wearing in a recent WIW linked below #2 pic. Those were the perfect pair for me. Thanks jackiec! I think my DH nailed it when he said "these seem more feminine" than the others. I am kind of a tomboy and have a rectangle figure so even with long wavy hair, wearing "boyish" clothing is still not what works best for my personal style since I definitely want to look feminine.
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....4-to-42714

So aside from loving nature, comfort, softness (Natural, classic, soft are words I use to help guide me) - I guess I also love a slight amount of femininity in my clothing (but not ruffles, florals or bows).

I had a similar reaction when I tried a draped jacket from Stem that
Angie had recommended. It was a great color (deep charcoal) *very* soft,
natural feeling and lightweight enough for my climate. But when I put
it on, well, it *draped* and Is should know by now that I don't really
love things that are too draped. I prefer a more classic soft blazer or
moto, but not anything that might say "avant garde." I just couldn't see how it would feel until I actually tried it on.

Not sure I answered the question but I thought giving some insight might be helpful to others.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

High five, textile, on the "draped." Drape in the front really fights with a rectangular figure, I think. There is an example of "I love it on others," and even (sometimes) "I wish I could wear it." But it will never feel right -- and there's a reason.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Yes suz - it's taken me quite some time to learn that fact but it is a "rule" I need to follow.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ooops - I just saw that the autocorrector misspelled your name -- sorry!!

I still try on drapy things. And sometimes feel sad they don't work. My solution is asymmetry. It does work, and can give a similar feeling to drape.

Anonymous

For me, it's two things:
1) Figuring out how to apply my style to the very different roles in my life (professional vs. mom on the go vs. woman who still has -- ok, wants -- a life outside those two roles)
2) Figuring out how to mesh what I'm drawn to vs. what actually works for my lifestyle and body. Some styles that I'm drawn to completely fight with my natural body type. Since figure flattery is fairly important to me, that can be a deal-breaker.

rachylou

Veteran

I did the Style Statement consultation with Carrie and Danielle. It was difficult for me to get my head around it at the time, although I've come to see how it works. It's not a visual description of what things look like, that's the thing. Which is ironic, in a way.

...ironic because that's how I work, but I long for that visual descriptor. I'd like a clue that says something about the final look, as seen by others. One that I can hold up this item or that item to, and say *yes, this fits the bill* or *no, it doesn't.*

However, I work from the inside out. This is my first challenge personally. The thoughts I have, which produce my style, are not descriptive of the final, outward appearance. When I try to go the other way, it's complete paralysis. I have to stay in my jammies.

My second challenge is that I can't really identify the keystones of my style. My neighbor agrees with me. She'll say, *I don't know what about that outfit is so you, but it's so you.* I shop where everyone shops. I wear what everyone wears. What else could it be?

And that rolls into my third challenge - the gestalt is not the sum of the parts. It's like that chain of stores, Hot Topic. They sell all this punk/goth stuff, but as MC Lars says, *Hot Topic is not punk rock.*

I'm sure there are many more... including poor vocabulary, lol!

(Btw - that's cool: I see John Kitchener has an SF Bay Area area code! I could do a consultation!)

Alexandra

(website)

Veteran

Karie, that's a great idea to look for the common thread. It
sounds like you don't want to get boxed in and having a common link in the
middle is more palatable than a fence all around.

JoyceB, yes, style evolves. I wonder if that's what makes it
more difficult to narrow things down, especially during periods when it's in
flux (or more so than usual).

Viva, I can relate to the challenge of being attracted to
something outside your usual range. How do you resolve that? Case by case?

Suz, OMG, what awesome links, thank you! I've bookmarked
several. It's interesting that it's often easier to describe what your style is
NOT - surely there is some serious psychology behind this. I'm curious about
how you developed an objective sense of what looks good on you. Was it through
WIWs? Trying on a lot of different things over time? Specific exercises?

Janet, how do you distinguish between things to admire and
the wild cards? Do you try them on and decide then?

TraceyLiz, sounds like you prefer to keep your options wide
open. I'm glad you realized it's part of your general life pattern and not
"something wrong" with you.

Harmonica, thank you for the reminder about one's clothes
fitting one's lifestyle. It's all too easy to shop for the fantasy life.

NDMom, yes, knowing what doesn't work and what you dislike
is a great step forward because it narrows down the field at least a bit. It
might provide some more insight, too, as you reflect on why exactly you dislike
certain things or why they don't work.

Mo, LOL @ "in my head" style. Yes, some styles are
hard to pull off in certain circumstances and I can totally relate to the
different climate thing. Your pictures make it clear that you have it all
figured out though.

Texstyle, isn't it funny how some shoes can look just fine
in pictures and even as you hold them up, but as soon as you put them on, it's
clear they're definitely all wrong for you? Glad those striped Uggs were just
the right thing.

Stacey, yes, the many roles of a woman! How do you reconcile
them? Do you look for the common thread? Change clothes multiple times a day?
Not easy.

Rachy, how interesting that you long for a visual
descriptor. John Kitchener would be able to help you with that. If you can do a
consultation with him, I'd definitely recommend it. He has an amazing way of
helping people connect the style dots.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Alexandra, I think I finally managed to develop a more accurate sense of what looks good on me, personally, through the following process:

Significant weight loss and body changes due to exercise and aging allowed me to look at my body more objectively. As I lost weight, I took weekly measurements. I ceased to feel a lot of emotion about the numbers themselves. I simply saw their relationship, and how it was changing over time. And gained acceptance for what is. This was the "body shape" piece.

Next, I noticed the role of hairstyle. When I cut my hair, clothes that had become difficult to wear with my longer hair (but had always been favourites with my shorter hair) were suddenly possible again (think turtlenecks). This got me thinking about proportion.

So, I tried Imogen's proportions exercise. This was also instructive, challenging some of my previous beliefs and affirming other intuitions or providing explanations for why certain silhouettes and combinations seemed to work better than others on me.

Finally, I just kept trying things on and taking pictures. And I began to *see* what was working better and what was not working so well. It really begins with acceptance, I think. We can wish for this or that, and try to fight our own body type and proportions, but ultimately finding our style is like finding ourselves -- we can't do it if we are in denial.

Anonymous

Good questions, Alexandra. Yes, I tend to need multiple wardrobe changes during the day. (At minimum, once for work and once for family time.) I've also reconciled that I have a very different wardrobe for each role with not much overlap in items. For a long time, I tried to make things work double (or triple) duty but the truth is that what's appropriate for one role just isn't for another. I don't want to run around the playground in work clothes, and jeans are strictly forbidden at my workplace, for example. The greatest area of overlap is my work clothes and church clothes. I've discovered that having separate capsules works for me. Psychologically, switching clothing helps me switch roles. It's unfortunately not the cheapest way to build a wardrobe and I do end up with some holes just because I can't possibly fill all of them without draining my bank account.

Helena

Veteran

What a great thread ... the hardest part for me is to stay confident in my very simple, very pared-down, "everyday" style in the face of others with different, arguably more "fashionable" style.

Re: the Style Statement, I did it and came up with "simple cultivated", (by which I was trying to get at the idea of simplicity with intention) which I thought was kind of useless at the time. BUT then everytime I find something that I really love, I think to myself something like "it's simple ... yet sort of refined, or um, I don't know cultivated maybe ... hey wait what the ???" So you never know, the style statement may come in handy someday!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Karie & Viv, I think, the point of style descriptors is NOT to feel pinned down. Rather, the point is to keep you focused. If your style descriptors are too limiting - they aren't the right words. AND nothing is cast in stone. You can change your descriptor at any time.

Suz, thanks for documenting your process so eloquently. You rock. xo

Alexandra, things really fell into place for me 3 years ago when I went even MORE simple in my outfit creation. It is such a daily pleasure for me to leave off jewellery and all the bells and whistles. I do not choose items with garment detail. It's like the planets truly aligned.

And the hardest part about my style is the same year after year - making sure my feet are comfortably stylish. xo

Aida

Veteran

The hardest part for me was figuring out a system that actually works for me, and then staying flexible enough to allow for growth. As Suz's post illustrates, there are many approaches and everyone needs something different. For myself, a two-word or rubric concept just doesn't work for me. Instead I use three different setups in tandem:

A list of my favorite elements and details.
My favorite fashion decades (40s, 60s, 70s, 80s).
Three overarching styles that I am drawn to (Urban/Rock, Euro-chic, Vintage).

#1 is, literally, just a list of things I love (e.g. denim, pumps, black skinnies, checkered prints...). I may gravitate towards some more than others in a particular season, but they are my core fashion loves. My outfits will pretty much always contain at least one thing from this list. I've also got my preferred colors and neutrals noted here, as well as a couple of don'ts but of course am entitled to change my opinion on those

#2 I use as a reference for my preferred classics and classic silhouettes. Wearing classic items that reference these particular fashion decades makes me feel the happiest; these are my trend grounding items (e.g. wide leg trousers, pencil skirts, white button-up shirts, flared jeans...)

#3 contains the three somewhat contradictory styles that my eclectic preferences encompass; I will mix all or none in any given outfit, and I've found work and weekend outfits tend to skew differently.

I don't compare each and every outfit against this crazy system though; the bulk of the time spent on it was to come up with it in the first place! It took me 2-3 years to iron it all out. However once I had it sorted, things really fell into place. It's just always in the back of my mind now. That said, I will consult the concepts more concretely for new item purchases that don't seem immediately fitting.

And to throw a wrench in the whole thing, for events I've come to realize that I have a whole different persona!

jackiec

Veteran

I don't have any style descriptors yet. My head starts to spin every time I try to get too analytical. One of these days I'm going to sit down and map it out. I very much go by my gut and what feels right. I've screwed up a lot! I'm going to re-read this thread for all of the very useful information - this is great!

Just want to shout out to Texstyle - so glad you got the Ugg shoes!!! I feel flattered that you picked them up from my thread! Funny enough, I grabbed those shoes last year on a trip to Paris of all places! My sister and I walked into the Ugg store there, and the striped shoes just called my name. Glad we can be shoe twins

Peri

Veteran

The hardest part for me is not being able to find things I like in the stores. It's hard to say what I like, much less define a style and begin to dress that way, when I can't find actual clothes to help me get started. I made a lot of headway in the winter, but now it's like starting all over again.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

I'm still struggling with mine too. Well, struggling implies that I'm trying, which most of the time I'm not. I go in fits and spurts. But I often wish I had something to weigh clothing and outfit choices against, because sometimes I totally miss. I feel I'm getting my casual me figured out, but not so much my work me. I have the tendancy/ability/ whatever it is to dress (professionally) in a refined and polished way, yet that's not what I necessarily want to do. It's kind of my safe conservative default, but not "me". I also make safe conservative purchases that I later regret. I feel if I had words, or a descriptor, it would help.

So this thread really helps! Thanks Suz for your detailed explanaiton of your journey, and you Aida for articulating your system so well.

kkards

Veteran

i think for me the hardest part is separating out the real life, everyday me from the aspirational me.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

"Janet, how do you distinguish between things to admire and
the wild cards? Do you try them on and decide then?"

Usually that's exactly what I do. Sometimes I have to purchase them and try them on at home, styled with what's already in my closet, before I know if they will work.

I've made lots of mistakes this way, usually when I've purchased from a boutique with tight return policies, so I've learned (for the most part) to not make impulsive wild-card purchases at places like that.

But I am an emotional shopper and an emotional dresser. Sometimes what I am drawn to really defies logic, but I've gotten better at bringing my analytical eye into impulsive shopping urges.

rabbit

Veteran

I think for now I'm happy with my style descriptors. They are fairly open ended and provide some guidance while being able to be interpreted various ways. Like Peri there is a gap between what I can envision, and find aspirational versions of, and what I can find in stores (at least at my budget level).

So I look for variations on themes but there are some areas where it's harder. Prints for example, is a place where I sometimes see a big difference between lower priced and higher priced options.

Mander

(website)

Veteran

I actually abandoned the style descriptor exercise after a while, because I found it all just too confusing. I find myself drawn to very disparate styles, or to things I see online that aren't available in real life, or to stuff that I know is either wildly impractical or would look awful on my real body.

In many ways, when I am shopping I am not really looking for new clothes but for a new body. My style problems stem from the mismatch between reality and imagination.

That plus the fact that (mentally) I still feel like I'm 18, and I am drawn to the same stuff I wore then despite the fact that I'm nearly 40!

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