What hang-ups are you healing here at YLF? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

What hang-ups are you healing here at YLF?

MsMary

Veteran

In Aunty's thread today we are all admiring her legs, and she is so surprised because she was told she had ugly legs when she was young! Those kinds of things stick with us, and part of what makes YLF so special is that it gives us an opportunity to heal those appearance-related hang-ups that we've been carrying around with us -- sometimes for years!

My biggest "YLF healing" isn't even body-related! After our YLF meet-up in Pasadena, I exchanged a couple of emails with our dear Angie, and in one of them she added, "P.S. I forgot to tell you I love your voice!"

*plonk*

WHAT?

Our beautiful, classy Angie loves my VOICE???

When I was a teen, my mother got it in her head that my voice was too loud and high and nasal and my laugh was too loud, and she would literally cover her ears when I tried to talk -- especially if I was excited! It gave me the most gigantic complex about my voice! Until Angie, the Empress of Encouragement, touched me with her royal scepter and healed me!!

What's YOUR YLF healing story?

General

57 replies

Latest reply was from Deborah

Louise

Veteran

I got called thunder thighs at school and hence always tried to cover up my bum, hips and thighs. Thanks to YLF loving my tiny waist I'm not bothered by them anymore and actually love my curvy bits

* hopping up and down like excited 3 year old* Oo oo oo I just thought I can be Queen of positive body image x

catgirl

Veteran

Like Aunty, my legs (skinny and scarred) were also my healing issue! YLF made me feel like I could show them off instead of wanting to hide them.

Now I wish someone could make me feel better about the extra weight around the middle.

MsMary

Veteran

AG, I would happily make you feel better about that extra weight if I could, you know, FIND it! LOL I think you have a beautiful figure. For the record.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I have issues with my nose It just doesn't fit my small face. But posting here with my head cut off doesn't really help ha ha ha.

catgirl

Veteran

Haha! YLF has taught me well if you can't see it! Thanks.

Mitzy

This is a good question that I don't know the answer to.
I think I am here for socializing really. I have pretty well dealt with my body issues, etc, over the last few years of weight losses, gains and gains, lol, as well as health issues, using a cane and all.
I work in the hippie capital of the Pacific Northwest, so I am desperate to talk to people who care how they look beyond "Do these toe socks go with these birks? Oh dear, they don't clash with my yoga pants, do they?" Man, I am dead serious! One of the supervisors at my work place wears toe socks and FLIP FLOPS!!! Gah! I DO NOT need to see that!
So yeah, I need some stylish friends. I miss that from when I lived in Australia.

Louise

Veteran

Mitzy I hate that when toe socks show I nearly fainted in my cup of tea in the staff room at work today 1 of the ladies had really high cut toe socks and really low cut shoes!! not a good look especially as she has really pale skin and the socks where really dark!! x

Lisa

Veteran

My bum has always been a sore spot, through YLF I have learned a bit more on how to dress for my shape and to fit/show off the bum which helps a lot. It's not easy to hide a larger body part. My nose is another one, and one reason why I rarely show my face in an outfit post. Far easier to stick the camera in front of it (and faster too, it's not easy to get a full body image when holding a camera in your hand).

bella

(website)

Veteran

Wow, Lisa - I have to tell you, having seen you in person, you are absolutely gorgeous. I had no idea you thought your had a big nose. It is totally in your head, I assure you!

Jonesy

Veteran

This is a heartwarming thread, MaryK! I agree that there is some serious healing going on around here. I'm always so fascinated by the contrast between what we see in ourselves, and how others see us. Let me tell you that I am so mindful of hurtful body comments with my own kids--I am always talking to them about how beautiful their bodies are, how unique, and how valuable parts are (e.g., legs, feet, hands) for what they do for us, etc.

I vividly remember my step-mother telling me I was too fat in my mid-section when I was a teen. Keep in mind I was about 35 pounds lighter than I am now, though the same height! Quite skinny and lanky. Then when I was pregnant with my daughter and lying on the table having an ultrasound, the ultrasound tech said: "Hmm, it's interesting how someone as thin as you could have so much fat on her stomach..." Ouch! Especially when I'm lying there naked with that cold gel on my belly, waiting to see if my baby is doing okay, etc. But I've gotten over it, for the most part, though I would say of any body part, I am definitely the most self-conscious about my belly.

I feel like taking pictures of myself for WIWs has helped me to be more objective about my body and what works, clothing-wise. Also, I am exercising more than ever, and so I feel very fit and happy with my body and what it can do. And of course everyone here is so kind and gentle, which is lovely.

Anonymous

I am also belly-obsessed. When I was young(high school( it was all the range the ultra-low rise jeans, worn with belly baring tops. I NEVER dared to expose my belly. Now that my belly is more or less the same, ( i had a horrible case of freshman 15 , but I biked it out) I try to feel more relaxed. But still, sometimes, in the dressing rooms, I see my curved abdomen and I am tempted to buy A) tunics or B) Cute dresses to cheer me up. It wasn't my mom who deprecated my self-esteem, not even my peers. Just me and the magazines!

taylor

Veteran

This is a really lovely thread Mary.:)
I have had lots of healing re" YLF The first thing that pops in my mind is "Women can be sweet, kind and supportive" to one another ...cattiness and rudeness put away on this forum I love that !

I have lots of hang ups:) Angie's ability to read those and work us through them ...I have seen the difference that makes in myself and forum members who have completely come into their own...Angie is such a gift to us!!!

Di

(website)

Veteran

People have been really snarky for years about my bustline, and it's SHOCKING to me that YLFers have been totally cool with my curves. Possibly, I'll be cool with them eventually, too.

Kari

Veteran

This is such an encouraging thread! I have some healing going on, too. In general I've learned to appreciate my curves much more than I did previously, but most especially I've been floored by the comments I've received on my smile.

I've been self-conscious abou my smile ever since the childhood days of having a buck-toothed, gap-toothed, terribly crooked mouth with one heck of an overbite, followed by 4 years of braces. Even then, I still wound up with crooked bottom teeth because my orthodontist said that I was "done" and no longer had to wear a retainer, when I really needed a perma-retainer and should have kept wearing my retainer at night. I also think my smile tends to look very half-assed and insincere, and when I am lost in thought I forget to smile and people ask me if I'm upset. I guess grinning doesn't come naturally to me!
So I've been surprised by and have cherished every compliment on my smile that I've received here.

kitty400

Thank you Maryk for this thread it is great! For me it was more of a total body the hang-up from the time I was 18 my ex husband told me that I was ugly inside and out and would go into great detail on what was wrong with each and every part of me. I was even told that I ruined a picture I had done with my two children and that the picture would be perfect if I had not been in it. So for me just posting pics of myself was a huge step toward accepting myself the good and the not so good. All of the kind advise and encouraging comments have helped so much so thank you all so very much!

crazyone

Veteran

Kitty: I'm very glad he's your ex now. You are much better off without him!

Anonymous

Crazyone took the words right out of my mouth! So glad he's ex!

Barbara

Veteran

These posts are truly touching. Everyone here is so wonderful and encouraging.

I have learned to really appreciate and love myself at this particular point in my life. And that meant breaking free of certain "yikes, you're over 50, don't you feel old?" molds.

I have absolutely shattered them!

Astrid

Veteran

I didn't have any hang-ups with a concrete body part, I was totally timid and had no confidence in my looks at all. I was always connected to people who had similar feelings about their looks or who were good-looking but didn't care about the outward appearance. I thought I would never be one of these confident people I always wanted to be.

Well, I'm dressing really different now and feel good about myself. I wear skirts and love color and have fun when I try new things out. I'm much braver and it's so great, really liberating.

But I have to say I'm still a little stumped about some of the good-looking guys that ask me to drink a coffee with them! LOL

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

The Empress of Encouragement LOVES THIS THREAD.

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt hang ups and stories here. That in itself is a healing sign. A kiss and a big hug to each of you for appreciating both your inner and outer beauty.

Taylor, special thank you for your very gracious comment.

Mary, the pleasure was all mine, and I do *love* your voice. It's melodic

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

You bring tears to my eyes and hope to my heart with your comments. I feel this way too.

I absolutely hate having my picture taken after being told many times growing up that I was ugly. I won't bore you with details, but it was frequent and it hurt. I still battle with those thoughts every time I look in the mirror, or see a photo.

For me, posting my own WiW threads was a very big step toward acknowledging and accepting who I am and how I look. It's me being rebellious by flying in the face of all those negative moments of my past as I strive towards reflecting outwardly who I am inwardly.

Having people say nice things about my appearance is a very welcome added bonus! (Isn't there an old saying along the lines of "20 positives to undo 1 negative?" ;-))

Thanks so much for starting this thread MaryK, it has been a very uplifting read. x

Aida

Veteran

This was a lovely read <3

Mmm I'm pretty happy with myself overall (there's always little hangups, but in the grand scheme they're just not important), so my big YLF helper isn't even fashion related. Growing up as an artist with a huge interest in science/math, being involved in art/music my whole life, then going into Computer Science and letting my analytic side take over has given me a constant struggle between my two halves. For several years the engineering side was purely dominant, and I was really lamenting letting my art and music lapse (I hardly do any these days, though I'm starting to slowly get back into it). I was starting to dislike being "such an engineer" all the time, and was having a hard time accepting that I could make fashion an organic process like any other art (though I think I've mostly moved onto being like that now, thankfully). It makes me happy to no end that you ladies find BOTH my artsy and analytic sides helpful/inspiring, and for me to know that they can coexist happily

Kari

Veteran

I think this thread is a testament to how greatly we are all our own harshest critics.

I never would have picked out the specific items that many of you listed as things that would generate insecurity. What a blessing that the fabulous, encouraging response we're receiving through YLF - and especially from our lovely Empress of Encouragement - is helping us recognize and celebrate the beauty in some of the issues that we've been insecure about.

Mo, I've also had the same hang-up about my nose. When I was a teenager, my grandma just said out of the blue "Don't worry! Some day you'll grow into your nose!" (I have to add that she was NOT a critical person and was very encouraging, but sometimes she'd say things that sounded a bit differently out loud than how she intended them to come across - I think I was doing something that signaled insecurity to her, like the way I was sitting or holding a hand over my face.) For years I was thinking that I had a HUGE nose that would keep on growing and that I'd probably need a nose job as an adult.
In retrospect, although I'm not in love with my nose now (I wish it was a bit straighter), I really don't think it stands out as something that is incredibly odd about my face. Plus, having a strong nose counter-balances my weak little chin.

(Slightly OT: have any of you been reading the Academic chic series in recent weeks on "Dressing your best"? The whole exercise centers around celebrating your "best" features - even those that aren't something *you* have always seen as your best. I'm especially thinking of E's post on dressing her best for her "crooked" face. That's an issue that resonates with me, as I am quite asymmetrical myself!)

Aida

Veteran

(Lisa, Mo and Kari I also think my nose is too big. And it's crooked; I joke that when I look at the camera, my nose is looking somewhere else I don't love it, but I also don't hate it like I used to, and I think that's good enough for me.)

rae

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Taylor... the fear of female cattiness was probably the biggest hang up.

The main others:

- stomach, thighs, short legs: Our coach used to love to say, "If you can pinch an inch, then get back on the track!" He also made sure that all our uniform skirts were no more than 2" below the butt cheeks, because we were all pretty short girls, and we needed our legs to look long for the judges. It was hard to transition to a non-athlete's body and modest clothes...

- dark skin, pock marks, leg veins: I got teased about the first two in Jr. High, and that made me paranoid about the last one. But no one here comments on those at all! Wonderful.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

This thread touches the raw nerve and I can think of two things straight away.

Firstly, growing up I was always the tallest and although my mum made sure I don't see it any other way but an advantage, it was the clothes that made me feel awful. Being 13 and having everything short was not fun, not then and not for the next twenty something years.
So, I just clothed myself. There was no mention of style or elegance I strived for, disproportion even my eye could see but my brain could not understand nor take care of was a constant. I dreaded looking awkward because on tall people every mistake seems exaggerated, yet I had no idea how to avoid that.

When I discovered YLF it took me ages to overcome the shyness about my appearance. Once I started posting I was overwhelmed by the positive responses and to this day I ask myself if people are kidding me when they say nice things. I never thought of myself as pretty in aestethic sense and I still feel somewhat confused by the whole experience, it's surreal that I'm worth looking at for all the right reasons.

I also felt a bit geeky for wanting to understand how to clothe myself. To me it did not come naturally what to go for or what to avoid at the shops, I had to learn that process step by step by literally checking the rules and then applying them on myself. That's why this place and Angie's clever, insightful, no-nonsense posts help so much and I often say it - it demystifies fashion and style.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Ah, Kari, I know!! I have my dad's nose and knew it wasn't exactly petite or feminine. But as a young teen a GF of mine spent a good five minutes explaining just how big it was for my face . . . she is filipina and so has the nose to match. Anyway, she is now modeling (at 40) and so is obviously considered attractive but I'll never forget that 5 minutes. And like your grandma, it wasn't said in a hurtful tone, but more in amazement lol.
FWIW, I think we all see our own perceived 'flaws' magnified and most others see our whole picture in it's total beauty. It helps to hear about the whole (pretty) picture here!

rae

(website)

Veteran

Ah, Kari & Aida, I also worry about my asymmetrical face! Although I didn't count it as something I'm getting over, because I still absolutely insist on asymmetrical hair and slanty bangs to try and detract from it. :T

Kari

Veteran

Go team "Asymmetrical/Crooked Face!"

Aida, my nose "looks" in a different direction, too. And I definitely have a "good" side - photos of me with the left side of my face towards the camera, partly due to my heavy side part and partly due to the crook of my nose - are much more flattering than the reverse.

Imogen has some good self-photography tips on this topic, too: http://www.insideoutstyleblog......6-top.html

For the record, I think your nose is lovely. I don't know if I have told you this, but your features and coloring remind me very much of a gorgeous exchange student from France that we had living with us for a month when I was in college. She also had a wonderful sense of how to rock casual wear in a way that reminds me of your present style.

12